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Saturday, May 26, 2018, 02:52 (UTC)
NBC announces Hair as next live musical
UnNews:NBC announces Hair as next live musical
HOLLYWEIRD -- After the success of such productions as The Sound of Music, Peter Pan and Jesus Christ Superstar, and with the indefinite delay of Bye Bye Birdie starring J-Lo, NBC has announced that its next live musical will be the groundbreaking hippie orgy, Hair.

--Record scratch--

Wait, what? The same Hair featuring full-frontal nudity, drug use, and such toe-tappers as "I Got Life" (I got my tongue, I got my chin, I got my neck, I got my tits, I got my heart, I got my soul, I got my back, I got my ass), "Hashish," ""Colored Spade," "Ain't Got No Grass," and your five-year-old's favorite car singalong, "Sodomy" (featuring the Kidz Bop-friendly lyrics, Sodomy, Fellatio, Cunnilingus, Pederasty and Masturbation can be fun)?

Royal Wedding 2018 highlights
UnNews:Royal Wedding 2018 highlights
BUCKINGHAM PALACE -- Another day, another stuffy wedding. However, this was no ordinary union of two star-crossed lovebirds. The Romeo in this case is Prince Harry. And the Juliet is former actress/personality/something-or-other Meghan Markle. And in a sign that the John Goodman movie King Ralph is closer to reality than we thought -- she's an American marrying into the British Royal Family. The newly-crowned Princess's official title will be Duchess of Sussex, which sounds more glamorous than Duchess of Cornwall. In fact, Camilla Cabello is a more famous Camilla than Charles's wife. Hell, even Gonzo's chicken girlfriend is a more popular Camilla than the British Royal. In case you missed it, or didn't give a shit, here are some of our favorite highlights from the 2018 Royal Wedding:
UnNews remembers Margot Kidder
UnNews:UnNews remembers Margot Kidder
Superman and 70s horror star Margot Kidder has died at the age of 69.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie to debut on Blu-ray as part of TV series box set
UnNews:Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie to debut on Blu-ray as part of TV series box set
ANGEL GROVE, California -- Shout Factory has announced that they will be releasing a 25th anniversary Steelbook DVD box set of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, which will also include on Blu-ray (for the first time ever!) Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie. You know, the one with Ivan Ooze, that hot chick Dulcea, skydiving, rollerblading, that pig dude Mordant, some of the worst CGI this side of Jumanji (even though both movies were released only two years after Jurassic Park!), a giant frog Zord, Van Halen's "Dreams," that kid Fred who saves the day, and such classic lines as "You ooze, you lose"; "Well, pack your bags. 'Cause we're sending you right back where you came from"; "Oh, the things I have missed: The Black Plague. The Spanish Inquisition. The Brady Bunch Reunion."; and, of course, "Um, you haven't by any chance seen a morphological being lurking around here?"
Thanks for that F, Mr. Dumas
UnNews:Thanks for that F, Mr. Dumas
In honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, and because it's a slow news day (other than the same old Trump bullshit), we at UnNews decided to take the time to honor our teachers. Instead, I decided to tell one of them to piss off. Hey, Mr. Dumas, or should I say Mr. Dumbass? Remember me? You gave me an F on my Great Gatsby book report back in the sixth grade, remember? I told you my dog ate it. No really, my dog actually ate my homework. I even collected his shit to prove it to you the next day. You still gave me an F. Remember that doodle I made of you, you pretentious prick?

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

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