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From today's featured article

Shit is a weapon.jpg

New York City, USA – Thousands of animal rights activists marched and rode their bikes through the streets of Manhattan today demanding the right to bear poop. "The unthinkable shooting tragedy in (fill in the blank) this week, and the outcry for gun control following hot on its heels like a predictable lovesick puppy, reminded the ultra-educated and intellectually stimulated among us here at PETA that when nature tells a primate's brain to fight, he grabs for his poop," said PETA spokesprimate Ben Affleck.

An antropologist who was wrestled to the ground and arrested earlier this year at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo for throwing his poop at a group of monkeys agreed with PETA's demand. "When I suddenly found myself enraged at the monkeys who were bombarding me with poop, my bowels instantly flushed out and delivered a wet hunk right into my hand. I instinctively knew how much pressure to grab it with and just what sound to make, and, as if I were doing it all my life, I immediately lifted my poop way over my shoulder and flung it at the monkeys. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured)
  • ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
  • ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
  • ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
  • ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
  • ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?

On this day...

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June 24: Pray For Someone Else To Do Something About It Day (Christianity)

  • 972Poland actually wins a battle for a change. They go on to lose every single battle since.
  • 1146 – Under General Fishius, the Sardinian Empire victoriously raids Finland, causing enormous fishy destruction.
  • 1571Spanish conquistador Miguel López de Legazpi discovers Pen Island (pictured), a small and shriveling island in the Phillipenis.
  • 1664Hell starts to get full. New Jersey is founded.
  • 1733 – St. John's Harbour, the capital of the Dominion of Newfoundland, is founded and named for the patron saint of ambulances.
  • 1902Pablo Picasso opens the first exhibition of his work. His artwork is found to be so offensive to artistic standards that he is given loads of money, declared the greatest living artist, and told to make more.
  • 1912Québec takes the day off in celebration, not realizing that the Newfies have five hundred septic tanks and, when they learn to drive them, are invading.
  • 1946 – Superboy discovers "strange hairs growing down... y'know"; officially becomes Superman.
  • 1957U.S. Supreme Court rules that free speech doesn't protect porn and expletives. South Park is canceled overnight, while strangely Playboy becomes more popular than ever.
  • 2002 – Trains still don't work properly in Africa.
  • 2004New York declares the death penalty unconstitutional. Texas begins executing New York's criminals on its behalf.

Today's featured picture

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Microsoft Internet Explorer's Popup Blocker has always left something to be desired.

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Featured today a long time ago

Suspicious, featured on 24 June 2012. See the featured version.
UnScripts:The Single Caucasian Roommate, featured on 24 June 2011. See the featured version.
Takeshi's Castle, featured on 24 June 2010. See the featured version.
UnBooks:Great Abridged Pop Songs, featured on 24 June 2009. See the featured version.

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