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From today's featured article 

Sunman.jpg

The Universe: The Musical was a musical developed by two leading scientists, Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking. It is almost exactly 2 hours and 44 minutes long, and spans the history of the evolution of the universe and the evolution of life on Earth, each minute representing 83,333,333 million years. Broken up into 3 acts, it has been said to be the most schizophrenic piece of crap that was ever put on Broadway.

Soon after its Broadway career, it went off-Broadway, then off-off-Broadway, and is now showing at the Fresno Funtime Children's Theater. Being true to the universe, the script calls for one singer per star in the universe, which accounts for the massive budget the musical calls for. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
  • ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
  • ... that torture is better to give than to receive?
  • ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
  • ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?

In the news 

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Trump pictured holding up his project in front of his friends. They're all delighted.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • Chicago Bears winning the preseason • K-pop: The Movie

Recent deaths: Ozzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndromeTom LehrerThe systemFUBARCartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence StampThe Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3)

Upcoming deaths: DEIR. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan BergmanBryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates • Chicago Bears' regular season • MSNBCLil Nas X

On this day 

09/02/2004 --- 10:33:14 PM - - - - - I no love you no more!.

September 2: Me Love You Long Time Day

  • 2004 10:32 PM GMT -- Me start to love you.
  • 2004 10:33 PM GMT -- Me stop lovin' you.
  • 2004 10:34 PM GMT -- Me say, "OK, maybe I no love long time after all."
  • 2005 10:35 AM GMT -- Me say, "I never really loved you to begin with."

Picture of the day

Tyrannosaurus Banks
Production photos from the next Jurassic Park film, starring Tyra Banks, have been released. Ebert has already given it 5 stars.

Image credit: Imrealized
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,593 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.