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Monday, September 21, 2020, 00:14 (UTC)
Trump: Barnabas Collins is controlling Biden
UnNews:Trump: Barnabas Collins is controlling Biden
WASHINGTON (Hannity) -- In a sit-down interview with Fox News's own Laura Ingraham, Our Dear Leader Donald Trump has announced that Joe Biden, the ultra radical liberal leftie Commie who's going to defeat Trump in a November blowout in a rigged election or something, is being controlled by "people in the Dark Shadows." Most everybody in Fox News's target audience is old enough to remember the 1960s Gothic soap opera Dark Shadows. Not that ultra hippie liberal bullshit with Johnny Depp and that kook who directed Beetlejuice. I'm talking about the real Dark Shadows with Jonathan Frid and Joan Bennett. It was set in a huge Gothic castle with a vampire named Barnabas Collins.

KellyAnne Conway, husband to step away from politics, watch Urkel reruns
UnNews:KellyAnne Conway, husband to step away from politics, watch Urkel reruns
WASHINGTON -- Longtime Trump adviser liar and cheerleader KellyAnne Conway has announced that after a three-and-a-half-year tenure, she will be stepping away from politics. Similarly, husband George, who thinks Trump should kindly "fuck a cactus," will be stepping down from his anti-Trump PAC, The Lincoln Project. "We're taking a hiatus from political life to focus on Family Matters," says George.
Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian
UnNews:Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian
LOS ANGELES -- Dr. Lucifer Von Hellfucker, drummer for the Satanic heavy metal band Pig Rectum, made a dramatic revelation, announcing via Instagram Wednesday that he has become a born again Christian.

Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19
UnNews:Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19
DUBLIN, Ireland -- UnNews is shocked and beyond saddened to report that iconic singer-songwriter Van Morrison's brain has died, just days short of his 75th birthday Monday. His brain's cause of death has been revealed to be right-wing ignorance towards COVID-19 safety guidelines. Morrison's family knew something was wrong when he dismissed these guidelines as "pseudoscience" that should be fought and ignored. The often cantankerous (and often drunk) crooner is upset over adjusting his concerts to make them comply with COVID guidelines.
Trump attacks derpy pony
UnNews:Trump attacks derpy pony
As part of President Donald Trump's mission to undermine the United States Postal Service before the election, Trump reached a shameful new low this week by attacking Derpy Hooves, Equestrian mailmare and beloved break-out character of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, the hit reality show that wrapped up its final season last Autumn.


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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

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