Looney Tunes

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Looney Tunes.

Looney Tunes was a classic series of cartoons in the golden age of animation since the 1930's. It starred a whole of whack of talking animals, such as Effrom the Rabbit, Duck Dodgers, Beefy Pig, Elmer Fudd, Tweety Bird, Sylvester the Cat, Redbeard Cowboy, Foghorn Leghorn, Marvin the Martian, Pepé Le Pew, Speedy Gonzales, Willy Coyote and the Road Runner, Taz, and others on their bizarre adventures and antics.

In 1946, towards the end of World War I, experiments were afoot in the laboratories of good ol' USA. One laboratory in northern California was run under contract from the US government by the Warner Brothers, who sought to avoid a second takeover of Congress by Disney characters, hence the term "Mickey Mouse Government". They created the Looney Tunes, cartoons who would help overthrow the evil Disney corporation by attacking their studios and causing general violence and mayhem.

Since its success during the short film era of cartoons, Looney Tunes has become a worldwide media franchise; spawning several lackluster television series, cheesy feature films, comic books, rap albums, video games, amusement park rides, and "Where Are They Now?" television specials; as well as serving as Warner Bros.' cash cow. The characters are iconic, and several Looney Tunes films are regarded as some of the greatest cartoons of all time. Eat that, Tom & Jerry.

The "Chartacters"[edit]

A devotee of The League of Looney Tunes worships his god, Bugs Bunny (From the now banned cartoon, "The Nips Nip Bugs Bunny)
  • Bugs Bunny (1920-1960): This seemingly innocent rabbit turned criminal mastermind has been marked as the possible prime cause of at least two major wars since World War II, thus leading to suspicions that Wakko did in fact contract him out to the US Army as a lethal weapon. His habit of tunneling under entire countries has proven a very useful tactic for the US Army, which can blow things up in other countries and then blame it on local militants. His trademark phrase, "What's up, doc?", is now feared more than loved, and indeed, many countries now have him on their prime suspect list for signs of a possible invasion/overthrow by US forces.
  • Daffy Duck (1920-1960): A character created by Wakko, also thought to have been contracted out to the US government, to help out the CIA on infiltration missions outside the US. Unfortunately, his weakness was soon displayed in a mission to retrieve vital documents with Bugs Bunny from the Middle East, when they stumbled upon a cave of ancient treasure, and it was discovered that greed drove the duck's relentless mind.
  • Elmer Fudd (1920-2008): A hunter who pursued Bugs Bunny and tried to kill him until Bugs was killed by the police.
  • Porky Pig (1920-2008): A jack-of(f)-all-trades pig who was eventually made into bacon that was eaten by Elmer Fudd, causing him to die of a heart attack.
  • Fugs Funny (1962-2012): After Bugs Bunny was killed, he was cloned. This clone replaced Bugs for the later cartoons, and after the show ended, he became his replacement for Looney Tunes films. In 2010, he signed a contract to portray Bugs Bunny on The Looney Tunes Show. Since the Russian spies never heard of Bugs Bunny's demise, they set up mines in Albuquerque, New Mexico, as it was rumored that Bugs was vacating there. On September 15, 2012, Fugs Funny hit a mine while tunneling into Afghanistan on his way to India. The explosion that ensued propelled Fugs into a US Army base, where top scientists ran tests on the body and confirmed that it was not the body of Bugs Bunny. They released this information on September 16, 2012. Fugs Funny's contract will expire on September 17.

There were other characters created such as Sylvester the Cat, Granny, Tweety Pie, Frank, and Pepe le Pew to name but a few, but they were mainly used in propaganda missions and diplomatic events. Speedy Gonzales, uncle of current US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, was particularly useful in persuading the Mexicans that the US was really very harmless, and that they were too lazy to notice people sneaking across the border. Coincidentally, this happened at the same time that Daffy Duck started a six-month Mexican standoff against Charles de Gaulle for the acquisition of Albert Einstein's brain.

The Golden Age (1940-1945)[edit]

After years of training, Bugs Bunny was put in the forest as an experiment to test the abilities of expert rabbit hunter Elmer Fudd. But after such intense training, not even an expert could kill Bugs Bunny! As the years passed and the world was engulfed by war, Bugs would constantly tunnel through land and sea to get a vacation, but almost always ended up in the wrong place, where his life would be slightly threatened by a revenge-seeking Elmer Fudd. Unaware of this, the Canadian government placed Daffy Duck before Elmer Fudd, and although Daffy was never killed by Elmer, he was severely injured by Elmer.

Meanwhile, Wile E. Coyote's countless attempts to capture Roadrunner proved unsuccessful.

The Silver Age (1945-1947)[edit]

After the murder suicide of Adolf Hitler, information regarding eleven Warner experiments were hidden from the public, their documents shredded and burned in a Celtic ritual by the Federal Censorship Commission, which then hired the Kristovan Government Bureau to seek and destroy Bugs Bunny. They found Bugs taking a vacation in Hollywood, and they set up an elaborate trap to capture and kill him at the same time. They set up a trail of sunflowers leading to an alley where three KGB agents stood, their machine guns pointing at Bugs. As the agents asked Bugs of he had any last words to say, Bugs noticed a wet paint sign on one of the buildings, then saw a bucket of paint on the ground, and devised an escape plan. He told the agents to look up at the sky, and they did, whilst Bugs used the paint from the bucket to paint himself so he could blend in with the building. When the agents removed their gaze from the sky, they didn't see Bugs, who then began to tunnel under the building. The agents fired their machine guns down the hole, into which they then jumped to see if they had killed Bugs. It turned out Bugs began tunneling forward just in time, and none of the bullets hit him. He continued to tunnel forward as the agents chased him, and tunneled a path that was designed so that the building fell on one of the agents, killing him. Bugs continued to tunnel, the two remaining agents close behind. Suddenly, Bugs dug 100 feet to where Earth's crust becomes hot. One agent fell to the rocky ground, and when the other agent landed on that agent, all of his internal organs burst out of his body, and he died. The last remaining agent got mad. Boy, was he angry! Bugs tunneled back up to the ground, where the agent pointed his machine gun at the rabbit. At last, Russian victory! Bugs Bunny is shot and killed! Whup, nice try dodongo! It was only a decoy! Then, Bugs put a pistol against the back of the agent's head, and fired. The bullet went straight through the agent's head and hit a gas station, causing an explosion. It was the last thing the agent saw before collapsing and going into a coma.

The Bronze Age (1947-1957)[edit]

Following the Roswell Occurrence and the death of Sgt. Pepper, more characters were introduced, and their adventures distracted a nation long enough for the Amerian government to smuggle a large surplus of anvils across the border to Mexico. The perpetually-hilarious battle between Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner raged on, and the one KGB agent who lived through the Silver Age was back on his feet---figuratively. Since his spine was damaged, he couldn't walk, and he was forced to move by wheelchair. He spent ten years wheelin across continental Asia, recruiting people for an armada whose sole purpose was to kill Bugs Bunny in the most gruesome way possible.

The Heroic Age (1957-1960)[edit]

Big Asian Dudes Assassinating Some Sneak (BADASS) marched onto the battlefield. On the other side was one male rabbit---Bugs Bunny. The KGB agent that was immobilized by Bugs sounded a conch shell, which signaled BADASS to kill Bugs, who promptly began to tunnel away. He tunneled so deep that his ground bulge trail dissipated, making him untrackable---until BADASS found a Native American and made him track Bugs down.

Meanwhile, Daffy Duck visited Las Vegas and won the brain of Albert Einstein in blackjack. He soon discovered that a group of scientists addicted to cocaine were after the brain, so Daffy, overwhelmed by greed, drove away as fast as he could. His car ran out of fuel at the border between America and Mexico, where the scientists eventually caught up and pointed their guns at him. Daffy then pointed his own gun at them, forming a Mexican standoff. The scientists pulled the "give us the X and nobody gets hurt" trick. Daffy gave them the brain, and he wasn't shot. As Daffy walked back into America, his mind raced. After a few seconds, he decided to go back and try to get the brain back. As Daffy ran back toward the border, the scientists began firing. Most of the bullets hit Daffy, but none of them hit his heart or brain. As he collapsed on the dirty ground, he grabbed the brain and pulled out a knife. He stabbed all but one of the scientists. The scientist that wasn't stabbed put a gun to Daffy's head. Daffy stabbed this scientist, and as the scientist fell, he fired his gun. A single bullet hit Daffy's heart, and Daffy was dead within the hour.

Bugs had finally tunneled to that very border. Exhausted from tunneling several thousands of miles, he finally emerged on the ground, and saw his dead friend, Daffy. Bugs got pissed off, and by the time BADASS finally caught up, Bugs had combined all of the weapons that were used in the standoff and fired it. Everyone in BADASS died, including the wheelchair-bound KGB agent. Then, Bugs lifted Daffy's body, carried it for miles into Mexico, and buried it next to a natural mummy. As Bugs walked back toward America, he was surrounded by police officers and was arrested for going over the border. After being cuffed, Bugs slumped to his knees, bit down on one of the officer's guns, and said to the officer, "Rabbit Season, fire." The officer fired, and Bugs died.

The Iron Age (1960-1970)[edit]

With the two most famous characters dead, Looney Tunes began to slowly fall apart. The animation became cruder and the humor less intelligent, and the famous opening sequence was no longer used. The Warner Company cloned Bugs and Daffy from chunks of skin that they left in their dressing rooms, and grew the clones on the back of Mickey Mouse after beating him over the head with a shovel and putting him in suspended animation. Growing two clones on his back proved to require serious effort, especially for Daffy's clone since he was of a different class. Mickey Mouse died shortly after being released from suspended animation and was himself cloned on the back of a space whale.

The End[edit]

In April 1970, Looney Tunes ended. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck's clones were adequately talented at acting, but in October 1969, they reached the Uncanny Valley, creating an illusion that made them seem like bad actors. The fans lost interest in the series, and a few months later, production was canceled. The last time the staff would meet was on April 14, to record their song "Fuck This, I'm Out". Their manager, Micheal McFatass, killed himself forty years later because of this.

Fugs Funny (Bugs Bunny's clone) became a famous stand-up comedian.

Faffy Fuck (Daffy Duck's clone) attempted several times to start his own band, such as "Daffy's Ducks", and he was momentarily in the band ACDC. After this six-month period, Daffy starred in a sitcom called Ducks in the City. After the complete failure of this show, he began to drop acid with various people.

Elmer Fudd faded into obscurity and won the Nimrod Award for Best Duck Hunter. He never shot Bugs Bunny.

Foghorn Leghorn would eventually land a star role in the smash hit movie Throw Momma from the Train.

The back up Looney Tunes characters would start their own show called How about, Bugs Bunny can go fuck himself with his mother's used tampon and then strike himself several times in the temple with an iron until he is mentally challenged and then fall off the Warner Brothers tower to his doom and then his decaying body gets anally raped by hobos, midgets, stray cats, and birds, and finally I'll put his remains into my oven, cook him, eat him, burn my shit, then throw it at his mother. Huh? Would you like that, huh? Huh. And Friends. The show was also called HABBCGFHWHMUTATSHSTITTWAIUHIMCATFOTWBTTHDATHDBGARBHMSCABAFIPHRIMOCHEHBMSTTIAHMHWYLTHH and Friends.

See also[edit]

Related Topics[edit]

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