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From today's featured article 

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The People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata (PGRU) is a landlocked African nation with no natural resources, no usable farmland, and no means to support human life in any form. Its population relies entirely on Angelina Jolie for its survival. The country is well known for its literary tradition of moody, existential novels about the neocolonial experience, written by authors who all live in New England.

Under the British Empire, Uukumbamabahalarata was known as The Colony of South Peoria. The British were thrown out in 1968 and, unlike most of the African nations, Uukumbamabahalarata went to hell in a hand-basket within six months. Stability in the region was restored when the Kingdom of Swaziland took over, to make room for their king's stable of wives.

Uukumbamabahalarata gained its independence from Swaziland's bloody regime in April of 1989, following six years of protracted paratrooper-on-paratrooper combat. The Republic's first leader, Etsy-Bodega Imbomahuutuu, embezzled billions of dollars of U.N. relief money meant to help the impoverished nation, and wired it to secret accounts in Switzerland. This was an amazing feat, given that Imbomahuutuu was an illiterate weed farmer whose greatest exposure to technology had been a broken Etch-a-Sketch left in his village years earlier by some passing soldiers. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

In the news 

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Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA · COVID-19
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin, Norman Lear

On this day 

August 15: Hug People While You're on Fire Day:
  • 1,000,000 BC - Caveman introduces fire to humankind as he hugs people for help while he is on fire.
  • 1800 - Napoleon invades Russia, but forgets to hug Stalin when he on fire, thus ensuring French defeat.
  • 1963 - Buddhist Monks protest South Vietnam government's discriminatory policies which favor Catholics by lighting themselves on fire and hugging the Arch-Bishop.
  • 1975 - Three members of the Fantastic Four hospitalized with third degree burns after the fourth member, Johnny Storm, takes Ecstasy.
  • 2002 - Hug People While You're on Fire Day partially negated by Hug People While You're Wet Day

Picture of the day

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Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war.

Image credit: Asahatter
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