've tried to avoid writing these types of UnNews stories, as they are serious and not intended to be stuffed with fart
jokes, dick jokes, bad puns that would make Mr. Freeze
shiver in embarrassment, or basically anything that Webster
(or even TV's Webster, Emmanuel Lewis) would define as being "funny." But the events, the insurrection, that transpired on January 6, 2021 went so far beyond... that UnNews had to cover the story. With as few jokes as possible.
On the morning of Wednesday, January 6, 2021, a mob of Trump
supporters stormed the U.S. Capitol Building
in Washington, D.C.
, causing a massive riot and demanding that Congress
and Mike Pence overturn the 2020 election, in which Joe Biden
obliterated Donald Trump
in a referendum on Trumpism
and "a Battle for the Soul of This Nation™." Five people are dead, including a police officer. Trump clearly incited this riot, and he's paying the price. His staff is resigning like horny teenagers in a Friday the 13th
movie. He's been threatened with the 25th Amendment, impeachment or resignation. He will obviously face serious criminal charges. And, oh no, his precious Twitter
account -- that gave the world Covfefe
, hamberders, muderers, FAKE NEWS
, stable genius, and LIBERATE MICHIGAN -- is gone.
TIMES SQUARE, New York City -- Baby New Year Two Thousand Twenty Anno Domini
for short) is refusing to pass the torch to his successor, 2021
, when the ball drops at midnight Eastern Standard Time tonight. Since November, he has refused to accept defeat, going to ridiculous (and illegal) measures in a vain attempt to cling onto his power... only to be defeated yet again, even as far as the United States Supreme Court
And now, 2020 is vowing to remain in office for "at least" one more year, "maybe four
As the saying goes: Hindsight is 2020.
or six seasons but no movie, the musical series Glee
aired on Fox
about a high school glee club and their piddly teenage problems. The show gained critical acclaim in the first season, and then the other seasons happened. While the show was always a little up its own ass, it seems that its bloated sense of self-importance was justified. Scholars from the Center for Television Prophecies, a think tank
that studies television for uncanny predictions about the real world, only to have their findings ripped off by Buzzfeed, have read the teevee leaves and made the startling discovery that Glee
is the root cause for all of our problems right now.
As the saying goes: Hindsight is 2020.
WASHINGTON, US -- Our Dear Leader
, the Sun of American Capitalism
, Generalissimo Donald Trump
, has launched a legal battle against coronavirus
for infection fraud.
He accused coronavirus, meant to be 'fair and impartial' in infection, of unfairly infecting and killing more anti-maskers
like him than sensible social-distancing citizens. He claims that these infections are 'invalid' and should not be counted in the case totals. Frothing at the mouth with anger
(or is it rabies
?), Trump screamed to his supporters: 'Coronavirus tried to assassinate me in October! Assassination!' before wandering off to discuss how Vegemite
sucks. According to Trump, this happened in 51 out of 50 states of the USA.
-- Following the unveiling of Rolling Stone
's updated 500 Greatest Albums of All Time list, Uncyclopedia has decided to abuse the UnNews platform to publish its own updated list. The list we're talking about is no less than the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, composed by a Greek
poet called Antipater of Sidon, 2,160 years ago. The new & updated list omits all of the original entries, as the word ancient
has a new meaning now, with the burst of COVID-19
. A garden in Babylon hanging upside down
, or a lighthouse in Alexandria are not so exciting anymore; nowadays, human kind is longing for stuff like a Weezer
concert or a chance to watch the new Gal Gadot
rollercoaster on the big screen.
And if you read the original poem which inspired the original list, you could clearly see it also implies to current-day Wonder Woman
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Your horoscope for today: Romantic Venus is in your sign from Monday until after the New Year, so fucking go for it. Don't let domestic ties restrict you, get as much pussy as you can, and tell 'em I told you it's ok.