Martinique is separated into two zones. Zone 1 is the Ghetto. Zone 2 is commonly referred to as the Pants Free Zone, technically named Le Avoirdupois (meaning the goods of weight).
History[edit | edit source]
Colonized by France in 1635 this island in the Eastern Caribbean was once occupied by an indigenous tribe the French named "Par Excellence", the Carib Expulsion occurred in 1660 when the island's indigenous peoples were deported but banned from returning by the French occupying forces who despite the best efforts of French officers learned the art of surrendering from the indigenous peoples. The island has subsequently remained a French possession except for eight brief periods of foreign occupation:
United States: 1747-1787
The Congo: 1790-1830
The Rat Pack: 1919-1949
Bulgaria and everyone else: 1952-1992
From 1635 (arrival of Pierre Belain d'Esnambuc, a French aristocrat who took possession of the island for France) to 1946, Martinique lived as a French colony producing tropical trade goods such as rum and cocoa. African captives were brought from West Africa to form the slave population that is the origin of 99% of today's population. These cultural roots combined with the influence of the French occupiers have spawned what many consider to be one of the top 3 laziest cultures on Earth. Preceded only by the "Chocolate City" (aka New Orleans) and Mexico.
Politics[edit | edit source]
As a French Colony, Martinique was not left much say in its own governing except for a local council that governed affairs confined to the island. At the head of this council, the French elected a giant block of cheese which has held the post since its creation in 1660. The block of cheese has successfully turned the island into a socialist society at the request of his constituency. If you ever do something bad he will make you cut the cheese.
Economy[edit | edit source]
I had you going there for a second, didn't I? You looked at this, saw some text, and thought "Wow, this place may have an economy!!" But no, it doesn't. I mean they produce a fairly large amount of rum, but they drink it all themselves...while eating the little bit of cocoa they produce. And since their society is 99% Black-French they are entirely socialist and believe that they shouldn't have to work and the government should provide them with everything in their possession. Wisely, however, the block of cheese made rum illegal in 1951. The locals spontaneously created within Zone 2 what is most certainly the largest Black Market in the region for the sales of rum. All transitions are based on the size of one's penis. Individuals with smaller penises are afforded more rum to make up for their natural shortcomings.
Culture[edit | edit source]
To hasten the operations of the Black Market located in Zone 2, locals simply do not wear pants. Because most of them are severely overweight due to their heavy drinking, officials have enforced an ordinance that requires the locals to cover up their privates in public. The solution most follow is to wear a skirt similar to a sarong called a pareo. Most, however, garb themselves appropriately before entering Zone 1 just North of Fort De France. This is because the Ghetto is occupied by individuals whose penises are sufficiently small. This allows them to be provided with copious amounts of alcohol, which lets them drink themselves retarded and belligerent. The occupants of the Ghetto, let us refer to them as belligerent retards(see also Black People), are bound to mug and attempt to rape anyone who enters the Ghetto simply because of their impaired state of mind.
Flag[edit | edit source]
Although Martinique has been occupied by many other countries over the years, and they have had many different flags, they have adopted the French "We Surrender!" Flag. Because 99% of the population is black, and they have a skin condition called "Smearing" caused by the heat and the occasional snowfall, their white flag is not as white as it used to be.
The flag before this was white with the imprints of a small penis, but Bulgaria, the country that previously owned Martinique before generously giving it back to the French, had never seen such a small thing, and made it their flag.
Weather[edit | edit source]
The temperature is flamingly HOT! It is said it has sometimes gotten hotter than even God himself! Miraculously, every 40 years, Zone 1 is covered with snow and ice, while Zone 2 is covered with cocoa and flooded with rum, which causes Zone 2 inhabitants to party hard and crazy, while Zone 1's penises just GROW shorter and shorter. It is because of this that the nations would give the island back to France, for fear of getting ripped apart by the Zone 2 inhabitants, and losing their schlong to the Zone 1 Inhabitants.
The "Caribbean Lockdown" has been in effect since 1992, the scorching heat not returning to the island probably because of Global Warming.