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Irritatus Scribbulus Juvenilus, better known as Juvenile, was a lesser known Roman historian whose surviving work has finally reached us after two thousand years of justified neglect. He was also the founder of the Urinal School of Poetry and Philosophy. His work was so toxic and toilety, you could call it the twitter of the ancient world. No, more like 4chan.
Juvenile was the only son the respected bore, Juvenal, a Roman writer of questionable value and shocking hygiene. Young "Juve" was brought up in a slum town near Antioch, where his father had been exiled for writing a biography of the Roman Emperor Hadrian which had slightly and indirectly insinuated that the emperor may have been too busy with his male lover Antoninus to govern effectively. Juvenal could have been thrown to the lions for that, but he was allowed to leave the capital and relocate to the second worst shit hole at the time, Syria, in the city of Latrinus. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?
- ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
- ... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
- ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
- ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
- ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
- ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
In the news
- Cats on a Plane greenlit, Samuel L. Jackson hesitant to return
- Donald Trump sends condolences to "Lon Chaney" believing he is Dick Cheney.
- Dick Van Dyke mistaken for David Letterman
- UnNews shutting down - because we couldn't let Wikinews have all the fun
- Artemis II spacecraft shits itself passing the Moon
- Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation "Ceasefire" in Iran • NBA and NHL playoffs • MLB season • Boston hockey and basketball fans still in shock over playoff losses
Recent deaths: A possible SAG-AFTRA strike • Sheriff Meeker • Spirit Airlines • Ask.com • WikiNews • Ted Turner
Upcoming deaths: Iran • The Amazing Digital Circus • Euphoria (?) • The Boys (cough cough everyone on the show) • Rudy Giuliani
On this day
May 8: National Bad Hair Day (Estonia)
- 1359 - Pantaloons invented, could dainty wooden clogs be far behind?
- 1778 - Pampered aristocracy of Western Europe first stitch curly lapdogs to their scalp. (Pictured)
- 1914 - Errors in year length calculations result in three months of 1913 repeated.
- 1919 - Warren G. Harding molests his index finger before turning the page.
- 1924 - Holy 26th Crusade to Monterey, California is unsuccesful because of wrong navigation and ends up in Rio de Janeiro.
- 1945 - V-E Day, victory in Europe: France unconditionally surrenders to US troops, paving the way for the construction of EuroDisney.
- 1982 - Abolition of the fixed turnip/gold exchange rate endorsed by American government.
- 1989 - Bay City Rollers declare: "We're still mad for plaid!"
Picture of the day
| Once upon a time, Oscar Wilde tried impersonating Oscar the Grouch. He won an Oscar Award for it. Image credit: AmericanBastard |
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