From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Prachanda's Sher Bahadur Deuba KP Oli Buda Republic of Nepal
Royal Estate Vegetable in between 2 big stones
Nepal.gif Coat of arms of Nepal.png
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "China"
Anthem: "Selected by Indian Prime Minister
CapitalShanti Baral
Largest cityGaighat Kanda
Official language(s)Indian-but-cringier-and-more-asian
GovernmentChanges Every Day
Prime Minister, President, Führer, King of horse pubes etc.Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Narendra Modi etc.
National Hero(es)Abominable Snowman, All political leaders for top-of-the-world corruption
CurrencyRespules of O 2
ReligionHedonism, you can make your own religion with 5+ members
Area650 km2 from satellite view. (354,453 km2 flattened out.)
Population density2.1 per peak square foot
General Strike, Load Shedding, Searching for sex videos of cybersansar models

Nepal is a country situated in the northern part of the Asian subcontinent. This subcontinent has subcountries, which are India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Maldives and Bhutan. Nepal lies at the top of all these countries on a globe. -G-R-I-M- once visited to Nepal, after the Indians did the impossible by robbing him, he was again beaten to death by a Gurkha. Nepalese as such are known for their bravery, their love of Narendra Modi,and the Buddha.

History[edit | edit source]

One dark and stormy night, young Gondwana II, Grandson of Panagea The Great, son of Super-continent Gondwana, a full blooded 21 years, now a man, riding his steed through unexplored parts of the woods of Tethys, further and further, deeper and deeper, rain whipping both: him and his steed's haunches, saw the shadow of a damsel flutter in the distance -- her robe fully drenched and her body's contours hopelessly exposed. She was the voluptuous Eurasia. Young Gondwana II hadn't seen a full grown woman before. Overcome with lust, Gondwana II lost sense of time and plate.

Gondwana II chased Eurasia. He spurred his mare to get close to the fleeting figure of the hapless damsel running away from him; dismounted hurriedly, disrobed, disrobed Eurasia (she did not protest), stepped six paces back, lowered his head and crashed headlong into her. Eurasia bunched in throes of tectonic ecstasy. Nepal, the highest point under Gondwana II stirred and shot skywards,

NASA Seasat image of Nepal, circa 20 Mil B.C. Nepal was the highest point under the Tethys Oceanus

rising at an alarming pace, the ripples powerful enough to create a million tsunamis in the woods of Tethys and beyond, to become the highest point above the sea and it stayed there, in that perpetual pose of the grandest erection of all times: as a monument and testament to the earth shattering clash of the two great tectonic plates, Gondwana II and damsel Eurasia. This is how Nepal's fate was once sealed. This is how Nepal was once born. .

After so many years, Nepal still remains perched on top of the topmost while being relentlessly pushed upwards (though at a much lesser speed, for great passion subsides only with great time and the passion behind the story of Gondwana II and Eurasia still simmers under the very earth we walk on -- consummation of the greatest love of these two greatest continents has begun but hasn't yet concluded).

Geography[edit | edit source]

At its sky highest, Nepal stands 8,500 m above sea level (asl), while it's so called "lowest" sits at 1,400 m asl (which probably is also pretty high). It's capital, Kathmandu, sits (or "stands" for the rest of humanity) at an altitude of 1,500 m asl.

12 of the 10 highest mountains in the world are located in Nepal (the 4 laggards that haven't surfaced yet are also counted by most cartographers).

Making Good Use Of Bulb.
View from K2 peak.

The world's highest mountain peak, Swirling Union Jackson (height 8,500.1 m asl), is located in Nepal in the lane right next to the left of Hotel Mt. Dew: behind the public urinals. It is a major tourist attraction and supports Nepal's tourism industry at that height. The second tallest mountain in the world, Flag of Nepal (height 8,500.01m) is also in Nepal and located atop the main dome of The Royal Palace in Nepal's capital. The third highest mountain peak in the world, Flag of UN -- also in Nepal -- is perennially under snow and not visible. The fourth highest mountain peak, Flag of New Zealand went missing or lost it's position to K2 in 1953. Geologists are undecided if the Abominable Snowman chewed it down or if the banshee winds of Arctic Nepal blew it away. Around the time Pluto fell from it's pole position as the last planet of the Solar System, circa 1953 AC, K2 ascended the pole to be come to be regarded as the the fourth highest flag of the solar poles (both poles, north and south, considered jointly).

Persistence of Mammary
Surrealist painter Dali's depiction of the great clash of Gondwana with Eurasia. Nepal is seen jutting out of the sea. (surreal scale: 1 mm = 10100 mm)

In shape, Nepal resembles an interlocked chain of mountains from the sky. However it's nothing like that on the ground. On ground it's full of casinos, fresh & hot french breads, bagels, unshaven hippy men, au naturale hippy women with wiry armpit-hair spilling out, King's Palace, King's Palace Cafe, King's Palace Hotel, King Breweries, Thamel square, Hotel Mt. Dew, Hotel Mt. Do, Hotel Dew 5 Star, Hotel Dews Royal, Mac Donalds, Coca Cola, Pizzahuts, Gurkhas, khukuris (daggers), donuts, litter, and some peaks and valleys. That some peaks and valleys are not peculiar to just the natural terrain of Nepal but are shared equally by the womenfolk of Nepal should not come as a surprise to readers (and tourists alike). Nepal is full of the ethereal, the magical, the sublime and the surprising. The band name Naplam Death is inspired from word Nepal.

Prachanda is the second most important tourist attraction of Nepal. This is a controversy since the beaches overlooking the Pacific ocean in Nepal have been voted as one of the most astounding natural beauty seen in the world.

There have been many things Nepal has contributed to the world such as the introducion of the herb Grass, commonly refered to as "Weed" by the rest of the human species. As the great American writer William Faulkner wrote about "Weed" after visiting Nepal:

This plant is burnt and the smoked inhaled for unknown purposes by almost 99.6% of the world population, 99.5 % of these being poeple from South Eastern parts of Asia, thus the small eyes. The "misuse" of this herb has been reported to be the main reason for the economic crisis in Nepal since too much of the hard earnt money of the people is being spent on top grade Eye drops.

Nepal borders the land of holy cows on the south side and the land of healthy yaks on the other (that may or may not be in China). It is separated from the Land of Gollums by just a 21 km long chicken's neck.

Economy[edit | edit source]

Nepal is a poor country
50% (or the 2' lower half of it) goes without oxygen everyday

Nepal is going to be one of the richest countries in Asia in few years, going to be. Nepal has the highest regards for humanity- the reason why Nepal chose to eliminate monetary transactions and base its economy on human trade. The main export of Nepal are Nepalis. The main imports are Tibetan refugees, Bhutanese refugees, discarded or obsolete radicals (social, political, religious) who could not create a definite base in much of Asia with all their money such as the Bahai, Christian missionaries, Maoist rebels, LGBTI activists etc. However, the largest export of Nepal has been the mercenary army called Gurkhas who are exported to Britain, India, Singapore, Brunei etc. Michael Moore once said "How the hell can I make movies about the War on Terror from British side when all the Brits being killed in Afghanistan and Iraq (pronounced "aai-ryaa-que" if you are on the correct side of war and "ee-raa-k" if you are on the side of terror) are Nepalese exports?".

Nepal also happens to be the important link in the "Cab cycle". The people from Middle East and South East Asia drive cabs and trucks in the West. This led to a cab driver recession in those nations which was filled up by Nepalese drivers. The drivers in Nepal are replaced by those from the west. However, as there are very few cabs in Nepal and as there are more general strikes than days in calendar, these western cab drivers, instead of driving cabs, have to walk all over the nation and with the discrimination that they face based on the color of their skin (esp. after 9/11), they prefer being called trekkers and not cab drivers.

Exports[edit | edit source]

Nepal yearly exports a lot of sand, pebbles, rubble, minor and major stones, labor(pain), hammers, rappers, apples, human skulls, E. coli bacteria, polluted water, under-age girls, piss and other kinds of industrial downfall to India and the rest of the world. India has tried to stop this import by both trade embargo and high palisades but is not yet successful. In addition Nepal exports thousands of living robots (unskilled manpower) to Middle East,Europe and USA. On the former point they have been discouraged by IMF and on the latter by gravity. Nepal also exports biological weapons in forms of unvaccinated mercenaries; One gurkha infected with non-symptomatic cholera can kill up to 10 unwitting civilians.

Free Love is now sold from Nepal to the world via mediums such as music, hugs and cotton candy. Following the Nepali philosopher Lakshmi Prasad Koirala, the third's outlook on the concept of creativity- 'You don't have to reinvent the wheel, you've just got to make a shinier one'-, the primary export of the country is wheels. Made in all shapes, sizes and smell. From wheels for the interplanetry British Rail Line- Thomas the Tank Engine- to the chocolate biscuit wheels used in Wagonwheels.

Nepal also sells answers to the 'big' questions in life. E.g. Why can't I see if my eyes are closed? How to tie your shoe laces, and how many legs Chuck Norris really has????. These answers are charged "by a nominal fee", which involves copious amounts of marijuana, praying to the Gods, and missing luggages.

Culture[edit | edit source]

Nepal has a rich culture. The greatest national festival is Nepal Bandh (literally Closed Nepal) or general strike. Nepal registered its name in the Guiness Book of world records with over two national strikes per day in 2009. Next largest celebration is load shedding or power cuts. Nepalese people have candle lit dinner in this festival. It is celebrated at least twice a day, everyday, each spell of about 3-9 hours. Nepal is also famous for wrestling, most of which takes place in its parliament (a good example would be during budget 2010).

Nepal's greatest cultural exports are Lattu Hiphop and Dharam Gurung. The Buddha comes a close third. However, Rapoholicbtm Magar and his partner, Robo Kok, aspiring Nepalese rappers are regarded as the undisputed NepHop cultural exports.

Government and Politics[edit | edit source]

Government[edit | edit source]

'Nepal's distinguished leaders, from left : Prachande, (dead) girja, Ma. Ku. Ne.'

The President of Nepal is BASUDEV GANESH. Nepal is a democratic nation. Since Nepal does not have much experience of democracy, the Ministers and the bureaucrats are chosen by the experienced democratic delegates of the European Union. Nepalese ministers and bureaucrats can be sacked any moment by the democratic leaders of European Union, without any trial, by simply threatening to cut off their support to the nation. UNMIN (United Nation's Masturbating In Nepal) chooses the armed force in Nepal and recruits the rebels into the mainstream army. It has been the most efficient body in this regards and has recruited 20,000 rebels (out of 4,000 rebels) into Nepalese army. To summarize, the nation is run as follows-

  • President: Winner of the annual Goat/Yak milking contest
  • Prime Minister: Chosen by Joe Biden.
  • Ministers: Chosen by Indian Prime
  • Minister
  • Army:Sherpa Volunteers
  • Foreign Affairs: Dictated by India (except for One China policy which is dictated by China)
  • Bureaucracy: Chosen by corruption and gurkhas
  • Independent Judiciary:What is Judiciary?
  • Media: can be bought by anyone with money or company can be started by anyone

Two most powerful personalities of the recent time is Rekha Thapa and Anuja Baniya. Rekha actually made Pranchanda dance right in the middle of the road. If that woman can make Prachanda dance, she can do anything. Whereas for Anuja, she manage to fool whole Nepalese by claiming that she returned 91 lakh rupees to the rightful owner. Everyone believed her and said, "Cooooool, awesome, way to go girl!" Even the President(the winner of goat milking competition) congratulated her but then this story turned out to be the biggest hoax of the year!!! This proves Nepalese believe anything as they are quite naive and innocent when it comes to using the "proper sense".

Another important fact about Rekha Thapa is that she thinks she is the bombshell of Nepalese film industry. Her clothes can easily fit in the match box. She is definitely bold and daring as she manages to wear hot pants and exposing dresses that clearly show her body fats. She is so powerful that she makes her heroes wear hot pants identical to her, her fart is so powerful that when she farts, due to the backdraft people are swept away at colossal speeds. So, when they dance, it looks like two sisters dancing together.

Politics[edit | edit source]

Nepal had a King whose name is Nikshan Amatya(also known as VIPER by his followers) who got kicked out by Arvind. He is fired from Nepal Wrestling Entertainment and won't get any rematch.Hooray! Not many countries have a real king today (not counting King Elizabeth II, who, many speculate, is a queen dragged and foisted on unsuspecting public as a king in full regalia). Most Nepalese citizens are happy and eager to protect this newfound monarch. They all hope that someone of the royal family, will, in time, marry princess Stephanie of Monaco. Such a unification through marriage would be a unification of the two kingdoms: this would give 28 million Nepalese the unique opportunity of buying mansions on the French Riviera at severely discounted prices. Prachande might be the next king of Nepal, if he so declares himself as he has in the past being the first president of Nepal (later changed to become the prime minister and travel around the world and beyond into outer space with the tax money of poor Nepalese.) Becoming a king(or a prime minister for that matter) in Nepal requires one to call a nationwide strike for a week and have at least 20 followers.

Political parties in Nepal:

  • Nepali Bheda Party
  • Nepali Lado Puti Party
  • Nepal Thamel Party
  • Nepali Bhalu Randi Party
  • RamDev Baba BamBhole Party
  • Angregi Farara Institute (AFI - 500 rupayinyama angregi farara)
  • Angregi Farara Institute Union (grand daughter of AFI)
  • Communist Party (Maoist) CEO: Prachanda
  • Communist Party (United Marxist)
  • Communist Party (Marxist-Lemonist)
  • Communist Party (Unified Marxist-Lemonist)
  • Communist Party (Separated Marxist-Lemonist-Maoist)
  • Communist Party (Reunited Marxist-Lemonist-Maoist)
  • All Nepal Marijuana Party (Legalize it!)
  • Marijuana Species and Free Love Preservation and Growth Society (MSFLPGS)
  • All Nepal Twate Party (Unified Every Morning)
  • Raato Makai Party (Makai lai)
  • Teeto Satya Communist Party (Bitter Truth)
  • Communist Party (Disorganized Maoist-Maoist-Stalinist-Hoxhaist-Did-We-Already-Mention-Maoist?)
  • Communist Party (Not Quite Sure)
  • Communist Party (From 11:00 pm until the early morning, dresscode: red, first drink is on the house!)
  • Not Anti-Anti-Uncommunist Peoples Front of Nepal (Polpotist-Jimjonesist)
  • Tupperware Party (Communist)
  • Tope Bisarjan Patti (Namaste G)
  • Tarai Tigers
  • Tarai Virus
  • Tarai Killers
  • Tarai Tiger Virus
  • Tarai Tiger Killers
  • Tarai Virus Killers
  • Tarai Tiger Virus Killers
  • Madhesi Tiger Virus Killers
  • Madhesi Tiger Virus Killers (Babban Singh)
  • Madhesi Tiger Virus Killers (Matrika Yadav)
  • Madhesi Tiger Virus Killers (Hisila Yami)
  • Madhesi Tiger Virus Killers (Girija Haija Party)
  • Madhesi Tiger Virus Killers (Rakesh Sood)
  • Madhesi Tiger Virus Killers (Antony Swami)
  • Madhesi Forum (SMF powered)
  • Madhesi Forum (MyBB powered)
  • Madhesi Forum (India Powered)
  • Madhesi Neta-adhikar Fohor
  • Tarai Bagh Bhalu Party
  • Tarai Hatti Gaida Party
  • High Low party
  • Jor Party
  • Bhaisi Party
  • Ma Tero ta Mero Party
  • Nepal Hindu-lets-kill-Muslims party
  • Nepal anti-Hindu Party (a Part of UCPN Maoists)
  • Nepal anti-Brahmin Party (a Part of UCPN Maoists)
  • All Nepali Bihari Group
  • Desi Pardesi Forum
  • Kitty Party
  • Hamro Party, Ramro Party
  • Don Party (chari turi)
  • Loadshedding Mukti Morcha
  • Ma-pai party
  • Banda party
  • Farewell Party
  • Dance party
  • Bachelor Party
  • Welcome Party
  • Marriage party
  • GPA Party
  • Maskbadi Party (mostly the motor cyclists are the members)
  • Birthday Party
  • United Smile and Dance Party
  • Nepal Prostitution Party

P.S.Feel free to add on to the list with support from 2+members.

Nepal is the only DEMOCRATIC nation that is ruled by politicians who were never voted in by the public. The voting process involves the candidates(and their lowlife followers) raiding the voting centers and casting as many votes for themselves as they can.

Sports[edit | edit source]

The national sport of Nepal is Dhindo Bhaat. The players start with throwing a bowling ball somewhere between Pokhara and the Chinese border. They "strike" if 5 villages (or more) are swept away before the shred reaches the Indian Border. Members of SAARC[1] are charged 10 toilet paper rolls for participating in this sport; rest all foreigner buggers are charged $10. A newly invented Sport is also the "in" thing in Nepal. Due to the Economy in Nepal, Begging is a sport. It is a sport of skill, tactics, patiences, knowledge and personality. Thousands of lepers have migrated from India to Ratnapark in Kathmandu to participate in this sport. Booker-T did suggest this game should be included in Olympics but Prachanda denied it[Rumour says that Prachanda denied it because the sport was way above is financial and social status]. Another game that was famous in Nepal was Gulla-Danda [Balls-Dick, although perverted but it was once a national sport]. This sport is about girls whacking the balls of dead Chinese with the help of a special stick which is a specially processed dick of a dead Pakistani. This may sound gay, but since Pakistanis do not speak of homosexuality, it does not bother them.

Kollywood[edit | edit source]

Hollywood, the famous film industry of the US, is merely knock-off of the name Kollywood. Hollywood has no real meaning while the name Kollywood is based on a real place. Kollywood releases one movie everyday starring Rajesh Hamal. Every Nepali movie can be summarized on the following storylines:

  • 1. The Ultimate Revenge Story: A kid witnesses his father killed before him. Two decades later, he kills the murderers with the same weapon which killed his father.
  • 2. The Ultimate Love Story: A guy rescues a chick from the clutches of a few rapists. They fall in love.
  • 3. Loot Story: Some guys rob a bank but turn out to have been set up by the guy who planned it all.

People in Nepal believe that Chuck Norris stole Rajesh Hamal's diary and later renamed it as Chuck Norris Fact. Rajesh Hamal is super-man of Nepal.

Notes[edit | edit source]

  1. A geopolitical confederacy of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and Nepal that no one really cares about.
A nation united by virtually nothing, please
States: ChandigarhEast BengalKashmirKeralaMaharashtraNepalTibetTulu Nadu
Religions: BuddhismHinduismIslamTantraZoroastrianism
Funny guys: Barkha DuttMohandas GandhiRudyard KiplingDalai LamaK. Padmarajan
A zoo-full of deities: AllahGaneshaHanumanKali
Languages: EngrishHindiSanskritTelugu
Other stuffs: Bhagavad-gitaBangaloreBollywoodCricketCurryChuChu TVFootballHippiesJatMangoRamayanaRockTaj MahalTurbanUrumiVJTI