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Tuesday, June 19, 2018, 06:46 (UTC)
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  I'm sure (and sincerely hope) you've heard lately that that deplorable piece of shit So-Called "President"* Donald Trump, has further confirmed that he is the evilest, sickest, most disgusting person to occupy the office, this time by separating children from their immigrant parents and placing them in... let's call them what they are... internment/concentration camps. In several more ways that one, Trump is literally tearing families apart because of a "zero-tolerance" policy on Mexican immigration to the United States. So, if you still support that vile pig after all he's done so far, 1) fuck right off and rot in hell, 2) history will judge you no better than it does Hitler and his Nazi followers, and 3) take a good fucking look at what you're supporting:
 WASHINGTON -- United States President Donald Trump announced he is forming a sixth branch of the military: the Space Force. "We must have dominance in space," said the president. "That's a big statement."
“We are going to have the Air Force and we are going to have the Space Force. Separate, but equal. Like whites stay in Trump Tower, and Mexicans live in tent cities. Separate but equal. It is going to be something. So important,” he said. Dr. Isaac Clarke, an official with NASA, said, "What about us? NASA has been here for 60 years. We pioneered space flight. We put men on the moon, went to Mars and the furthest reaches of the solar system. We created a satellite system that revolutionized communication and weather prediction, performed zero-gravity studies that revolutionized medicine, and our space-created materials even led to the sports bra. What is this Space Force going to do, fight Moon men? And how much is this going to cost?" DEERFIELD BEACH, Florida -- Chart-topping rapper XXXTentacion has died after being shot by two suspects on Monday. He was 20. Born Jahseh Onfroy, he was best known for such songs as "Sad," "Changes," "A Ghetto Christmas Carol," "Jocelyn Flores," Noah Cyrus's "Again," and Kodak Black's "Roll in Peace." He released two LP albums during his lifetime, including the Billboard Number 1 ? (Question Mark) in March. Planned follow-up albums were to be titled # (Number Sign), @ (At Sign), ^ (That Funny Up Symbol), and ~ (Tilde), which would have been recorded in Spanish. If history is any indicator, XXX will continue to release 500 posthumous albums, making you wonder if he's really dead.
  HADDONFIELD, Illinois -- It's. Finally. Fucking. Here. After months of teasing, moaning, bitching, pestering, and raising the blood pressures and/or heart rates of horror nerds the world over, Universal/Blumhouse/Miramax finally unleashed the trailer for David Gordon Green's 40th anniversary Halloween sequel, also titled Halloween. The film is a retcon that erases the following films from canon: Halloween II (1981), Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (Halloween 6) (1995), Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later (1998), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), and Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007) and Halloween II (2009).
It should be noted that Halloween H20, itself a 20th anniversary sequel from 20 years ago, already erased Halloween 4-6 from canon. The Myerless Halloween III: Season of the Witch was never canon to begin with, but damn, is it a good movie. The trailer plays as if Aliens had been a sequel to Halloween instead of Alien. There's so much shit hidden in this trailer, that you might miss it if you blink, so here's a rundown of some of the Easter eggs we and other forensic fans were able to find: It is time. Yes the World Cup rears its mighty head for the second time in this reporter’s Uncyclopedic career and it presents another chance to eke out in 5 minutes the same worn out comic aggrandisation of the event and the sport in general. Fuck me, the World Cup is amazing. In comparison all other worldly events and experiences pale to a devastating degree. For four long years I toiled in the metaphorical cotton field of the Premier League, La Liga, sometimes the Bundesliga and never Ligue 1. I watched with a level of interest I would refer to as “not” as they flogged the same old dead bag of inflated pig intestine to yet again discover who had kicked the best balls in England, Spain, sometimes Germany and never France respectively.
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