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Friday, August 17, 2018, 05:25 (UTC)
UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin
UnNews:UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin
UnNews is saddened to learn that, just days after being hospitalized and then put in hospice at her Detroit home, Aretha Franklin, The Queen of Soul, had died at the age of 76.

Franklin came from humble beginnings, singing gospel in the choir of her father's New Bethel Baptist Church. In 1960, she pursued secular music and signed with Columbia, to only modest success. Her signing with Atlantic Records in 1967 brought her great success. Some of her earliest hits include "Respect" (originally a minor hit for Otis Redding), Carole King's "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman," "Spanish Harlem," and "Think."

By the end of the 60s, she was crowned The Queen of Soul. She left Atlantic in 1979 and signed with Clive Davis's Arista Records. The Luther Vandross-produced album's title track, "Jump to It," was her first Top 40 hit since 1976. Her next album, Who's Zooming Who, was her first Platinum album and spawned the hits "Freeway of Love," "Who's Zomming Who," and "Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves" (with The Eurythmics). Also during this time, Franklin appeared in a cameo as a waitress in The Blues Brothers.

Halloween (2018) soundtrack arriving in October
UnNews:Halloween (2018) soundtrack arriving in October
HADDONFIELD, Illinois -- John Carpenter, via his record label, Sacred Bones Records, has officially announced his score soundtrack to the upcoming sequel to his 40-year-old slasher classic, Halloween. The album will drop October 19, 2018 -- the same day as David Gordon Green's film. Michael Myers's Spotify playlist will stalk the quiet streets of Haddonfield in several varieties, including CD, black vinyl and limited-edition orange vinyl.
Madonna turns 60
UnNews:Madonna turns 60
HOLLYWOOD -- Legendary pop singer Madonna -- known for such AARP-friendly hits as "Like a Virgin," "Justify My Love," "Express Yourself," "Crazy For You," "Papa Don't Preach," "Dress You Up (In My Love)," "Girl Gone Wild," "Give It 2 Me," and "Erotica" -- turned 60 Thursday. She is celebrating her milestone birthday with a special game of Bingo down at the retirement home, with special guests Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. There will be karaoke of Madonna's biggest hits, cake and ice cream, and Grandma's Cookies... baked by every woman tenant.

Japanese Ansaikuropedia is now forked to fight for liberty‎‎
UnNews:Japanese Ansaikuropedia is now forked to fight for liberty‎‎
Tokyo, Japan--All of a sudden, there's this new hope rising from the Far East. The Imperial Ansaikuropedia, notorious for using Death Star to Ban those who are against Darth Admins for years, is now losing its power, because a fork was created on Miraheze...
Chevy Chase, Maryland, to change name to Bill Murray
UnNews:Chevy Chase, Maryland, to change name to Bill Murray
CHEVY CHASE, Maryland -- The city of Chevy Chase (no relation to legendary comedian Cornelius Crane "Chevy" Chase) voted 270-138 Tuesday to change their name to Chase's longtime rival, Bill Murray.

City mayor Barney "Not the Dinosaur" Rush "Not the Band" commented Thursday on the unusual decision to change their name.

"Mr. Chase was great in SNL, Caddyshack, Fletch, and two of the four Vacation movies. But after a while, he made a few duds like John Carpenter's Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Man of the House, Cops & Robbersons, Vegas Vacation, and dare I mention that horrible talk show [1993's The Chevy Chase Show]. Simply put, he's past his prime and we, the city of Chevy Chase, are embarrassed to bear his name. Murray, on the other hand, is still a relevant and popular working actor. He's gone from Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Larger Than Life, and Space Jam… to higher brow affair such as Lost in Translation, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Aquatic Life of Something or Another, and let's not forget his cameo in Zombieland. Mr. Chase, you need to step it up a little! You're almost as forgotten as Rick Moranis!"


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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

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