The Finals

This article has been translated from the Russki

If this sort of humour does not appeal to you, you can always get your posh nationalist ass back to the United Kingdom.

Game by BarkBark Studios

“The best game of the millennium!”

~ The average title of the video about the game.

“The game is dying, no one is playing it.”

~ The second average title of the video about the game.

The Finals - the self-proclaimed best competitive shooter of this and all other universes. An elite club of connoisseurs has gathered around the game, which is why its average number of players on SteamBB is negative.

The player has to participate in a virtual competition. Unlike the million-dollar prizes and chronic hemorrhoids that the winners of Dota 2 or Counter Strike competitions get, the best players of The Finals receive... good vibes...

The game is sponsored by Republican Party of USA, Freemasons from Coca Cola, suits from AT&T and personally Mythbusters, a representative of all the above-mentioned groups.

Please play The Finals.

Gameplay

Augh sorry, I sent the wrong picture.

At the very beginning, each player is transported into virtual reality to participate in amazing global-wide crypto fraud. The player's goal is to entertain the audience with numerous war crimes and earn money by it. In the future, these virtual assets should lead a person to a bright future, endless fame and wealth. But, as in any crypto scam, only the owner of the company always wins, and the player crumbles into a pile of golden (Zimbabwean) bitcoins.

The game features complete destructibility of everything: the buildings, the environment, the opponents' faces... Even including the computers of the players running this high-graphics NVidia-destroyer game.

Game modes

Quick Cash — 3 teams of 3 players each must take out a loan at the micro-loan point. Without a passport, residence permit, or permanent place of work. The team must take these riches to an ATM and deposit them into their account while others try to steal this treasure (10 bucks).

The Terminal Attack - A (not)successful attempt by developers to replicate the glory of CS. Sysadmins have to fight with lammers who try to break the system, when admins have to patch it before it collapses. The mode usually ends with total game servers disfunctioning.

Power Shift — 2 teams have to fight for the power line they are willing to illegaly connect for crypto mining. The winner either gets all the money in the world or leaves the whole city without electricity. Usually both.

Team Deathmatch — Two teams are killing each other aimlessly. The most realistic game mode. Especially liked by all kinds of cosplayers.

Bank It — An error in the game files that allows teams to steal the money of the game's creators and transfer it to their crypto wallet. It was patched in one of the seasons, but is still available in private matches.

World Tour — Very similar to Quick Cash, but now 8 teams with a dark credit history must take out a full-fledged mortgage at 789% per annum. As always, there is only one winner. The property developer.

Ranked Tournament — Similar to the previous mode, but if you lose, you get a real prison sentence.

Snowball Blitz — Temporary mode. It was introduced when the organizers ran out of virtual bullets. After the new supply, the players could safely continue killing each other.

Heavy Hitters — Temporary mode, when Heavy class could run around with the banhammers and ban all "Skill Issued" players.

Medium Mitters - Similar to the previous one, but here Medium class needs to zap the enemies with defibrillators in desperate attempt to revive the game.

Light Litters - Similar to previous two, but here Light players understand how trash they are and just try to shoot each other with sniper rifles. Usually with zero deaths.

Nate Higgers - Self-explenatory.

Classes

Average Heavy and Light encounter.

Reception

• IGN - 8/10 - couldn't complete the tutorial, sorry
• PC Gamer - 10/10 - haven't played, sorry
• Eurogamer - 10/10 - how the game is called again, sorry?
• Definitely not the author of the article - 100/10 - Please play The Finals, sorry
• The mother of the author of the article - Sorry - sorry