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Trump accidentally acquitted in Senate; GOP: "Whoopsie" CAPITOL HILL, WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mitch McConnell, the Ninja Turtles' racist uncle, condemned Trump in no uncertain terms. "There is no question that Donald Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the insurrection on January 6." "Senator," President Pro Tempore Patrick Leahy (D-VT) interrupted, "May I remind you that you voted to acquit." "I know," McConnell said. "That's what I'm saying. Mr. Trump is guilty as all sin and needed to be acquitted for his heinous crime of inciting insurrection." "Acquittal is a 'not guilty' vote." "Dammit. Fuck! Whoopsie." Read more... Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- U.S. President-elect Joe Biden’s administration will continue to recognize 2016 Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton as the 45th President of the United States, Antony Blinken, Biden’s nominee for Secretary of State, said on Tuesday. As for why this is so, Blinken cites the obvious. "Do I really need to tell you? Russian meddling, voter suppression, and James Comey's October surprise Hillary letter that DIDN'T hand Donald Trump the 2016 election THAT HILLARY WON FAIR AND SQUARE!" Read more... Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit LATE 1990S SHOPPING MALL, ANYTOWN, USA -- Due to allegations that are too terrible to name, shock rocker Marilyn Manson has been removed from the lyrics to the 1998 one hit wonder "You Get What You Give" by New Radicals. This follows being dropped by his record label and fired from TV's American Gods and Creepshow. Even though there's no chance of it receiving much airplay in 2021, despite a reunion performance at Joe Biden's inauguration festivities, just in case some retro 90s "oldies" station picks it up, rather than substitute another name (such as Garbage lead singer Shirley Manson or TV star Ted Danson), they will simply mute the vocal track. Read more...		Latest news 1961 reassessment comes, massive changes Error with Tropical Storm Dujuan (Auring)'s wind speed Toddler learns new word from book FACSINATING DISCORVERYE Northeast getting another blizzard Just another dead doper and a dirtbag dies Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President Winter Storm Uri For once, Long Island is warm as cold air moves farther east South Atlantic hurricanes heating up I-95 exits in Massachusetts changing Sun rising in Longyearbyen for the first time in 4 months U.S. Senate quits with 57-43 vote Trump accidentally acquitted in Senate; GOP: "Whoopsie" Pacific typhoon names retired Great Plains and Rocky Mountains freeze their ass off Extreme cold coming to Long Island UnNews accidentally prints Lorem Ipsum in its article Local shark killed in "tragic" human attack Super Bowl 55 » Older news
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About UnNews An Uncyclomedia project UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 20 February 2020: XFL to launch franchises in pissed off markets 20 February 2018: President unpardons Fergie 20 February 2014: Denmark to Cull Norwich 20 February 2013: The meteorite that blew up in Russia is worth more than gold 20 February 2011: UK dumbs down reading test to fight "multiculturalism" 20 February 2010: Genocide in Darfur Ends 20 February 2009: Rihanna blames drugs for brutal assault on Chris Brown, says she's going to rehab 20 February 2008: Hello Kitty ships guns to the US 20 February 2007: Alan Colmes decries ratings	Stories with Audio UnNews remembers Phil Spector Strait Country is Rolling Stone's Gayest Album of All Time Tips to avoid the coronavirus North Korea to separate onto their own island Something might happen tomorrow UnNews remembers Burt Reynolds » More | Podcast
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