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Tuesday, July 29, 2014, 02:32 (UTC)

Jimbo Wales' head explodes
UnNews:Jimbo Wales' head explodes
In a turn of events that shocked nerdom and made it pull out its inhaler, Wikipedia co-founder and Internet entrepreneur Jimbo "Jimmy" Wales' head went asplode. It was revealed in the autopsy that Wales experienced what is known by phrenologists' as exploding head syndrome, a rare condition that most famously plagued President John F. Kennedy.

Ukraine plane crash story finally has third salient fact
Rebels finally allowed crash experts to come in and collect evidence, breathing life into what had been a nightmare scenario for broadcasters. "We had really been struggling," one editor, who wished to remain anonymous, told us. "All we had to go on was 1) It's really tragic and 2) We don't know who did it as no one can access the area."
Tour de France 2014 welcomes its share of broken bones
The 2014 Tour de France got off to a tumultuous start as favorites Christ Broom and Alberto Commodore were swept away by dreadful nature attacks. A pity, as 'laissé pour compte' Vincenzo Nibbly is now stuck with winning the race.

PM promises more satisfying narratives for road congestion
David Cameron gave way to pressure from drivers groups today, promising more interesting conclusions to traffic jams. The move comes in the wake of an RAC survey which showed over 90% of hold-ups in 2013 ended with little clear resolution.
Israel: This is going to work
Israel has responded robustly to criticism over its recent attacks on the Gaza Strip, with President Shimon Peres insisting, "Don't worry, this is totally going to work."


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  • Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) - You have spent so long scouring the internet for gorgeous World Cup football babes, that you are now unable to climax unless a woman has a face painted with the colours of a national flag.
  • Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - Your friends are aghast when you tell them you spend the entire working day spilling seed here, there and everywhere, until you explain that you are a farmer.

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