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Saturday, February 20, 2021, 00:31 (UTC)
Trump accidentally acquitted in Senate; GOP: "Whoopsie"
UnNews:Trump accidentally acquitted in Senate; GOP: "Whoopsie"
CAPITOL HILL, WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mitch McConnell, the Ninja Turtles' racist uncle, condemned Trump in no uncertain terms. "There is no question that Donald Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the insurrection on January 6."

"Senator," President Pro Tempore Patrick Leahy (D-VT) interrupted, "May I remind you that you voted to acquit."

"I know," McConnell said. "That's what I'm saying. Mr. Trump is guilty as all sin and needed to be acquitted for his heinous crime of inciting insurrection."

"Acquittal is a 'not guilty' vote."

"Dammit. Fuck! Whoopsie."

Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President
UnNews:Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President
WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- U.S. President-elect Joe Biden’s administration will continue to recognize 2016 Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton as the 45th President of the United States, Antony Blinken, Biden’s nominee for Secretary of State, said on Tuesday. As for why this is so, Blinken cites the obvious. "Do I really need to tell you? Russian meddling, voter suppression, and James Comey's October surprise Hillary letter that DIDN'T hand Donald Trump the 2016 election THAT HILLARY WON FAIR AND SQUARE!"
Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit
UnNews:Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit
LATE 1990S SHOPPING MALL, ANYTOWN, USA -- Due to allegations that are too terrible to name, shock rocker Marilyn Manson has been removed from the lyrics to the 1998 one hit wonder "You Get What You Give" by New Radicals. This follows being dropped by his record label and fired from TV's American Gods and Creepshow. Even though there's no chance of it receiving much airplay in 2021, despite a reunion performance at Joe Biden's inauguration festivities, just in case some retro 90s "oldies" station picks it up, rather than substitute another name (such as Garbage lead singer Shirley Manson or TV star Ted Danson), they will simply mute the vocal track.

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