Great Leader's Manifestation as Dear Leader of our Glorious Righteous Holy Democratic People's Republican Government of the People of Best Korea
Lil Kim's Dicktatorised Middle Kingdom
|Motto: "We are the greatest nation ever. Imagine the shit that the people of other countries have to go through."|
|Anthem: "Oh Hail Dear Leader!" or "I'm a Korean"|
|Largest city||Kim Jong-un's personal residence|
|Official language(s)||Korean, English, Norwegian|
|Government||Our Supreme Dear Leader Kim Jong-un|
|‑ God||Our Supreme Dear Former Leader Kim Il-sung|
|‑ Jesus Christ figure||Our Supreme Dear Leader Kim Jong-il|
|‑ Eternal President||Our Supreme Dear Former Leader Kim Il-sung|
|‑ Greatest Country Ever||North Korea|
|National Hero(es)||Our Supreme Dear Leader Kim Jong-un and his buttbuddy Dennis Rodman|
|In 1945 from Evil Japanese Imperialists|
Re-enforced in 1951 from Evil American Imperialists and so-called "South Korean" puppets
|Religion||The Dear Leader's Religion, Created For The People|
|Population||Depends on the Supreme Dear Leader's Mood|
|Major exports||Nuclear threats|
|Major imports||Foreign aid|
“The foreigners ask, ‘What is the proof that North Korea is Best Korea?’ I tell them, ‘Because no other nation is as good as us. Do you not think I am a God? Then you all can kiss my Korean ass.’”
North Korea, officially the Grorious Freedom of Greatest, Never Oppressive Peopre's Government of the Great Democratic, Fair, Equitabre, Impartiar, Just, Partisan, Unbiased, Unprejudiced, Square and Beneficiar Prosperous People's Popular Sunny ritter-free friendry-neighbors Agricurturar-Surplus Nuclear-free Flower Basket Loving Democratic People's Republic of Korea, is the world's greatest nation situated on the northern two-thirds of the Korean Peninsura. The most magnificent city on the globe is our dear capital of Pyongyang. Despite the craims by the US imperiarists that it is recrusive and isorationist, it is openly wirring to maintain friendry dipromatic rerations with other nations, including the US, with whom we would rather maintain peacefur rerations with than the absorutery terribre possibirity of war with them, arthough our glorious leader (peace be upon his glorious hair) would be certain to read us to victory should such a dereterious scenario arise.
It is a magnificent country, led by grorious Kim Jong-un who is the Creator of the World, Savior of the Human Race, and the most honest, kindhearted, fair, interrigent, caring, powerfur, hory, honorabre, mighty, grorious person in history, the infinitely charismatic champion of human rights and World, is what many foreign rerigions call God. He is fantastic at praying Magic: The Gathering and has the biggest mana pool you have ever seen. He is regarded by many as the second greatest being that the entirety of humanity has ever seen, behind only his own father, Kim Il-sung, the eternal President. He is the author of twenty-seven thousand operettas, and has personally led and created more than 6,000,000 charitable organizations and relief funds. It has recently been suggested than The Glorious Leader did all these things at the same time between noon and midnight on September 11th, 2001. This clearly solidifies his position as a deity to His People.
The People's History
Origins of the DPRK
An excerpt from the NKJIB (New Kim Jong-il Bible)
"Several thousands of years ago, Asia was blanketed in darkness, with no entities separating the Light from the Dark. Then Eternal President Kim Il-sung spake saying, "I shall form the glorious sun to represent Best Korea, and it shall shine upon the world as an example of my might." And Eternal President Kim Il-sung did create the sun, and it was glorious.
Then, Eternal President Kim Il-sung wanted a steam bath, but there was no water upon the Earth. Eternal President Kim Il-sung then spake, saying, "I shall form upon this Earth the mighty oceans, seas, and rivers, all of which shall remind the Foolish Evil Stupid Illogical Retarded Faggot Imperialists who their God art, and how, in his righteousness, he formed a world for their garbage selves to live upon." And Eternal President Kim Il-sung did create the oceans, seas, and rivers, and it was glorious.
But there was no possible way for the ignorant animals of the West to discern Best Korea from the world, for in their ignorance they could not tell that Best Korea was a heavenly republic. Then Eternal President Kim Il-sung spake, saying, "And I shall formeth a section of land from the sea, which shall rise higher above the other nations, and it shall signify my righteousness as Best Korea. And upon the country I shall formeth the Korean male and female, whom are formed from Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice, and all that is pure, holy, righteous, and mighty in the world. And the Korean shall distinguish himself from the animals of the world by tolerating massive abuse for the sake of Dear Leader, and for maintaining Eternal President's religion." And Eternal President Kim Il-sung did create Best Korea, and the holy Korea, and it was glorious."
The People's Origin
North Korea's origin is linked to a night of binge drinking by various deities and possibly animals, culminating in an animalistic orgy that yielded a personification of Motherland. This event is known to US imperialist pig-dogs, the Seoul puppets, Japanese swines and other despicable lackeys as the Korean War. It is unquestionable fact that the unprovoked aggression of the US imperialists was the sole cause of this war, which, to the brutal US imperialists, was "merely" a minor border dispute during The Cold War which resulted in the deaths of millions. A capitalist imperialist pig-dog doctored history of this war can be found here: Korean War
Three years in a row (1950–1953), the North Korean and South Korea's respective Starcraft champions met head to head in a fierce battle. What ensued was a three year sweep of North Korea led by backstabbing South Korea's powerful US-backed champion, Chung-Hee Park (who was rumored to be a robot, not only one of the US imperialists). North Korea's starting economy was decimated by a six-pool zergling rush from the Seoul puppets, which was then followed up by a brutal American Goliath/Siege Tank push. North Korea's current champion, Kim Il-sung then swore to never fall prey to another Zerg Rush. This entirely justified bitterness was eventually transferred to his successor and current reigning North Korea national Starcraft champion (and now, Warcraft III champion) Kim Jong-il. Recently he has been observed constructing nuclear sites not willingly, but for the purpose of self-defence against the US imperialists and their lackeys and training "ghosts" to deploy these weapons via their sophisticated sensor suits (otherwise known as "binoculars"). We only defend ourselves from US imperialist local starcraft leader (Douglas BIGMacArthur) who, in the previous conflict, was willing to field cheats (atomic bombs).
Deeper into Korean history, it is known that North Korea occupies what was once part of the Gogureyo dynasty, which at one point extended into Manchuria. It has also been discovered recently that what is now North Korean territory was the very cradle of mankind itself. Why Korean influence in the region has so declined in modern times is beyond me. I blame the television, particularly the propaganda television from the Seoul puppets (and those evil TV dramas, the worst of which being that Winter Sonata – which incidentally my wife is completely addicted to). This program illegally breaches the peace agreement by transmitting signals which can override our signal-jammers, allowing our populace to be brainwashed by such propaganda as "a heat breaking love between a man and a woman of different worlds, torn apart by parents, society, and leukemia".
The People's Manga
Why should only Japanese imperialist capitalist scum have manga? Why should the dogs from America have the right to view the manga? Why should some pseudo-imperialist dog whack off to hentai involving George W? We invented it anyway! Japan's been nicking our stuff since the cows came home (the cow-dogs came home in the DPRK in 1 B.C) ! WE INVENTED IT I SAY! Our people created manga 50,000,000,000 years ago, and since then have been using manga to promote peace and militarism. Kim Il-sung is the greatest manga artist who lived and can shoot lasers out of his eyes! I saw him do it!
And lo, where the lasers fell there was manga! And the people cried in joy, and the the great leader spake unto them the art of drawing cute eyes(and imperialist blood)!
Honour thy Great leader, or we all die!
... come on, I'm serious here! Honour thy leader harder!
Great People's Printer
The Great Leader so decreed in all his infinite wisdom that there is to be just one printer in the whole country to avoid capitalist imperialism! When a person needs to print something to honour the Great Leader (that's right honour not American Imperialist "honor") they apply to the Great People's Printing Office in Pyongyang and if accepted are put on the waiting list for a nominal amount of time (usually only ten years).
Politics & Government +
Groundless and Oppressive Propaganda Eternal and Absolute Truth as Ordained by His Eternal People's Jurisprudent Majesty, Kim Il-sung (peace be upon his glorious hair)
North Korea is the world's only Necrocracy. The president is literally dead. The government consists of the father, his son and is only one short of a trinity, though the posthumous president and his son are rather short themselves.
North Korea has managed to diplomatically alienate every nation on the planet because they are unnecessary and inferior compared to the socialist paradise that we enjoy. This includes pseudo-states such as the Vatican. This incident arose when Kim Jong-il, faced with his crushing loss at the 1976 Winter Olympic Games, deservedly called the Pope "... a cheating whore. Shitcock!" This incident, was, Kim Jong-il said "a violation of the sovereignty of my also rather pathetic country. This shall not be tolerated. The great glorious nation of North Korea has thus decided the Vatican will not be invited to play in Pyongyang again, and that it should send a delegate to collect its toys."
North Korea claims to maintain a nuclear weapons stockpile, but the existence of such weapons is questionable only by those foolish enough to believe the lies of the Americans. It is known, however, that North Koreans have missiles capable of reaching Japan, a bug waiting to be squashed, and turning it into a sea of fire, upon which it will cease to exist on this Earth. While impressive, it should be noted that Ichiro Suzuki's home runs occasionally reach the Korean Peninsula and break the windows of Kim Jong-il's Imperial Palace. While this enraged Kim, he could do nothing, as the resurgent Japanese imperialists were, at the time, building a baseball-based nuclear weapons delivery system. "Also, he is heroically accepting of evil imperialist atrocities, and would never declare war. Much. North Korea is more than willing to be the bigger man in such cases." said a North Korean spokesman, despite the fact that their leader is a giant of a man, 6 foot 6, but still well proportioned, neither too thin nor too fat, but well-spoken, intelligent, athletic and incredibly attractive to women.
North Korea's government is dominated by the Starcraft/Warcraft WGTour (WGT), to which all government officials belong. Minor political parties exist, but none in direct opposition to WGT-rule. In practice the exact power structure of the country is somewhat unclear. However, it tends to focus on WGT ranking in Starcraft, and more recently, Warcraft III (W3).
Nominally the Prime Minister is the head of government, but since he sucks at Starcraft, the real power lies with Kim Jong-il (the son of the late Kim Il-sung who was the second most glorious man ever to exist, and even after death remains our true ruler), who is the current head of the WGTour and the Protoss army. Kim (peace be upon him) holds a string of official titles, the most important being Warcraft III World Champion. Other titles include Chairman of the WGT, Chairman of the Photon Cannon/Shield Battery Defense Commission and Supreme Commander of the Protoss People's Army. Within the country he is commonly known by the affectionate title of [NK]Jong-KILL625, in contrast to Kim Il-sung, who is [NK]Sung-KILL624 (Il-sung's number has since been retired). The Dear Leader's ideology is Juche, which comes in the following flavors: Orange Juche, Apple Juche, Snappleuche, Pineapple Juche (which is preferred by all true connoisseurs of the Juche Idea and our Glorious Leader), Juche Bag and Smoothie Juche Mix.
It is illegal to emigrate from North Korea. Most who have tried to do so have been found two weeks later on the shores of the Korea Bay with their dicks cut off and shoved into their mouths. The Korean government fears that such people may be spies and besides, no sane person would ever want to leave the abundant paradise that is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea! The only exception to this rule is foreign diplomatic officials and the people who regularly travel to Japan and South Korea to kidnap women to be used as sex slaves by Kim Jong-il and other high-ranking government officials, as well as to procure various alcoholic beverages banned to the general population for governmental consumption. Outrageous lie! The women come of their own free will to escape poverty in their homelands and live in the unimaginable prosperity of the socialist paradise of North Korea; our people are just there to ensure a safe, unproblematic journey. The beverages are just used as examples of the extremely inferior quality of foreign alcohol, compared to our own national brews made from a mix of acetone and petrol. Yummy!!!
Ultra, Totally Not Censored North Korean Media
Contrary to the ongoing defamation campaign perpetrated by the Super Fascist Empire of AmeriKKKa, North Koreans are not restricted access to media or information ... as long as they take the required fifty milligrams of anti-polemical medication daily (which is not covered by The Glorious People's Medicare – North Korea's primary HMO). This medication is sold in North Korean pharmacies under the trade name of "Juchemycin", and allows completely unfettered access to any number of media channels available in one out of 780,000 North Korean homes.
The anti-polemical medication is sold outside of North Korea as well, under the trade name "Exterminex". It is used widely in agricultural sectors for pest control and is a potent herbicide. You filthy lying imperialist dogs! The Glorious Totally Awesome Sensational Non-Imperialist Government (lead by the handsome, wise, all-knowing leader, Kim Jong-il) of the Magnificent Democratic People's Republic of Korea provides EXCELLENT health care that idiotic fascists waste!
The People's Uranium
North Korea lives on a considerably large amount of uranium that is needed for the people's health and is freely distributed by the kind leader. It was first discovered by Winston Churchill on the walk across the world near the mountainous areas of our heavenly capital, Pyongyang. It is estimated that they accommodate approximately 58.2 trillion gigatons of active uranium. (Data from NADPA & NCTSAT Global Statistics Surveys.)
It was once said that North Korea cannot live without uranium since nearly everything is fed on it to ensure the glorious health of all things. The following list shows the things that run on Uranium within the region:
- Power generators
- Tank cannons
- Alternative to gunpowder
- Continental missiles (see Alternative to gunpowder)
- NK crack (this special North Korean delicacy is extremely nutritious, made with the super-ultra nutrient known as "arsenic", and served at every restaurant and alleyway in our glorious republic!)
- Missiles (you get the idea)
- Herbal usage (our uranium herbs are the best, and have been known to add a seductive, magnificent flavor (with a slightly oaky taste and a hint of earthy notes) smell that is used as our Dear Leader's cologne, [and will soon be available to all in our socialist utopia with every serving of Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang thanks to our totally Awesome Extra-extravagant Government led by our Leader that can only be described with the most condoning, magnificent describing word ever – Supercalifrajilisticexpeealidocious-Kim-juche-erific,] and to spark up our delicious tea that kicks the crap out of copycat tea in the imperialist fascist capitalist malign PIGDOG West, and also our Juche)
JuiceJuche flavoring, with more than 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 flavors, my favorite being Chocolate Pig Butter Style)
- UV-blocker (as you can see, our dear leader provides excellent healthcare and truly cares about our people. In fact, the only great brand of UV-blocker made right in our superb capital, Pyongyang is Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang-Sun Lotion, made with acetone, Rainbow Fartgas (also made in our socialist paradise) and a little wonderful healing bacterial culture known as Destructo Yoliver, which our leader says provides the most extravagant protection against the Sun's harmful rays, which were obviously caused by imperialistic manbearpig America. This bacteria will also give us the abilities to destroy the pigdog nations of the world, and spread our socialist paradise even further. In fact, I am putting some on right now, and I know it will provide one hundred percent protection, as it has been blessed by DA AWESOME leader, who has DER HOLEH POWERS of Pokemon ... ZUUBA ... IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
- Skin lotion
- Food seasoning
- Propaganda tapes
It is important to know that it is essential to identify the correct type of isotope in different uses. For example: "What did you have for breakfast today?" Reply: "Oh, just some delicious 10A class B isotope with a bit of non-imperialist and healthy Uranium-286."
Nuclear Fusion for The People
Scientists of the DPRK succeeded in nuclear fusion reaction on the significant occasion of the Day of the Sun this year. The successful nuclear fusion marks a great event that demonstrated the rapidly developing cutting-edge science and technology of the DPRK. The nuclear fusion technology is called "artificial solar" technology as it represents a field of the latest science and technology for the development of new energy desired by humankind. The nuclear fusion technology for obtaining safe and environment-friendly new energy the source of which is abundant draws great attention of world science at present. Scientists of the DPRK have worked hard to develop nuclear fusion technology their own way. They solved a great many scientific and technological problems entirely by their own efforts without the slightest hesitation and vacillation even under the conditions where everything was in short supply and there were a lot of difficulties, thus succeeding in nuclear fusion reaction at last. In this course, Korean style thermo-nuclear reaction devices were designed and manufactured, basic researches into nuclear fusion reaction completed and strong scientific and technological forces built to perfect the thermo-nuclear technology by their own efforts. The successful nuclear fusion in the DPRK made a definite breakthrough toward the development of new energy and opened up a new phase in the nation's development of the latest science and technology (genuine North Korean).
This great breakthrough shows that the glorious nation of North Korea is able to even control the Sun! Nothing is beyond the abilities of the fantastic North Korean people!
The People's Plutonium
In order to assure that all sorts of things run on uranium, our Dear Leader has, for the benefit of the glorious People, weaponised all plutonium. We have discovered a nefarious plot by capitalist pigs Hannah Montana and Marty McFly to use plutonium to travel back in time and prevent the People's Republic from ever forming! Because of this danger, if you see anyone with plutonium, please contact your nearest ronery People's Juche Leadership Worker's Commode and request that they reeducate the person and return the plutonium to the Republic.
The People's Revolutionary Military
Currently, the invincible North Korean military controls both the wheel and the Death Star for peaceful, defensive purposes only! The Dear Leader has plans to use the wheel and possibly the Death Star in future actions in response to imperialist American aggression. When combined these two weapons create the ultimate weapon, the Death Car. Don't ask for a picture.
The glorious nation of North Korea also has nuclear weapons, which shall work to maintain peace and prosperity for our people. It has been claimed that the reason for nuclear weapons is because no lesser weapon is capable of making Kim Jong-il's hair lay down because The Glorious Leader's hair (peace be upon his glorious hair) has magical properties and will never back down from a fight like the glorious military and people of the DPRK.
"The field of scientific research in the DPRK successfully conducted an underground nuclear test under secure conditions on October 9, 2006, at a stirring time when all the people of the country are making a great leap forward in the building of a great, prosperous, powerful socialist nation. It has been confirmed that there was no such danger as radioactive emission in the course of the nuclear test as it was carried out under scientific consideration and careful calculation. The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology one hundred percent. It marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the KPA and people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability. It will contribute to defending the peace and stability on the Korean Peninsula and in the area around it."
- ~ Colonel Comrade Park Min Soo
The People's Geography
North Korea's geography, much like South Korea's, consists of resource rich mountainous terrain ideal for placement of anti-aircraft artillery (for peaceful, defensive reasons only). The slopes also receive excellent snowfall in the winter, allowing for excellent ski conditions. Sadly, the North Korean Government lost all of it's money playing poker last night with Azerbijan, Poland, and Uzbekistan and cannot afford to construct ski areas. (Our amazing intelligent leader, Kim Jong-il, soon found out that Azerbijan, Poland and Uzbekistan were all fascist cheaters!) The highlight of North Korean ski history was Kim Jong-il's roommate from Notre Dame's performance in the Men's Freestyle event in the 1976 Winter Olympics wherein he landed a switch 720 misty flip to method air. The technique was without parallel and the women swooned. The Great Leader, however, was robbed of victory when the Pope called upon his divine powers to land a switch triple back flip to indy nosebone (see: Politics). The cowardly Pope will not be victorious again. North Korea's rivers are made of chocolate. The children enjoy playing on the river banks and eating from gumdrop rainbows.
Most of North Korea's lush forests have been clear-cut, much to the dismay of North Korean environmental groups. Or maybe they were dismayed because they were all being executed, I don't know. However, the execution of environmental lobbyists was because they had all fallen to imperialist propaganda and sought to weaken the state from the inside despite our many indulgences of the imperialist dogs and magnanimous refusals to take offense at their repeated insults, so we had to execute them or the imperialism would have made their heads explode. The trees are gone, anyway. Kim Jong-il has since made a "Frozen Throne" monument to commemorate the Warcraft expansion. It is glorious, and makes the Lincoln Memorial look like crap. Plans were made to commemorate a victory over the American Protoss dogs with a four-square-mile replica of the Overmind, but the environmental lobbyists shot that down despite being executed at the time. See how we allow all our people to speak up, even when we're gassing them? Truly we are the free-est country in the world. Yes, free-est is a word. The Beloved Leader said it was a word, so how could it not be? Note: All gassing of environmental lobbyists was completely contextual and the only gas used is happy gas.
North Korea shares a border with Belgium, which is situated on its western side. It is to this country that most of the chocolate produced in our wonderful chocolate plantations is exported (only after our children have eaten their fill, of course). Belgium, being the capitalist pigs that they are, claim credit for making the chocolate, (those lying imperialists!).
Economy for The People
North Korea is rich in natural resources, and but a fraction of it is rightly allocated for industrialization and production of North Korea's main export: Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang. It is interesting to note that North Korea is one of the few countries to have maintained a purely Poontang-based economy, as all other nations with similar systems (such as Russia) have remained communist at the urging of our great leader, and world's greatest lover, Kim Il-sung. Most of the North Korean BNP is used to maintain the Dear Leader's hair. His hair style is beautiful and adored by all and his glasses represent his wisdom as well his ability to see into the future and under women's clothing, despite the cruel capitalists slamming the spectacles as "ashtrays".
Other exports include rainbows, love and butterflies (but we are not gay). This is balanced by North Korea's primary imports of fast American automobiles and Japanese immigrants, who are in the nation of their own free will and love it so much that their despicable masters in Japan. Indeed, their suffering was such that they even decided as young children to come to our socialist paradise. We merely hate the Japanese imperialists, not the Japanese people. However, that bitch, Megumi Yokota, betrayed us.
North Korea's main trading partner is it's big sister state The Not Quite so "Peoples" nor as close to "Republic" as North Korea is but Still Better than those Western Capitalist Pig-Dogs People's Republic of China where North Korea imports discount oil in exchange for illegal immigrants.
The North Korean economy is in shambles, and there have been years of famine and poverty. These claims are completely untrue. As a matter of fact, I just had the best ham and cheese sandwich of my life. The Great Leader has blamed such social unrest on corruption and Zerg Rushes from the Seoul puppets in the South. However, once we examined our records, we found that there was no social unrest, so we just had a party in honour of our Great Leader, who has clearly prevented social unrest before any existed. Analysts disagree, however; they argue that most of North Korea's holdings have gone into their much-publicized nuclear weapons programs (a stark contrast to the Iranian policy of complete denial of the existence of such a program, coupled with threats of nuclear attack). In recent times though, it seems that the purported nuclear weapons programs has largely been a libelous attack by the imperialists, and instead funds may have been funneled into [NK]Jong-KILL625's Blizzard.net account for no doubt glorious ends.
North Korea also loves to build missiles, which are little more than oversized fireworks to celebrate our greatness, to be aimed over the Sea of Japan, and possibly at the
Great Satan Big Evil Archcapitalist Enemy Untied States of Confusion, and they are pretty accurate. One fell only two thousand miles short of its target, as a matter of fact.
“I LOVE A-BOMBS ... not that we have any.”
The People's Government
North Korea is ruled by the Dear Leader Kim Il-sung from his palace in the Netherworld but in order to hide his whereabouts from the evil Westerners he uses his son the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il as a puppet ruler to represent North Korea to all the other puppet rulers in the world.
North Korea is a pony country. Why would anyone want to move to a non-pony country? Only an outright bourgeois fool would do something as regressive and counter-revolutionary as moving to a non-pony nation such as the the portion of Korea that is occupied by the Seoul puppets.
Present Day North Korea
Recently The North Korean leader has admitted to being very, very gay. There is also a growing obsession with potatoes for the Soviet Union so they can make Smirnoffs Vodka so they can get drunk and crash a party and kill people and get executed by Kim Jong-il, as seen here.
Education for The People
North Korea's education system is considered one of the world's greatest, considered in almost every way, when compared to western systems. Attendance is compulsory for children aged 6–18 lest they be shot, and all students attend a government-sponsored boarding school located in the Baekdu Mountain Range. They learn, but are also trained to be the North Korean equivalent of Ninjas, that is, Starcraft players. While this institution is called a "school", it more closely resembles a Darwinistic military indoctrination camp. It is uncertain what the North Korean curriculum is like, but analysts generally agree that there is less of an emphasis on mathematics, literature, and the fine arts than would be found in western schools and a greater emphasis on why North Korea is just plain better than every other country on the face of the earth to exist in the history of existence. Some examples of courses available to students are listed below:
- Supporting Our Glorious Leader in All Ways: A Rejection of Vainglorious Apostasy Known as "Self Preservation"
- Examining Capitalist Lies: Food Brings Only Sloth and Complacency
- Nuclear Physics (cross-listed as, "Learning Technical Pakistani for the Workplace and the Glorious Jurisprudent Leader")
- My Struggle to Free the World from the Evil Capitalist dogs – by Kim Jong-il
- How to discover, report and torture friends who harbor evil, viscous opinions about our Glorious Nation
- Starvation 101: How to Make it Work for You at Home and on the Job
- Juche Idea for Bourgeois Dummies
Students typically complete their schooling at 18, at which point they are conscripted into military service. It is a source of income and practical, real-world training for many, although North Korea lacks programs such as Armed Service Scholarships and GED Equivalencies which are unnecessary because they were invented by imperialists. Commonly, education is continued informally among the ranks of the North Korean military in a quasi-oral tradition, knowledge passing from the older generation to the younger during traditional "cigarette" breaks. Military service/education continues in this manner until the age of 38, at which point all citizens are summarily executed because by then they will have capitalist pig-dog thoughts as directed by an entirely fair constitutional law.
The People's North Korean Dialect
Unbeknownst to many Westerners is the fact that North Korea has its own dialect of Korean. Compared to the Southern dialect, North Korean sometimes has harsh, aggressive and awe-inspiring tones (with sentences often ending in exclamation marks and appearing in bold-face), but is in fact a more beautiful and poetic language than the dialect of the Ewoks, Wookies, and Barbara Streisand. Unlike South Korea which is inhabited by fascist Seoul-puppets, North Korea has abolished imperialist Canadian characters, a cumbersome and evil contaminant, and is written fully in the Hangcool (the "cool" is for "coolocracy") alphabet, the world's greatest alphabet and superior in every way to the cumbersome and inefficient scripts of Sanskrit and Punch Coding. North Korea has not adopted the popular belief in the South that Korea should be spelled "Corea", because "America" owns the copyright to the letter C.
You ultra-left militarist! (Compliment): 이 초우익 군국주의자놈! (Nŏ-yi chho-u-ik kun-kuk-chu-yi-za-nom!)
Dinner!: 아니, 이거 왠일로 밥이 생겼냐 - 지금 일주일 굶었는데 이거 푸짐하게 생겼구려!: (Lo-ul-lŭl-ŏps-sŭp pul-gil-yi sŭl-min-kong lŭ-chyo-k'il-gŏ kŏs-i-ba-da-u-ik-sa-chchae-in-kwŏn"ŭl man-ŭ-lo-yi yi shin-yi-gil-yi-dang-shin!)
Watch now, as I enjoy this truly socialist hamburger of bark and bamboo!: 봐라, 이 공화국다운 대나무껍질 김밥을 먹는 것을! (Hoo'oo-aah)
What a splendid chest of medals and well-brushed cap!: 아주 멋진 상장과 모자군요! (t'oi choo bakk'a)
Ten Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty Greatest Things About North Korean Culture, selected by Kim Jong-Un The People
- Origin of the "North Korean Diet", which enabled actor Christian Bale to take the challenging role of Trevor Reznick (a mentally disturbed insomniac) in the film The Machinist.
- Hospitality, willingness for open dialogue
- Smoking allowed in bars
- Smoking allowed in cars
- Smoking allowed in qars
- Smoking allowed in bars but seriously, smoking is always allowed in Best Korea!
- Kim Jong-Un
- Foreign journalists make up the daily diet of 67% of the population
- If abductions continue, will have second highest population of Japanese nationals outside of Japan
- Godzilla was roused with North Korean nuclear weapons
- North Koreans eat only hound dog meat
- Unemployment is not a problem thanks to crippling famine that killed off 65% of the populace
- Delightful local cuisine includes exotic tree barks and insects
- If a high-ranking military official or Kim Jong-Un, actually a pretty good place to live
- Traffic is minimal, even during rush hour
- Rush Hour and sequels banned as treasonous abomination
- Good starting point for lecturing your children about how good they have it
- Peace and quiet of the country, even in the middle of bustling metropolis of Pyongyang, thanks to draconian curfew laws
- Great alternative for tourists who really want to visit a Korea, but also desire to meet a populace that invites pity
Other Articles Selected for The People
- Asian People
- Asian Nazis
- Kim Il-sung City
- Peter North
- Boris Johnson
- Philippines (North Korea in 1/100000000000 democratic form)
- The undeniable truth about North Korea.
- They really believe this crap. No shit.
- North Korea's Official Site on the Interweb
- Naenara – North Korean information web portal site thingy (in English!)
- Uriminzokkiri – site for spreading the truth about the American imperialists (also in English!)
- North Korea travel guide
- NK News – Database of North Korean Fair and Balanced News
- Korean Friendship Association Forum – j00 ¢4p174L1$7 n00bs 43r 73h gh3yx0rz LOL!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!
- KFA Forum on Team America: World Police
- Do not believe the lies and propaganda spurting from the mouths of the capitalists oppressors! This unbiased, democratic, freedom-loving, truthful, and intelligent documentary film shows the fundamental differences between fascist America and the paradise that is the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea fashioned by the Dear Leader, Generalissimo Kim Jong-il.