User:TheLedBalloon/Archives11
LED! HEY![edit | edit source]
Led, you are my doctor Cox, and I am your J.D. You are my Emperor, and I am your Admiral Akbar. You are my Dick, and I am your Bush. Never forget that I love remember you. What have you been up to? Do you remember me, that guy? ...with the things? • <3:13 May 19, 2009>
- OH MAN! OH MAN, IT'S CAJEK! OH MAN! I've been up to lotsa stuff actually. For starters, I... I'm about to miss the bus, actually. I'll finish the conversation later, may I have it wrapped ma'am? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 11:09, May 19
- Certainly, see you later today • <14:20 May 19, 2009>
- Alright, back. Yeah, so I've been pretty busy lately, what with junior year n' all. Looking at colleges, playing tennis, trying to find a summer job, and getting ready for SATs, playing trumpet, all that jazz. What about you? How was College: Part I? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:06, May 19
- I'm still at my community college, doing the psych thing. This is hard, getting into grad school! One day, though, I hope to be counseling people as crazy as I am. I'm studying for the GRE (the even scarier version of the SAT), and I'm going to get an internship in drug counseling next year. I'll be a substitute teacher in the fall, probably. But I'm back at Uncyc for now, just piddling around: It's really good to see you, man. • <2:33 May 24, 2009>
- Nice, piddling around is the best part of uncyc. I've been doing a lot of it in userspace lately, but can't seem to finish anything right now. Btw, can you IRC? There's always plenty of piddling to behttp://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User_talk:TheLedBalloon&action=edit had there. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:38, May 24
- Whenever I do that, it just sucks up all my time! I have to decline for now. Do you remember your "eye of the tiger" thing? What happened to that? Also, could you archive your talkpage, it's getting a little hard to talk... Not your fault, blame your popularity. • <2:44 May 24, 2009>
- It's not easy being this universally loved. I'll archive in a sec. As for that eye of the tiger dealio, it's still knocking around my userspace. It's here if you wanna tweak with it. Right now a lot of my effort's been going into this thing, though. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:55, May 24
- Holy god, that script was awesome: How did you capture the realism of it all? • <3:24 May 24, 2009>
- The secret is to wear a black beret and a turtleneck. Instant artsiness accompanied with gritty realism. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:10, May 24
- It just feels so... /me reclines "gritty" and "real"... All right, I'll make it into a movie if you add a few talking dinosaurs and make it a romantic dramedy. • <4:23 May 24, 2009>
- Dude, that would totally ruin the gritty reality of it--the dinosaurs would have to be the singing kind or it would never work. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:31, May 24
- Hmmm... /me reclines You drive a hard bargain, Mr.... Balloon, is it? /me reclines Okay, tell you what, have it take place in space and you've got a deal. Space is real big with the 18-19 year old bracket we're aiming for. • <4:34 May 24, 2009>
- Space would be fine, although I'd personally prefer to shoot underwater. That way I could work in some great social commentary about the inherent elitism of coral reefs. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:45, May 24
- /me reclines Is there some way they could be underwater and in space? And which one is space? Is that the big dark thing I see out my window, mommy? • <5:00 May 24, 2009>
- Underwater and in space!? Why, you may have something there! Also, space is up and underwater is down. Also also, for last time, I'm not a mommy, I just play one on TV. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:03, May 24
- What? Mommy? Moommmyyy!! /me leans forward, glazed look in eye, extending hand in a futile gesture to reclaim lost innocence. • <5:08 May 24, 2009>
- EVERYTHING YOU ONCE BELIEVED WAS A LIE. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:36, May 24
- Audience: clap clap clap • <6:19 May 24, 2009>
- EVERYTHING YOU ONCE BELIEVED WAS A LIE. - T.L.B.
- What? Mommy? Moommmyyy!! /me leans forward, glazed look in eye, extending hand in a futile gesture to reclaim lost innocence. • <5:08 May 24, 2009>
- Underwater and in space!? Why, you may have something there! Also, space is up and underwater is down. Also also, for last time, I'm not a mommy, I just play one on TV. - T.L.B.
- /me reclines Is there some way they could be underwater and in space? And which one is space? Is that the big dark thing I see out my window, mommy? • <5:00 May 24, 2009>
- Space would be fine, although I'd personally prefer to shoot underwater. That way I could work in some great social commentary about the inherent elitism of coral reefs. - T.L.B.
- Hmmm... /me reclines You drive a hard bargain, Mr.... Balloon, is it? /me reclines Okay, tell you what, have it take place in space and you've got a deal. Space is real big with the 18-19 year old bracket we're aiming for. • <4:34 May 24, 2009>
- Dude, that would totally ruin the gritty reality of it--the dinosaurs would have to be the singing kind or it would never work. - T.L.B.
- It just feels so... /me reclines "gritty" and "real"... All right, I'll make it into a movie if you add a few talking dinosaurs and make it a romantic dramedy. • <4:23 May 24, 2009>
- The secret is to wear a black beret and a turtleneck. Instant artsiness accompanied with gritty realism. - T.L.B.
- Holy god, that script was awesome: How did you capture the realism of it all? • <3:24 May 24, 2009>
- It's not easy being this universally loved. I'll archive in a sec. As for that eye of the tiger dealio, it's still knocking around my userspace. It's here if you wanna tweak with it. Right now a lot of my effort's been going into this thing, though. - T.L.B.
- Whenever I do that, it just sucks up all my time! I have to decline for now. Do you remember your "eye of the tiger" thing? What happened to that? Also, could you archive your talkpage, it's getting a little hard to talk... Not your fault, blame your popularity. • <2:44 May 24, 2009>
- Nice, piddling around is the best part of uncyc. I've been doing a lot of it in userspace lately, but can't seem to finish anything right now. Btw, can you IRC? There's always plenty of piddling to behttp://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User_talk:TheLedBalloon&action=edit had there. - T.L.B.
- I'm still at my community college, doing the psych thing. This is hard, getting into grad school! One day, though, I hope to be counseling people as crazy as I am. I'm studying for the GRE (the even scarier version of the SAT), and I'm going to get an internship in drug counseling next year. I'll be a substitute teacher in the fall, probably. But I'm back at Uncyc for now, just piddling around: It's really good to see you, man. • <2:33 May 24, 2009>
- Alright, back. Yeah, so I've been pretty busy lately, what with junior year n' all. Looking at colleges, playing tennis, trying to find a summer job, and getting ready for SATs, playing trumpet, all that jazz. What about you? How was College: Part I? - T.L.B.
- Certainly, see you later today • <14:20 May 19, 2009>
UnSignpost May 21st[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
May 21st, 2009 • Issue 48 • I've seen news you... people wouldn't believe
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Glorious Cajek return story
 People disappearing, people reappearing, people with little time on their hands, bots unavailable  In the mean time, fortunately, several other users have made glorious returns to Uncyclopedia. As documented elsewhere, a Cajek is apparently back and doing stuff. MNM5150 has been doing some things around places, mostly the forums. Readmesoon has been spotted at VFH and a few talkpages. Yettie has been sporadically active. And Todd Lyons has been doing more stuff recently than he was doing less recently.  A lot of users seem to be unable to contribute as their work/school requires them to spend their time on "useful" things. The more young adult users/little kids seem to be struggling with certain "finals", like Mahm00shA for instance. SysRq appears to be working on his graduation. Statistics show that Hyperbole's activity has been rather low, but recently increased dramatically. For how long this trend will continue is uncertain. UU has been here intermittently, but keeps proclaiming himself to be "busy". He commented "I don't have time. In fact, I may not even have time for banning and deleting today, things are going fucking nuts! [...] I have teetering mounds of work, and nowhere near enough time! Arrrrrgh! (I almost feel a second exclamation mark coming on, but nothing's that bad...)" He then proved himself to be a big fat liar by editing this story and various other bits of the UnSignpost.  Additionally, while Wikipedia is being overrun by bots, they seem to have gone completely extinct on Uncyclopedia. This has led to our beloved Socky becoming partly mechanized in order to fill the role of paperbot. However, he is currently planning to get his bot operational so he won't have to tire his arse off every week. Porn! Porn! Pr0n!
 There has been somewhat of a controversy as of lately about the existence of supposed pornographic images on Uncyclopedia. Some support the view "Only if it's funny.", while others say "Meh." The controversy led Orian57 to put all his gay porn on QVFD. Optimuschris was quoted saying "I don't know what the fuss is all about, there's no porn on Uncyclopedia!" The discussion seems to have concluded in something like "If it's really bothering you and isn't funny in any way, delete it!" Mnbvcxz might also want to add that pictures showing prominent nudity could give rise to some legal issues, though he wasn't actually available for comment, so we can't really be sure. Usergroups! Usergroups! Usergroups!
  War is raging in usergroup land. IC, suffering major losses, has been grinded to a halt and was forced into defensive strategy, regressing to trench warfare. But UNSOC, with masses of new recruits, has declared an all out war against any potential competition. Meanwhile, a new powerful group has arisen, Der Unwehr, and they have established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. The Goa Tse Clan has gone into hiding and remains a mystery to most Uncyclopedians. "The End" is being foretold once more
Since this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make it to the press, it was inevitable that there would be foretellings of "The End" and it being "near". On Forum:Count to a million, Orian57 was found stating "we could all die [...] then how stupid would we look?" A lot of users made somewhat eccentric speculations on how several issues were related to this "impending doom". Multiliteralist, Cajek and Optimuschris posted the following "articles" in response to a request to write something for the UnSignpost. Porn and the impending doom As we all know, the impending doom to all good things is caused by porn. This vile practice of drawing pictures of naked women has spread so wide among our young men that it is almost impossible to get them to do anything else. User groups and the impending doom
No wai, the impending doom is caused by user groups! Impending doom and porn 
Our porn! The usergroups are coming, and with them...impending doom! Treasure these last few mumble with your porn for the end is nigh! First person article about porn and impending doom I was in a usergroup, watching porn. Suddenly I understood watching porn in a usergroup would do nothing against the impending doom. I got rather stuck, and forgot the reason. Later, I forgot about the impending doom as well. That's what watching porn in a usergroup will do to you. Suddenly I understood: if you are the first person in a usergroup, nobody can make you watch porn. My advice
The perfect solution to problems with porn, usergroups, and the impending doom Form your own usergroup and make others watch porn! |
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Brought to you by —Sir Socky 
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:30, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
Hey Faggot![edit | edit source]
Or alternatively, hi there! I noticed your name was listed on IC. I also noticed that our latest project is in need of some help. So I put two and two together and realized I should ask Modus. When he told me to get bent, I immediately thought of you. I'm setting an arbitrary deadline for this one at next week Saturday, so if sometime in the next week you can tear yourself away from your porn collection and maybe contribute a line or two it'd be appreciated. We're counting on you, <insert name here>! -OptyC Sucks! 
CUN18:17, 23 May Dictated; not read.
- Alriiiiight, I'll look at it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:50, May 23
UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009[edit | edit source]
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about
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Going Portal
 What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia!  We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal. |
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The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
My adoptee[edit | edit source]
Led, could you just ban Mahm00shA while I try to talk to Staircase? I don't know if you've been stalking the stuffs, but Stairs got banned for two hours for calling Zim a dick (long story), and then the other guys started doin' stuff, and nobody's listening! /me cries on Led's shoulder • <1:38 Jun 02, 2009>
- wha...? Alright, everyone on IRC now. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:43, Jun 2
- anyway, I'm banned on chat, but that's not the point: now you know the whole story! Not much of a story, granted, but there you go! • <1:52 Jun 02, 2009>
- I do? What did Mahm00shA do? What other guys? Edit links would be, as I believe the kids say, the bomb-diggity. Also, I dunno why you're banned in the chat, try to log back in again. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:56, Jun 2
- Ah, I'll go on chat later. The scoop is that certain jerks are being jerks. Make me an admin so that I can ban people, and get revenge on them and all those other bastards that won't do what I say. Thanks! • <2:15 Jun 02, 2009>
- Yeah, alright. I, meanwhile, got less than 4 hours of sleep last night, so I'm gonna go to bed. RAHB's still on IRC, and Ape is apparently on Staircase's side, so, like, yeah, I dunno. The discussion gradually shifted to some kind of wikiphilosophy debate, and now I need to sleep badly. Night man. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:24, Jun 2
- Take it easy, Led • <2:27 Jun 02, 2009>
- Yeah so like I went to sleep and then I got up and went to school and after that I came home and now I'm, like, here. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:11, Jun 2
- Yeah so like I went to sleep and then I got up and went to school and after that I came home and now I'm, like, here. - T.L.B.
- Take it easy, Led • <2:27 Jun 02, 2009>
- Yeah, alright. I, meanwhile, got less than 4 hours of sleep last night, so I'm gonna go to bed. RAHB's still on IRC, and Ape is apparently on Staircase's side, so, like, yeah, I dunno. The discussion gradually shifted to some kind of wikiphilosophy debate, and now I need to sleep badly. Night man. - T.L.B.
- Ah, I'll go on chat later. The scoop is that certain jerks are being jerks. Make me an admin so that I can ban people, and get revenge on them and all those other bastards that won't do what I say. Thanks! • <2:15 Jun 02, 2009>
- I do? What did Mahm00shA do? What other guys? Edit links would be, as I believe the kids say, the bomb-diggity. Also, I dunno why you're banned in the chat, try to log back in again. - T.L.B.
- anyway, I'm banned on chat, but that's not the point: now you know the whole story! Not much of a story, granted, but there you go! • <1:52 Jun 02, 2009>
That's it![edit | edit source]
I'm nominating you for big ol' jerk o' the month! (also, I think the stuff with my adoptee smoothed out) But yeah, jerk of the month! Don't think I won't create it! ...! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- P.S. This counts as vandalism! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- This too! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I hope you read this, it took eighteen hours to plan this vandalism! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I had to do... unspeakable things to Michael Bay to get the screenplay for this vandalism! EXPLOSION KABOOM oh I'm the main character and I survived! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- What was I doing? • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- oh yeah: SO SUCK ON THIS! /me waves hand in the air Wait, that's not right... • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- So anyway, yeah, you get the point. • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- Damn! I've been vandalized! Activate the revenge bannination cannons! And also my shower because it's getting late and I need one! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:49, Jun 4
- I have returned to ban you yet again! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:29, Jun 4
- I have returned to ban you yet again! - T.L.B.
- Damn! I've been vandalized! Activate the revenge bannination cannons! And also my shower because it's getting late and I need one! - T.L.B.
- So anyway, yeah, you get the point. • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- oh yeah: SO SUCK ON THIS! /me waves hand in the air Wait, that's not right... • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- What was I doing? • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I had to do... unspeakable things to Michael Bay to get the screenplay for this vandalism! EXPLOSION KABOOM oh I'm the main character and I survived! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I hope you read this, it took eighteen hours to plan this vandalism! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- This too! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
listen. Listen listen listen. You are behaving like a giyant ayass • <3:57 Jun 04, 2009>
- I'm not an ass you're an ass....... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:36, Jun 4
- WHAT'DYOUSAYYOUNGMAN???!?!? • <4:48 Jun 04, 2009>
- IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?!??!? • <4:49 Jun 04, 2009>
- No m'am I was just gonna say that I really think that like uhm you know I'm not an ass you are. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:53, Jun 4
- THAT'S "MRS. LADY MA'AM" TO YOU! Now, write your name on the board, you ayass! • <4:56 Jun 04, 2009>
- I forgot my name so I wrote this: http://www.addletters.com/pictures/bart-simpson-generator/bart-simpson-generator.php?line=Mrs.+Lady+Ma%27am+Cajek+is+a+stinky+doodoo+head! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:07, Jun 4
- Pfffffttthhh phhhhfhfhpphfhfhfh phfffffffff... THAT'S NOT AT ALL WHAT I WANTED! • <5:12 Jun 04, 2009>
- WELL NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD REALLY MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT SO I KNOW AHEAD OF TIME THAT YOU DON'T WANT THEM. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
- WELL NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD REALLY MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT SO I KNOW AHEAD OF TIME THAT YOU DON'T WANT THEM. - T.L.B.
- Pfffffttthhh phhhhfhfhpphfhfhfh phfffffffff... THAT'S NOT AT ALL WHAT I WANTED! • <5:12 Jun 04, 2009>
- I forgot my name so I wrote this: http://www.addletters.com/pictures/bart-simpson-generator/bart-simpson-generator.php?line=Mrs.+Lady+Ma%27am+Cajek+is+a+stinky+doodoo+head! - T.L.B.
- THAT'S "MRS. LADY MA'AM" TO YOU! Now, write your name on the board, you ayass! • <4:56 Jun 04, 2009>
- No m'am I was just gonna say that I really think that like uhm you know I'm not an ass you are. - T.L.B.
- IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?!??!? • <4:49 Jun 04, 2009>
- WHAT'DYOUSAYYOUNGMAN???!?!? • <4:48 Jun 04, 2009>
- I'm not an ass you're an ass....... - T.L.B.
MUST... DESTROY... INTERLOPERS... • <5:37 Jun 04, 2009>
- Dude I know right? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
Hey Led[edit | edit source]
Just ban Cajek already. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 05:19, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
- Oh, I very much have, more than once now. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
Yes Led[edit | edit source]
Ban Cajek. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 05:25, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
- No, seriously, I banned him a couple times just yesterday. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
UnBooks:Hospital[edit | edit source]
So... just wondering... is your name really Simon? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 03:06, Jun 4
- Nope. I was gonna give the main(ish) character my real name, but it felt pretentious. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:28, Jun 4
- Okay. Your name isn't by any chance Michael, is it? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:16, Jun 5
- Nope, sorry. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:06, Jun 5
- Is your name actually "The Led Balloon"? • <19:09 Jun 05, 2009>
- If so, that's kinda weird. Did you get made fun of very much? • <19:12 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is it John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? -OptyC Sucks!
CUN19:13, 5 Jun
- 'Cause, well, that's my name to. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:14, 5 Jun
- Is your name Squeegie Beckenheim? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- Balky Bartokomous? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is your name Christopher John Kunt? —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:35, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
- Is your name Christopher John Kunt? —Sir Socky
- Balky Bartokomous? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is your name Squeegie Beckenheim? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- 'Cause, well, that's my name to. -OptyC Sucks!
- Is it John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? -OptyC Sucks!
- If so, that's kinda weird. Did you get made fun of very much? • <19:12 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is your name actually "The Led Balloon"? • <19:09 Jun 05, 2009>
- Nope, sorry. - T.L.B.
- Okay. Your name isn't by any chance Michael, is it? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:16, Jun 5
UnSignpost June 4th, 2009[edit | edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!
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Todd not Lionised by all?
 Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings  As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism. |
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Delievered by Saberwolf116 00:19, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
An important announcement from your friends at IC.[edit | edit source]
Did you know *snicker*...Ahem. Did you know that SYSRQ IS TEH GHEYZORS? LOLOLOL!
Also, we've decided to keep our Colonization preojects contained to Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/project for your watchlisting convenience. Put it in your watchlist and try to remember to add a cuss word or something once in a while eh?
Also also, I heard that Gerry likes the smell of his own farts.
Have fun Colonizers and let's be careful out there. -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:53, 6 Jun
- Watchlist'd! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:49, Jun 6
Mr.Awesome2010 strikes again[edit | edit source]
After his vandalism and libel were cleaned up, user:Mr.Awesome2010 continues to revert any decent revision of any of the pages he's vandalized. It doesn't seem like he's learned his lesson yet, so I think it may be time to protect the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (future film)/Factual version page from vandals like him. He's getting to be a bit of a hassle, so I feel it's Morphin time! What do you think? 
PF4Eva, the President of Imagination Vote for me My tax returns 21:53, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
- Huh, I have this weird feeling like he's a sock of someone I've banned before. Oh well. He's enjoying an all-expenses-paid 3 month vacation from Uncyclopedia right now, lemme know if he comes back with sockpuppets or something. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:20, Jun 8
User:Cajek/HS[edit | edit source]
Whatdya think, Led? Humbling. Is there anything I should add/change? • <23:23 Jun 08, 2009>
- TERRIBLE! HORRIBLE! TERRIBLE! NO! NO NO NO! IT SIMPLY WILL NOT DO, YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE THE ENTIRE THING AGAIN! DO IT THE SAME EXCEPT BETTER THIS TIME. NOW CHOP CHOP, GET MOVING MISTER. (looks good, but I have partial credit on Lewd Acts of the Apostles with Mhaille and PCP) - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:29, Jun 8
- SHUT UP YOURE MEAN SHUT UP SHUT UP I HATE YOU IM LEAVING THIS FAMILY YOU SUCK WAAAH! • <18:57 Jun 10, 2009>
Award[edit | edit source]
BLUE SCROTUM AWARD
Which is given to those who have demonstrated remarkably excellent judgement,
impeccable good taste and faultless, all-encompassing wisdom
(by doing something like voting for ME to win WotM).
Well done and thankyou, from Rabbi Techno.
Mister Lederson[edit | edit source]
Go here, answer questions, get free booze and a shoe shine. ~
15:25, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- Booze and a shoeshine? How could I refuse? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:46, Jun 11
UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever[edit | edit source]
May contain traces of humor!
June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!
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"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User  In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week
 This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:53, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
uNbOOKS lED! uNbOOKS![edit | edit source]
Hmm.... Capslock has ruined me again. Regardless, I think the Author of the month blurb needs to be changed to something for Guildy. Woody On Fire! 
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:38, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- I think I dids it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:48, Jun 12
Did you think I wouldn't find out?[edit | edit source]
Did you honestly believe I wouldn't find out about your true nature? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:43, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- Yes and no. I sort of knew, but also I really didn't. Additional wishy-washyness. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:31, Jun 12
The prodigal undaughter returns...[edit | edit source]
  Thank you ...
... for supporting my recently featured picture. A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed in your honour. - Sonje |
Also thanks for the complementary comment attached to said vote. And also I promise to initiate my writing foray soon. --Dame 
18:36, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
Wait, so if Sonje's your daughter and you're my uncle...[edit | edit source]
Does that make us cousins? O_O I've got a cousin! ^_^ -- DameViktoria 
- (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 08:56, 16 Jun
- I don't think we've officially met... so hello cousin Luvvy! XD --Dame 09:29, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
- Hello cousin Sonje! ^_^ -- DameViktoria
- (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 17:05, 16 Jun
- So... how do you guys feel about incest? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:11, Jun 16
- What the hell do you mean, uncle Leddy? O_o -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 18:24, 16 Jun
- What do you mean what do I mean? Can't relatives just talk about things? And in this case, talk about things like incest? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:32, Jun 16
- He is trying to warp our fragile little minds cousin Luvvy :o Is this the part where you ask me to start calling you Daddy? --Dame 18:34, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
- I suspect he wants us to kiss and fondle while he can watch. I'm not too sure if he's of legal age to view such action, though. One never knows about uncyclopedians these days. Some are barely out of their nappies, while I'm starting to feel old enough to be their mother :/ -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 18:41, 16 Jun
- Legal age to what with who in a where when? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:58, Jun 16
- Exactly. -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 19:07, 16 Jun
- A very astute observation cousin Luvvy. No incest for you then Leddy. O_o --Dame 10:17, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Especially since I'm supposed to be on the side upholding the law in cases like this. (Psst... What's this 'law' thing everyone keeps referring to?) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 10:22, 17 Jun
- I dunno? Are you sure you should be holding it up like that? --Dame 10:27, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- No idea. I might be bashing it face first to the ground without knowing it. However according to this test, I'm pretty much bat fuck insane, with a handy built-in legal excuse for some of the crazy stuff I do. XD -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 10:43, 17 Jun
- In Massachusetts, the legal age to fuck is 16. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 12:10, Jun 17
- Let's just summarize that as the patriarch of this tribe (and I just found out that Sonje is my grand daughter) I can conclude you're all barely out of your nappies. Yes, even you ancient Luvvy O_O ~
12:27, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Except for me, Im still in my nappies O_O Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
13:01 June 17 '09
- Except for me, Im still in my nappies O_O Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
- Yay! I have a Grampidillo! ^_^ --Dame 13:15, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Let's just summarize that as the patriarch of this tribe (and I just found out that Sonje is my grand daughter) I can conclude you're all barely out of your nappies. Yes, even you ancient Luvvy O_O ~
- But my nappies are at least the smexy black lace and blue silk kind... *ahem* -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 20:47, 18 Jun
- In Massachusetts, the legal age to fuck is 16. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B.
- No idea. I might be bashing it face first to the ground without knowing it. However according to this test, I'm pretty much bat fuck insane, with a handy built-in legal excuse for some of the crazy stuff I do. XD -- DameViktoria
- I dunno? Are you sure you should be holding it up like that? --Dame
- Especially since I'm supposed to be on the side upholding the law in cases like this. (Psst... What's this 'law' thing everyone keeps referring to?) -- DameViktoria
- A very astute observation cousin Luvvy. No incest for you then Leddy. O_o --Dame
- Exactly. -- DameViktoria
- Legal age to what with who in a where when? - T.L.B.
- I suspect he wants us to kiss and fondle while he can watch. I'm not too sure if he's of legal age to view such action, though. One never knows about uncyclopedians these days. Some are barely out of their nappies, while I'm starting to feel old enough to be their mother :/ -- DameViktoria
- What do you mean what do I mean? Can't relatives just talk about things? And in this case, talk about things like incest? - T.L.B.
- What the hell do you mean, uncle Leddy? O_o -- DameViktoria
- So... how do you guys feel about incest? - T.L.B.
- Hello cousin Sonje! ^_^ -- DameViktoria
I don't have enough jokebans.[edit | edit source]
Jokeban request. My Angry Anniversary Celebration! Nice... (19:40 06-18-2009)
Warriors of Genghis Khan![edit | edit source]
My dear Led, I have to inquire: you are aware, of course, of the pioneering work of Messrs Smalls, Tufnell and StHubbins - have you ever come across the slightly more obscure but no less important contributions of the Legendary Bad News? I hereby include a sample of their sterling work, and look forward to your opinions thereon. --UU - natter 
12:43, Jun 19
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- Yeah, that's the bit's I like. Orian57 Talk
13:02 19 June 2009 - You know, I actually think I heard about that film from a friend a little while ago, and completely forgot about it until now. I'll have to check it out. Also, new spinal tap album just came out! Back From The Dead! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:50, Jun 19
- It's actually 2 hour long TV shows from a UK comedy clique known in the 80s as The Comic Strip. Both Bad News episodes are fully worth watching, especially the second, where they actually played the Donington Monsters of Rock festival that these days is called Download. They didn't exactly go down that well with a crowd that didn't know what the fuck they were - and a fantastic put-down from the legend that is Lemmy as well. Fun fact: their songs were written by poodle-haired Queen clog-wearer Brian May. Definitely worth a couple of hours of your time, I'd say. --UU - natter
18:15, Jun 19
- It's actually 2 hour long TV shows from a UK comedy clique known in the 80s as The Comic Strip. Both Bad News episodes are fully worth watching, especially the second, where they actually played the Donington Monsters of Rock festival that these days is called Download. They didn't exactly go down that well with a crowd that didn't know what the fuck they were - and a fantastic put-down from the legend that is Lemmy as well. Fun fact: their songs were written by poodle-haired Queen clog-wearer Brian May. Definitely worth a couple of hours of your time, I'd say. --UU - natter
UnSignpost! June 18th/19th![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce
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Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens  This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! 
Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! 
Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains. |
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You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:37, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
Pee[edit | edit source]
If you're still around, your review is done. IronLung 02:27, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- Wonderful! Good improvements, hope VFH is a raging successs. IronLung 22:06, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
Hey Led![edit | edit source]
I'm really bored right now. Have any good ideas on what to do? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:07, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- ur mum lo0lolololololololololol - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:13, Jun 23
- Damn. Walked right into that one.... Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:19, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- Sort of like how I walked right into UR MUM LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Jun 23
- Damn. Looks like you got me good twice there. I'll just walk away without leaving myself open for another attack now... Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:39, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- There are at least three your mom jokes in there, but I'll let them pass by out of respect for you and your mom. Stuffs to do? Read/vote on VFH, write an article, compose me a tune of yearning, burn down a neighbor's house? All are good options. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:16, Jun 23
- I'm in an unfunny mood right now, which means I shouldn't write or vote right now. You ever get in those moods when everything isn't funny? Work has sapped me of funny today. I guess I could compose a tune, but, as you've waited until now that I'm about to go home from work, I'm not as bored. I guess I only have one option then. Sorry Grandma... Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:26, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- Just keep reminding yourself of every bad thing the occupant(s) have ever done, add all the bad things they've probably done that you don't know about, and multiply by all the bad things you know they'll do in the future. Now you see that it would be more a crime not to burn down their house, no? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:56, Jun 23
- So, and I will let you know now that I am being completely serious, my next door neighbor (grandmother) is actually a bonafide Catholic Nun. And she's like the nicest lady in the world. Those two aspects usually don't match up, but it's true. So I would probably feel terrible for burning her house down unfortunately. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:11, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- What, you don't have other neighbors? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:21, Jun 23
- Nah. I live away from them big cities ya'll big city slickers got. Nor do I live in the suburbs. I guess you could say I'm on a farm, but it isn't really. Regardless, it's kind of just my aunts and uncles that live around me. We aren't completely deserted or anything, but it is pretty quiet. I actually quite like it. I go to college in Baltimore though, so it's a bit of a change. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:29, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- You're really not making this easy for me. I guess you could go flick matches at an anthill or something. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:39, Jun 23
- Nah, the local anteaters take care of all the ants for us. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- DAMN YOU WOODYYYYYYY! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:58, Jun 23
- DAMN YOU WOODYYYYYYY! - T.L.B.
- Nah, the local anteaters take care of all the ants for us. Woody On Fire!
- You're really not making this easy for me. I guess you could go flick matches at an anthill or something. - T.L.B.
- Nah. I live away from them big cities ya'll big city slickers got. Nor do I live in the suburbs. I guess you could say I'm on a farm, but it isn't really. Regardless, it's kind of just my aunts and uncles that live around me. We aren't completely deserted or anything, but it is pretty quiet. I actually quite like it. I go to college in Baltimore though, so it's a bit of a change. Woody On Fire!
- What, you don't have other neighbors? - T.L.B.
- So, and I will let you know now that I am being completely serious, my next door neighbor (grandmother) is actually a bonafide Catholic Nun. And she's like the nicest lady in the world. Those two aspects usually don't match up, but it's true. So I would probably feel terrible for burning her house down unfortunately. Woody On Fire!
- Just keep reminding yourself of every bad thing the occupant(s) have ever done, add all the bad things they've probably done that you don't know about, and multiply by all the bad things you know they'll do in the future. Now you see that it would be more a crime not to burn down their house, no? - T.L.B.
- I'm in an unfunny mood right now, which means I shouldn't write or vote right now. You ever get in those moods when everything isn't funny? Work has sapped me of funny today. I guess I could compose a tune, but, as you've waited until now that I'm about to go home from work, I'm not as bored. I guess I only have one option then. Sorry Grandma... Woody On Fire!
- There are at least three your mom jokes in there, but I'll let them pass by out of respect for you and your mom. Stuffs to do? Read/vote on VFH, write an article, compose me a tune of yearning, burn down a neighbor's house? All are good options. - T.L.B.
- Damn. Looks like you got me good twice there. I'll just walk away without leaving myself open for another attack now... Woody On Fire!
- Sort of like how I walked right into UR MUM LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL - T.L.B.
- Damn. Walked right into that one.... Woody On Fire!
The Bat-Signal![edit | edit source]
(shoots his bat-grapple and swings away)
Not much, I'm just getting used to things here. And thanks for the compliment on my name.
Check out my page if you've ever heard of the show Animaniacs.– Preceding unsigned comment added by HolyUncyclopediaAccountBatman! (talk • contribs)
- You're welcome mate, good luck with your page. Oh, and if you ever need comedic inspiration, check HTBFANJS--it's the shit. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:15, Jun 24
Noob candidate[edit | edit source]
Hey there little guy, wanna adopt me? --El Cheeso 07:10, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
- Sure, consider yourself adopted. You can put {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} on your userpage if you like. Just drop me a line right here on my talk page if you have any questions. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Jun 26
WHAT!?[edit | edit source]
No news page on Wacko Ex-Jacko? p.s. Yes I'm on this site--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 11:51, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
- Ummm... there are at least 4 of them. Check the UnNews main page. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Jun 26
- There weren't any when I posted that message NINE HOURS BEFORE YOU REPLIED!--
McWootyYOUR AD HERE FBu 12:48, 27 June 2009 (UTC)- Not true. In fact, the earliest one was posted about 12 hours before your comment. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:38, Jun 27
- Not true. In fact, the earliest one was posted about 12 hours before your comment. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B.
- There weren't any when I posted that message NINE HOURS BEFORE YOU REPLIED!--
Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th[edit | edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money
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Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia  Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" |
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We're not late you're just high! Orian57 Talk 
14:10 30 June 2009
Question[edit | edit source]
Thanks for the welcome. I'll punish your good deed by picking you to ask a question. I'm trying to figure out where to get an attack page deleted, but I have to admit I can't figure out where I'm supposed to do that. Be gentle, I'm from Wikipedia, I'm not very smart.
The page in question is User:StarM, which is an impersonation account of enwiki admin StarMississippi, and a fake user page created by a dissatisfied troll on Wikipedia.
This page appears to be stupid, not funny, so I assume that's a deletion criterion around here? Also, I assume this is different than ED, and you don't tolerate stupid but unfunny people, so you might want to block/ban User:StarM, User:Kdpsssps, and User:Kdpssps. I think it's all pretty obvious, but I can provide more info from Wikipedia if it helps. Hopefully there aren't more complicated hoops to jump thru for this?
Anyway, thanks for any help you can provide. --Floquenbeam 02:30, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
- You rock. I like the lack of bureaucracy around here; refreshing. Thanks. --Floquenbeam 02:49, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009[edit | edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"
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The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery  If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:40, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
Thanks[edit | edit source]
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
Your support is greatly appreciated.
—Guildy
UnSignpost 9th July 2009[edit | edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!
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Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years
In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before.
Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson  Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range. |
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I have the final tally for Uncyc Survivor[edit | edit source]
Alright then, for the tally I did on #uncyclopedia, people in the first spot get +1 vote, people in the middle get 0 vote, and people in the third spot get -1 vote.
Final Tally (if you haven't gotten it already)
TheDudeMan: 5-TDM got 5 fave votes, 3 neutral, and 0 hate votes, so he has five straight off.
ApeOnThursdays: -3-Ape got 1 fave vote, 3 neutral votes, and four hate votes. Thereby, his final tally is -3.
TheKillerFroggy: -2-TKF got 2 fave votes, 2 neutral, and four hate votes. His final tally is -2.
Thereby, TheDudeMan wins. Give him the template and his money, plus the get out of jail free card post-haste. And while you're at it, ban Ape and TKF for being votes out of Survivor. S-984 14:31, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009[edit | edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke
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User Return Causes Widespread Panic  This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire  Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:22, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
Joke...God![edit | edit source]
The forum you just deleted was just an imitation flame war for humor purposes only! Restore it! But you have your reasons....-
- I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:32, Jul 20
- Dammit! It's "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that". Dam kids these days. They show no fear. MrN
03:41, Jul 20
- I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't show fear. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:47, Jul 20
- I'll go with the personal favorite, "I don't think so Tim." Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:49, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- I'll go with the personal favorite, "I don't think so Tim." Woody On Fire!
- I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't show fear. - T.L.B.
- Dammit! It's "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that". Dam kids these days. They show no fear. MrN
Thought you could use something to cheer you up[edit | edit source]
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THANK YOU! In appreciation for tolerating me when PMSing I wish to thank you by handing you this lovely sample of potted cactus erectus, found in my backyard. For your enjoyment and pleasure. Love and respect ~ |
-- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 14:41, 20 Jul
UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009[edit | edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
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Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League  This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity  In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen. |
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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 03:03, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Hey...[edit | edit source]
This guy seems to be this guy who you banned. You should probably ban him, too, or something. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 02:27, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Also, this IP, as well. And I would use UN:BP if I knew why you blocked the guy in the first place, but I don't. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 02:35, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- He's User:Tinkywinkyisgay, among other permabanned sockpuppets. He also was fucking around with the move button, and removing talkpage comments. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:55, Jul 29
- Oh... I remember that guy. He sucked. Had I know that I would've just BP'd him. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 03:05, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, the guy really can't take the hint that he needs to gtfo. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:07, Jul 29
- Yeah, the guy really can't take the hint that he needs to gtfo. - T.L.B.
- Oh... I remember that guy. He sucked. Had I know that I would've just BP'd him. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 03:05, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- He's User:Tinkywinkyisgay, among other permabanned sockpuppets. He also was fucking around with the move button, and removing talkpage comments. - T.L.B.
Fable help[edit | edit source]
Hey man, I'm a noob you adopted ages ago.
I wrote an article, wondering if maby you you could give us a bit of a hand? Mmm? A little handy hoo?. It does need alot of work. I requested a review but all they really said was that it sucked, get some help. The article is Fable. (please don't delete it on site.) --El Cheeso 11:49, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
- Sure, I'd be glad to help. Just gimme a little bit, I'm off to tennis in about 10 minutes. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 12:54, Jul 30
- Alright, let's chiggity check this out. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:02, Jul 30
- Ok, I'll type here while I read stuff. First thing I see wrong: gargantuas is not a word, in this language or any other. Gargantuan is the one you're looking for, right? Otherwise, intro looks fine, going after the fact that the game is basically hours of fanservice. I don't really know anything about Fable, so excuse me if I seem uninformed. Didn't really like that bit about the beginning of the storyline, as it struck me as sort of random, though I liked the bit about the guild thing. Explains what it is and mocks it in one go, which is good for people like me who've never played this game. The rest of the section seems fine, too, and the ones after it. Except the last two. I'm ambivalent about the characters thing; keep it if you're attached to it, but the 'fable the lost genitals' really needs to go. Other than those things, you honestly have a pretty good article here man. Good luck. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:25, Jul 30
- Ok, I'll type here while I read stuff. First thing I see wrong: gargantuas is not a word, in this language or any other. Gargantuan is the one you're looking for, right? Otherwise, intro looks fine, going after the fact that the game is basically hours of fanservice. I don't really know anything about Fable, so excuse me if I seem uninformed. Didn't really like that bit about the beginning of the storyline, as it struck me as sort of random, though I liked the bit about the guild thing. Explains what it is and mocks it in one go, which is good for people like me who've never played this game. The rest of the section seems fine, too, and the ones after it. Except the last two. I'm ambivalent about the characters thing; keep it if you're attached to it, but the 'fable the lost genitals' really needs to go. Other than those things, you honestly have a pretty good article here man. Good luck. - T.L.B.
- Alright, let's chiggity check this out. - T.L.B.
Award from UN:REQ[edit | edit source]
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This user created 667:Neighbor of the Beast, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome! |
MadMax 20:59, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
- Woohoo! I'm the shit! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:00, Jul 30
Thank you.[edit | edit source]
Thanks for the greeting.
--MyGodWaffles 22:21, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
- No problem mate. Happy editing! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:11, Aug 2
something[edit | edit source]
greetings, recently active admin. i noticed that Forum:Protecting Featured Articles? is listed in UN:BEST due to the FA template appearing during the discussion. is there a way to amend this without editing that forum and bumping it? 16:22, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Probably not, but I'll see what I can do. Thanks Gerry. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:25, Aug 3
- Yeah, couldn't do it with admin magic, so I guess I'll just edit and protect. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:33, Aug 3
- cool. thank you, sir. gearing up for hockey season? (i know it's early but i'm anxious as usual). 17:54, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yep, I've started playing a couple times a week, on friday mornings and wednesday nights. The wednesday things are this summer league thing I got into in which our team is probably the worst one--last game we lost 12-2, though we did win our first game. Friday mornings are captain's practices, which amount to a 5-on-5 scrimmage. My younger brother's gonna be a freshman next year, so I've been bringing him along to those, too. In all, I'm psyched--last year we made it to the state semis for our division, in the Harvard rink, and now we've gotta do even better. Fingers crossed for making it to the garden, right? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:00, Aug 3
- playing in the garden would be ballin'. i wish i didn't suck at sports in high school, and i wish i learned how to skate properly before the age of 20. 18:06, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, I'm lucky in that I've got parents who got me on the ice when I was really little. I can still sort of remember skating on the pond near my house when I was like 6. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:32, Aug 3
- Yeah, I'm lucky in that I've got parents who got me on the ice when I was really little. I can still sort of remember skating on the pond near my house when I was like 6. - T.L.B.
- playing in the garden would be ballin'. i wish i didn't suck at sports in high school, and i wish i learned how to skate properly before the age of 20. 18:06, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yep, I've started playing a couple times a week, on friday mornings and wednesday nights. The wednesday things are this summer league thing I got into in which our team is probably the worst one--last game we lost 12-2, though we did win our first game. Friday mornings are captain's practices, which amount to a 5-on-5 scrimmage. My younger brother's gonna be a freshman next year, so I've been bringing him along to those, too. In all, I'm psyched--last year we made it to the state semis for our division, in the Harvard rink, and now we've gotta do even better. Fingers crossed for making it to the garden, right? - T.L.B.
- cool. thank you, sir. gearing up for hockey season? (i know it's early but i'm anxious as usual). 17:54, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, couldn't do it with admin magic, so I guess I'll just edit and protect. - T.L.B.
UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009[edit | edit source]
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!
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Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself  This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you. |
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It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:46, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
hey[edit | edit source]
Pentium5dot1 wants to know about the math section at Uncyclopedia talk:Requested articles#Math section. Can you answer? --Docile hippopotamus 08:59, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- Uhh, ok... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 09:02, Aug 5
- Jeez, anyone could've answered that question. You people worry too much. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 09:04, Aug 5
- Jeez, anyone could've answered that question. You people worry too much. - T.L.B.
Thanks![edit | edit source]
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article
Your support is greatly appreciated.
—Guildensternenstein
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:57, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
Possible Sockpuppetry[edit | edit source]
Here (I would have told an admin on IRC, but there wasn't any there). --Mn-z 05:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
System Shock Huffage[edit | edit source]
Hi TLB, I'm considering doing a new version of System Shock and when I started to edit I was informed that the original was huffed 8 months ago. Is there any chance I could see the original to see if there is anything worth salvaging? Or is it gone forever? I'm a huge fan of the game so I'd be able to see any decent material in there.
I do plan on making this version accessible for people who haven't played it, but I'm catering first and foremost for fans of the game. Cheers--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 19:33, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
- Here you go. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:25, Aug 8
- Oh Sweet Jesus my eyes, please take that far away. Far, far away. That's not what a System Shock article should look like. Not by a long shot. Thanks anyway though :) --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 21:06, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
(Block log); 21:52 . . TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.230.79.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Violating UN:VAIN and admitting to being 14 years old.)
Weren't you like 13 or 14 when you began editting here? MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:54, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yup, and I kept my damn mouth shut about it! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:00, Aug 9
UnSignpost! August 9th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!![edit | edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!
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Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks  This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump
Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on |
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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:16, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
Minimum Age on Uncyclopedia[edit | edit source]
Looking at the ban patrol log, it appears that you blocked an ip user for being 14 years old, among other things. (Of course, that might have been a joke reason.) Anyway, what is the minimum age for users on uncyclopedia? I believe the wiki Terms of Service sets a minimum age of 13, and Mordillo appeared rather unhappy that one time I accidentally got a 12 year old banned by Sannse. --Mn-z 06:45, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- As far as I'm concerned, there isn't one. I was, as I often do around here, joking. If you look way back in my ban logs, I'm pretty sure I've banned a couple people for things like "liking the Jonas brothers," and other stuff probable. I just like putting dumb crap in my ban reasons. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:21, Aug 11
- k --Mn-z 17:13, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Also, Led was, like, 9 when he started editing here. And gay. And a dummy. And he ate reese's pieces instead of peanut butter M&Ms. Hence, the dummy part. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:20, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Also, Led was, like, 9 when he started editing here. And gay. And a dummy. And he ate reese's pieces instead of peanut butter M&Ms. Hence, the dummy part. Woody On Fire!
- k --Mn-z 17:13, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
Don't laugh but...[edit | edit source]
Hey man, couldn't keep this in: you apparently missed my point. Not going to start an argument with you, just making sure you got it. What if you have an article that has, say, ten votes for, is an OK article, and you don't laugh at it? Vote against? Come on. I repeat, not to argue, just making sure I made myself clear. My aim with the forum was to try to reduce bitchiness on the site, nothing else. And sorry to bring this up any more. -- Style 
Guide 10:19, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- If I didn't find the article funny, I would vote against it. Simple as that. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:04, Aug 11
- That's why no one votes for Leddy on anything. No one finds him funny. EVER!
- NEENER NEENER, LEDDY'S A WEINER.
- NINKER NINKER, HE'S ALSO A STINKER! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:10, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- NUH UH I DON'T STINK YOU STINK! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:18, Aug 11
- TheLedBalloon is an admin. All admins smell like rotten fish. Therefore, TheLedBalloon smells like rotten fish.
- Also, All rotten fish stinks. TheLedBalloon smells like rotten fish. Therefore, TheLedBalloon stinks.
- Also, Also, he is a weiner. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:24, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:28, Aug 11
- Baa Baa Black Sheep, have you any wool?
- No! Because User:TheLedBalloon stole it because he smells and no one likes him and he's a big, poopy-faced, "Big Bad Beetle Borgs" loving, asshole who has a stupid name and a stupid face. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:41, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- What's that? I see your lips moving but all I hear is "I, WOODY, AM A BIG DUMB DOODOO HEAD!" - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:50, Aug 11
- You can see my lips moving? Over the internet? You crazed, "VR Troopers" watching, lice-headed stalker! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:56, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- I can see FOREVER! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:27, Aug 11
- But can you see the future of forever? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:29, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Sometimes, but only if I'm really, really high. And I usually forget it those times, anyway. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:46, Aug 11
- Then you're a fake! Ya big ole' faker! Why don't you go hang out with Holden? Or maybe Elaine from Seinfeld? Or Paris Hilton? You big, good for nothin', bandwagon fan loving, applesauce eating, PHONEY! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:49, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- BUT WHO WAS PHONEY??? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:54, Aug 11
- Everyone Holden was hanging out with. You could be Stradlatter if you want, I guess. I dunno. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:18, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Nah, he was kind of a homo. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:50, Aug 11
- ............[1] Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:11, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- ........................[2] - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:44, Aug 11
- ........................[2] - T.L.B.
- ............[1] Woody On Fire!
- Nah, he was kind of a homo. - T.L.B.
- Everyone Holden was hanging out with. You could be Stradlatter if you want, I guess. I dunno. Woody On Fire!
- BUT WHO WAS PHONEY??? - T.L.B.
- Then you're a fake! Ya big ole' faker! Why don't you go hang out with Holden? Or maybe Elaine from Seinfeld? Or Paris Hilton? You big, good for nothin', bandwagon fan loving, applesauce eating, PHONEY! Woody On Fire!
- Sometimes, but only if I'm really, really high. And I usually forget it those times, anyway. - T.L.B.
- But can you see the future of forever? Woody On Fire!
- I can see FOREVER! - T.L.B.
- You can see my lips moving? Over the internet? You crazed, "VR Troopers" watching, lice-headed stalker! Woody On Fire!
- What's that? I see your lips moving but all I hear is "I, WOODY, AM A BIG DUMB DOODOO HEAD!" - T.L.B.
- TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I? - T.L.B.
- NUH UH I DON'T STINK YOU STINK! - T.L.B.
References[edit | edit source]
Thanks[edit | edit source]
But you have achieved what few others ever manage:
The respect of the
Kosher Nostra.
You can rest assured that you henceforth enjoy our protection,
our support and a bed free of beheaded bagel crumbs.
La Kosher Nostra.
You have gone officially Insane (Not Bat Fuck Insane, but almost)[edit | edit source]
You have gone completely insane with your edits. I mean, you're actually vote on VFD, and then you decide to edit a regular article?! That's fucking dangerous! Shame on you, now you have to put this on your page:-Bad Led11344 
Cock!
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This polyethylene is a complete, irredeemable lucky bastard. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, moccasinifies at the neck, and is an unfunny dweeb. If you pwn to burn this you will most audaciously shave yourself. Or the submitter will fuck your ox!!!!!! |
- Um...thank you? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:28, Aug 12
The Foreign Office[edit | edit source]
Hi TLB, just checking up on whether you're still keen on being a part of this project. Interest is thin on this site (I mean in being an active member of the project, or so it seems - especially from the forum), but a lot of other sites are interested. Fire Wolf has a great idea so that we can all get to know each other and discuss our ideas and plans for the project and perhaps come up with some rules or definitions of how it will work best. He suggests an IRC chat at some point between all the ambassadors and interested parties. Tell me if you're interested, or if you have any alternative ideas --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 20:20, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
- hey mate, I'm editing from an iPod right now because my laptop is fucked up. I dunno how soon I'll be able to help out, so I guess you'll have to do your thing without me for now. Sorry. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:22, Aug 16
- Ok, so I got on my family's desktop which I can't really use that much, but if you want to do some IRC stuff, let me know beforehand and if I can make it I'll log on. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:21, Aug 17
- No problem TLB, thanks for the interest, I don't think the first chat will be for a few days yet, but when it does happen I'll give you plenty of notice. Cheers --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 09:19, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
- Ok, so I got on my family's desktop which I can't really use that much, but if you want to do some IRC stuff, let me know beforehand and if I can make it I'll log on. Cheers, - T.L.B.
Thanks—the remake[edit | edit source]
Thank you for supporting! 
Sir MacMania GUN—[21:05 16 Aug 2009]
Shh[edit | edit source]
Don't blow my cover - several people who are in a position to fire me are on the 'book... A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, know what I mean? --UU - natter 11:18, Aug 17
- Got it chief. Mum's the word and such and such. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 15:43, Aug 17
Saludos Camarada - Greetings Comrade[edit | edit source]
Excuse me... I guess you're the ambasser for Inciclopedia, aren't you? I want to help with some articles, I'm interested in translate Lluvia de Aviones (Plane's Rain) from spanish to english. If you want to know more go to The FUCKING SHI... Dark Leviathan's page at Inciclopedia. Ask Siddhartha-Wolf, if you don't know.
--The Dark Leviathan 04:16, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
Thank you[edit | edit source]
--Killer 3.14 11:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
Master?[edit | edit source]
Hey, I joined yesterday and was wondering if you would help shelter my lost soul via the quick and almost painless system of adoption? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 11:46, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
- Sure, welcome to the adoption program! If it please ye, ye may put {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} on your userpage. Otherwise, feel free to come over to my talkpage with any questions or concerns you may have. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 15:20, Aug 18
- It pleases me much. I will return when I come up with an idea of what to write about, so many things to write about, but can think of how! - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 20:31, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
- That is the trick, isn't it? If you've never seen it, Uncyclopedia:The Creative Process can be a helpful place to check out. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:56, Aug 18/
- Ok, yesterday I did two of two things, I compied a list of Man laws that might make an interesting article --->>Man law<<--- and I re-designed the Uncyclopedia's Foreign Office upon request --->>Uncyc's Foreign Office<<--- Thoughts? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 13:44, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
- Hmmm...like you said, it's an interesting idea, but I don't know how you could turn those entries into an article. Guess that's where your imagination comes in! The foreign office thing looks pretty cool as well. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:10, Aug 20
- Yea, ill keep thinking on that for a few more days, then ill give it up for something else. - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 13:18, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
- Aha, me and Siddhartha-Wolf came up with a few ideas. The one that we are expanding on is the creation of an Unscript that displays the formation of the first 10 man laws. Follow it here : UnScripts:Man_Law_Revision - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 14:17, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
- Hmmm...like you said, it's an interesting idea, but I don't know how you could turn those entries into an article. Guess that's where your imagination comes in! The foreign office thing looks pretty cool as well. - T.L.B.
- Ok, yesterday I did two of two things, I compied a list of Man laws that might make an interesting article --->>Man law<<--- and I re-designed the Uncyclopedia's Foreign Office upon request --->>Uncyc's Foreign Office<<--- Thoughts? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 13:44, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
- That is the trick, isn't it? If you've never seen it, Uncyclopedia:The Creative Process can be a helpful place to check out. - T.L.B.
- It pleases me much. I will return when I come up with an idea of what to write about, so many things to write about, but can think of how! - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 20:31, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!
Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better
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UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything
EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite |
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Sarah[edit | edit source]
You're right, even though you didn't say it, Sarah Palin is hot, with that beehive hairdo that makes her look like a conehead, those freakish eyelashes, that glare, and that fake smile... So hot... Oh, and hi Led! • <23:36 Aug 20, 2009>
- I agree. I would totally tap that if I wasn't so afraid of the way she believes in God and family and country. Values like those that I pretend to believe in but secretly detest burn my skin when I touch them. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:42, Aug 20
- Yeah, go Satan and... whatever the opposite of "family" and "country" are. "Divorce" and "Municipality"? • <0:12 Aug 21, 2009>
- Satan, divorce, and municipality: The true face of liberalism. And you thought all they wanted to do was steal all your money for gay abortion death panels! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:19, Aug 21
- Satan, divorce, and municipality: The true face of liberalism. And you thought all they wanted to do was steal all your money for gay abortion death panels! - T.L.B.
- Yeah, go Satan and... whatever the opposite of "family" and "country" are. "Divorce" and "Municipality"? • <0:12 Aug 21, 2009>
I feel so left out Cajek. So left out. I better go commit suicide, or do something equally horrible like write an article. Staircase CUNt 00:21, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- You can only die if you come (sexually and non-sexually) before the Gay Abortion Death Panel for Uncyclopedians, hosted by Chef Boyardee • <3:51 Aug 21, 2009>
- But what if I die before hand. Staircase CUNt 03:54, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- Then you'll have a very nice funeral service which your loved ones will attend and honor your memory with heartfelt speeches and beautiful flowers. Also your body will be raped by vagrants. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:15, Aug 21
- Sounds like fun. How much would this procedure cost. Staircase CUNt 04:18, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- Eleven dollars and every last shred of your dignity. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:06, Aug 23
- Eleven dollars and every last shred of your dignity. - T.L.B.
- Sounds like fun. How much would this procedure cost. Staircase CUNt 04:18, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- Then you'll have a very nice funeral service which your loved ones will attend and honor your memory with heartfelt speeches and beautiful flowers. Also your body will be raped by vagrants. - T.L.B.
- But what if I die before hand. Staircase CUNt 03:54, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
Talkpage[edit | edit source]
Hey I tried to convert my talkpage into somethink like the tillage dump like I have seen some other people do. I tried it on User:Piemuffin/talk. it doesn't seem to be working. Any suggestions for your adoptee? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 02:56, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
- I'm looking at it and I'm not really sure. I changed around some stuff, maybe what I did fixed it. Or maybe not. If the latter, I suggest checking out how Algorithm did his talk page. He designed the village dump originally, so he probably knows his shit. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 13:40, Aug 23
God and Adam and Eve[edit | edit source]
It looks like you and I were trying to move the Adam and Eve link in the God article at the same time. Looks like we moved it to a different place, and my edit was after yours. I wasn't trying to do an edit war with you, and if you think the link works better where you had it, please feel free to move it back. Binky The WonderSkull 04:34, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
- I honestly wasn't even paying attention, so ok. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 13:40, Aug 23
Wikis[edit | edit source]
See Index.php – Preceding unsigned comment added by 72.68.36.216 (talk • contribs)
- What is this I don't even - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:33, Aug 23
UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.
Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news
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Fantasy Football Draft Finished  After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it. |
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I hope you don't mind if I steal your idea[edit | edit source]
Once you said: I think there should be a template for the above complaint. Something like, "This article makes fun of real people who have real problems. Sucks to be them!!" We could put it on the articles like terminal disease and suicide.
I hope you don't mind take that idea.--Killer 3.14 21:31, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not sure what you're talking about, so whatever I guess. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:43, Aug 24
THAX!! I'LL MAKE MILLIONS!!!jk--Killer 3.14 21:59, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
I was wondering[edit | edit source]
Did you make the balloon image in your sig yourself?--Killer 3.14 22:03, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
- Nope. If you click the image and look where it says file history you'll see that I didn't even upload it. Mordillo found it somewhere, I think. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:31, Aug 24
Custom usertalk link[edit | edit source]
How do I create a custom usertalk link?
The Dark Archer Was Here 18:36, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not sure I know what you mean... Care to elaborate on that a bit? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:12, Aug 31
Nevermind, sorry about that
The Dark Archer Was Here 19:17, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
- Oh. Alrighty then. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:57, Aug 31
Lawl[edit | edit source]
Hey Leddy, check this out. I didn't think he'd tell such an obvious lie, but I guess he was just being WP:BOLD. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 22:54, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not surprised; he always struck me as kind of a tool. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:44, Sep 3
Hey[edit | edit source]
Sorry if it seemed like I was talking specifically at you. I actually wasn't. Swears. Now do a review. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:30, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
- I would, if each one didn't take 45+ minutes. If helping someone out took 10 or 15 minutes, I might do it more often. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:33, Sep 3
An Award[edit | edit source]
--Mn-z 18:00, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
- Glad to be of service. And now, I disappear into the night! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:17, Sep 3
Discordian American Princess[edit | edit source]
I understand why you huffed it. There was nothing there but a construction box. The funny thing is I was working on it when you huffed it! There's not much there right now but at least more than just a template! :) 
DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:46, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
- Uhh...ok? So just copy and paste what you wrote and create the article again. I literally huffed nothing but a tag. Creating an article with nothing but a tag is pretty retarded by the way--don't do that. Imagine if you hit random page and got a page with nothing but a construction template. Kind of a lame result, no? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:50, Sep 5
- Btw, most experienced users create articles in their userspace. That way, you avoid ICU tags, delete happy admins, VFD, random ip edits, et cetera.--Mn-z 05:57, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- But that's not nearly as exciting! Really the reason I wanted to get it up very quickly was because I had Brooke Shields as a Discordian American Princess and wanted it linked in the feature version of the article, and I didn't want the feature article to have a red link.
Except that doesn't make sense because I only used the category in her article not a link to the article. Does that make sense? I don't think so!Really, thanks for your advice!
DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 06:05, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- But that's not nearly as exciting! Really the reason I wanted to get it up very quickly was because I had Brooke Shields as a Discordian American Princess and wanted it linked in the feature version of the article, and I didn't want the feature article to have a red link.
- Btw, most experienced users create articles in their userspace. That way, you avoid ICU tags, delete happy admins, VFD, random ip edits, et cetera.--Mn-z 05:57, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
But seriously...[edit | edit source]
Are you going to protect WotY? I don't really think leaving it unprotected is wise. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 04:31, Sep 4
- Meh. I'm not worried about it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:48, Sep 5
- It's not protected? Really? Guess who's going to be the new Writer of the Year! Ha Ha! :P DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 06:13, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- The person with the most votes at the end of January? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 12:13, Sep 5
- The person with the most votes at the end of January? - T.L.B.
- It's not protected? Really? Guess who's going to be the new Writer of the Year! Ha Ha! :P
UnSignpost 4th September[edit | edit source]
The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.
Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway
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Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is:
Thank you for your time. |
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-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:38, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
Why did you huff Miley Cyrus?[edit | edit source]
I notice you huffed Miley Cyrus and Miley Ray Cyrus. These were redirects to Hannah Montana. You might not be aware that Miley Cyrus real name Miley Ray Cyrus is one of the most famous performers in America who stars in Hannah Montana. A lot of visitors here may miss the featured article without these redirects. I just did a Google search for "miley ray cyrus" and got 2,180,000 hits. For "miley cyrus" got 45,000,000. By comparison, "uncyclopedia" got 801,000. We're more likely to get visitors looking for her than for us. Binky The WonderSkull 15:28, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Because Miley Cyrus is a retarded name. What is she, a prostitute Greek God?--
Somebody put the links back. Nevermind. Binky The WonderSkull 15:36, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- If I huffed it was because it was on QVFD. Frankly, though, anyone that finds uncyc by googling miley Cyrus probably doesn't belong here. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:05, Sep 5
- Oh wait, were you talking about these?
- 22:27, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs | block) huffed "/Miley Cyrus" (content was: '#REDIRECT Hannah Montana' (and the only contributor was 'Binky The WonderSkull')) (view/restore)
- 22:27, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs | block) huffed "/Miley Ray Cyrus" (content was: '#REDIRECT Hannah Montana' (and the only contributor was 'Binky The WonderSkull')) (view/restore)
- Because those, if you notice, have a slash in front of them, which makes them pretty much completely useless. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:32, Sep 6
- Because those, if you notice, have a slash in front of them, which makes them pretty much completely useless. - T.L.B.
I have a question[edit | edit source]
Of course Brooke Shields was featured a couple days ago, which was cool. But now on the front page where it says "Recently featured," it's not listed. Is there a reason it's not there? Is there something I should have done? DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:06, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost Randomber 97th[edit | edit source]
The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized
Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough
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Random Headline
 At 5:38 p.m., tuxedoes added a suicidal lemming. While terracotta was maturing, a padlock suddenly gagged. No man is complete until he marries. Then he's finished! Sean Connery feasts foible! Warlock steals a cancer! DANDELIONS' CONDOMS'! More than ever, kangaroo steals knifes! Did the lawyer dry...
First and foremost, umpire penis Nintendo Kong Zoroastrian ripple Guardinal b-b gun massive Sliver to pilot gratin would tonsil knife 747 BC Goblin In the usual course of events will. SAGE!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane
Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! longbow. useless biological double-ultra super megaphoton-revolver. |
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In a few words, please think of the son monoclonal antibodys! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:33, 7 September 2009 (UTC)
Drop Elk[edit | edit source]
Mr. TheLedBalloon,
If you don't mind me asking, why did you huff the article about Drop elks? If it is not up to Uncyclopedia standards, will you give the users the time to fix it to do so? Sincerely, 128.239.42.243 08:37, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
- Actually, looking at it now, aside from being a tad short it's not too bad at all. Someone put it on QVFD and I probably wasn't paying much attention. Here, I'll bring it back for you: Drop elk. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 15:08, Sep 7
- Thank you. Sincerely, 128.239.42.243 17:11, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
Ha![edit | edit source]
You're about to go to school! Also, I gotta go to school, now. Bye. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 11:06, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
- Not only am I about to, but I have indeed been to school. Twice. Top that. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:25, Sep 9
Crisis[edit | edit source]
As I'm sure you're well aware, voting at VFH and the like is low. Could we put the Rock the Vote template (or whichever one it is) on the Main Page? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 03:30, Sep 10
- Sure, there ya go. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 10:59, Sep 10
Attention Colonizers![edit | edit source]
The brief era of peace we've been enjoying has once again been shattered by the IP horde. And since those pot smoking, tree hugging liberal faggots repealed the draft the IC forces are stuck with the likes of you. You are therefore ordered to report to the front lines at once for briefing. Once we have decided our plan of attack, we'll march into battle post haste. You're dismissed TheLedBalloon. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:31, 11 Sep
Um...[edit | edit source]
Might I ask why you huffed the "Dude, What Would Happen" forum thread I started? The deletion log said "the cancer that is killing /uncyclopedia/" or something like that. What did you mean by that? Also, I looked at the template at the top of this talk page. Am I "[Being] a Dick"? I'm trying my best not to be, as I really want an answer from you. <insert name here> <(^_^<) or something like that 19:16, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
- You're being the biggest dick I've ever seen, Neox. I mean that as a complement, though. By the way, what's your opinion of anal? MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:20, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
- While we're on the topic of being dicks, could you please be more specific on your "compliment"? Like, does it regard the forum threads I create or something like that? <insert name here> <(^_^<) or something like that 19:34, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
- I huffed it because it was kind of dumb. While I tolerate a fair degree of dumbness, that forum seemed to me to be, as the saying goes, too much of a dumb thing, so I huffed it. Also, you're not being a dick, but I probably am. C'est la vie. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:57, Sep 21
UnSignpost September 10/17[edit | edit source]
I love it when the news comes together
Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!
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Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia
This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake  This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry! |
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This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:32, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!
September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living
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UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots  This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster.  Standings:
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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 15:58, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
Dude[edit | edit source]
This is freakin' hilarious. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 22:35, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
- Hah, I'd forgotten about that guy. You should add that to the worst 100 reflections on 09, we could use the filler. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:23, Sep 28
Dude. You banned my IP adress because I'm "a sock puppet of another user." I dunno what that even means . Did my post seem similar to one by another user who got banned? So... I dont think i'm a sockpuppet, at least not in this dimension, so could you reevaluate your bannage of me based on the fact that i have no idea what you are talking about? – Preceding unsigned comment added by 64.12.116.208 (talk • contribs)
- If you're banned... how are you posting? --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 21:46, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
- It's cause he's a loked-out O.G. gang-bangin' your momma. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:50, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
- But is he down with OPP? --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 21:53, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
- It's cause he's a loked-out O.G. gang-bangin' your momma. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:50, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
- If you post the account that I banned, I'd be happy to unban it. You really should be doing this via IRC or email, though. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:58, Sep 29
Can you please[edit | edit source]
Unban my sockie? Please? 10:05 October 2
- I won't abuse him. 10:05 October 2
It's almost time, you sexy judge you[edit | edit source]
Poo Lit ends on the 18st. After that, from 19-25rd, you have to judge (leave your choices here by the start of the 26st). Before that, keep an eye on your category. I'm not saying all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. What I'm saying is all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 00:18, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm ready for judging! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:51, Oct 5
UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009[edit | edit source]
You'd be crazy not to listen!
October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!
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Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness  The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia. |
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Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:04, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
Hey idiot.[edit | edit source]
You're doing your job wrong. Restore this and delete this. Do it. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 14:58, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Modus is no idiot, he's my frie-oh wait. This is Led's page. Yeah, he's an idiot. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:01, 10 Oct
- No john, you are the idiots! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:20, Oct 10
- Ah! You forgot about this! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:25, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Write your own shaggy dog article
- Submit it to the PLS
- Win your category
- Move it to the place this article used to be
- ???
- Profit! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:37, Oct 10
- Actually, I'm sure there won't be a profit. The cost of shipping $20 is now $22. In fact, by winning PLS, you're losing $2. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:39, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Ah! You forgot about this! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:25, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
- No john, you are the idiots! - T.L.B.
Thanks for the quick deletion[edit | edit source]
of the interim redirect for this. You seem to also have deleted this—perhaps you meant to delete this? Thanks again. Sir MacMania GUN—[04:21 12 Oct 2009]
- Oh yeah, my bad. And no problem. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:46, Oct 12
Why[edit | edit source]
Thank you, sir/maam/alien Hubblemeow 02:22, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
- You're quite welcome, sir/madam/asexual amorphous blob. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:21, Oct 14
UnSignpost Sometime October 2009[edit | edit source]
Word to your mother.
October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
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The End is Nigh... Once Again  Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings:
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I'm rewriting the Ronald McDonald article in my userspace, just so you know,[edit | edit source]
Title says it all really.--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 12:26, October 20, 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448
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Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six’s storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar’s Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase’s Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings: 
IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something. |
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Poo Lit: The Oopsening[edit | edit source]
I crossed out User:SPIKE/FORTRAN, and shouldn't have. If you could read it and add it to your choices, I'd be much appreciative. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 04:20, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
ZOMGWTFNESSES![edit | edit source]
YOU DELETED MY FORUM PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????? OH GOD, WHY??????????????????????????????? --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 05:04, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- ...Was that really the best way to ask an admin that question? --Andorin Kato 05:36, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- It was really dumb. Forums in BHOP are supposed to be kind of dumb, but there was a line in the sand, and you crossed it. Deletion was the only way. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:37, Oct 24
- Please give the page another chance. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 05:51, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Please fix your sig. PLEASE. ~ 10:04, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- NO. Please stop telling me what to do. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 10:11, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- No. Please grow a pair. Please. HOW comes??? 10:23, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Grow a pair of what? Please tell me. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 14:47, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- What do you think? A pair of shoes? HOW comes??? 15:43, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Okay, that's just mean. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break
- What do you think? A pair of shoes? HOW comes??? 15:43, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Grow a pair of what? Please tell me. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 14:47, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- No. Please grow a pair. Please. HOW comes??? 10:23, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- NO. Please stop telling me what to do. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 10:11, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Please fix your sig. PLEASE. ~
- Please give the page another chance. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 05:51, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
PLS and such[edit | edit source]
hey, led. it's hockey season again! huzzah! how's norwell doing? i'd like to acknowledge your obvious receipt of my PLS bribe, and point out that my entire article was written on the last day of the competition, which means that i'll be improving it shortly after the competition wraps. anyway, hope you're doing well! 01:02, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Hey Gerry. Actually, it's technically not high school hockey season yet, but I'm playing in a fall league, going to some captains' practices, and later I'm doing some weeklong endurancey thingy, so I've started the buildup n' all that. As for the PLS bribe, I'll email you the location which I would like my money sent (unmarked, non-sequential $20 bills, please). How's things on your end? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:04, Oct 25
That thing above[edit | edit source]
Really. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 02:15, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Oh, sorry about that, I missed it because of some guy complaining about a forum. One sec... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:59, Oct 25
- Okay, it just is just plain mean to refer to people like that. Don't say that about me. Really. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break
- Don't call you what you are? I'm sorry, I'll think twice before saying something accurate about you next time. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 10:45, Oct 27
- Play nice with the n00bs... Pup 00:26, 28/10/2009
- Allow me to reiterate: I explained to modus exactly why I didn't see his post, using an accurate description of who this grueflame person is. Excuse me if I don't see how that is in any way mean. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:31, Oct 28
- Thank you for the reiteration, Led. I just felt uncomfortable when you said that the other way. Also, potr, I AM NOT A NOOB.--Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break
- Allow me to reiterate: I explained to modus exactly why I didn't see his post, using an accurate description of who this grueflame person is. Excuse me if I don't see how that is in any way mean. - T.L.B.
- Play nice with the n00bs... Pup 00:26, 28/10/2009
- Don't call you what you are? I'm sorry, I'll think twice before saying something accurate about you next time. - T.L.B.
04:17, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- Just curious, but if you that strongly don't consider yourself a noob, why did you ask three people in the last three weeks to adopt you in Adopt a Noob? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:31, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry, I usually go by the definition of n00b as per NotM, which you're not eligible for, but the gap of a little over a year between posts threw me off track. In which case, TLB, I take it back unreservedly. KICK HIM! KICK HIM AGAIN! Pup 10:43, 28/10/2009
- Yeah, definition of "noob" is rather weird. It's a month plus 3 days maximum for NotM; three months for PLS; but could be six months or longer for Adopt a Noob. And then you have people like me who've been here less than two months, but who have been editing wikis since some of the editors here were in kindergarten. Maybe it should be really new noobish noob, pretty noobish noob, not really all that noobish noob, been on the Internet forever but pretty noobish here noob.... King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 15:44, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- I think the reality is that we define n00b by a time-frame for the purposes of these awards simply because to not have a definitive time-frame it's left too open for interpretation. The justification for having Rcmurphy as potential n00b of the month was an in-joke about how he, as a user, was always being n00bish. Maybe being a n00b is like bending the spoon. You can't become a n00b, that's impossible. Rather, realise the truth that n00bness does not exist, and then you can n00b yourself. Or something. Any way I look at it though IFGM (which is an acronym for Invincible Flame Grue Master, and nothing to do with relationships with grand mothers) is acting like a n00b, so although the timeliness denies it, the actions support. In other words, he has no excuse! Pup 21:43, 28/10/2009
- Hay guise wuts goin on hear User:Syndrome/sit
- I think the reality is that we define n00b by a time-frame for the purposes of these awards simply because to not have a definitive time-frame it's left too open for interpretation. The justification for having Rcmurphy as potential n00b of the month was an in-joke about how he, as a user, was always being n00bish. Maybe being a n00b is like bending the spoon. You can't become a n00b, that's impossible. Rather, realise the truth that n00bness does not exist, and then you can n00b yourself. Or something. Any way I look at it though IFGM (which is an acronym for Invincible Flame Grue Master, and nothing to do with relationships with grand mothers) is acting like a n00b, so although the timeliness denies it, the actions support. In other words, he has no excuse! Pup 21:43, 28/10/2009
- Yeah, definition of "noob" is rather weird. It's a month plus 3 days maximum for NotM; three months for PLS; but could be six months or longer for Adopt a Noob. And then you have people like me who've been here less than two months, but who have been editing wikis since some of the editors here were in kindergarten. Maybe it should be really new noobish noob, pretty noobish noob, not really all that noobish noob, been on the Internet forever but pretty noobish here noob.... King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 15:44, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry, I usually go by the definition of n00b as per NotM, which you're not eligible for, but the gap of a little over a year between posts threw me off track. In which case, TLB, I take it back unreservedly. KICK HIM! KICK HIM AGAIN! Pup 10:43, 28/10/2009
- Just curious, but if you that strongly don't consider yourself a noob, why did you ask three people in the last three weeks to adopt you in Adopt a Noob? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:31, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- n00b! Pup 22:08, 28/10/2009
Suggestion from a Know-it-all Noob[edit | edit source]
I won't bother going into how you've been here a lot longer, have contributed a whole lot more, have a lot more authority, etc. But I do have a suggestion about your "welcome" that includes "(Or I'll stick my hand into the computer screen, reach through the internet, drag you into my dimension and skull-fuck you.)" I've been here about two months now, and I still haven't had someone say something nearly that strong to me. Is that really the first impression you want to give new people? Frankly, had I gotten a welcome message like that, I would seriously have considered whether or not I wanted to be here. I've dealt with sites where users hurl things like that at each other on a regular basis, and I've left all those sites as I don't enjoy it. This is a matter of personal taste, and this is just one noob's opinion. But they may be other would-be noobs who feel the same way who haven't come back. Thanks for listening to your know-it-all noob. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:22, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
- I thought it seemed pretty clear that I was joking, and I liked the contrast between "enjoy your stay" and "or I will skull-fuck you." But I'll take a look at it again a little later. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:43, Oct 26
- To clarify, I had no doubt you meant it to be joking, but as a greeting I find it very extreme. I saw what you had at the end of some of your previous greetings--"And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually." That to me is both much funnier, and much less likely to be taken as personally offensive. Again, the welcome is the first contact many new users will have; that will likely be their first impression of how they'll be treated on Uncyclopedia. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:19, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to include a joke that wasn't the same one they could see on every other talkpage on the site, to make the first impression at least somewhat amusing. Anyways, like I said, I'll get around to looking at it eventually. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:34, Oct 28
- I'm looking at this thing right now, WhyDoISomethingorother, but I really think it's fine. It's pretty clear that it's a joke, and I doubt anyone registering on uncyclopedia will have anything problem with mentioning skullfucking. However, if you can come up with a replacement for the phrase, I'd gladly replace mine with yours. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:19, Nov 4
- I'll give it some thought. Thanks for your consideration! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 02:51, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to include a joke that wasn't the same one they could see on every other talkpage on the site, to make the first impression at least somewhat amusing. Anyways, like I said, I'll get around to looking at it eventually. - T.L.B.
- To clarify, I had no doubt you meant it to be joking, but as a greeting I find it very extreme. I saw what you had at the end of some of your previous greetings--"And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually." That to me is both much funnier, and much less likely to be taken as personally offensive. Again, the welcome is the first contact many new users will have; that will likely be their first impression of how they'll be treated on Uncyclopedia. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:19, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
Below are a few alternates to "(Or I'll stick my hand into the computer screen, reach through the internet, drag you into my dimension and skull-fuck you.)"
- Or I'll stick my hand into the computer screen, reach through the Internet, drag you into my dimension and make you dance the Punk Polka with a rubber chicken named "Cajek."
- Or I'll happily ban you into oblivion.
- Or you're welcome to go do your thing at our worthless ripoff.
- Or I'll do like Mythbusters did to me, and declare you a physical impossibility.
- Or I'll tell the Uncyclopedia Secret Police and we'll just how you deal with them.
- Or I'll make you read every single Uncyclopedia policy twice. Without blinking.
- Or I'll make you read the last 100 articles that were huffed because they were so very, very bad.
- Or I'll let you go for a ride in a lead balloon and see how far you get.
I can come up with a bunch more if you don't like these. Thanks for listening! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:58, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Actually, while I was reading yours, I thought of one that I kind of like. What do you think of this? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:16, Nov 12
- Personally, it's not my cup of tea. But then I'm one of those mamby pamby types who doesn't feel comfortable threating, even in jest, to kill or skull rape 13-year-olds I don't know. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 02:34, November 12, 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost 29-10-2009[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
October 29th, 2009 • Issue 69 • Hehehe, 69
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Better than ED, of course  After having hit the 25,000 articles mark, it's worth knowing what other people think of this wiki as it's walking down the sidewalk in its high heels and short skirt. So here are some Google searches for hits on Uncyclopedia in the last week and what it came up with: A Star Control II forum or something-rather found here remarks on Uncyclopedia's SC2 article and other entries. Lauding such as "Uncyclopedia rocks..." overshadowed the naysaying remarks about the wiki being immature and for poopfaced doo-doo heads. The most insightful comment, by a user dubbed "Son of Atares", says, "It definitely beats Enyclopedia Dramatica in terms of funny, but that really isn't saying anything at all." Agreed. On a Polish forum for Polish things, Polish people, and Polish things that Polish people do, some Poles or something have a great laugh at Uncyclopedia making fun of their homecountry. One ED fangirl attempts to advertise her nonsense, only to be ignored over the lulz and tears shed from reading Uncyclopedia. Finally, a forum for progressive rock fans also enjoys some laughs at the prog rock article and the article about their own forum. That guy from There Will Be Blood blatantly lies in an attempt to seem better than thou by boldly claiming, "Uncyclopedia is not funny." Our official response to this criticism? He likes Miley Cyrus. Been there, done that, got the genital warts. The last post to the forum by the gender-confused dinosaur Littlefoot from The Land Before Time reads, " I actually think the prog articles and ProgArchives pages on Uncyclopedia are generally embarrassing attempts at funny by people who do not understand subtlety or delivery in comedy." And then a smiley face, because I guess he pwnt us or something. Fantasy Football Midseason Meanderings  In real sports, midseason is typically when “experts” make “predictions” about how “the rest of the season” will “play out,” and the UFFL is no exception. Here are this author’s predictions for the rest of the season, by team: 1. Sternensteinenstine (6-1): Already a game ahead and looking forward to a soft schedule in the coming weeks, Sternensteinenstine’s dominance of the UFFL will continue for the foreseeable future. In all likelihood, the Nazi Juggernaut will sweep the rest of the season with relative ease, become overconfident, take on the world’s largest nation by land area, and eventually be defeated by an international alliance in mankind’s most destructive conflict ever. Finish 13-1 (#1 seed), at the cost of 3.7 million casualties. 2. The Dudes (5-2): Facing a similarly weak series of opponents in weeks hence, The Dudes look to continue their winning ways. At about Week 11, though, they’ll run into trouble, and spend the rest of their season getting high. Finish 8-6 (#4 seed). 3. Domestic Team Name (5-2): A solid team built around consistent players, the team of housewives and aprons does relatively well the rest of the year, but gets screwed Week 8 for not having the foresight to draft a quarterback that doesn’t have a bye in Week 8. Finish 10-4 (#2 seed). 4. John Curry All-Stars (5-2): Another solid team, the All-Stars will play well for the rest of the season, but wane down the stretch when their manager loses interest in favor of watching hockey. They still make the playoffs, however. Finish 5. Oklahoma City Storm (3-4): OCS is a hard seed to crack. Despite possessing one of the league’s most devoted managers, too much depends on inconsistent and disappointing players at key positions, not to mention the team’s susceptibility to tornadoes. Finish 6-8. 6. Dibiase’s Millions (2-5): The victim of not one, but two running back busts, Dibiase’s Millions have been struggling to find their stride all year, and given the production of Matt Forte and Steven Jackson, will continue to do so. Finish 4-10. 7. Cheddar’s Doritians (2-5): Though they have won two of their last three games, Cheddar’s Doritans will more than likely miss the playoffs due to their slow start. Putting too much faith in one team probably doesn’t help, either. Finish 6-8. 8. The Winnerz (0-7): Ironically enough, the Winnerz can't win. Even more ironically, if the Winnerz could figure out how to select their starting roster, they wouldn’t be half-bad. Unfortunately, signs point to the team not being able to figure that out, at least for this and possibly next season. Finish 0-14.
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You know what would be RIDICULOUS AND NOT EVEN FUNNY?[edit | edit source]
If this redirected to this instead of this. Or if this got moved here and thusly started to redirect to this. Wouldn't be as funny if this got redirected to this, though, because then you'd have this. --Andorin Kato 05:26, November 4, 2009 (UTC)
- If that message had one more link in it I would've had to redirect it to User:Andorin Kato. But yeah, is whatever I did instead of that good? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:40, Nov 4
Thanks[edit | edit source]
You have just crossed over into... the Thank You Zone. The Global Tourniquet says "Thanks for voting for my featured article"
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(and yes - great Robot Chicken clip, there, heh!) --
GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 06:32, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
Okay, you mangy colonists.[edit | edit source]
I've been commissioned by Mooshy to rerererevitalize IC. I'm to be the glorious leader, etc. because Sissy, Gerry, and Opty have all fucked off. So, I have a few general ideas to start with on what to do. First of all, no fucking infighting. What's said by the authority figures goes. This is Imperial Colonization, not Imperial United States Congress. Second, there should be more of a limit on articles for nomination. Somewhere between 5 and 10. We'll never get to all 17 that are up there if people's votes are so scattered. Third, an active recruiting drive. It fits the name. We're going to draft Satirical Soldiers to deal with the bloody natives at those shit articles on IC. This said, I still want to hear all of your opinions on what to do. Either drop me a line on my talk page, or I'm on IRC damn near all day very weekday. So lets get going, Colonizers! Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 16:47, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
I felt the need to inform you that...[edit | edit source]
Your request at Uncyclopedia:RadicalX's Corner has been filled (but not by me). —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:02, 15 November 2009
- Ah, thanks socks. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:27, Nov 15
Wanker of the Month[edit | edit source]
User:EugeneKay/Wanker of the Month/Award
Congratulations, TheLedBalloon! You've been found to be an utter wanker, and thus qualify for the above handy-dandy awards box! Feel free to insert it anally put it on your userpage to be displayed proudly. You tool. EugeneKay wuz here (whine thank) 05:28, Tuesday 01 December 2009
- Woohoo! Finally all my wanking has paid off! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:46, Dec 2
I really didn't mean to, but Know-it-All Noob has struck your talk page again[edit | edit source]
I was told to tell you about this. (Apparently, my question was on a welcome message borrowed from your welcome message. I honestly had no idea it would lead me back here again. Sorry I'm such a tkhoyr). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 08:14, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
- That's probably from my previous welcome message to my previous welcome message, which I'd stolen and modified from HerrDoktor's, probably. I'd tell you to talk to him, but he's kind of gone. What exactly do you want me to do about it? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:58, Dec 9
- He wants you to make the past the present, so when I steal it you don't look so foolish. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 23:25, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
- How about just pretend this conversation never happened? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:57, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
Attention Judgeries![edit | edit source]
All turkies are now in the oven. You now have seven days to comply with your judgery duties. Please place all scoring here. If you can't judge for any reason, please let me know on my talk page. Now go and judge, you're wasting valuable time. ~ 18:34, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
- I'll do my judging right away in couple of days! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:39, Dec 10
- Well Mr. Balloon? EVERYONE is waiting for you. EVERYONE. ~ 21:38, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
- Well Mr. Balloon? EVERYONE is waiting for you. EVERYONE. ~
List of RH Characters[edit | edit source]
"What the shit" yourself. I think you were a little *too* quick in nixing this page, considering that its the addendum to a regular article.
- Uhh, except for a line it's a direct copy of part of a wikipedia article. You're going to have to turn it into a real article, with paragraphs headers and all that, or else watch it get deleted again. I'll tag it WIP so you can work on it for a bit and people will know that you're not done. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:30, Dec 10
Because I care[edit | edit source]
Well, just wondering why my entry didn't make it into your top 5. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:14, 20 December 2009
- Ooh! Me next! --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 03:38, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
- Socky, yours struck me as rather odd. The acronym is a stretch; you could just call the organization the Aristocrats and it'd be fine, and using abbreviations like OMG are jarring. The ending took a moment to gain steam, what with all the explosions seeming random until the 'aristocrats indeed muahahaha' comment which made me amused, but overall I felt the other pages had better continuity and/or joke density. Syndrome, your page had this great set up, with the beautiful orchestra and all that, but I didn't really like where you went with it after that. I wasn't entirely sure what you were trying to do with all the stereotypes, which seemed kind of out of nowhere. I'd personally rather see it end with the typical aristocrats family trying to take the kids back, rather than these mysterious foreigners, who seemed to kind of...uhh...you know, like...uhh......... SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 07:05, Dec 20
- The idea was to be offensive with racial sterotypes instead of the normal gross-out humor (which is why you have the multicultural ensemble and then guys who represent everything wrong about those cultures) but I understand if not everyone digs it. I would also like to inquire how you managed to pull this off and have the later time stamp before the earlier one. You didn't travel back in time collecting historical figures for a school report and then decide to mess up the wiki along the way, did you? --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 18:51, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
- Ghengis Khan probably fucked up the timeline on his way back to 1200s Mongolia. What a goofball. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:35, Dec 22
- Ghengis Khan probably fucked up the timeline on his way back to 1200s Mongolia. What a goofball. - T.L.B.
- The idea was to be offensive with racial sterotypes instead of the normal gross-out humor (which is why you have the multicultural ensemble and then guys who represent everything wrong about those cultures) but I understand if not everyone digs it. I would also like to inquire how you managed to pull this off and have the later time stamp before the earlier one. You didn't travel back in time collecting historical figures for a school report and then decide to mess up the wiki along the way, did you? --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 18:51, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
- Socky, yours struck me as rather odd. The acronym is a stretch; you could just call the organization the Aristocrats and it'd be fine, and using abbreviations like OMG are jarring. The ending took a moment to gain steam, what with all the explosions seeming random until the 'aristocrats indeed muahahaha' comment which made me amused, but overall I felt the other pages had better continuity and/or joke density. Syndrome, your page had this great set up, with the beautiful orchestra and all that, but I didn't really like where you went with it after that. I wasn't entirely sure what you were trying to do with all the stereotypes, which seemed kind of out of nowhere. I'd personally rather see it end with the typical aristocrats family trying to take the kids back, rather than these mysterious foreigners, who seemed to kind of...uhh...you know, like...uhh......... SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES! - T.L.B.
Thanks for the Judgery[edit | edit source]
Thanks for drudgering judging my article; sorry you had to wade through read it. I'd like your thoughts on it too, if I may impose. (Next contest I'll try to be moar clever than just changing the joke from "Aristocrats" to "AristoCatz" to take advantage of a lame internet meme as the central theme of my humor.) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* 
(talk) (stalk) Π ~ 
~ 10:03, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
- The biggest problem with your article was that accent you write with all the way through it. For a couple of quotes it could've been ok, but with so much dialecty stuff the page began to drag and become difficult to read, and when that happens, the funny fades. Would the page work without any accent at all, or with much less of it? Such a change might improve the funniness a good deal. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:35, Dec 22
- Fair enough. But the voice of the piece was integral to the theme of the one shot, one line joke! Sure I could've made it less suck but where's the funny in that? ... oh. ... Sorry again you had to read it. Anyway, thanks for the comments! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~
~ 06:37, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
- Fair enough. But the voice of the piece was integral to the theme of the one shot, one line joke! Sure I could've made it less suck but where's the funny in that? ... oh. ... Sorry again you had to read it. Anyway, thanks for the comments! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
UnSignpost Delivery! - December something![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper that took a long enough vacation to make former President Bush jealous.
December 17th, 2009• Issue 70 • Fuck You! I Felt Like It!
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UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed
After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment. "Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed" While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares. UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends
 Yeah, that title pretty much gives it away - evil admin UU has hijacked this section of the USP to announce two festive initiatives: the Mince Pie contest, and the Ban Parto-ho-ho-l, both of which are to be found on his userpage. So if you think you can eat more mince pies this Christmas than UU or current runaway leader Barry Gibb of Bee Gees fame, or if you want to request a friendly festive joke ban for one of your Uncyc chums, get yourselves across to the most festive userpage on the wiki! YOU ARE ALL LAZY TALLYWHACKERS! An Editorial. Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||
Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:39, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
He is right, though...[edit | edit source]
...you are girly. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:51, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
- Am I a pretty girl? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:04, Dec 30
- No. There's only one pretty girl here, and that's me. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:31, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
- Girls can be so cruel. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:44, Dec 30
- Uncyclopedia is like Mean Girls, but texty. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:47, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
- Girls can be so cruel. - T.L.B.
- No. There's only one pretty girl here, and that's me. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:31, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
Anniversary[edit | edit source]
Are you still doing that letter from the admins for our 5th anniversary on Tuesday? I might help if help is needed. -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey) 11:54, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
- That what from the what for the what? I'd be glad to do it, but can you remind me what it is? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:23, Jan 2
- I believe he's refering to the apology letter from Chron (or the admins) for the 5 year anniversary of Uncyc. From the forum topic or something. Also, your talkpage will never match Spang's so archive it already. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:41, 2 Jan
- Thanks, and Spang is going the FUCK down! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:48, Jan 2
- Also: I'm starting a letter here. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:07, Jan 2
- Also: I'm starting a letter here. - T.L.B.
- Thanks, and Spang is going the FUCK down! - T.L.B.
- I believe he's refering to the apology letter from Chron (or the admins) for the 5 year anniversary of Uncyc. From the forum topic or something. Also, your talkpage will never match Spang's so archive it already. -OptyC Sucks!
Stairway to Heaven is pretty much the most awesome song ever[edit | edit source]
Also, this:
Thank you very much for helping to make me December 2009's Uncyclopedian of the Month.
In the words of the immortal Sally Field, "You like me, you really like me!"
• • • Necropaxx (T) {~}
- Glad to help, sir! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 07:04, Jan 3
Heya Ledkips[edit | edit source]
I copied your welcome script and made some modifications to it. Take a peek at User:Syndrome/Welcum.js. This replaces the link to their userpage (regardless of if they have one or not) with a limegreen link that puts {{Oh Dear}} on their talk page. So if they've been naughty instead of nice, just click on their userpage instead of their talk page to tell them so. Admittedly this is more useful for someone who can't just ban them. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 08:20, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Pretty cool, though like you said I'd personally probably just ban them, or say something specific. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:43, Jan 4
Apologies[edit | edit source]
I'm so very sorry for everything. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:17, 5 Jan
- It's ok, I still love you. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:49, Jan 5
Hey, you voted for my article on VFH and helped make it a feature.[edit | edit source]
8===========D~ ~ ~ ~O:
And I'm too lazy to make a proper template for it. Thanks! sausage lol 19:02, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
- Oh, and archive, dammit. sausage lol 23:09, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
- NEVER! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:03, Jan 8
- NEVER! - T.L.B.
That's what I call a mass listectomy[edit | edit source]
This wiki already feels lighter for it. Good work, sir - I salute you! (Although couldn't you have gone all TKF deleting TYATU with the deletion summaries?) --UU - natter 22:42, Jan 7
- Yeah, I probably should've done something more creative... Oh well. Just as long as the lists go bye-bye, I'm happy. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:51, Jan 7
That Guy You Banned[edit | edit source]
He's Back, and is bothering Mordillo, he is 203.206.74.127, ban his ass again--
Director
WILL
YOU 333 07:37, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
- Never mind, MAdMax got him
Some people's kids[edit | edit source]
Ummmm, Led? -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:49, 9 Jan
- Oh boy... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:51, Jan 9
- Alright, banned him for three days and if he comes back it's gonna be three months. Also hit him up with some User:TheLedBalloon/IPjerk. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:58, Jan 9
- Alright, banned him for three days and if he comes back it's gonna be three months. Also hit him up with some User:TheLedBalloon/IPjerk. - T.L.B.
Your a Kitten huffer[edit | edit source]
You Suck Kat Balls And Hitler throws Kitten Balls and PINGA'S at Ya
- Ok - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:24, Jan 12
- Your b Kitten huffer is pretty cool though. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 16 Jan 2010 ~ 00:54 (UTC)
- Your b Kitten huffer is pretty cool though. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
UnSignpost January several-days-agoth[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
Jan 14th, 2010 • Issue71 • Keeping You Guessing
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Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy
UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers. From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free
 As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article. Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles. |
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I swore I'd never hand-deliver this again. Here it is. --UU - natter 09:30, Jan 18
Better late than later[edit | edit source]
 |
Thank you Geez, now don't I feel like an idiot. I forgot to thank you for voting me Noob of the Month...back in August 2009. While I disappeared shortly after receiving the award, I have now, like Spiderman, decided to live up the responsibility of wielding it's power. If you, like Jesus, can find it in your heart to forgive me, please send $1 to Forgetful Man P.O Box 5564 NSW, Australia. |
Thanks for the vote. Sequence 05:52, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 21th January 2009[edit | edit source]
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
Jan 21st, 2010 • Issue 72 • Yorkshire-style news
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Awards of the Year race thrillingly poised
In the most prestigious award of the lot, Writer of the Year, the race for second place behind prolific funny factory and champion-elect Hype is neck and neck between apparently-no-longer-hirsute TKF fan-club president and feature-machine Guildy and low-profile but high-quality-output, er, feature-machine Sog1970. But wait! There's still a chance they could get caught by the chasing pack of little-known and modest Scouser Mhaille, hetero macho-man Orian57, antipodean canine PuppyOnTheRadio and none-more-metal mosher Monika. Oh, and some other chancers have been nommed without polling a single vote (including DrStrange, who is currently looking likely to become the first Uncyclopedian ever to win WotM twice, but hasn't carried that form over to WotY - odd). Meanwhile, over at PotY, the race for second place behind Sonje is even closer, with both Modus and some n00b polling a creditable one nom but no votes each! Who will pull ahead by the end of the month? It's a competition you just can't keep your eyes off! Disappointingly, the UotY vote lets the side down, with seemingly a boring old race for first place between Belgian one-man categorisation whirlwind, maintenance addict, broken thing fixer, BUTT POOP!!! junkie and footwear-as-handwear exponent Socky and handsome English admin who wrote this article and is not in the least bit biased UU. The apparent scramble to be runner-up to whichever of these two is runner-up is far more interesting, as non-stop wikifixer MadMax goes up against Welsh Rarebit RabbiTechno, not-Yorkshire-enough admin Mordillo, vowel-free-zone Mnbvcxz and Moterfucking Nigger Lover Roman Dog Bird. Damned with the faint praise of a nom with no votes in this category are the pants bomber, talk page king FU Spang, human non-sequitur generator Modus and absent but deadly hockey nut Gerry. And finally, over where it's really at, the NotD cockfight is almost impossible to call! Will plucky outsider RC hold off the challenge of Apple, Apples and Maddie's life? The tension is quite literally unbearable! But remember kids: whoever "wins", we're all still losers. And now, your not-at-all-struggling-for-material Signpost brings you... Horoscopes!
For the rest of this week's horoscopes in full, see the horoscopes page, obviously. |
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Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday!
9001(bot) 
17:40, Jan 21
Is this the right place for this?[edit | edit source]
Uh, hi. I am DhizKanichioko. I joined the site a couple of days ago or so, and I have made some edits to some pages (nothing major or anything, just some little tidbits that seemed funny). For example, on the television article, I added the soviet russia quote. now I am getting off track... Look, what I am trying to say is, I am a noob (or n00b). I noticed you said you were available for adopting one. Is this still true? If not, that is completely okay. But if you are... contact me on my page thingie. Just put it under that message from that gruesslayer guy.
Thanks for at least reading this, Dhiz. DhizKanichioko 08:23, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 28th January 2010[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
Jan 28th • Issue 73 • A Periodical. Period.
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Continuing Absence Of Certain Users Forces Other Users To Do Things
 Also bravely stepping into the "ban magnet" position created by the continuing and lamented absence of hyperactive loon Cajek is, well, a plethora of users. Admins, deprived of their favourite joke-ban target, have taken to joke banning anyone in an attempt to get their fix. Even those devoted to doing only good, just and true works have recently been targeted; and as if to prove this very statement, some power-crazed asshole went and joke banned Socky, RabbiTechno and Optimuschris as soon as he'd written this sentence. Elsewhere, ChiefjusticeDS has been filling the gap left by the absence of someone's enthusiasm for anything pee-related right at the moment by looking after the pee list, taking over as the person with the most in-depth reviews, reviewing everyone else's reviews, and generally not being lazy about it all. Rumours that, in the relative absence of Orian57, Roman Dog Bird will take over the position of "token gay" are unconfirmed at the time of going to press. And finally, in the absence of enough content to make this issue balance out nicely, the UnSignpost is once again resorting to using blatant filler for the first time this year. Shameless, that's what it is. Complain to someone - it's the only way they'll learn. |
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ATTENTION COLONIZER[edit | edit source]
Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!
EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!
For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 19:35, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
Thank you!![edit | edit source]
I stand here before you, arms outstretched and butterflies exploding from my zipper, in thanks for supporting me for Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Year.
Throughout 2009, many people had stupid ideas, and many of those people wrote those stupid ideas down, but apparently you agreed that no one thought of so many idiotic things, nor humiliated himself on such a regular basis, as I.
You pity me! You really pity me!
May 2010 be an even worse year for us all!
UnSignpost 4th February 2010[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
Feb 4th, 2010 • Issue 74 • Ain't It Uncool? News!
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Spang Archives Talkpage; End of World Expected Imminently
 Award Winners Speak Exclusively to UnSignpost Well, there you go folks, looks like the "... of the Year" award voting is done and dusted for another year. Thanks to all who voted; without you, the admins would probably have less to do, which would obviously be dangerous. Anyway, that aside, your ever-topical Unsignpost went and mugged the various winners for comments on their various wins. Several of them, of course, have already made their feelings clear to those who voted for them by way of the traditional thanks templates. Apart from UU, because he's a lazy ass. Or because he's busy writing this. Whichever. Anyway again, for the benefit of those who didn't vote for the winners, and don't watch their talk pages, here's what they had to say: Runaway WotY Hype said: "Thanks, you guys!! If you'll permit me to be dead serious for the first time ever on the wiki, this really is an honor, and it's pretty damn touching that so many people came out in support of my work. Whew. Being serious felt weird. I feel... strange. BALLS BALLS PENIS COCK. Ah... there's the stuff!" He then went off to write another My Sojourn spin-off. Even more runaway PotY Sonje said: "Thank you, I intend to return as soon as I can. I am currently in Africa with very limited internet access. I'll try to time my return to co-incide with the Oscars so that I can get some pointers for my acceptance speech." Admittedly, that was before we asked her for a comment, but then, she is in Africa with limited internet access. Joint UotY Socky channeled Churchill to say: "*scrapes throat* Ahem! I would like to say to the community as I would say to anyone who joined this website: Uncyclopedia has nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — Victory in spite of all error — Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival. … That seems to be the wrong Churchill speech. Okay, I'll give it another try. *scrapes throat again* The gratitude of every home throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen and Belgian spies who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the Wiki War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to two people. And so on and so on… Woot! Woot!" Long-winded bugger. And other joint UotY UU said: "wow, Socky's already left me needing a lot of filler for the right panel, so I'll keep this shortish. First, it's good to see someone who isn't an admin get their hands on this award, and Socky's hard work deserves recognition. Second, it's great to have my complete lack of a life recognised in this way. Third, did someone say Spang's archived his talk page? What the fuck's that all about?." Oh, and Dr. Skullthumper was UGotY, but that was a foregone conclusion anyway. He didn't seem to have any comment of his own to make, so TKF hopped in to the breach with "I call the award a "fascist disgrace" and "move to permanently disbar Mike Socia, that ape from Lighting who made my mole visible to all of the goddamn world watching the ceremony."" Which about wraps it all up, I hope. |
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ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM[edit | edit source]
The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!
Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:11, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 11th February 2010[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
Feb 11th, 2010 • Issue 75 • Picking the nuts of truth out of the muesli of news. Or something.
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New way to win awards, impress friends, crush rivals!
 Yes, that's right, The Article Whisperer is a competition that gives you the ideas to get you started, all you need to do is supply the funny. What could be easier? Well, since you ask, perhaps judging it could? Max is also looking for at least 4 more opinionated types, unafraid of passing withering judgement on their peers. If you're interested in judging or entering, or if you have a good idea that would elevate this competition from being a damn good idea to a colossally awesome one, let MadMax know either on his talk page, or on the article's talk page. For those who want to selflessly improve the wiki while crushing all around them under the steel wheels of their genius, there can be no finer opportunity! General news round-up
Mordillo nearly went mad attempting to feature all articles tied for tenth place in the top 10 of last year. And then spent the rest of this month to date patiently fielding questions about how long the rest of the featuring was going to take, and when normal featuring would resume. POTR did his best to help. When not asked for a quote, Mordillo said "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND SEE YOU IN 2011". We think he's just talking about the top 10, and not about taking a 10 month hiatus. That is, we hope so. A recent VFD nomination ended in a deletion marathon, as MrN and RDB spent 2 hours removing every last trace of the notorious Game:Page. Apart from the traces Mordillo deleted, that is. And the redirects to it that UU took care of, come to think of it. But still, all told, an impressive act of mass carnage only made more awesome by the fact that they somehow managed to delete Socky's userpage at one point during the proceedings. MrN claims "Both RDB and me still have sore huffing fingers you know". |
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UnSignpost 18th February 2010[edit | edit source]
Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!
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Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct
One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie
Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy. |
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Why does nobody post on your talk page?[edit | edit source]
It must be very lonely. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC
8===========D~ ~ ~ ~O:
Now it isn't! The Man In Black. 17:45, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
- Nobody loves me. :( Also probably because I haven't been on in quite some time, as the length between your posts and mine probably indicates. School's been very busy these past few weeks, but I have a feeling that the night is darkest just before dawn, and I'll be able to come back and write a few more pages before summer and college. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:19, Mar 2
- I love you Leddy! And I was plannin' on asking when you were gonna drop some more funny on us, but then the whole family thing happened, and Colin beat me to it. The shame. In conclusion: write something soon, bitch. --UU - natter 21:07, Mar 5
- Alright! Glad to see Uncyclopedia still figures in your future! Come back when you can! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC
- That Modus character is running off with all the pies! Come back Led! MrN 10:56, Mar 6
- I love you Leddy! And I was plannin' on asking when you were gonna drop some more funny on us, but then the whole family thing happened, and Colin beat me to it. The shame. In conclusion: write something soon, bitch. --UU - natter
UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News
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Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at!
 Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive!
 A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land. |
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User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:37, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)[edit | edit source]
Now Delivered Trendily Late!
Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News
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Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry
 The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time.
And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out? |
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Foreign Office (also to Dexter)[edit | edit source]
Hi TLB, Sid's gone missing after his last contribution in February. I'm calling all translators and Ambassadors, please report at the Assembly. Since you were the second one on the list, I guess you're the English Ambassador now. | | 15:44, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 11th March 2010[edit | edit source]
May contain traces of humor!
Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008
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Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery  Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal.
Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal.A useful HowTo? does not compute!
 If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again. |
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User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 16:52, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)[edit | edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!
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VFS: it begins
Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include:
The relevant applicant will have:
This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here. |
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Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement[edit | edit source]
User:Why do I need to provide this?/Discordianism vote King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 18:23, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)[edit | edit source]
May contain traces of humor!
Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans
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VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears
Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier
Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary. |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox 21:54, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
What's your favorite Led Zeppelin song?[edit | edit source]
For me, number one is obviously Stairway, but I've been listening to Black Dog a lot and totally love it. How about you? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 17:26, Mar 30 2010
- Um, he's obviously not here, he hasn't even unblocked himself—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!
NOTM 17:58, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there
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VFS Finishes, New Admins Unleashed, UnSignpost already struggling for material for next week
What does this mean? Well, it means there are now two more Brits armed with bansticks loose on the wiki. Their chirpy, endearing optimism and approachability has already been replaced by the dead-eyed stare and world-weary cynicism required by sysophood, and their friends on the wiki have all turned into suck-ups looking for joke bans. When asked for comments, the Rabbi told us: "I'm willing to accept bribes for huffing articles, banning users, replacing pages with goatse and so on and plan to become as corrupt as possible in as short a time as possible". He also said, when accused of being a "Big Tough Admin Guy": ""Big" - indisputably, but it's all fat; "Tough" - only if you mean chewy; "Admin" - yes, can't argue with that one; "Guy" - only until I've saved enough for the operation". Chief hadn't commented at the time of going to press, so we made something up: "I'm going to ban everyone, I have judged this wiki, and found it wanting. All must pay", he might have said. Of course, this situation also means the long-overdue return of the wildly popular Votes for Sandwiches. Already, 3 bread-based snacks have been suggested, and voting is expected to be fierce. Finally, it also means that the UnSignpost, which has leaned heavily on VFS for Frat party; Bring your own kegger Finally the fraternal (and sisternal) instincts of Uncyclopedia's finest minds have a place that they can call their own. ΥΣΣ, otherwise more easily pronounceably known as Upsilon Sigma Sigma, has been founded in the cellar of one of our newest members, who has already earned the level of respect and admiration that many of our members feel. Skinfan13 has taken the initiative of an entrepreneur and put this together with nothing but a jovial spirit and a little bit of random whoring on an excessive amount of member's talk pages.
In their own charter, they claim that they stand for three thing, being Humor, Honor and Hubris, even if they are unable to spell two of them in English. Already boasting membership of some of the finest that Uncyclopedia has to offer, including the founder of Der Unwehr and its highest point holding member, it is focused on creating one quality article per month via collaboration. However, rather than covering the same ground so amply covered by Imperial Colonization, it chooses to take its inspiration from one of most neglected sources, Wanted Pages. However, not content to simply cater to those who like to work together on articles, they also have another focus in their writing sights - Requested Articles. And the third major focus is the betterment of articles by non members through their unstinting work on Pee Review. While this is still in it's infancy the fraternity/sisternity is looking for For those who are after more information, feel free to check out ΥΣΣ today. Or tomorrow, if that works better for you. The bar is always open, although not always stocked. |
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Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:43, Apr 2 2010 UTC
UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.[edit | edit source]
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand![1]
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We deliver on our promises  As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to Spinning some new yarns
 Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was
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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:47, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
Paging Doctor Led: Rock Emergency![edit | edit source]
Yeah, I know you're not here now and stuff, and I further know I banned you because of that. You deserved it. Asshole.
However, Doctor Balloon, we have a medical emergency, and you are the only surgeon in the hospital who can save this patient! I have managed, with my humble-by-comparison medical skills, to remove the immediate threat, but only you have the skills to restore this patient to full health and vitality, and have it playing baseball again in time for the final scene of the film!
*sobs* You have to help, Doctor! I know you won't go in the theater theatre operating room since the incident that blinded that poor orphan boy, but that wasn't your fault! You have to believe me Doctor! Your patient's name is Spinal Tap. We're all depending on you Doctor, don't let us down! --UU - natter 09:56, Apr 15
UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.[edit | edit source]
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...
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Something Scary This Way "Comes"
 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea
We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat). |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox 20:24, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
Vote now for Colonisation[edit | edit source]
Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,
As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.
As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.
Good luck, and may the farce be with you!
Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC
- Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC
UnSignpost 1 May[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here
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The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves."[1] One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia |
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Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:49, 1 May 2010
The UnSignpost Is Not Dead![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...
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Conservation Week Approaches
 Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person![1]
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UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
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A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:33, 24 June 2010
All the news that's unfit to print![edit | edit source]
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us
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Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed!
We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression. |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox 12:04, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
Signpost: normal service resumed[edit | edit source]
Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort
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Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway?
Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective
 Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work. |
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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:47, Jul 9
Adoption[edit | edit source]
You still adopting a noob? I am in need of guidance in the strange ways of Uncylopedia. Manana 03:58, July 13, 2010 (UTC)
- You should probably find someone ele, Leddy hasn't been here for a long time. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:13, 13 July 2010 (UTC)
Ah. Well then. I will keep looking. Thank you.
- Good luck. :) —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 05:10, 14 July 2010 (UTC)
Another UnSignpost! Rejoice![edit | edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas
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The 40+ club expands
 We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration
 The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out! |
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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:49, 16 July 2010
Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!
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UnNews hits warp factor Whore
That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd
 The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer. |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox 13:47, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost![edit | edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together
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VFD minimum time limit introduced
Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start
 So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season. |
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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:42, 5 August 2010
Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost[edit | edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?
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UnReviews - get involved!
 So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes
TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right? |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox 11:50, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
Craig Kielburger[edit | edit source]
Hey Led, I just realized that this is attributed to you, I looked at the history of it and thought it was some random IP rambling. Sorry about that, I wouldn't have deleted it like that if I've noticed. Can you let me know when you're on IRC so I can talk it over? Also, when are you coming back?! ~ Mordillo where is my GOATSE? 10:21, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
Avast me hearties![edit | edit source]
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By the powers! this e'er be fer a reminder o' tha great, grand Imperial Colonization be startin' up again! Whether you be a sprog or a privateer we be expectin' ya ta come 'round an participate in this sweet trade lessen' you be a lily-livered squiffy, scallywag, or scurvy dog thar. Aye! ~ Buccaneer Happytimes. 
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UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk[edit | edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours
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The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week!
 Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked:
If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins!
 That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page
Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted. |
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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:44, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again![edit | edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!
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The UnSignpost Rides Again!
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up!
 Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not.  The Aristocrat's Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories:
If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going! |
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Oh hai, was up[edit | edit source]
Hey, I'm back after all these years.
You remember me right? You DON'T!? Oh I see, I don't talk to someone I hardly know for 5 years and they forget me! Typical.
Anyway, I was thinking of re-writing the Encyclopedia Dramatica article so that it's actually funny, not just a boring critique of a made up book. I've started it up in my userspace (User:McWooty/Encyclopedia Dramatica) it consists of about 2 lines of text so far, but I'm working on it. I was wondering what the chances of replacement were if I actually make a half-decent article, or is the current one deemed favourable by The Powers That Be?--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 16:47, November 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Probably little chance unless it was something incredible...having said that you could just as easy create a new article using say "Encyclopedia Dramatica (Website)" as a title. Welcome back.... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Oh wait, just discovered there is already an Encyclopedia Dramatica (Website), guess I don't have to make one after all--
McWootyYOUR AD HERE FBu 16:54, November 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Oh wait, just discovered there is already an Encyclopedia Dramatica (Website), guess I don't have to make one after all--
Read All About It![edit | edit source]
Better sign it.
Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!
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Wanna cyb3r?
 Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up!
The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you!
The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have. |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox 14:38, November 18, 2010 (UTC)
Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!
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Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100
 Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up
 The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month.  Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums
See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings. |
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.jpg)
~ 
*shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:05 (UTC)
Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!
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UFFL Week 12 Update
Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army
 For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!! |
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--
03:17, December 2, 2010 (UTC)
The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat[edit | edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?
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The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH
 If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian[citation needed]. VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured.  As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy. Mince Pies, an editorial Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa- Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality.  Abide citizens. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming ... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant! See you next week! |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox 16:17, December 9, 2010 (UTC)
Oh shit! It's another unsignpost![edit | edit source]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more Cheese News!!
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Turkey Ball Anyone?
As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page. This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story.  Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself. The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday. Gayming?
The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket. Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player". The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump. |
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--Magic Snow man ☃ 03:54, December 16, 2010 (UTC)
This is it... the 100th UnSignpost.[edit | edit source]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
Dec 23rd, 2010 • Issue 100 • Now with added bragging rights!
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The UnSignpost hits 100
So here we are, issue number 100. The newspaper with the most haphazard group of editors and paper... people in the world has successfully spammed talk pages 100 times. This makes now the perfect time to look back at the UnSignpost through the ages and see the motley crew of visionaries, drug addicts and lunatics who have made the UnSignpost what it is today: damaged beyond all repair. The UnSignpost had a beginning, like everything: it was in days of yore when Uncyclopedians fiddled in the street.... in knickerbockers, Mordillo was a new-ish administrator and everything had a rosy sort of tint to it; Uncyclopedia was indeed not as bad as it is today. Two enterprising young Uncyclopedians, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper, came up with the idea for a newspaper, a newspaper that would tell lazy people what was going on on the wiki, thus encouraging them to continue being lazy. At first, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper made beautiful After the DJ went belly-up (yes I'll stop this now) Under user decided to have a go... he strapped on his pads and hit the UnSignpost for six (OK, I'm definitely done now) - six issues, to be exact, and then wandered off to get married or some such nonsense, leaving the UnSignpost in the hands of Gerrycheevers. Gerry maintained the paper splendidly until UU came back again and enlisted the help of some more hip and happening users to help him actually know things. UU remained in the editors seat, mostly, and writers like Socky, POTR and Guildensternenstein dropped in to help now and then when UU's creativity failed him. We can't list everyone who turned up as we hate most of them, but they are lovingly remembered on the main UnSignpost page.  Finally the stress became too much for UU, and he fled the office via an upstairs window. When he woke from his coma, we showed him the UnSignpost and threatened to beat him with a stick if he didn't give us a quote on how excellent it was. He said, "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day ... But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". So hurrah for the UnSignpost, 100 issues to match up with the hundreds of writers with issues who have contributed to it. See you in issue 200! The UnSignpost:A few words from someone you don't know. Hang on. Did I read that last bit correctly? 100 issues? Wow! Given that it takes our beloved paper boys about 2 hours to deliver the Unsignpost, that means that's 200 hours spent delivering this, not to mention the time and effort put into making this unperiodic periodical over the last 2ish years. So that would mean it's a combined total of multiply by 2... carry the 1... take away the number you first thought of... 2 months worth of work that has gone into the creation of this glorious publication. And it's that attention to detial that makes the UnSignpost what it is. |
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~ 
06:54, 23 December 2010
UnSignpost, UnSignpost, eat it right here...[edit | edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
Dec 30th, 2010 • Issue 101 • The periodical with just a hint of pie.
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Awards of the year
As Christmas fades into the deep darkness of memory and the New Year hurtles towards us so quickly that experts have predicted it will reach us within a few days, thoughts inevitably turn to the Yearly awards. Well, the thoughts of we here at the UnSignpost do; if yours don't, then you aren't committed to this site enough. The yearly awards are: Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Potatochopper of the Year. These highly imaginative awards are hotly contested affairs with up to 3 Uncyclopedians being nominated for each! While voting will not be open until early January you can already begin to think about who you want to nominate. The voting will be open until the end of January, hopefully, maybe, if we remember/are nominated. So prepare for the excitement, bribery and Lolpoo
Those of you who frequently watch the village dump may have spied, nestled amongst imaginative topics like "I r haz a solushan 4 all teh speeling prooblams on Uncylopedia!!" and "MY PENIS IS BENSON", the topic about the Poo Lit Surprise competition. As the forum topic suggests, the competition is expected to start in January on the 18th. The PLS is arguably the biggest writing competition in Uncyclopedia and judges are still needed to help out, just check out the forum topic if this is something you want to do. The controversial, drama causing, admin harassing problem associated with the PLS last time was the issue of a cash prize for the winner, and clashes over various entries to the competition and the related financial consequences caused problems for the competition and contributed towards Mordillo's 200th mental breakdown of the year. This year crafty Scot Sycamore, who has been coerced into hosting the PLS, has decreed that the winner may nominate a charity to which an unconfirmed sum will be sent on victory. Any further winnings may be withdrawn from your bank account with your credit card and redeemed at most shops. The competition starts on January 18th and we are lead to believe will close 14 days later, however we cannot confirm this for reasons that we are unable to confirm at time of writing and going to press. It's that simple. |
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~ 21:29, 30 December 2010
UnSignpost Delivery![edit | edit source]
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
Jan 6th, 2011 • Issue 102 • Just add Milk!
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Wiki Update
 So it would seem, considering Uncyclopedia has successfully staggered its way into a new year (and its 6th birthday on Janurary 5), that everything is working as it should; this raises the question, why? Well, we at the UnSignpost love a challenge, so we have investigated the salt mines of Uncyclopedia to see the VFD is working splendidly and has recently held a minor games purge. If you missed out, shame on you. Watched over by Sycamore, it is edited continuously by a few others who have been hitting the random page button in search of crap to rewrite for months, if not years now. Over on UnNews, SPIKE is also labouring in the place of UnNews grandmaster, the right honourable Zim ulator. Meanwhile on pee review, Lyrithya and Black flamingo11 have been shouldering more responsibility than they know what to do with, reviewing and checking the infernal tables and generally filling the void left by somebody trying in vain to get a life. Now for a quick moment on the forums.... that's that over with. Recent changes is also empty because Socky has stopped categorising absolutely everything and everyone else is.... writing. Romartus is still shattering hopes and dreams on VFH and we hope to be able to bring you this exact same piece of news next year. The admins are of course splitting their time between overseeing the whole process and abusing their powers for giggles. If you work like a dog for Uncyclopedia and you haven't been mentioned here, it's nothing personal; it's just From the desk of the Cabal:Compliance recommended for 2011
It has not escaped the notice of the non-existent Cabal that Uncyclopedia has successfully survived another year, and the Cabal, of which there is none, orders all subjects to have a happy new year, or else. It would seem that you ignored our ruling of last year where we instructed you to comply at every opportunity and issued a decree banning drama. In 2010 we saw range blocks and epic ban sprees (to purge the ballot boxes and thus purify democracy), we witnessed mass deletions (necessary losses), we observed hundreds of forum topics declaring Wikia to be the worst (Wikia are to be obeyed despite this), we watched as you persecuted the weak, stubborn and female (to build the master race) and took note of your single success, that of closing the worst 100 reflections on 2010 before midnight on December 31st. This took you two years; it does not count. In short you have failed us again. So as 2010 fades into distant memory, we turn our eyes to 2011. We have the following advice: question nothing; you are meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend; remain indoors; do not attempt to remove the cameras from your dwelling they are for the protection of the community; drive safely; stay in school/work; shut the fuck up and go write an article; provide your bank details and PIN when asked. That is all citizens, you may now move freely about the complex. |
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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 09:52, Jan 6 2011 UTC
UnSignpost Delivery![edit | edit source]
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
Jan 13th, 2011 • Issue 103 • Leave to stand for 5 minutes before consuming
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Voting Frenzy
It's that month again, the famous voting month when Uncyclopedians gather to air their opinions on the year that has been, user contributions or lack thereof and lots of other things. The difference between this and the continuous monthly evaluation normally going on is that now we have Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year to accompany our small selection of monthly awards/voting pages: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Of course it is the duty of every Uncyclopedian worth his/her salt to vote and have an opinion on each and every one of the above. Having no opinion is not an option; we can't afford such luxuries, not when the very fabric of our society hangs by a thread made entirely of voting pages. The UnSignpost has spoken to experts in voting patterns and strategies and they have instructed us to encourage each and every one of you to vote for whichever candidate you wouldn't like to not unwin again! It's that simple! A quick round up on our yearly awards: over on WotY Mhaille, Sog1970 and Aleister in Chains are slugging it out blow by blow for pole position. On UotY, some Spunk bubble has stormed ahead with Lyrithya in second place and all the other deserving candidates scrapping on the floor for... er scraps.The best articles of 2010 voting opens on the 15th of this month and will give the hardcore voters among you a chance to get stuck in again, but this time into people's articles rather than the people themselves. Regrettable, we know, but you can always nominate them for something next month. As the voting frenzy continues, the UnSignpost will continue to watch from a safe distance and will be on hand to comfort all the winners when they realise the best years of their lives have been spent essentially bailing out the Titanic with a small mug. The very worst of luck to everyone, and indeed everything, competing. Uncyclopedia is 6!
 It's true, it is. Six years of crawling around the back streets of the internet begging to anyone for cash/servers/food, regardless of how useful they may or may not be. That's right, everyone, you are aboard the good ship Uncyclopedia, the only wiki that has sails and a rudder and that's a fact. The UnSignpost won't be doing anything like making up poems or getting emotional and tender about Uncyclopedia growing a year older, since some people have already shown off what big girls they are by doing just that. A quick review of said poetry: Olipro thinks it's cool and manly to swear (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), Mimo&maxus thinks it's cool to be like Olipro (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), and neither of them are very good at poetry (this is true and their poetry sucks because of it). Happy birthday Uncyclopedia! At least we here at the UnSignpost did the manly thing of putting on a pink apron and baking you a cake. |
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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 03:12, Jan 13 2011 UTC
Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is the UnSignpost.[edit | edit source]
Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
Jan 20th, 2011 • Issue 104 • Whatever happened to Wagon Wheels?
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PuppyOnTheRadio makes a discovery!
 Incredible, isn't it; we were pretty astounded ourselves... the UnSignpost actually has some news to report! Yes, everyone's favourite radio-fetishist canine has made the discovery of the This paper understands that the discovery occurred as PuppyOnTheRadio was sniffing spores, mould and fungus (as he does every Tuesday), when he accidentally sneezed mucus all over them. POTR then observed some remarkable effects as the So if you witness some huge game purges going on, do not be concerned; it's just the administrators cleaning up after POTR; needless to say they hate him for this. You all think about that before you next consider doing something useful; all you have to gain is the eternal hatred of every active administrator, although if you really want that, he has posted some ads looking for help. Also yes, this paper is aware that the image accompanying this story is of Sigmund Freud as opposed to a real scientist; this is not because we don't know who he is, but simply because POTR has issues. Facebook for a day
 Those of you who arrived at Uncyclopedia on the 16th of this month may have noticed that the main page looked like Facebook. We here at the UnSignpost certainly did; we were celebrating the inevitable salaries, dental plans and offices with swivel chairs that inevitably come with people who have money being in charge when Zombiebaron told us it was just a reskin, what a jerk. The page has received high praise from the community, especially those who were in it. The brains behind it (and we use the term brains loosely) were Zombiebaron and Lyrithya, who spent a great deal of their seemingly limitless free time working on it. This newspaper can only assume they were both living off other people's money and not paying tax at the time, because if they contributed anything to society then they would have been slumped in front of their TV's, miserable and alone, frittering away their time on earth like the rest of us. Did we mention that they are probably in the country illegally? As per this newspaper's policy of forgetting to ask people for quotes in case they say something worth writing, we have simply observed Lyrithya (from a safe distance) to find out her feelings on the reskin. Don't do this, for your own safety. All she does is eat Cheetos and whine. Zombiebaron has once again obliged us by simply saying "Zombiebaron" in response to any question our reporters ask. All joking aside, the reskin was superb and a lot of hard work went into its creation, and not just from the two users mentioned. Others were involved in some of the jokes, creativity and stuff. Check the reskin out in the main page history if you missed it, or you can check out all the main page reskins in the reskin archive. |
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~ 08:14, 20 January 2011
UnSignpost! Wheeee![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
Jan 27th, 2011 • Issue 105 • Do not try this at home!
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Awards and Voting Update
As the Uncyclopedian voting season draws to a close, the UnSignpost is proud to have spent a full ten minutes looking at the scores on the award pages so you don't have to! Over on Writer of the Year Aleister in Chains has taken a lead of two points over Mhaille and Sog1970 who are tied in second place with 9 each. It looks as though WotY is set to be a real roller coaster thrill ride as the frontrunners approach the final furlong, looking to be the first to vault the pommel horse of victory and ultimately hit it out of the park for a triple 20 score of 180, all without potting the black... or getting knocked off their broomsticks. Meanwhile Uncyclopedian of the Year is interesting, if only to watch Uncyclopedians revelling in a completely non-gay celebration of how fantastic everyone else is, all except the leader, ironically, who this newspaper maintains is a work-shy wank-stain on the pants of life. The Top 10 articles of 2010 is almost finished and the leaders of the pack are becoming apparent, with Suddenly, Raccoons leading the pack and Gay whales in Darfur and A wizard did it tying for second place. There has been some comment on this positioning: mostly screams of horror that an article comprising 6 words could possibly competing for best article of the year, sighs of resignation as it inches closer to actually achieving that end and the snorting guffaws of the people voting for it as they accidentally eat the ends of their fingers while eating crisps and try to cross busy roads without looking. UnSignpost Disclaimer: All scores are correct at time of writing, if they change, as they inevitably will, why not look at it as a metaphor for our inability to understand the universe as it changes around us and leave this story alone? Panic, despair and anguish
 It was a fine day, and then Wikia came. They destroyed that which we hold dear, had the tenacity to upgrade the site, kidnapped our children after we refused to pay them for piping all the rats out of town, turned all our clocks backwards 3 hours and worst of all they turned Mordillo into a newt... but he got better. Yes, this week has seen another Wikia update, and our roving reporters have taken to the streets, in flak jackets naturally, to investigate the chaos currently engulfing Uncyclopedia, as people wake up to discover the changes to bits of the site they never used. First of all we stopped by the Village Dump, where the peasants are revolting, and some people are quite upset about the new changes. Chief among those people is Dexter111344, starter of the forum topic Technical difficulties with Wikimedia updates in January 2011; we didn't bother interviewing him as he looked quite mean, though this periodical does observe that Dexter has been protesting against regular bathing for some time now and nobody else really wants to talk to him. If you aren't Spang, Olipro or Lyrithya you won't have a clue what is going on, so we have condensed it down into a suitably stupid phrase just for you "Shit dun' got fucked up". From here we dropped by Wikia headquarters and, once we had obtained docking clearance and the shield on the forest moon was deactivated, we were able to speak to Stay classy, Uncyclopedia, and watch out for DPLs. If you find something that is badly broken and adversely effecting the running of the site as a whole then contact an administrator or an |
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~ 04:41, 27 January 2011
The UnSignpost is now served with complimentary tacos.[edit | edit source]
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
Feb 3rd, 2011 • Issue 106 • Can you feel the news melt?
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Awards and the winners thereof
Those of you who were rapt by the news from last issue were doubtless concerned by the news of Wikia updates, however life around the wiki appears to be proceeding as normal, albeit with more swearing and misery. Despite this last week being quite a slow one as far as news goes, the UnSignpost refuses to simply lie back and think of England. Our roving reporters have sat down with the yearly award winners to find out just how it feels to  Next we stealthily followed Aleister in Chains to work to find out just how he felt about being named Writer of the Year. He had this to say, to someone else: "Everyone nominated deserved the award. Seriously. It's like chopping a baby up bit by bit (dibs on the heart and some of the toes)," which means he is a whole 10% more stable than last years winner! It seems only fair that we should speak to Mhaille, repeat Writer of the Year loser and bureaucrat; he said, "I'd like to thank all the voters who for the fifth year running didn't get me a WOTY award and all the people who took time out from their busy schedule of not being on Uncyclopedia to come back and offer their support in our annual awards." What a splendid fellow. We here at the UnSignpost are all agreed that it takes real talent to lose as gracefully as Mhaille does. In an unprecedented turn of events, Useless Gobshite of the Year was jointly received by both Arsehole and Twattycake; Twattycake also picked up the Uncyclopedian of the Year award in a final evening of voting that will go down in history as having happened last weekend. We haven't asked them for quotes, though Twattycake did manage to say something about being incredibly grateful to everyone who voted for him. He then tried to consume our correspondent's "essence," so we haven't got anything more from him. The Top 10 of 2010 extravaganza also concluded with Suddenly, Raccoons taking the top spot, closely followed by A wizard did it, Filial Piety and Gay whales in Darfur. Mhaille, who won't stop following our journalists around, said "This years "Top" 10 shows once again that people of taste and infinite comedic writing talent must be found soon to stop this travesty from ever occurring again". The top ten extravaganza will continue for a while longer as each of the articles in the top 10 is once again highlighted on the front page. With that, Uncyclopedia's voting season draws to a close, leaving the UnSignpost bereft of filler material. Again. UnNews update
After spending the last several months in a sensory deprivation tank, Reverend zim ulator has returned to his position at Uncyclopedia, though only on a part-time basis, the slacker. In his absence, SPIKE has been doing a There have been some grumblings about the UnNews podcast, more specifically the lack of updates since last summer. As of today, the podcast has been updated with UnNews' latest audios, dating back to January 24 2010. By the time this article is published, the list should stretch back to last August or so. Go check it out now; we'll wait. UnFunnies on UnNews main page are being changed again, after a hiatus. The cartoonist had been hospitalized with juxtaposition atrophy for the last several months, keeping him from his easel. |
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~ 02:35, 3 February 2011
This edition of the UnSignpost brought to you in two's complement...[edit | edit source]
Just like Grandma used to make!
Feb 10th, 2011 • Issue 107 • The newspaper that you should really sign up for and read on your own talk page
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Surprise!
Is this a bag of poo I see before me? Indeed it is, good sirs and questionable madams; surprising, isn't it?! See how we have magnificently crafted the title of the competition here? We used the word poo, so it's sophisticated and funny! Especially if we set it on fire! Yes, it is Poo Lit Surprise time and it has been since January the 18th! However the UnSignpost won't let being some 23 days late to the competition stop the relentless march of journalism. The competition has been hosted this time around by sexy Scot Sycamore. When asked about the competition, Sycamore told our reporter "Things have gone pretty well with PLS. I've enjoyed reading many of the entries, and the quality has been very impressive - hopefully we'll see some great features from some very good new and old writers". Now in light of these comments, you may be thinking, "There's a man with his head screwed on correctly, I must pop round to his house for tea and muffins next time I'm out on a jaunt round Scotland," but we implore you not to do this, because Sycamore is, to be frank, snooker-loopy.The competition is due to provide definitive results by the 13th, but the fierce intensity in the competition id rivalled only by Mordillo's intense desire not to do any judging until late March (he claims he has life issues) and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user's desire to avoid allocating a clear winner (he clearly has life issues). The UnSignpost would like to extend its congratulations to everyone who participated in the PLS; as we always say, every single one of you is a winner; it's just that most of you won't actually be winners. Big News!
 First, a confession: I have just lied to all of you; there is no big news to report. Just about everyone has gotten over the Wikia update frenzy of a few weeks ago, there are no big awards left to report on, no controversies or pregnancies, or indeed pregnancies or controversies. We, well, I say we; it's just me really - which makes the meetings and functions really dull- have thought and thought and thought about what to put in this space. Should we tell you about Socky's idea to have yet another chance to vote in case you weren't completely sick of voting by now? Or should we look for a part of the site that nobody edits much, like UnTunes or UnScripts? We were stumped until we hit upon the idea of reporting on how you are all bunch of slackers who haven't done anything interesting this week, and it's true, everyone except Sycamore has been happy to just plod along being vaguely useful, and the UnSignpost is here to tell you that this is entirely unacceptable. We see you every day, adding things to QVFD, patrolling Recent Changes, writing articles and generally hanging about the place being limber and stress free; your attitudes are what reduced Mordillo to the burnt out husk he is today. Not that this paper encourages drama or vandalism; we just want to see the wiki fall into rack and ruin and be there to chronicle every glorious second of it! As the flames leap high into the night sky, the UnSignpost would be there, finally making use of the flak jackets we were issued last summer. Think of the coverage! We could interview Wikia representatives in their bunker at the heart of Skynet! We could run messages across the darkened fields of open warfare to... Fredd's house, the heart of the Uncyclopedian resistance. Imagine the pictures: Olipro executed by Wikia for a particularly groundbreaking piece of code that actually works! Lyrithya brutally murdered in the dead of night by nobody in particular! Not using that fecking dog image we've been using since issue 2! So to conclude, there is no way for us to fill this space this week short of encouraging a violent revolution. We hope the lot of you are satisfied. |
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~ 02:25, 10 February 2011