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“It happened. I remember it. The 1960s is...something related to Hitler, right? It's where these cats walked into a bar and pulled down their pants and jumped off a building and starting screaming about Russian testicles while wearing a funny hats and dancing the tango because they were too drunk to remember who they were and so they reverted back to being women again but then realized that that was a hallucination and they were men which caused them to become extremely depressed and turn to drugs and alcohol because nobody loves them and daddy touched them and they will take over the world with their mind using LSD and Bob Seger albums, resulting in the Holocaust.”
– Bob Dylan on the 1960s
Contrary to popular opinion, the 1960's (also referred to as 'The Sexies' or 'That Decade I Don't Remember Due To Mind-Altering Drugs') did not happen, due to the space-time continuum being warped by a freak time-travel accident caused by waffles. This is what made it such a great era as many men could get high and have sex with men much as they wanted, I'M GLAD ITS NOT THE SIXTIES EVERY DAY!
All important calendars have been updated so that December 1959 continues into January 1970, and all files and documentation have been either burned, beaten, or turned into a B-grade movie by Celine Dion. If you find any record of the 1960's ever having existed, you are urged to call your local Department of Homeland Security Office with your name, address, phone number, social security number, turnons, dental records, and a copy of War and Peace handy. Those who can prove that the 1960's actually existed may be able to win $200, a 'I Proved The Sixties Existed And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt (And $200)' shirt, and a book of poetry by Jim Morrison. Although their friends may never hear from them again.
Conspiracies[edit | edit source]
Their have been many theories that the whole thing was some sort of experiment to subvert the American population. Originally thought to be a Commie-Soviet experiment, recent declassifications have revealed it to really be the CIA (who are said to be founded by Huns brought in through Operation PAPERCLIP), their may also be consideral British involvement (exemplified by the work of The Beatles who attempted a significant programme of distraction which incorporated musical styles from earlier and later eras to create a myth of 60's culture). The rational faculties were distorted by mind-altering drugs so that persons subjected to such treatment were unable to tell the difference between reality and the 60's myth
The Communists invaded Kansas in 1969. They nuked a farm but the U.S. Government under control of Dictator President Nixon told the public it was a tornadoe. Then they nuked the rest of Kansas to stop the invasion. Thye blamed this on the hippies and Canadians.
The Most Important Event of the 60's[edit | edit source]
On the 23rd of November in 1963 the BBC sci-fi series Dr Who began.
It was the day after the death of that guy who had been knocking off Marylin Monroe, the sister of Jill Monroe from 'Charlie's Angels'. Jill got her own back by shooting the guy in the head in Dallas (the city not the TV series!). The guy in question, John Fitzgerald Kennebunk, was apparently so important he had a port named after him.
Coincidentally another guy known as JFK was incorrectly reported to have been bumped off in Dallas that same day. Thought to have been the Precedent of the Untied Straits, he was in actual fact a playboy and mobster. It was later announced that he had killed Lee Harvey Oswald, a mild-mannered librarian who was obviously not Superman in disguise. The man who had announced a couple of years before "I am a Berlin sausage" is known to have been using his sausage inside a certain Norma Jeane Baker, a blonde tart he picked up on a street corner. He is also remembered for an occasion he drank too many Cuba Libres and had a problem with Russian sailors making too much racket, calling them "baying pigs!"
Lee Harvey Oswald (not to be confused with Lee Harvey Oswald) who was arrested for his alledged murder, claimed to have been in a cinema watching a cowboy film at the time of death. He blamed an unlucky ricochet from a shot fired by one of the cowboys. 2 days later he died due to an unlucky ricochet from a shot fired by Jack Ruby, a small-time club owner, who was trying to shoot himself in the penis to avoid national service.
The same day Ruby, realising his mistake and whilst trying to shoot himself in the head, instead killed JFK with an unlucky ricochet.
Ruby himself was much luckier, dying not from a ricochet but from cancer.
A number of years later JFK's brother BoboFK was assassinated by someone with a severe stutter known as Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan.
Dr Who was to go on to be a world-wide hit and is recognised to be the most important event of the 60s.
Important events of the 1960s[edit | edit source]
- The Vietnam War. Hearing that the Vietnamese Armada had been sighted off Plymouth, King Lyndon Baines Johnson immediately charged up San Juan Hill, crying "The Beatles are coming". This was a highly controversial event, and caused many protest marches.
- The dishevelled students of Paris throw the party of the decade in May 1968, building barricades with their parents' expensive Citroens, writing groovy words on building and and getting it on with the workers. President BigNose gets all uptight and shoots through, but when he comes back home all the kids are safely tucked back in bed, sleeping peacefully.
- The Prague Spring. The people of Czechoslovakia were caught in a terrible drought, but Leonid Brezhnev raised his might hammer, Mjolnir, and smote the ground ouside Prague, causing water to flow forth from the earth.
- Hippies were invented by Dr Frederick Hippie. His patent is unsuccessfuly challenged by Sir Quentin Beatnik.
- Bewitched hits TV screens.
- As does Batman (Same bat time, same bat channel).
- Someone frames Lee Harvey Oswald (i.e. Jack Ruby).
- Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt is lost at sea whilst swimming WITH YOUR MOM. He later reappears equipped with four steel tentacles and does battle with Spiderman and Le Duc Tho.
- Woodstock, a concert in which such top acts as The Who, Jimi Hendrix and the Glenn Miller Band perform in a defining act of a generation.
- Bob Dylan and Timothy Leary convince almost everyone to try LSD.
- Status Quo, possibly the most monotonous British band ever, play their first live gig to a captive audience.
- Scientist, working on discovering fossil fuel substitutes, combine a petroleum distillate with a substance recovered from the Roswell Incident and accidentally create polyester.
- Although others choose to remember it differently, it has been confirmed that all anyone ever did in the 60s was consume drugs and chase the Beatles.
- Hippies...they're all around me and they taste bad except for the hot girls.
- Two dudes ride in a giant flame propelled phallus to a big grey rock in the sky.
- Possible election for the people of the Nation of Procrasti
- That's it. Period.
People born in the 1960s[edit | edit source]
- Janis Chopin
- Kate Joplin
- Scott Joplin
- Mrs. Tumbleberry
- Frederic Chopin
- Lord Cochrane
- Pyotr Kropotkin
- Mr. Ed
- your mother
- Dicky Joplin
The demise of 60's culture[edit | edit source]
The demise of 60's culture is disputed...many say the 60's culture is still around today...some say 60's culture never existed. However most now accept the end of '60's culture' was in 1970. When it became 70's culture. And then the 80's happened
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