From today's featured article
Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday. I thought I might go down to the funeral. Me being her son and all, it was expected of me to bother going down. I'd rather smoke here on my balcony though. I felt the warm sun on my body and I ogled the hot ethnic chicks walking lazily down the Boulevard. I smoked some more and had a coffee. I rested and allowed my body to rest. I heard the man next door complain at his dog. I heard him give it a kick as well. I guess it was a good thing, the dog was disobedient.
As I walked along to the church I was confronted by the heat, the stifling heat of walking to the church. She had been staying at an old person's home after some unpleasantness living with me. I was glad she had gone then, I could 'alienate' as much as I wanted to and the flat was a better place to bring girlfriends back to and chain smoke. (Full Article...)
Did you know...
- ... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
- ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
- ... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
- ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
In the news
- Shockingly, ignorance of sports by American scientists is still rampant
- World in shock after EU turns Donald Trump into a walrus
On this day...
- 9500 BC - Humankind first touches their flappy love parts, onanism declared by Adweek to be "best thing since bison liver."
- 3500 BC - Moses descends from Mt. Sinai amid thunderclaps and bush conflagrations with a number of commandments.
- 204 - Early Christians invent the concept of shame to curbe the spread of wild Levantine sex orgies.
- 1861 - Oscar Wilde first merits mention in his local newspaper for his treatise on the manufacturing of Bon-bons.
- 1920 - The Soviet Union acquires free agent Azerbaijan, US responds weakly by drafting Alaska 39 years later.
- 1988 - Dr. Bill Cosby announces discovery of vaccine for Jell-O Fever, the vaccine being a night out on town and maybe some dinner? (Pictured)
- 1991 - First recorded case of a man pretending to be woman on IRC for free pizza, thin crust with anchovies and olives.
- 2006 - User Gubby maintains a vanity page on Wikipedia for a record nine (9) minutes.
- 2015 - "Jell-O Fever" discovered to be a noxious cocktail of several different STDs and rape drug side-effects.
Today's featured picture
The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you.
Featured today a long time ago
UnBooks:The Second Conquest of the Moon, featured on 28 April 2013. See the .
Frankly Disappointing Telescope, featured on 28 April 2012. See the .
UnNews:Encyclopædia Dramatica ends undramatically, world celebrates, featured on 28 April 2011. See the .
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