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Thursday, May 25, 2023, 16:44 (UTC)

UnNews update: Breaking news as it happens…

End of update: More on this story as it develops.

Uncyclopedia writers go on strike (2023)
UnNews:Uncyclopedia writers go on strike (2023)
Anyone who writes an article until the strike is over is non-union, anti-union or a scab who will never work in this town again.

Lorde fans mistakenly attend Lordi concert
UnNews:Lorde fans mistakenly attend Lordi concert
BERLIN -- Ashley Hampton, 13, from Denver, Colorado is a huge fan of New Zealand pop singer Lorde. So she was ecstatic when her parents bought tickets to see her in Berlin of all places.

"I was going to Berlin anyway, for a business trip," says her father, Steve, 40.

When Ashley and her parents arrived at The Mercedes-Benz Arena, they were horrified to discover that none of the four men on stage wearing Orc costumes were the singer born Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O'Connor -- who is best known for such hits as "Royals," "Team," "Tennis Court," "Homemade Dynamite," and "Green Light."

"I saw these scary men dressed like that guy from Halloween, that Jason guy! They were dressed as monsters and they were really scary," says young Ashley. "I'll probably be in therapy for the rest of my life."

"Ashley's obviously scarred for life," says Steve. "But that 'Hard Rock Hallelujah' was pretty damn catchy."
Björk farts for the first time in 7 years, wins Eurovision Song Contest
UnNews:Björk farts for the first time in 7 years, wins Eurovision Song Contest
EUROVISION SONG CONTEST 2019, JERUSALEM -- Björk's first fart in almost 7 years wins the Eurovision Song Contest, over a month before the contest actually takes place in Lisbon, Portugal. This was made possible by the extremely high complexity and quality of the fart, achieved by Björk eating nothing but hummus for the last 7 years.
Cops arrest Spiderman, Captain America, and Poison Ivy
UnNews:Cops arrest Spiderman, Captain America, and Poison Ivy
Donald Trump has become the first president to be indicted. More to come. (Cue "About Damn Time" by Lizzo)

I want you, bitch!

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.