4chan (formerly subtitled The Protocols of the Elders of Zion) is a popular electronation. It has a population of over 9000! citizens composed exclusively of young, white, anime-obsessed NEET males — a demographic widely considered the detritus of normal society. 4chan's major imports are anime girls and those Guy Fawke masks, while its major exports are Internet memes and Demotivational Posters. With the population having
almost no females, the nation depends largely on immigrants to maintain its numbers, whom 4chan natives affectionately refer to as "newfags" or "normies".
4chan was founded in 2003 by pimply-faced college kid Christopher "Moot" Poole. It was modelled off the popular Japanese imageboard Futuba Channel (2chan), and was initially intended solely for anime discussion. However, within a few years — owing to its anonymous, ephermal nature — 4chan became a chaotic and influential hub of Internet culture, spawning memes, raids, and controversy left, right, and center. It was also responsible for spawning the "idea" (for lack of a better word) of Anonymous, which mutated into a vague term constantly adopted by a mixture of "culture-jamming hacktivists" or whatever the cool kids are saying these days.
History[edit | edit source]
"4chan" is the fourth creation of the "chan" family. The first 3 "chan"s were quite successful at first, but unfortunately have ended up failing or got shut down (f). The first "chan" was a big hit with the males, particularly the whites, just like common day "4chan" is... today. The extremely fast popularity increase attracted the government's attention. Confusing it for the devil spawning out of modern day technology, it was regrettably shut down.
The second chan was popular with the females, and mainly was a discussion board for female menstruation issues. This angered the original creator, as he intended it for use of the clinically insane, not "those whiny bitches". He then went to each of those girl's houses, and proceeded to viciously murder all of them. He then named the website "3chan".
The third chan was hardly known or visited, but some people claimed it died of a severe case of syphilis. 4chan was founded by the Something Awful admins to feed their ongoing obsession with animated naked furry pedophile hentai OS-Tan oil wrestling GIFs, furries having sex with animals and amusing pictures of snowy owls. It went downhill from these innocuous beginnings to something far more morally ambiguous
4chan users are Anonymous (With a capital A). This isn't because they witnessed a Mafia hit or something. The real reason is simple wish fulfillment. Being nobody in particular is a dramatic improvement over being whoever you actually are if you're a 4chan regular. Imagine, for example, that you're a millionaire with a former beauty queen for a wife (or bodybuilder for a husband, if you're a lady or more than likely just a fag, cuz there are no ladies on 4chan). Despite your good life you can still wish that you're the Emperor Of China, have the year's entire series of Playboy (or Playgirl) centerfolds for your wives (husbands) and a magic flying horse that can talk. This is the sort of step up a 4chan user gets by becoming nobody. Being a faceless drone isn't so bad when your face resembles the greasy, toxic, barnacle encrusted hull of a sunken oil tanker. Actually, this might be a good description of Uncyclopedia!
List of boards[edit | edit source]
/a/ – Anime & Manga[edit | edit source]
これは漫画 の屑すべてが行くところであp。注eしなけれんあなたの皮は奇iな色を回す。これのsりは私誰も英語にこれを翻訳することを行っていない で深いであることを公正な行くこと話す屑である
/sp/ – Sports[edit | edit source]
Even if it was launched at the same time with /co/ and /mu/, the board contains less cancerous content by comparing its agesakes. Mostly contains Professional wrestling fans instead of some assburgers, attending to predict who will win this week's wrestling match every Sunday night.
/b/ – Random[edit | edit source]
The board most people think of when they hear "4chan", /b/ is by far the busiest board on the whole site, as well as the place where most of 4chan's memes and activities originate from. The board is infamous for having a policy of "anything goes," provided that the posted content is not illegal and does not violate any of the site's universal rules. While child pornography is the biggest no-no, cartoon depictions of sex with children is still common. Tasteless content (i.e. gore, Goatse, porn, animal abuse, and hate of virtually everything under the sun) is the order of the day, making this board not one for the faint of heart. Denizens of the board refer to each other as "/b/tards" or "fags".
/c/ – Anime/Cute[edit | edit source]
/c/ is /a/ for paedophiles (In other words: it is more popular). Supposedly standing for cute, it seems to have degenerated into how to show cartoon porn without anyone in it actually doing it. This creates a real problem for normal people, including tired donut-munching cops who can't hold down their coffee, because they know they are watching it to get off during their break on the fire escape, but can't actually do anything about it. Say "OMG KAWAII!!11!" a lot, they'll love you for it. These anime shows they watch must have really good plots. It can't possibly be because they have images of cute little girls in them.... nothing disturbing about that, is there?
/r9k/ – ROBOT9001[edit | edit source]
Added in 2008 as a response to a proposal by xkcd for a board where users could not make any posts that were identical in content to previous posts in order to encourage in-depth discussion. It became more well-known as a place where bitter twenty-something guys blamed all their woes on "normies" and women, thus leading to the requirement eventually being removed in 2014.
/r9k/ is also the board where it is alleged the shooter in the Umpqua Community College massacre had posted and was encouraged to act by other posters.
/ck/ – Food & Cooking[edit | edit source]
Where people go to talk about food.
Seriously, you couldn't figure that out from the title? You're really stupid.
Nobody really cares about this board, like, honestly, you'd be lucky to find 6-7 women on it at one time..or not (there's no Internet in the kitchen or the bedroom). Either way, stupid board, nobody uses it and nobody wants to, probably just all porn and food and porn and food and porn and good and - hang on, this board may be onto something!
/cgl/ – Cosplay & EGL[edit | edit source]
DRAMA. Name says it all, really. People dressing up as various things, cats, mice, Pizza Hut boxes, and 16 year-old PVC addicts. To sum this one up... it's filled with faggots. The kind of people you'd see dressed up as wizards and shit, casting spells on one another and later on jerking off to some stupid anime show. Also with weirder people (Yes, they get weirder, amazing right?) that dress up in animal costumes then proceed to fuck each other. You can't make shit like that up. Either way, if you're one of the above, this is the place for you.
You may stumble upon a few threads that contain badassery, in which case you should probably screenshot it due to being rare as shit. Other than those rare occurrences, this board's dominated by those other fags.
/co/ – Comics & Cartoons[edit | edit source]
Wow! Western cartoons (meaning cowboys and Indians, preferably from Texas and titled "Gunsmoke")! Unfortunately, even western cartoons are not safe from the hideous imaginations of the "artists" who post their work on this board. Unless you have the mental-ability to ward off any of the horrors you will witness here, it is not advised to touch this board. The less said, the better (and not in a good way). Essentially the OTHER poor-man's version of /a/.
/d/ – Hentai/Alternative[edit | edit source]
The disgusting, horrific mind of Japan manifests itself in this complete cunt of a board. If it has breasts and a dick, and also some tentacles, it's here. Occasionally you will find something fappable, but for the most of the time you should wash your eyes out with industrial nuclear soap (which is a fetish in its own right) after visiting this board, unless you have a huge dickgirl fetish.
/e/ – Ecchi[edit | edit source]
A kind of hentai with rules so complex no one can explain them. No-one except the really, really, really, REALLY weird of the weirdest 4chan users even visits this board, let alone posts on it (in the rare case of which one should immediately contact the authorities).
/f/ – Flash[edit | edit source]
Flash Japanese porn. If it moves, fucks, has six breasts/tentacles and does it doggie-style with the Queen of Sheba, then you will find it here. And then Networks will come over and beat the fucking crap out of you personally.
/fit/ – Fitness[edit | edit source]
A place where strong people mostly talk about how strong they are and how to get strong. When they aren't doing that, they talk about how to pick up girls, laugh at fat people, and worship some bodybuilder that died. In other words, it's filled with arrogant twits, and as such can be put on the "boards not to care about" list. Moving on.
/i/ – Oekaki[edit | edit source]
Formerly the Insurgency board. This used to be a breeding ground for two types of people: 14 year-olds who thought they were cool and slightly older people who clicked the board by accident thinking it was another one of those hentai image-forums because no-one talked about it. But what does "insurgency" actually mean? It is what happens when anger issues and a script meant for malicious use downloaded from sourceforge collide. This might sound like a dangerous place to piss off in case you were hacked or suffered identity theft were they would use your credit-card to send ten pizzas to your door, in reality all that would happen if you trolled people on this board is that you could bask in the satisfaction of knowing that you caused several or so autistic people to thumble about for 45 minutes attempting and failing to run a distributed denial-of-service attack and failing badly.
Eventually, after a long string of raids on this board by people who actually knew what they were doing, the administrators eventually came to their senses and realised that the board had no real point other than to give 4chan an even worse reputation than what they already had, resulting in them pulling the plug on it. Now /i/ is a board for Oekaki, where terrible people make terrible drawings and share it with other terrible people in terrible threads and receive terrible replies on a terrible board. One to put on the "not to care about" list.
/hc/ – Hardcore[edit | edit source]
- Rule 1: Do not talk about /hc/
- Rule 2: DO NOT talk about /hc/
/hr/ – High Resolution[edit | edit source]
Large pictures with super awesome quality. Lots of boobies and Star Wars and Transformers. The only board which (usually) has non-disturbing porn. Worth checking out at least once if you're into good-quality photographs. So it's probably the only proper example of a 4chan image board doing exactly what it says on the tin. That's literally all there is to say about this board. Moving along....
/o/ – Automobiles[edit | edit source]
You have never witnessed such trolling. Commonly agreed on /o/ that v6 mustangs and the BRZ/ FRS are the greatest cars to have ever existed. Disagreeing to accepted theories will insure shitstorm to follow.
/k/ – Weapons[edit | edit source]
Where prepubescent kids and thick-as-pig-shit, balding men go talk about guns they use in this week's Call of Duty. Also filled with weeaboos who think " the guv'mnt" wants to take away their guns (see Deliverance). They are known as /k/ommandos. Note that "day /k/" and "night /k/" are two different entities. After night falls, the Call of Duty fans go to bed and /k/ turns into an actual informative board. Compared to other boards (/g/, /v/, /b/, etc.), /k/ is one of the more polite boards.
/mu/ – Music[edit | edit source]
Once an indie nation where people could go to talk about music, instrumentation, and all the aspects of making and performing music, /mu/ has been sold out to the tourist industry. Metalheads and hipsters now wage massive wars amongst each other on the board, while some of the underground citizens meet up to fight the power, and bring /mu/ back to its former glory. This Nationalist movement, however, has not gone far. Conservative /mu/tants have mostly given up, and gone on to simply trolling like the tourists around them. The land of /mu/ is governed by Supreme President Jeff Mangum and his Co-Commander ybf. The primary currency of /mu/ is Indie Cred (I.C.) and its national anthem is "King of Carrot Flowers pts 2 & 3", by Neutral Milk Hotel.
/pol/ – Politically Incorrect[edit | edit source]
/pol/ is 4chan's political board, filled with trolls allegedly just pretending to be actual white supremacists, white supremacists feigning irony as a recruitment tactic, and actual white supremacists. The board was born out of the earlier /news/ board that infamously became Stormfront 2.0 by the end of its lifespan. /news/ was deleted, and the phoenix /pol/ rose from its ashes, mostly seen as a (failed) attempt to contain anti-Jew conspiracies and interracial cuckold porn to one single board. /pol/lacks have also started redpilling various campaigns on Twitter to promote the "alt-right" movement, or just to make liberals and their other enemies look foolish — most notably the #EndFathersDay prank and buying ad space to post messages urging transgender people to commit suicide.
The consensus among /pol/acks is that the establishment is colorblind, globalist, Marxist, and feminist. They rally behind figures who opposes the "degenerate" (a term they borrowed from the Nazis) and Zionist-controlled modern world; these figures include Julius Evola, David Duke, Donald "Can't Stump The" Trump, Hitler, Mussolini, Nigel Farrage, and various other right-wing idols.
/g/ – Technology[edit | edit source]
<!DOCTYPE html> <html lang=en>
<head> <meta charset=UTF-8>
/tv/ – Television and Film[edit | edit source]
Consists mostly of "waifu" threads, pedophilia, foot fetishism, and tripcode users. Occasionally they'll bash the latest blockbuster, and have threads where they list their 9 favorite films. Of course, this is just a front for being able to attack other's taste in film and call them plebeians. Blade Runner and 2001 A Space Odyssey are regarded as objectively the greatest films of all time, so don't go there and tell them otherwise. It's like going into a Catholic church and calling them sheep. Also, Breaking Bad.
/v/ – Video Games[edit | edit source]
4chan's first and largest board dedicated to video games, posters are known as /v/irgins. /v/ is disliked by many 4channers due to /v/irgins generally acting very insipid, as well as the fact that their threads often have very little, if anything, to do with video games. Rather, the board finds itself more comfortable with off-topic shitposting, hentai, and greentext stories.
For a time, /v/ was the largest, fastest-moving board. This got so bad that some threads would reach the post limit in just a few minutes. This lead to /v/ birthing several child boards including /vg/ for video game generals, /vp/ for Pokemon, and /vr/ for retro games. The board has somehow managed to make a video game called Katawa Shoujo.
/int/ – international[edit | edit source]
The idea behind /int/ is simple: For the exchange of language and culture. However, it soon degenerated into little more than a large number of Polish, Swedish, Finnish, German and (Bizarrely) Serbian people who bicker over which country is the best. If it was not that, it would be threads which would become long and heavily ambiguous question-and answer sessions about countries no-one cares about that exist purely to boost the original-poster's ego. It has also become the Internet's largest social-gathering for Slavic people: Presumably Facebook must be banned in Kosovo, because that's the way slavic people on /int/ treat 4chan. But the worst thing about it is that a lot of the users are nationalists who think every other country in the world exists purely for people to come over and take their job, to the point this accurately describes the average point of discussion on a usual thread:
/x/ – Paranormal[edit | edit source]
A place where people do nothing but write creepypastas. Most stuff there is bullshit. Currently, there is much dispute between the nature of /x/ and /b/. /x/ was originally meant to be a paranormal image board, but during a period of crashes in /b/'s history, the denizens of /b/ invaded and took over /x/ for their own purposes, temporarily. Somewhere along there, a random anonymous said the fateful words:
"post ending in 69 takes over /x/."
And then /x/ was the /b/-tards. Interesting fact: birthplace of the "WHO WAS PHONE?" meme.
Not that anyone cares.
/vp/ – Pokemon[edit | edit source]
A place for fandomentalists who whine about Gen V and Gen IV, as well as the only SFW 4chan board. Basically what happened on this channel is the fandomentalists and the true Pokemon fans argue upon each other about which generation is the best. This has caused mass conflict about Reshiram or Ho-oh is the better legendary and GEN V SUXORS POSTS. Other posts regulate on how furries from Deviantart are ruining the Pokemon fandom and newfags getting banned for posting rule 34. And Also DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT SMOGON. They think they are bereaucratic nazis (In fact this was true, as Smogon thinks they are the God of Pokemon). Their rules are mostly tl;dr (and they will enforce it until nobody plays Pokemon online), and anybody that dare mentions them will be thought as being the furher and will be banned from the board for teh lulz.
/u/ – Yuri and /y/ – Yaoi[edit | edit source]
Yaoi Fangirls. Enough said. No, really, if you don't know what the above two terms mean, you should be thankful for what you have.
/u/ was once described as: "like /v/, except with more videogames and less porn."
/z/ – the best board of them all[edit | edit source]
Tucked away, deep beneath the Yaoi and Paranormal boards, is /z/. It is by far the most intelligent, witty and useful board which is why it doesn't seem to be talked about. The denizens of /z/ are a great and friendly bunch, who are always happy to help with computer or social problems. Need help with work or a game? This is the board to go. As there is absolutely nothing wrong with this board, it is greatly advised to visit this board before any of the others. In fact, make it your homepage! Having everything that makes 4chan shine and so much more, you'll never have to visit another board again! So just enter into your browser "boards.4chan.org/z/" and prepare to be happily surprised and amazed!
/r/ – Request[edit | edit source]
You could browse 4chan for years and never have to bother even battering an eyelid at this board. Presumably created entirely because moot couldn't think of something to begin with "R", this is a board which is about as popular as Hepatitis B. A large amount of what is "requested" can be described as [REDACTED TO ENSURE CONTINUED MENTAL HEALTH]. In short, ignore and continue.
/s4s/ – Shit 4chan says[edit | edit source]
One of the new boards that have been released recently, Shit 4chan says is a pure, raw and uncondensed pile of faggotry where everybody acts like a newfag and posts shitposts that are not seen in anywhere else on 4chan. It is ridden with the worst of newfags who force memes, use emoticons, and make slowpoke combos, failtrolls who think they are the leaders of Anonymous and all sorts of extreme 12 year old scum that do nothing than clog up 4chan every once a while. It also often gets taken over by other boards such as /a/. Anybody who trespasses this board should be treated with a free trip to the nearest mental hospital. Immediately.
WE HAVE SAVED THE BEST UNTIL LAST, FOLKS.
AND THE AWARD FOR THE GREATEST BOARD ON 4CHAN GOES TO...
/mlp/ – My Little Pony[edit | edit source]
/mlp/ is no ordinary 4chan board. It is not inhabited by regular humans, but eldritch monstrosities known as Bronies. In 2010 these transsexual creatures had invaded 4chan and manifested the boards of 4chan with outdated meme generator memes full of cute ponies which turn other members into more of them (yes, like other forms of plague). The mods were displeased and they swept these beasts out of 4chan. However, the bronies will still invade the boards with their girly shit once the mods are gone. So to distract the bronies the /mlp/ board was born.
/mlp/ is known as a cancer of the net and is usually not entered by any normal person. The disease which one contracts from bronies is so infectious that just visiting this board will mean you will begin to have erections towards children's characters. In fact moot said "/mlp/ is the leprosy island of 4chan", in one of the few cases he has spoken the absolute truth. This is the worst board for one reason and one reason only: Bronies. If you don't see how this is a bad thing, please check to make sure a pony plushy with a "strategically-placed hole" has not somehow found its way onto your unmentionables.
[edit | edit source]
- 4chan: The Asshole of the Internet.
- Zombears Shoot The Most Famous Meme created by 4chan
- Use Google, you lazy bastard. I'm not your mother.
- Oh, alright. Why /b/tards are called tards.