UnNews:Superhero Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile

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Thursday, July 3, 2025

Trumpman unveils his new Trumpmobile at a top-secret location he didn't want UnNews to reveal.

[LOCATION REDACTED] -- Superhero Trumpman, the only known crimefighter with the skin tone of a grapefruit, has officially introduced his new car, dubbed the Trumpmobile. Which, let's be honest, is just a Cybertruck with the Trumpman symbol on the car doors and the likeness of President Donald Trump on the front for some strange reason.

"Oh, don't worry about that," Trumpman says. "Elon was working on it from February to March, before we... before he and President Trump had that nasty falling out over that One Big Beautiful Bill. I'm so disappointed in Elon. But the Cybertruck is a nice vehicle, especially when it doesn't explode."

The Trumpmobile isn't much different from a regular Cybertruck, but it does go 200 miles per hour, can get you out of speeding tickets, and even features a urinal.

"That's right," the crusader says, "For the first time ever, you can now piss in a Tesla, today. I've always wondered when Batman and Superman ever had the time to pee. It's so inconvenient to fight crime and then have no bathroom nearby. It's a pain in the ass, I tell you."

Prior to the Trumpmobile, Trumpman had to improvise, using public transportation, taxis, Lyft, Uber, and even a Volkswagen Beetle. "The Volkswagen was the best of the bunch," he says. This writer did not see that coming. But I knew the time had come to create my own identity."

Speaking of identities, Trumpman had yet to reveal if he's actually Trump. "No, absolutely not. I wear glasses. How could I see??" For the record, Trumpman has never been photographed with glasses. Nor have he and Trump ever appeared in the same room together.

His archenemies are the exact same ones as the controversial and dementia-addled fascist president: The liberal mainstream media, Cryin' Gavin Newsom (The Joker), Lyin' Elon Musk (Two-Face), Sleepy Joe Biden (The Sandman), Cackling Kamala Harris (Harley Quinn), Childless Cat Lady Taylor Swift (Catwoman), Nasty Nancy Pelosi (Lady Clayface), Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren (Poison Ivy), Crazy AOC (Killer Frost), Chuck Schumer (The Penguin), Crooked James Comey (The Riddler), Twisted Dr. Fauci (Scarecrow), Cranky Vladimir Putin (Ras' Al Ghul, we're not sure if he counts as a foe or secret friend, to be honest), immigrants, minorities, strong independent women, and curiously Rosie O'Donnell (Bane).

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