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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

*gets classical music mp3*

*ahem*... 3... 2... 1...

After gaslighting their followers that the non-existent country of France was a real place, and after stating that Jeffrey Epstein was "my best friend", this horrid Uncyclopedian user has earned their place as one of the most hated Uncyclopedians on the site. It eventually went way deeper than these surface-level facts, however, as it has been revealed that Alula has had a secret history of lying, pedophilia, and even more. These events have escalated so much, that recently, Gergdown has deleted their Discord account, and alongside it, have left the Uncyclopedian Discord server. So how did this story occur? (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
... that this in not a DYK entry?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

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On this day [edit]

"My cultural legacy will outlive all of you quote-fabricating shitfuckers, eat greasy pimpled dicks you worm-brained junk oglers." — Oscar Wilde

October 16: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde Appreciation Day

1854 - Oscar Wilde is born, the World rejoices this event.
1914 - The first National Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes Championship is held in Southamptonshire on Boxbridge, England.
1963 - A statue of Wilde is erected in his birthplace: Dublin, Ireland. It is inscribed with passages from his most well-known work, The Happy Prince and Other Stories, and becomes a site of pilgrimage for struggling young homosexual playwrights around the world.
2007 - Online garbage fire Uncyclopedia hopes referencing Oscar Wilde rubs off on the quality of its shitty articles, fails horribly.

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Picture of the day

Due to confusion among spreaders, COVID has released an informational poster with tips on how to infect others.

Image credit: Hipponias
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,784 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.