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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

The Universe: The Musical was a musical developed by two leading scientists, Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking. It is almost exactly 2 hours and 44 minutes long, and spans the history of the evolution of the universe and the evolution of life on Earth, each minute representing 83,333,333 million years. Broken up into 3 acts, it has been said to be the most schizophrenic piece of crap that was ever put on Broadway.

Soon after its Broadway career, it went off-Broadway, then off-off-Broadway, and is now showing at the Fresno Funtime Children's Theater. Being true to the universe, the script calls for one singer per star in the universe, which accounts for the massive budget the musical calls for. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?

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In the news [edit]

Trump pictured holding up his project in front of his friends. They're all delighted.

Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet (Pictured)
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions
Starmer bans pornography nationwide
- Starmer to ban VPNs nationwide
Ozzy Osbourne remembers Uncyclopedia
Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!"

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • Chicago Bears winning the preseason • K-pop: The Movie

Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3)

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates • Chicago Bears' regular season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X

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On this day [edit]

09/02/2004 --- 10:33:14 PM - - - - - I no love you no more!.

September 2: Me Love You Long Time Day

2004 10:32 PM GMT -- Me start to love you.
2004 10:33 PM GMT -- Me stop lovin' you.
2004 10:34 PM GMT -- Me say, "OK, maybe I no love long time after all."
2005 10:35 AM GMT -- Me say, "I never really loved you to begin with."

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Picture of the day

Production photos from the next Jurassic Park film, starring Tyra Banks, have been released. Ebert has already given it 5 stars.

Image credit: Imrealized
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