User:TheLedBalloon/Script
Act I[edit | edit source]
Scene I[edit | edit source]
Ext, African jungle: Zoom in FROM SPACE on a section of dense African jungle, where we see a large hive of honeybees buzzing around, presumably doing bee things, like collecting honey, or fucking the birds. Suddenly, their constant motion ceases. Something is amiss. The camera then points downward, through the earth, past pirate treasure and dinosaur skeletons and the secret lair of the mole people, and into the earth's core. We see the slow bubbling and lumbering revolving of the magma for just a moment, when suddenly the earth shudders. The bubbling rate sharply increases, and a strange, greenish gas begins to rise through the crust, towards the surface of the earth. Defying all laws of physics for the first but certainly not the last time for this movie, we hear the faint echo of a crazed, evil laugh.
Scene II[edit | edit source]
Int, white glowing sciencey lab place: Two bored-looking men in white coats stare at computer monitors. Suddenly the screen changes, and the scientists' faces darken with confusion that twists itself into fear. Something bad is happening. In the background, the scary dramatic music fades slowly in, also informing the audience that something bad is happening. And then, just in case the audience is particularly stupid, which they probably are because they paid 8 bucks to see this piece of crap:
Scientist 1: (to scientist 2) Something very BAD is happening.
Scientist 2: Dun DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN!
Scene III[edit | edit source]
Int, the White House: The president is talking to some advisers, when suddenly all conversation is interrupted by a loud banging at the door.
Scientist 1: (outside the door) Mr. President, an urgent matter requires your attention!
Secret Service Agent 1: Mr. President, please be careful. There are so many people in the world that want you dead or killed or kidnapped and held for ransom, that I'm not sure if it's a good ide--
President: Poppycock! As Commander-in-Chief it is my duty to react to every situation I encounter in as recklessly and impulsively a manner as possible. Allow the person who is potentially trying to kill me to enter!
Scientist 1 enters
Scientist 1: Mr. President! I have to tell you something utterly vital to national security!
President: I KNEW IT! THOSE ARAB BASTARDS ARE BREEDING SUPER-MUSLIMS!
Scientist 1: ...yeah, no. It's worse! And totally realistic, unlike your silly idea. It's neutrinos, sir! The earth's core is constantly naturally producing a handful of them, but for some reason it's suddenly throwing out massive amounts! We have no idea what this could mean for earth.
President: For some reason, I believe you. However, although my characterization thus far has shown me to be an impulsive and cavalier autocrat, I'm suddenly concerned with congress and my constituents' opinions of a sudden reallocation of tax money towards this newly encountered phenomenon. Please continue to monitor the situation and alert me if a tangible threat becomes evident.
Scientist 1: But I have more things to say!
President: I'm sorry...I have to go. You know how it is, presidential babes to bang, all that jazz.
Scientist 1: But Mr. President, please!
Secret Service Agent 1: (quietly, to Scientist 1) Hey, if you're here to kill the president, we'll totally let you. Only my buddy over there likes him at all.
President: Secret service, please escort this man off the premises, and give him, I dunno, 40 bucks to watch the nuclearoes or whatever.
Secret Service Agent 2: Yes sir Mr. President, anything you say sir!
Secret Service Agent 1: (rolls eyes) (loudly) Yes, let's do that! (quietly, to Scientist 1) Seriously, now's your chance, end his life, and give me mine back.
Scientist 1: Umm... That's really not why I'm here...
President: What are you talking about over there? Get Mr. NewDraino out of here!
Secret Service Agent 2: Yes sir boss, sir, right away Mr. sir boss!
Secret Service Agent 1: (cups hands as if gently cradling a delicate part of the male anatomy, places hands six inches away from an open and O-shaped mouth; makes gargling noises)
- neutrinos rise from the earth's core and turn killer bees into mutant killer bees twice the size of regular killer bees...and TWENTY TIMES MORE ANGRY
- there is an evil bee keeper who extracts honey not from bees, BUT FROM HUMANS, who caused the neutrinos to be broken or whatever
- scientists discover this and try to build a giant beehive to appease the bees but fail
- they then hire LEOPOLD KILLINGTON, beekiller extraordinaire, who kills many bees but then probably dies
- a child goes to hug the bees and everyone's like NOOOOOO but it turns out that all the bees ever wanted was to be loved, so they then go to outer space or something
- hey, buzz off.