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Amerigo Vespucci (March 9, 1454 – February 22, 1512) was an Italian cartographer. Born in Florence, Italy, Vespucci quickly established a fondness for two things: drawing maps and naming things after himself. These twin obsessions made him something of a social outcast in his own time; however, he has attracted a certain degree of renown in the present day.

Vespucci once held the distinction of being the only historical figure to become immensely famous for doing absolutely nothing noteworthy; however, this accomplishment was eventually replicated by George Washington Carver and, later, by Kim Kardashian. Vespucci was born to wealthy merchant Giovanni Vespucci and his wife, whose name history has forgotten because women are not important. A popular tale holds that Vespucci's first act on earth was to point to himself and exclaim "Amerigo Vespucci," thereby naming himself. However, this tale is likely apocryphal, because babies cannot speak. (Full article...)

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... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
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... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?

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In the news [edit]

Putin assassinated by Carrie Mathison
Tina Turner dies at 83 (Pictured)
Sweden wins Eurovision, Loreen becomes first artist to win twice since Johnny Logan
Uncyclopedia writers on strike
Israel's democracy is saved by new superheroine
Proposed Florida bill aims to solve the pronoun problem once and for all
California lays plans to automatically issue auto registrations for all voters
U.S. Air Force party-poops China's Lunar New Year "celebration"
Showtime announces Dexter: Bad Blood
Late delivery: Demi Lovato and a hurricane team up to fix a supercomputer by turning it off and then back on
Viggo Mortensen joins Next James Bond
The movie Casablanca is 80 years old. Here's Looking At You, Kid!
President pardons Türkiye
Pennsylvania: Should I vote for Mike Doyle or Mike Doyle?
People in Los Angeles have another thing to make their lives more miserable

Ongoing: Writers Guild of America strike · Russian Invasion · Eurovision · Alected
Recent deaths: Jerry Springer · Gordon Lightfoot · Rolf Harris · Tina Turner
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On this day [edit]

June 7: Execute a Journalist Day (Iran)

5000 BC - Wheel reinvented after initial square-shape design doesn't do the thing wheels are supposed to.
100 BC - Persia detains Greek journalists covering the Battle of Thermopylae.
212 BC - Archimedes arrested for indecent exposure. (Pictured)
1222 - Mary had a little lamb, with tumeric, black pepper and some olive oil.
1893 - Mohandas Gandhi commits his first act of civil disobedience by neglecting to pay a traffic ticket.
1905 - Norway files for divorce from Sweden after ninety-one years of agonizing marriage.
1981 - Israel bombs a nuclear reactor in Iran in celebration of the Jewish holiday Shavuot.
2010 - Mick Jagger finally gets some satisfaction, is later arrested behind a local Nando's.

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