August
“Oh, August! That's what happens when I eat those candies near the cash register at the sushi bar! ”
August is the eighth unit of The Year. It was named after Augustus Greenblume, the 1968 Extreme Ironing champion. August, unable to immediately achieve its stardom, made its living dancing for little bits of popcorn along the streets of New France, the home of Benito "The Salesman" Mussolini. By only its eight millionth year of existence, it had achieved the American Dream. (See A Cinderella Story) But, it was not long before August found itself into The Year.
The Journey - Part One[edit | edit source]
August quickly packed its bags and set out for The City. Realizing it needed a place to live it gathered up all of the villagers and swiftly convinced them to transfigure themselves into the necessary materials. Not many know exactly how he did it, but by golly did he do it. Hearing of his travels, the International Comittee of Cyborg Restraint (ICCR) quickly evoked his licence to have good luck, and August found itself in exile. August comes after July and September comes after it.
The Journey - Part Three[edit | edit source]
With its ability to watch Airbud without crying gone, it is documented that August had serious doubts of whether or not it would ever make it into the Gregorian Sandstone. In early 1976, August was approached by a man going by the name of Manos McFly. McFly was a successful producer for The Year, and announced to August that a spot was currently available. August originally argued for thirteenth place, but that was being held for Dodecember. August eventually accepted eighth place.
- August for some reason has been the leading month for fake pregnancies. Leading scientists don't know why so many women try to convince others that they have a little person growing inside of their bellies. 6 year old Betty is known for coming to her Kindergarten class with pillows stuffed inside her stomach. The teachers were all concerned and sent her to the local nurse, only to where she revealed she was faking. And guess what month this action occurred in.... October.
What Differentiates August From the Other Months[edit | edit source]
- August can beat up all the other months
- In the month of August, all other months are completley irrelevant
- If one looks closely at August, a picture of Nicolas Cage is seen hunting for treasure.
- August is way better at ironing button-down shirts and jock straps than all the other months, and even some days, put together!
- If August ever ate pizza without a napkin and goot sauce on his chin, he would turn not only red, yellow, and orange, but eventually cyan! No other month would, though March turns orange when she slips on dog crap.
- August is the only month to ever catch the month mumps. December caught the month measles once.
Death[edit | edit source]
August was successful as the eighth month of The Year, but it was short lived. A jealous spectator, known only as Cristobal came to one of August's concerts and shot him through the chest several times. August may be dead, except, of course, for its hair and nails, but it lives on as the eighth month of The Year.
It lived a good somewhat long life (.Y.)
See also[edit | edit source]
- August 9th
- White History Month
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