LOS ANGELES, California -- In February, Lady Gaga's bull dogs were stolen and then returned. Now, a month and a half later, we have learned more about the incident and the perpetrators.
The perps have been described as an unidentified, tall, lanky caucasian male (John Doe 1) and an unidentified short, stocky caucasian male (John Doe 2). They were working as henchman for an unidentified caucasian woman with half-black/half-white hair
Beginning next week, all Amazon employees will be required to wear diapers. The announcement comes after criticism that overworked Amazon warehouse employees and drivers are urinating in bottles.
The company argues its decision will solve the bottle pissing problem while increasing efficiency, as workers will no longer have to pause working to piss in a bottle. The company also announced it would be cutting break times in half, from five minutes to two and a half minutes, since workers will no longer need to use their breaks to relieve themselves.
WASHINGTON -- President Joe Biden responded Thursday to comments made by Kim Yo-Jong, sister of North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un, about the new administration "causing a stink at its first step."
"I have to apologize," Biden said with a toothy grin. "Look, here's the deal. Major left me a little present when we sent him back home to Delaware after he bit White House security. Bad dog, Major."
Your horoscope for today: You move house on Wednesday, leading you to a Christ-like desire to abandon all material goods, instead of packing them in 157 boxes and bags and hauling them up and down stairs.
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