UnNews:Main Page
|
Welcome to UnNews
With over 150 stories featuring the word cumbuckets
|
Thursday, July 3, 2025, 10:02 (UTC)
|
BREAKING NEWS: Diddy do it? Only some of it, jury finds.
  [LOCATION REDACTED] -- Superhero Trumpman, the only known crimefighter with the skin tone of a grapefruit, has officially introduced his new car, dubbed the Trumpmobile. Which, let's be honest, is just a Cybertruck with the Trumpman symbol on the car doors and the likeness of President Donald Trump on the front for some strange reason.
"Oh, don't worry about that," Trumpman says. "Elon was working on it from February to March, before we... before he and President Trump had that nasty falling out over that One Big Beautiful Bill. I'm so disappointed in Elon. But the Cybertruck is a nice vehicle, especially when it doesn't explode." The Trumpmobile isn't much different from a regular Cybertruck, but it does go 200 miles per hour, can get you out of speeding tickets, and even features a urinal.  Elongated Muskrat has for the umpteenth time opened fire on current President of the United States Grumpy Trumpy, this time over the jaw-dropping $5 trillion debt limit hike baked into the so-called "Big Beautiful Bill" that has passed the Senate today, an act that apparently requires one actual understanding minus one actual understanding of how economics work beyond "big number go up = good".
Naturally, Musk stormed onto 𝕏 to accuse Trump of trying to bankrupt the States faster it takes one Tesla Cybertruck to detonate in front of a condominium skyscraper, imparting his intention to vie against the Annoying Orange himself in the 2028 general election as head honcho of the freshly minted and baked "Porky Pig Party", a deliberately alliterative counterpoint designed to underscore the folly of the Big Beautiful Bill. "Democrats are so dumb, and Republicans are too, and honestly, the whole two-party thing is just prehistoric nonsense", Musk stated in a livestream broadcast from a Cybertruck slowly circling some random pig farm in Texas. "So I figured, what America needs isn't left or right; it's a party that stutters, goes commando, and isn't afraid to throw some crispy bacon into the political grease. If we’re crashing, might as well do it squealing loud". SOMEBODY'S POISONED THE FUCKING WATERHOLE!! WE'RE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!
LISTEN THE FUCK UP, YOU AREN'T GONNA WANT TO MISS THIS ADDRESS TO THE CITY FOLK. BECAUSE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WITH BIOLOGICAL EVILDOERS SUCH AS THE SCOUNDREL IN QUESTION, THE FATE OF YOUR LIVES DEPENDS ON IT! AT AROUND 10:60 AM IN THE FUCKING MORNING WE GOT SOME REPORTS OF THE WATERHOLE BEING POISONED!!! BEPLAGUED, I TELL YOU! INFECTED WITH A HARMFUL SUBSTANCE! THE WATERHOLE'S WATER IS NO LONGER SAFE FOR YOUR TONGUES NOR YOUR LUNGS! Elon Musk and Donald Trump, once partners in crime (and sex) are going through a rough patch due to the two men's dispute about cheeses. A leaked recording from a hidden microphone in the White House revealed what may be the conversation that that sent Elon over the edge in his disagreement with Trump. You could say it drove a "wedge" between them (get it?)
A transcript of the event is provided in the article.
|
| |
Write an article!
 Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! |
Headlines (Add)
 Click a headline to make a story! |
Horoscopes (See all)
 Your horoscope for today: You are slowly learning to accept that Doritos are not an acceptable side dish. Or a main.
|
About UnNews
 UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. |
This day in news...
|
Stories with Audio
 |
|
UnNews in Other Languages
Français
Svenska
Norsk
日本語
ไทย
עברית
简体中文
Magyar
Türkçe
Tagalog
| ||
|
Sister projects
Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
| ||
