UnNews:Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Welcome to Unnews
Please make this your homepage and tell all your friends
Saturday, June 25, 2016, 03:18 (UTC)
Everyone suddenly a fucking gorilla expert
The fallout after zoo officials took a decision to shoot dead Harambe the gorilla has been complicated after it emerged every single person online is a fucking expert on the subject.

Security members had seconds to decide what to do on Saturday when a four-year-old fell into the gorilla enclosure. After watching the silverback drag the child through a stream like a ragdoll, they took the reluctant decision to shoot him in the face.

However, many online, er, people suggested that they might know different. "I can't help wondering why they didn't use a dart to stun Harambe," said Steven Thompson, who used to really like wildlife documentaries when he was younger. "Wouldn't it have been better just to knock the animal out instead of killing him? They are an endangered species."

Obama to Americans: Stop farting
WASHINGTON -- The Obama administration has announced a set of much-anticipated — and unprecedented — steps to regulate emissions of methane, a powerful greenhouse gas second only to carbon dioxide in its role in the climate debate.

The administration and the Environmental Protection Agency are urging Americans and all living things to stop producing flatulence.

"Seriously, people, stop farting," says President Obama. "I'm asking you this not because it's rude, disgusting, sometimes smelly, or juvenile. Because, let's be real, the fart scene in Blazing Saddles is pure gold.
McAvoy takes blame for X-Men reviews
James McAvoy, better known as Professor X, has taken the blame for the bad reviews received by the latest Marvel blockbuster X-Men: Apocalypse. The 37-year-old, whose character takes center place in the movie's official poster, above, admitted that he had a large say in the decision to portray the X-Men's emblematic leader as having what critics have hailed "the mother of all combovers".

"The initial idea was to have Charles totally bald," McAvoy told UnNews, in an interview you won't see on other websites. "But I just thought it was silly to go from luscious locks in the 1970s to nothing in the 1980s. I wanted to show an in-between, balding stage.

"That, in retrospect, was a massive mistake."


Latest news UnNews RSS Feed Uncyclopedia on Twitter UnNews on Facebook UnNews on YouTube Uncyclopedia on your phone Refresh Page
I want you, bitch!

Write an article!

Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article!



Style GuideFAQ's


Headlines Add Flapjack.png

Click a headline to make a story!

Astrology.jpg

Horoscopes See all

Your horoscope for today: Friday night is likely to be especially active, so be careful not to tear your lovely new dress. And those lovely stockings too.



About UnNews
Uncyclomedia rocks the house.

An Uncyclomedia project

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

Current event marker.png

This day in... 2015

Absolutely nothing happened. Refresh the page to try a different year.

Radiomicrophone.gif

Stories with Audio