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Chevy Chase, Maryland, to change name to Bill Murray
UnNews:Chevy Chase, Maryland, to change name to Bill Murray
CHEVY CHASE, Maryland -- The city of Chevy Chase (no relation to legendary comedian Cornelius Crane "Chevy" Chase) voted 270-138 Tuesday to change their name to Chase's longtime rival, Bill Murray.

City mayor Barney "Not the Dinosaur" Rush "Not the Band" commented Thursday on the unusual decision to change their name.

"Mr. Chase was great in SNL, Caddyshack, Fletch, and two of the four Vacation movies. But after a while, he made a few duds like John Carpenter's Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Man of the House, Cops & Robbersons, Vegas Vacation, and dare I mention that horrible talk show [1993's The Chevy Chase Show]. Simply put, he's past his prime and we, the city of Chevy Chase, are embarrassed to bear his name. Murray, on the other hand, is still a relevant and popular working actor. He's gone from Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Larger Than Life, and Space Jam… to higher brow affair such as Lost in Translation, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Aquatic Life of Something or Another, and let's not forget his cameo in Zombieland. Mr. Chase, you need to step it up a little! You're almost as forgotten as Rick Moranis!"

A Saucerful of Secrets is 50 years old! Also Michael Jackson
UnNews:A Saucerful of Secrets is 50 years old! Also Michael Jackson
THE HEART OF THE SUN -- Congratulations and Mazal-Tov to A Saucerful of Secrets, Pink Floyd's second album, for turning 50 today. Also, Joe Jackson, the worst father in the history of mankind (and not to be confused with the white British dude who sang "Steppin' Out"), died June 27. Jackson was the father of the great late Michael Jackson, who is still 50 years old, thanks to the genius fatherhood of Joe Jackson.
Flat earthers 'do not exist'
UnNews:Flat earthers 'do not exist'
The study, Flat Earthers: the truth about the truth about the lie, issued by the UN, found that a high percentage of internet users - especially millennials - believe that flat earthers are a myth, despite empirical evidence to the contrary.

"Think about it," one is quoted as telling researchers, "There are all these videos online of people who are supposedly flat earthers, but have you ever met one?

"Until I get to see one with my own eyes, and measure it with a ruler, I won't believe they exist."

Ice cream flavor deemed racist
UnNews:Ice cream flavor deemed racist
LEE'S SIDE -- Another day, another embarrassing example of SJW/social activism/political correctness gone ridiculously too far. We are more divided than ever, thanks to Donald Trump, Russians, Russian hookers, pee tapes, porn stars, "fake" news, Faux News, political corruption, and, most recently, internment of immigrants and separation of families. And now it seems even something as innocuous as ice cream is something we can no longer agree on.
Fishermen reel in MK15 Nuclear Bomb, plan to hang it on wall
UnNews:Fishermen reel in MK15 Nuclear Bomb, plan to hang it on wall
SAVANNAH, Georgia -- Some local fishermen reeled in what they called "the catch of a lifetime" Tuesday when they pulled aboard an MK15 Nuclear Fish that was accidentally dropped by a B-47 bomber back in 1948. The men were aboard the Kraken Hunter VIII when one of their lines hooked on "something big," nearly snapping the corresponding fishing rod.

"I started reelin' her in, but she was a fighter," one of the sailors told UnNews. The bomb had been resting peacefully on the bottom for 70 years and was not it a good mood. "It just went back and forth, tugging harder on that line than anything I'd seen before."

"I thought we had caught the Megashark!" said another.

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