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From today's featured article 

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Good morning, children! I see you've already taken your seats. Let me introduce myself for the new kid who joined us today, Jodie. My name is Mr. Garrison and I'm the best teacher in the whole world. I'm also YOUR teacher, so I guess you should feel extremely lucky this morning. So let me tell you some stuff about myself, so that we know each other better, and break the ice between us, before we get to the actual school day.

Butters, please pay attention.

So I'm going to write the title of each paragraph of my biography on the blackboard, like I am reading an Uncyclopedia article about myself to you. You all know what Uncyclopedia is, right? Butters, you know what Uncyclopedia is? Good. So let's just begin with my early days as a charming kid in Nebraska or something.

When I grew up in Nebraska or something, which is a lovely state in south America or something, I was growing up with my father and mother who both had a heavy southern accent. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
  • ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
  • ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
  • ... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?

In the news 

On this day 

If a groundhog sees its shadows, it's DTF

February 3: Fuck a Groundhog Day

Picture of the day

Disney Vangogh
Not only is it a small world, it also always was a small world. Apparently.

Image credit: SimulacrumCaputosis
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 37,168 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.