In a scandal and cover-up that echoes the Watergate scandal that brought down Richard Nixon, His Royal pain in the ass Highness Donald Trump has does everything in his ill-gotten power to obstruct justice and prevent the truth from getting out in regards to his deep, deep ties to Russia and its President, Vladimir Putin. He has distracted us from it, lied about it, called it "fake news," fired anyone who has gotten in his way (Acting Attorney General Sally Yates and now, FBI Director Comey), fired members of his own incompetent staff whose ties have been found out (Michael Flynn, Carter Page), and gone on Twitter rampages that rival those of Kanye West, Trumptards, and easily offended "PC butthurt liberal snowflakes" freaking out over some inoffensive shit such as that Pepsi commercial everyone's bitching about. Partisanship (especially among the coldblooded reptilian bastard Republican majority) has compromised the House and Senate probes into this ever-escalating scandal, with no impartiality in sight. Therefore, it is imperative that the Department of Justice hire a special, independent, nonpartisan, impartial prosecutor to conduct an unbiased investigation into Russiagate and its cover-up. "What did the President know, and when did he know it?" Sound familiar? Of course not. Nobody remembers a major political scandal from 45 years ago!
WASHINGTON -- This afternoon (May 9), Putin puppet FuhrerDonald Trump abruptly fired FBIDirector James Comey for his handling of Hillary Clinton's email non-scandal. But we knew that wasn't the real reason, which wouldn't be revealed until the early evening.
Comey had been the head of the Russiagate investigation that can and will result in Trump's impeachment and the imprisonment of several key figures in Trump's inner circle.
Bernie Sanders says Comey's firing is suspicious and has, along with Democrats and other Progressives, called for an independent investigation into the Russia mess; a special prosecutor "who @realDonaldTrump can't fire, Sessions can't intimidate, & Congress can't muzzle. We need it now," as Sen. Elizabeth Warren tweeted.
Federal prosecutors have issued grand jury subpoenas to associates of Michael Flynn seeking business records, as part of the Russiagate scandal that has rocked Donald Trump's illegitimate presidency. CNN learned of the subpoenas hours before Trump fired Comey this afternoon (Tuesday), but didn't break the subpoena news until early this evening.
These subpoenas "represent the first sign of a significant escalation of activity in the FBI's broader investigation," according to the CNN article.
The US Attorney's Office in Alexandria, Virginia, issued the subpoenas, which were received by "associates who worked with Flynn on contracts after he was forced out as director of the Defense Intelligence Agency in 2014," according to the article.
WASHINGTON -- Former Acting Attorney General Sally Yates, who was fired for her objections to Emperor Donald Trump's Muslimtravel ban, and former National Intelligence Director James Clapper, who "resigned" when Nixon 2.0 was inaugurated, testified Monday in a Senate Judiciary Subcommittee hearing into Russiagate. Among the things we learned...
WASHINGTON DC, United States - Following revelations of the serious variety that implicate Donald Trump in yet another scandal involving the FBI and those pesky Russians, democrats decided to send a message to their opponents in government. In a manner suggestive of the "writing on the wall" in the highly embarressing situation, Democrat members of congress engaged in a massive food fight with their opponents by throwing over five hundreds pounds of overripe peaches and necterines at those in the GOP. With the fat, hairy, orange balls (Not Trump's! Get your mind out of the fucking gutter!) exploding violently on impact the house of Representatives was left in a rather sticky situation leaving many of the retirement home aged men in the stands completely bemused.
UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.