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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Come here little grandson, and pull up a chair, ol' grandpa has to say something to you. What story am I going to be telling this time? Hah ha, no story tonight, Jimmy, I'm going to lecture you on something very important. It's time to learn about a little subject called filial piety. Don't start fussing now, it's a very important subject to learn about when squirts like you start to grow up.

I was just about to get into that, Jimmy. Filial piety is a simple enough concept, often embraced by popular religions such as Confucianism and Christianity. Now, you're Christian but you don't know what filial piety is, right? That's because the heads of your religion decided to muck up the phrase and replace it with a simplistic platitude such as "love your mom and pop". But I digress, I'll talk to you about religion some other day. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... tennis isn't just a game?

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In the news [edit]

Putin assassinated by Carrie Mathison
Tina Turner dies at 83 (Pictured)
Sweden wins Eurovision, Loreen becomes first artist to win twice since Johnny Logan
Uncyclopedia writers on strike
Israel's democracy is saved by new superheroine
Proposed Florida bill aims to solve the pronoun problem once and for all
California lays plans to automatically issue auto registrations for all voters
U.S. Air Force party-poops China's Lunar New Year "celebration"
Showtime announces Dexter: Bad Blood
Late delivery: Demi Lovato and a hurricane team up to fix a supercomputer by turning it off and then back on
Viggo Mortensen joins Next James Bond
The movie Casablanca is 80 years old. Here's Looking At You, Kid!
President pardons Türkiye
Pennsylvania: Should I vote for Mike Doyle or Mike Doyle?
People in Los Angeles have another thing to make their lives more miserable

Ongoing: Writers Guild of America strike · Russian Invasion · Eurovision · Alected
Recent deaths: Rolf Harris · Tina Turner · Iron Sheik · Pat Robertson
Upcoming deaths: Twitter · Hollywoo · Steve Harrington · Norman Lear

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On this day [edit]

"If Guy Fieri can pull it off, why can't I?"

June 8: Your Friends are Totally Trying to Kill You Day

1213 - The Vatican, under Pope Innocent III, creates purgatory.
1312 - King Edward II became the first man to successfully grow a goatee. (Pictured)
1798 - North Dakota moves from the south of South Dakota to the north of South Dakota, to better fit its name.
1861 - Tennessee secedes from the Union after being called a pussy by South Carolina.
1949 - Author George Orwell writes his seminal classic, Nineteen Eighty-Four, thirty-five years two early.
1977 - Kanye West drops a generation-defining EP minutes after being born.
2017 - You read this entry, but you wished you hadn't bothered.

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Picture of the day

Never underestimate the power of the dwarf.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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