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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

In a series of declassified documents containing accounts of wars, rumors of wars, and battles that have no victors or defeated opponents or worldwide destruction that can be defined by any costs or empires captured, there's a hearty bunch of terrified witnesses to the fact that Cthulhu was a main concern for the multibillionaire corporation known as the Government of the United States. While there does seem to be a list of who was involved directly in the dismantling of the beast known as Mister Squid Face, it's unclear how many from the corporation of the United States had been assigned the task of the impossible conquest to take down an ancient Slime Lord that's been nothing but trouble.

“I have harnessed the shadows that stride from world to world to sow death and madness.”
~ anyone who has read Cthulhu's mind

“I could not help feeling that they were evil things. Mountains of madness whose farther slopes looked out over some accursed ultimate abyss. That seething, half-luminous cloud-background held ineffable suggestions of a vague, ethereal beyondness far more than terrestrially spatial; and gave appalling reminders of the utter remoteness, separateness, desolation, and aeon-long death of this untrodden and unfathomed austral world.”
~ the space station crew

“Only poetry or madness could do justice to the noises.”
~ yeah, pretty much ...

(Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the history of Great Britain (Pictured) is greater than Frosties?

...that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • Ace Frehley • Any hopes for a KISS reunion

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom • Coral reefs

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On this day [edit]

October 23: D&D Empowerment Day, a day to let go of your guilt and shame for having played Dungeons & Dragons as a child (or still), and instead reflect upon how it's changed you for the better; National Whack-a-Mole Day (US and Japan).

33 - Jesus creates D&D, the Romans crucify him for this and buries the game where it is found 1900 years later.
1970 - Dave Arneson creates a scenario involving an adventure through a castle sewer, in quest of the legendary change room of maidens in waiting. Later arrested for being a peeping tom. Judge was unmoved by his plea that he was doing important game research.
1971 - Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson team up to create "The Fantasy Game." Monsters are substituted for maidens, and mountains of loose change for changerooms.
1974 - TSR publishes the now-renamed Dungeons & Dragons® game by slapping homemade labels over used cereal boxes. In one year, the entire hand-assembled print run of 1,000 games sells out.
1979 - Ozzy Osbourne is chosen as official spokesman, eventually appearing in a commercial where he bites the head off of a Basilisk.
1984 - You realise with horror that the phrase "Uncursed +1/+1 Dark Dwarven Mithril Battle-Axe of Noob Resistance" no longer sounds completely ridiculous to you.

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Picture of the day

Eugene Krabs stands in awe before his establishment as Donald Trump enacts his wonderful tariffs.

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