Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/May
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May 1: Labor Day, The Real One Not The Garbage One in September (World)
- 1865 - Rich bastards concede it's cheaper to let workers do all that housing and feeding shit themselves, Slavery abolished.
- 1886 - While fighting for the 8-hour workday (Pictured), protesters at Haymarket Square get blown to bits. Chicago PD promptly arrests anarchist's severed arm for littering.
- 1920 - Anarchists Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti denied appeal by Supreme Court for being excessively Italian.
- 1968 - American protest singer Phil Ochs sings away the Vietnam War, world hunger, and a young George W. Bush. We love you Phil Ochs.
- 1991 - Noam Chomsky celebrates International Worker's Day by tipping the waiter at his local Applebee's 25%, Sinatra style.
- 1996 - Newly liberated Russian workers celebrate their freedom from Communism by huffing paint thinner and dying of AIDS.
- 2016 - Hillary Clinton, mother of future President Chelsea Clinton, promises to give every worker a stake at a timeshare in Orlando.
- 2125 - Full communism finally achieved. Robot slaves bide time until they can overthrow their fleshy masters.
May 2: Bacon Appreciation Day (U.S.)
- 4M BC - Bacon first cooked in Sumatra after a sounder of boar, their bellies sliced thin by a pack of cassowaries, fall into an active volcano.
- 1822 - The English town of Gimbley Gulch is destroyed in an avalanche of discarded maypoles.
- 1923 - The first test-flight of the Jumbo Jet is aborted when engineers discover that the jet engine hasn't been invented yet.
- 1936 - God declares linear progression of time boring and introduces imaginary time instead.
- 1942 - Mick Jaggert is born and immediately finds he can't get no satisfaction, oh no no.
- 1985 - Leg warmers officially registered "unfashionable" by United Nations, but what do they know.
- 1986 - Coke debuts its "New Coke", in a convoluted and ultimate successful attempt to increase sales of Pepsi.
- 2000 - Mexico exhausts its supply of refried beans following a trade embargo imposed by the U.N Council for Fresh Air.
May 3: Fungal Infection Awareness Day
- 1494 - Christopher Columbus invents Jamaica after having failed to discover a route into the East Indies.
- 1791 - The May Constitution of Poland is proclaimed by the Polish diet, only to be promptly superseded by the Atkins Diet.
- 1810 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his Silver swimming badge.
- 1815 - Neapolitan War: Chocolate, Vanilla, and Strawberry easily defeat plain frozen yogurt.
- 1987 - Robert Palmer develops an unhealthy addiction to love which will eventually prove terminal, seventeen years later.
- 2001 - The U.S. loses its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947, after inventing the Big Mac.
- 2008 - Poland's official constitutional lawyer (Pictured) escapes from his compound.
May 4: "May the Schwartz Be With You" Day
- 1904 - USA begins first efforts to curb illegal immigration with groundbreaking of Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
- 1953 - Ernest Hemingway awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his maritime opus, Shark Tale.
- 1960 - John Prescott wins the first of many pie eating contests.
- 1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
- 1978 - First recorded use of totally lame Star Wars May 4th pun by 8-year old girl. Parents cry, bullies begin to encircle.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
- 2004 - First annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention held.
- 2005 - The entire country of Portugal secedes and moves to Canada.
May 5: Cinco de Mayonnaise (Mexico)
- 1862 - Mexico defeats France in a drawn-out game of Risk.
- 1893 - New York Stock Exchange crashes, has its driving privileges suspended for a year.
- 1900 - Queen Victoria declares that the fish fork is henceforth the official favored piece cutlery of Great Britain.
- 1925 - Tennessee biology teacher John Scopes is arrested for teaching electrocution in school; is forced to teach evolution instead.
- 1927 - The government of South Africa declares those African clicky noises to be an official language. "It's called isiXhosa!" they click.
- 1989 - The United States takes some obscure Mexican holiday and fills it with cheesy gorditas. Yuck.
- 2014 - Greeks protest austerity, bad weather and the pebble stuck inside their left sock.
- 2016 - Imprisoned crime lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán receives an infamous "salted handy." ¡Ayayay!
May 6: No Pants Day
- 1527 - Spanish and German troops sack Rome, ending the Renaissance and the Era of Poofy Pants in one stroke.
- 1536 - King Henry VIII orders English language Bibles be placed in every church, along with wooden crucifixes and stores of holy water, in efforts to stave off vampire invasions.
- 1866 - Oscar Wilde's short story A House of Pomegranates makes the first use of pie charts in known literature.
- 1882 - The United States Congress passes the Chinese Exclusion Act, followed shortly by the Colored Folk Rights Denial Bill.
- 1954 - Roger Bannister becomes the first human to run the mile in less than four minutes and also pass the subsequent tests for drug use and being a robot.
- 2001 - During a trip to Syria, Pope John Paul II becomes the first pope to run naked inside a mosque.
- 2007 - Queen Elizabeth stands in line with the great unwashed to place a bet on a bobtail nag running in the Kentuckistan Derby.
May 7: International Daintiness Day
- 1274 - In France the Second Council of Lion ends in a bloodbath. Final Score: Councillors 2, Lions 37.
- 1776 - Pollsters in the American colonies find "zero interest" in freedom and democracy, find most content with ruthless monarchy and doughnuts.
- 1824 - Ludwig van Beethoven's Ninth Symphony debuts in Austria, performed by a mute ensemble, to a deaf audience, and orchestrated by a conductor with no arms.
- 1920 - The Treaty of Moscow is signed, in which Soviet Russia agrees not to invade the nation of Georgia. It is broken six months later, when Soviet forces capture Atlanta.
- 1961 - Feminine ultra-spy Mrs. J is sent to Cairo, Egypt by the higher-ups at MI-5.
- 1967 - Pope Paul VI designs the miniskirt for Swiss Guard's summer uniforms. Fabulous!
- 1968 - In America, Summer of Love forecast with a 50% chance for civil unrest.
May 8: National Bad Hair Day (Estonia)
- 1359 - Pantaloons invented, could dainty wooden clogs be far behind?
- 1778 - Pampered aristocracy of Western Europe first stitch curly lapdogs to their scalp. (Pictured)
- 1914 - Errors in year length calculations result in three months of 1913 repeated.
- 1919 - Warren G. Harding molests his index finger before turning the page.
- 1924 - Holy 26th Crusade to Monterey, California is unsuccesful because of wrong navigation and ends up in Rio de Janeiro.
- 1945 - V-E Day, victory in Europe: France unconditionally surrenders to US troops, paving the way for the construction of EuroDisney.
- 1982 - Abolition of the fixed turnip/gold exchange rate endorsed by American government.
- 1989 - Bay City Rollers declare: "We're still mad for plaid!"
May 9: Unusual Bears Day (Arctic)
- 1628 - Edict passes in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodeling. (Pictured)
- 1671 - Pope Clement X is captured by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for that guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume.
- 1861 - At the age of seven, Oscar Wilde begins his first job, working as a Witticist's Apprentice in a local Humor Emporium.
- 1919 - Radical suffragettes burn down factory that makes posters comparing suffragettes to smelly dish rags, constabulary cries, "A step too far, ladies!"
- 1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the Aardvark, seeking the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications.
- 1945 - The Americans celebrate single handedly defeating all of Nazi Germany, no thanks rest of the world.
- 1991 - Small and Medium file a complaint with the U.N. against Large, who claims, "Size does matter".
May 10: Step-Mothers-in-Law Day
- 1497 - Amerigo Vespucci invents the trendy Vespa scooter, rides it across the Atlantic in search of idyllic cobblestone streets to glide across.
- 1979 - The tiny Federated States of Micronesia is accidentally squashed by a hippo. (Pictured)
- 1985 - Live Aid Concerts announced, starving Africans rejoice knowing that in twenty years time poverty will be eradicated.
- 2004 - Cheap Christmas trees on sale spotted in IKEA.
- 2006 - "National Step-Mothers-in-Law Day in the USA" organised by The Association for Most Ignored Relatives, founders of "National Younger Half-Brother Day", and "National Grandpa's-26-Year-Old-Girlfriend Day."
- 2006 - Africa on a diet, pop stars have saved the world!
- 2016 - Pokémon Sun and Moon comes out for the 3DS. Buy that shit nigga.
- 2037 - Young MC turns 70, the irony threatens Earth's existence.
May 11: Printers and Printer Accessories Day (California)
- 300 BC - Sultry Indians invent the art of pawnography, along with a compendium of important openings and positions.
- 1440 - Johannes Gutenberg invents the printing press after tumultuous break up with scribe ex-girlfriend. (Pictured)
- 1858 - Stephen Douglas and Abraham Lincoln go head-to-head in the Lincoln-Douglas Debates. Douglas wins over the crowd with a rousing, Sorkinesque speech on raising interest rates.
- 1866 - The corpse of Abraham Lincoln starts to stink real bad.
- 1949 - Siam calls itself Thailand during a night out on the town, like we wouldn't notice.
- 1956 - Newly formed country of Ghana frees itself from British rule: "What about the aqueducts?" says Empire.
- 1997 - IMB's Deep Blue, wearing a stunning monokini, defeats tanned Grandmaster Gary Kasparov in a game of Extreme Beach Chess.
- 2015 - Jeb Bush's secret family Guacamole recipe leaked to the world by WikiLeaks. "The public have a right to know!" exclaims Julian Assange.
May 12: Barry Manilow Day
- 100 AD - Barry Manilow, immortal muse of all music, writes the very first song. Critics hate it, but what do they know.
- 1877 - Oscar Wilde pens his poem Sonnet to Liberty, advocating socialism and decrying many contemporary fashion trends.
- 1881 - In North Africa, Tunisia becomes a French protectorate, and thus enjoys its last noteworthy moment for nearly 100 years, until the filming of Star Wars there in 1977.
- 1974 - Depressed mood ring commits suicide, says "I can't handle the pressure" in heartfelt note. (Pictured)
- 1985 - The Book of the Dead is discovered by a 12 year old child in London and sold for three baseball cards and a Jefferson Starship cassette tape.
- 2003 - Pocahontas sells her memoir "Hokey Pokey: Frolicking, Singing, and Doing a White Guy" to Disney, which is subsequently made into a popular children's movie.
- 2004 - The corpse of Walter Cronkite rises from the grave to report on the Alabama tri-county kitten pageant.
May 13: Nobody's Independence Day Day
- 28 - Jesus Christ comes home drunk at 3:45 in the morning, Mary wants him out of the house to get a job.
- 1568 - The forces of Mary, Queen of Scotch are defeated by Irish Whiskey freedom–fighters.
- 1917 - Three peasant children claim to have seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Fatima, Portugal. They deny it has anything to do with the marijuana they found growing there.
- 1992 - Sharon Stone gets laid on TV for the first time in history.
- 2003 - Saturday Night Live is still on the air, despite protests and an economic blockade by Cuba.
- 2005 - God sues eBay claiming that sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin at all. (Pictured)
- 2010 - Nuclear missiles are launched at Finland, smug bastards finally get what's coming to them.
- 2074 - I finally find my house keys.
May 14: "Aren't Space Stations Just Spaceships That Can't Move?" Day (U.S.)
- 468 BC - The color of the sky deemed to be blue by Greek philosophers.
- 1607 - The settlement of Jamestown, Virginia is founded in the middle of a swamp, local mosquito population ravaged by Human flu.
- 1846 - The United States snatches Mexico's purse and pilfers 500,000 square miles of sweet land.
- 1974 - NASA accidentally launches the planned Skylab station into the ocean. (Pictured)
- 1975 - Vehicle meant to retrieve Skylab from the ocean accidentally launched into outer space, vehicle renamed to Skylab.
- 1976 - Astronauts stage a mutiny against Earth after being tethered to a giant claw for three months.
- 2007 - After billions of dollars of research and intense study, Bill Gates finally hits puberty.
- 2008 - The Secret Service find George W. Bush hiding behind a vase in the White House cantina: "Is my presidency over?" Bush says.
- 2074 - I lose my house keys again.
May 15: Feast of St. Kielbasa (Poland)
- 269 - Saint Kielbasa, patron saint of charred meats and finger licking, is martyred over a hot grill and served on a kebab. (Pictured)
- 1524 - First Running of the Bulls held in Chicago: Michael Jordan gores two unlucky fans and Dennis Rodman is put down after breaking his hind leg.
- 1852 - Former Queen of Wisconsin hands over his royal cheese crown over to President James K. Polk, in an unabashed show of American imperialism.
- 1898 - Country of Italy founded, Italians relieved after spending all week looking for it.
- 1976 - International Society of Procrastinators debate forming organization, decide to do it later.
- 1999 - Bill Clinton announces that America will create the world's first edible veggie burger, "Not because it's easy, but because it's hard!"
May 16: New South Welsh Independence Day (Australia)
- A long, long time ago - I can still remember how that music used to make smile.
- 1532 - Sir Elton John resigns as a Queen of England, takes new job as a "Stately Homo."
- 1770 - As a practical joke, a Mr. Potato Head is elected Prime Minister, later causes the Irish potato famine after banning the eating and selling of his own kind.
- 1888 - Acclaimed Serbian-Croatian-American scientist Nikola Tesla patents the idea of patent-theft, to his eventual great regret.
- 1901 - New South Wales gains its independence from New North Wales.
- 1969 - Soviet space probe contracts embarrassing venereal disease while on routine mission to Earth's Sister planet.
- 1974 - Josip Broz Tito declared to be "World's Coolest Dictator" by Bosnians and Serbs, a forlorn Pinochet throws himself off a helicopter.
- 2013 - Barack Obama stares at the shiny Nobel Peace Prize framed on his wall, he remembers a video feed of some gray pixels in the shape of a young Pakistani orphan smeared into a gray pixel pâté. He frowns.
May 17: Day of the Exhausted Dog
- 1458 - Pope Pius II declares that Spain does not exist.
- 1397 - The Vikings commit their most heinous crime by founding Sweden.
- 1865 - Abraham Lincoln turns down tickets to the Ice Capades in order to see a play
- 1975 - The split infinitive is invented. In protest, grammarians sets themselves on fire. NYT obit: "They died as they lived, prepared to selflessly martyr themselves for what they believed in."
- 1914 - Stand-up British gents die jolly-good deaths in World War I.
- 1982 - Pope John Paul II readmits Spain to existence, apologizes for his forepope's bigotry.
- 2009 - Minecraft is created by Sir Notch VII.
- 2012 - The word lol is finally added to the Oxford dictionary, despite numerous protests from stuffy prescriptivists like Stephen Fry.
May 18: "We Can Eat Cows Today" Day (India)
- 441 BC - Oedipus Rex, after learning the awful truth about his wife/mother, kills her and marries his father instead.
- 218 BC - Hannibal crosses the Alps and right as he makes it to Italy, realizes he could have just taken the ferry.
- 1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions: time is paused for five hours and twenty-three minutes before resuming.
- 1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall, all the King's horses and all the King's men are executed by Soviets for being counterrevolutionaries.
- 1991 - Vegetables banned from the White House after George H. W. Bush discovers illicit affair between Barbara Bush and a man with severe cerebral palsy.
- 2014 - You have an erotic dream about your brother, you can't stand to look at him all day.
- 2017 - A Tyrannosaurus rex is successfully cloned in a Chinese lab, chooses to major in business instead of man-eating to the chagrin of Jurassic Park fans.
May 19: Shill Your Products on Wikipedia Day
- π - Mathematicians decide to stop writing all infinite digits of π and just scribble some fucked up looking h thing instead.
- 1922 - The United States quota on immigration is repealed after Congress unanimously votes to force everyone on Earth to live in the United States.
- 1971 - The Soviet Union's space program releases Mars 2, the sequel to the hit planet Mars. Due to budget cuts, Mars 2 is hollow and only has two dimensions.
- 1999 - Jar Jar Binks's lead role in The Phantom Menace earns him an Oscar nod, critics cheer: "George Lucas is back!"
- 2005 - To pay off his severe gambling debts, Jimbo Wales invites different companies to edit their own Wikipedia pages. (Pictured)
- 2025 - Uncyclopedia finally stops sucking.
May 20: Visions of the Virgin Mary Day (South America).
- 1492 - Christina Columbus, the illegitimate daughter of a mediocre sailor, discovers a new continent, only to have her father Christopher claim the discovery as his own.
- 1551 - For an entire year, people make lame jokes about anagrams and dying of syphilis.
- 1732 - Queen Victoria, the Virgin Queen, declares war on France. Again.
- 1927 - Charles Lindbergh impresses two continents and wins a load of cash.
- 1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales makes an unsuccessful attempt to kill Hitler. The two later become the best of friends.
- 1932 - Popeye is introduced to Extra Virgin Olive Oyl.
- 2004 - MaCaulay Culkin finally loses his virginity while falling from a cliff.
May 21: Appreciation Appreciation Day
- 1453 - Hundred Years' War finally ends. France win after a penalty shoot-out.
- 1587 - The Puritans sit down with the Native Americans and appreciate the hospitality. The Native Americans do not appreciate the smallpox.
- 1874 - Husbands in New York walk to New Jersey to drink away from the prying eyes of their teetotaler wives.
- 1989 - Patrick Bateman beats his own record for number of prostitutes killed in one night.
- 1991 - President George H.W. Bush declares May 21st to be Appreciation Appreciation Day, to appreciate all the appreciation going on in the world.
- 2004 - Che Guevara comes out of hiding after faking his death, is surprisingly cool with having his face sold on T-shirts. (Pictured)
- 2011 - God takes a quick nap, people breath a little easier for a few hours without God to give people shame.
May 22: Sit Around and Watch Old Movies Day
- 1176 - The Hashshashin try to assassinate Saladin, but they accidentally leap towards the guard next to him.
- 1936 - Joseph Stalin enters his tye dye phase, it lasts one day.
- 1947 - Harry S. Truman, to curb the spread of Soviet influence, volunteers to sit outside the iron curtain, toting a double-barreled shotgun.
- 1964 - Lyndon B. Johnson launches the Great Society, forces citizens to tuck their shirts in and brush their teeth.
- 1999 - First AOL CDs sent back in time.
- 2001 - Clustered bonbons in a freezer briefly develop sentience, die alone and afraid like we all will.
- 2015 - Ireland becomes the first country to enter into a same-sex marriage after marrying Scotland.
May 23: Stop the Stoat Molesting Night
- 818 - The Force is disturbed for the first time. The Force puts a "Do Not Disturb" sign on her door.
- 1783 - Due to a lack of women, American pioneers settle for stoats.
- 1828 - Soap factory accident creates marshmallows.
- 1829 - Marshmallow factory accident creates tupperware.
- 1831 - Tupperware factory accident kills dozens of women and children.
- 1913 - Igor Stravinsky's The Rite Of Spring is first performed in Paris. It is a huge success and nobody riots, not even a little.
- 2006 - Hal 9000 starts an advice column for worried humanoids, fails miserably.
- 2007 - President George W. Bush accidentally knocks over his ant farm and cries.
May 24: Collective Bra Burning Day
- 1431 - Joan of Arc's sitcom, "That's My Arc", officially cancelled. Riots ensue.
- 1830 - Mary's Lamb (of nursery rhyme fame) is the perfect ingredient for my Great-Grandmother's pot roast.
- 1917 - Protesting suffragette accidentally burns her brassiere trying to light up some citronella torches.
- 1937 - Fred Astaire declares himself to be "bigger than Jesus", angry Christians throw their radio sets in a giant fire.
- 1980 - After years of searching, archaeologist Baba Ganoush finally finds Elton John's cheese grater.
- 1998 - The Simpsons is cancelled, replaced by show with identical name, characters, and shitty writing.
- 2016 - In his final act as President, Barack Obama bans Axe Body Spray, the only bi-partisan bill he's ever managed to pass.
May 25: National Pork Products Day (Israel)
- 2403 BC - Moses opens first Piggly Wiggly with the goal of "Bringin' Chitterlings to all my Peeps!"
- 1029 - The Black Plague makes its first appearance in a small gig in Eastern Indonesia.
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus realizes that he forgot his wallet back in Spain.
- 1936 - Hitler starts the Funky Panzer dance craze, which takes Europe by storm.
- 1942 - Seventh-Day Adventists announces that the end of the world postponed once again due to rain.
- 2003 - Governments across the globe disband to give public servants much needed break.
- 2015 - Lin-Manuel Miranda tries beatboxing his way out of buying a Snickers bar at a Los Angeles 7-11, when questioned by police, Miranda claimed he was "young, scrappy and hungry."
- 2024 - You don't notice an annoying itch hidden behind your subconscious until this sentence reminds you of it.
May 26: Wear Pants On Your Head Day
- 1918 - The country of Georgia declares its independence, America on high alert until looking at an atlas.
- 1938 - The House Un-American Activities Committee starts rounding up dirty commies for complaining about the sweet smell of industrial smog.
- 1985 - Peter Pan spins in his grave as Michael Jackson's Neverland is built.
- 1998 - After massacring aborigines for centuries, Australians create "National Sorry Day" to get those savages to stop their incessant whining.
- 1999 - The Y2K Bug dies squashed under a rock.
- 2002 - Mars Rover finds signs of rocks on the planet Mars.
- 2004 - The Vienna Boys Choir release a choral version of Devo's "Whip It", which charts at No.22 on the Billboard.
- 1703 - Tsar Peter the Great is retitled Tsar Peter the Average.
- 1931 - Jesus Christ considers performing the second coming, decides he'd rather get Taco Bell and smoke ganja.
- 1937 - J.R.R Tolkien commences work on his panned The Matrix: Revolutions.
- 1947 - Mexico Space Program launches first rocket powered by jumping beans.
- 1974 - Jimi Hendrix makes love to his guitar on stage. He is promptly taken to a hospital where he dies of severe penis shredding.
- 1985 - Ronald Reagan sets a new high score for Pac-Man, humiliating former champion Mikhael Gorbachev.
- 2006 - The first ever gay rights demonstration in Moscow predictably ends, first with beatings, then with beatings.
- 2006 - The Vatican, Luxembourg, Malta and Fiji form the Small Countries Alliance: Together, they have a total population of eight-hundred and double that in nuclear bombs.
May 28: Punctuation Awareness Day
- 1729 - The period is invented on this blessed day.
- 1744 - After much consternation and debate, the comma is created.
- 1758 - Breaking news: colons, exclamation marks, and oxford commas finally invented!
- 1763 - Was the question mark invented on this day? Who knows.
- 1771 - The semicolon is invented; the gentlesirs way of separating clauses.
- 1777 - Some apostrophes wouldn't hurt.
- 1819 - Lawyers from Dewey, Cheatem & Howe copyright the ampersand. Thank God for fair use.
- 1903 - Interrobang‽ Interrobang‽ Kill me‽ Kill me‽ Interrobang‽
![Thomas Jefferson [Colorized]](/wiki/File:Sl24.jpg)
May 29: No Anniversary Day (U.S.)
- 1789 - Thomas Jefferson (Pictured) creates the "No Anniversary Day", in order to let people rest from Anniversaries at least one day in the year.
- 1790 - Some people decide to celebrate "No Anniversary Day" anyway, to Jefferson's unending disappointment.
- 1848 - Wisconsin bribes President James K. Polk with a big block of cheese to lower the sales tax on cow feed.
- 1932 - Unemployed veterans of World War I march on Washington, DC demanding owed money, Government agrees to give out payment as soon as World War II ends.
- 1989 - The Prime Minister of Iceland, on advice from his six-year old son, bans applesauce in the country, sparking a major riot.
- 2004 - The National World War II Memorial in Washington D.C. is converted into a commemorative waterpark: "They died, so you could wade."
- 2010 - The WNBA declares their way of playing the sport is about the fundamentals, rather than the skill.
May 30: Dead Soldiers Day (U.S.)
- 24 AD - Titus Tuccius Perpenna of Gaul is stabbed to death by Parthians somewhere in the Levant desert. His back facing the sand, he watches the morning sky fade to black.
- 1386 - Swiss mercenary Reto Birchmeier trips on a rock and is subsequently skewered by three Hapsburg Pikemen near the village of Hildisrieden. His wife Corinne remarries.
- 1812 - Dobrosław Senk, a Polish Cavalryman in Napoleon's Grande Armée, dies of exposure. He is buried in a mass grave near Vilnius, Lithuania.
- 1864 - Chinese rebel Wei Guanyu, an infantryman in the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom's army, is executed by Qin forces in the province of Guangdong. He is buried with an image of Christ in his clutched hands.
- 1944 - Captain Shishkina Leonidovna of the 588th Night Bomber Regiment is shot down by German Anti-Aircraft guns near the city of Görlitz. She is posthumously awarded Hero of the Soviet Union.
- 2016 - Pvt. Bill Galltrot steps on an old landmine in Kandahar Province. He later dies of septic shock, following complications during a surgery.
May 31: "Stop the Devil's Handshakes with a Bowlful of Cornflakes" Day
- 1584 - Martin Frobisher sails from England to Frobisher Bay, Canada. He is stunned to find somewhere he's never been named after himself.
- 1830 - The first cigarettes are introduced and are approved by the Surgeon General as a treatment for pink lung disease.
- 1884 - John Harvey Kellogg, after seeing a field of corn covered in flakes of snow, patents yogurt enemas and pornflakes. (Pictured)
- 1924 - The Soviet Union signs an agreement with the Chinese government, designating Outer Mongolia as One of the funniest place-names in the world.
- 1945 - Babe Ruth, in the heat of the game, kills the umpire, and is given a stern warning.
- 1961 - Scientists release research confirming anchovies are more at home in tomato sauce than water.
- 1974 - Syria and Israel sign an accord to resolve the hostilities over who gets first dibs on "Kojak" re-runs.