UnNews:Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Welcome to Unnews
The well-hung news source
Sunday, April 22, 2018, 00:58 (UTC)
Verne Troyer, Mini-Me, dies
UnNews:Verne Troyer, Mini-Me, dies
This week, death comes in fives. And while this death might be smaller in comparison, it is no less significant. Verne Troyer -- Mini-Me of Austin Powers fame -- has died after a recent hospitalization that made the news a few weeks ago. He was 49 and not exactly at the height of his career.
UnNews remembers Avicii
UnNews:UnNews remembers Avicii
Yet another celebrity death has rocked the world. Swedish pop-star dance-music DJ Avicii has died unexpectedly at the age of 28. An EDM superstar, his hits included "Wake Me Up," "Hey Brother," "Addicted to You," the instrumental "Levels," and one of his last efforts, "Lonely Together." He collaborated with several high-profile artists such as Coldplay, Madonna, Nile Rogers, Aloe Blacc, and Rita Ora.

Barbara Bush dies at 92
UnNews:Barbara Bush dies at 92
HOUSTON -- Former First Lady Barbara Bush -- husband wife of 41st President George H.W. Bush and mother of 43rd President George W. Bush (Confused yet?) -- has died at the age of 92 after discontinuing treatments for heart and breathing ailments.

The Bushes, who were married on Jan. 6, 1945, had the longest marriage of any presidential couple in American history. To put things into perspective, we were still in the middle of World War II, Hitler was still alive, TV was unheard of, rock and roll didn't exist, and FDR would be dead in three months. Mrs. Bush and Abby Adams were the only two First Ladies to mother a future President.

Barbara Bush was much more interesting in her previous life, when her name was George Washington. Well, at least she got to keep the white hair and wooden teeth.
Sean Hannity named in Russiagate
UnNews:Sean Hannity named in Russiagate
WASHINGTON -- Are you as tired of this as we are? In a hearing today, it was revealed that Trump attorney Michael Cohen -- the subject of this hearing -- had a "third client"... Fox News host and Right Wing nut job Sean Hannity. Hannity has written several tweets denying this.

Highlights:

"Nope. I'm not affiliated with Michael Cohen. He's too stupid, even for me."

"It's fake news. I'm gonna go Ed Murrow on your asses! This is McCarthyism! I'll sue!"

"WAAAAAAAAA!"

UnNews remembers R. Lee Ermey
UnNews:UnNews remembers R. Lee Ermey
LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! LEGENDARY CHARACTER ACTOR R. LEE ERMEY HAS DIED! HE SERVED OUR COUNTRY AS A MARINE KICKING 'NAM'S ASS, WHICH LED TO A HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL CAREER AS AN ACTOR IN A TOWN FULL OF LIBERALS, HIPPIES, AND COMMIES!

PINKO FILM DIRECTOR STANLEY KUBRICK, WHO FAKED THE MOON LANDING, BY THE WAY -- HIRED HIM AS A MILITARY CONSULTANT ON FULL METAL JACKET! HE WAS SO DAMN GOOD AT PUSHING YOU WANKERS AROUND THAT THE FAT COMMIE HIRED HIM TO PLAY GUNNERY SGT. HARTMAN!

YOU WEAK LITTLE PANSIES PROBABLY ONLY REMEMBER HIM FROM THAT SACCARINE SHIT, TOY STORY! WALT DISNEY WAS A FUCKING COMMIE! LOOK AT THAT GODDAMN MUSTACHE! AND TOYS! CANNOT! COME TO LIFE! WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, SHITHEADS!
UnNews remembers Harry Anderson
UnNews:UnNews remembers Harry Anderson
ASHEVILLE, North Carolina -- Who's next? Who's next? R. Lee Ermey just died. Barbara Bush is on the chopping block. And now, this happens. Harry Anderson, star of NBC's long-running sitcom Night Court, has died. Anderson, who played Judge Harold T. Stone on the 1984-1992 relic from the Reagan and Bush 41 years, was found dead in his Asheville home. He was 65. No cause of death has been given, but foul play is not suspected. For all we know, he could have had a heart attack.
Latest news UnNews RSS Feed Uncyclopedia on Twitter UnNews on Facebook UnNews on YouTube Uncyclopedia on your phone Refresh Page
I want you, bitch!

Write an article!

Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article!


Guide to UnNews


Headlines Add Flapjack.png

Click a headline to make a story!

Astrology.jpg

Horoscopes See all

Your horoscope for today: A New Moon on Friday means you should leave your partner and children. I don't care if you love them, it's a New Moon!



About UnNews
Uncyclomedia rocks the house.

An Uncyclomedia project

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

Current event marker.png

This day in... 2016

Absolutely nothing happened. Refresh the page to try a different year.

Radiomicrophone.gif

Stories with Audio