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“It's a giant desert.”

~ Captain Obvious on Qibistan
Qybistenit Repaabloc
Миллион шөлі бар социалистік республика
The Democratic People's Socialist Republic of Qibikz-Kazakh-Pashto-Kyrgyz-Turkmen-...(26 more)-Tajik Co-inhabitance
Anthem: Fitaarp Qibistanyň Döllut Gnimi Giruşsyz (Great, glorious Qibistani fatherland)
Central Asia (orthographic projection).svg
Largest cityAmericabad
Official language(s)Kazakh, Persian, Pashto, Urdu, Kyrgyz, Turkmen, Tajik, ... (26 more)
GovernmentDictatorship, Duh!
‑ His most Glorious KingLord Atal VI
‑ The Holy God DictatorAwalmir III
‑ The President, Son of Allah, Great Prophet, His Excellency, 100+ more namesPwnkekis Nurbishhajjulaan Longnameman
National Hero(es)Look above
ReligionIslamic Islam
Major exportsSand, rocks, sandy rocks, rocky sand
Major importsDictators and Authoritarianism
National animalCamel
Hours of
Whenever they aren't getting invaded

Qibistan (The Socialist Republic of Qibistan) is a random splotch of desert in the middle of Asia. Consisting of 32 ethnic groups (each with approximately 12 people), Qibistan is seen as a country of tolerance and peace, with ethnic wars only happening once every two or three years and a real genocide every five.

History[edit | edit source]

The Persians[edit | edit source]

Qibistan was settled by fleeing Persians who wanted freedom and liberty in 400 BCE. However, the Persians went there too and beat them up. They lived under slavery for 70 years and whoever disobeyed the Persians was immediately executed. However, some guy from the west named Alexander the Great beat up the Persians. The Qibistanis were free. However, the Persians kept rising whenever they got wiped out, until 651 CE.

The Boring Age[edit | edit source]

The Persians got overthrown and everyone became Islamic. Then the Russian Empire came down and took all the land. Nothing really interesting happened. Yada yada yada.

The Communist Age[edit | edit source]

In 1920, the Russian Empire got beaten up real hard by a bunch of Communists. The entire empire, even Qibistan, got taken by the Soviets. The people lived their normal life until 1942, when a guy with a weird mustache wanted to take over the world for his TikTok video. All that the Qibistanis saw was a random plane crashing into the Caspian Sea, killing some plankton. After that ordeal, Qibistanis lived their life normally until the Soviets collapsed in 1991.

The Five Kingdoms[edit | edit source]

Typical battle.

After the Soviets left, the Qibistanis wanted a new glorious leader. They only had 5 governors, and they made their own kingdoms of Kazakh, Uzbek, Turkmen, Kyrgyz, and Tajik. They were perpetually at war with each other, and there was no peace between different people, with neighbor fighting with neighbor.

Unification[edit | edit source]

In 2031, A Kazjakian farmer took control of the Kazakh throne, and drove his armies into the south parts, uniting everything under one banner, the nation of Glorious Qibistan.

Geography[edit | edit source]

View from the 'penthouse' (attic) of the 3-room Americabad Grand Hotel, the largest hotel in Qibistan.

99% of Qibistan is classified as desert, including the capital Heroinz, with a single soviet-built water bottle (owned by the President) the only permanent source of water, and even that bottle has only a molecule left. Never mind, it's gone.

Religion[edit | edit source]

According to the Qibikz National Census, 120% of Qibistanis are Muslim, even the Christians.

Politics[edit | edit source]

Being a Socialist Republic, Qibistan operates on a one-party policy. Anyone caught starting their own party and serving drinks or dancing is immediately executed.

The current President of Qibistan is Pwnkekis Nurbishhajjulaan Longnameman. He was originally elected in 2005, and has served five consecutive terms with an average popularity rating of 150%. However, his approval rating has fallen to 120% recently due to coronavirus, leading many to predict that he will be replaced.