LEE'S SIDE -- Another day, another embarrassing example of SJW/social activism/political correctness gone ridiculously too far. We are more divided than ever, thanks to Donald Trump, Russians, Russian hookers, pee tapes, porn stars, "fake" news, Faux News, political corruption, and, most recently, internment of immigrants and separation of families. And now it seems even something as innocuous as ice cream is something we can no longer agree on.
SAVANNAH, Georgia -- Some local fishermen reeled in what they called "the catch of a lifetime" Tuesday when they pulled aboard an MK15 Nuclear Fish that was accidentally dropped by a B-47 bomber back in 1948. The men were aboard the Kraken Hunter VIII when one of their lines hooked on "something big," nearly snapping the corresponding fishing rod.
"I started reelin' her in, but she was a fighter," one of the sailors told UnNews. The bomb had been resting peacefully on the bottom for 70 years and was not it a good mood. "It just went back and forth, tugging harder on that line than anything I'd seen before."
"I thought we had caught the Megashark!" said another.
WASHINGTON -- United States President Donald Trump announced he is forming a sixth branch of the military: the Space Force. "We must have dominance in space," said the president. "That's a big statement."
Dr. Isaac Clarke, an official with NASA, said, "What about us? NASA has been here for 60 years. We pioneered space flight. We put men on the moon, went to Mars and the furthest reaches of the solar system. We created a satellite system that revolutionized communication and weather prediction, performed zero-gravity studies that revolutionized medicine, and our space-created materials even led to the sports bra. What is this Space Force going to do, fight Moon men? And how much is this going to cost?"
DEERFIELD BEACH, Florida -- Chart-topping rapper XXXTentacion has died after being shot by two suspects on Monday. He was 20. Born Jahseh Onfroy, he was best known for such songs as "Sad," "Changes," "A Ghetto Christmas Carol," "Jocelyn Flores," Noah Cyrus's "Again," and Kodak Black's "Roll in Peace." He released two LP albums during his lifetime, including the Billboard Number 1 ? (Question Mark) in March. Planned follow-up albums were to be titled # (Number Sign), @ (At Sign), ^ (That Funny Up Symbol), and ~ (Tilde), which would have been recorded in Spanish. If history is any indicator, XXX will continue to release 500 posthumous albums, making you wonder if he's really dead.
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