UnNews:RFK Shares his wonderful beliefs about autism
Sunday, April 20, 2025
WASHINGTON, DC - Long standing heroin junkie smart doctor Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has shared his most wonderful views about autism. An (actually) autistic correspondent at UnNews is here to provide a transcript of it, along with commentary.
RFK:
"This is an individual tragedy" ~~ He's obviously talking about his face.
What a tragedy indeed."Autism destroys families" ~~ He knows a lot about that.
"Destroys...our children" ~~ Bad public health can do that just fine
"Children who should not be suffering like this" ~~ Like Elon Musk? He's an autistic child.
The most autistic child I know."These kids will never pay taxes" ~~ FUCK YEAH!!! I never liked our military spending anyway; and he's right; in Trump's America, Elon Musk doesn't pay taxes.
"Never hold a job" ~~ Elon Musk
"Never play baseball" ~~ I like hockey better anyway
"Never write a poem" ~~ Einstein wrote poems
"Never go out on a date" ~~ Ever heard of Love On The Spectrum?
"Many of them will never use a toilet unassisted" ~~ This is partially true. Why? Because every woman would love to assist me in the bathroom.
"We are doing this to our children" ~~ By "we" do you mean "you"?
"We need to put an end to it" ~~ Great. Start with Elon Musk!
Analysis[edit | edit source]
With guidance from our top psychoanalysts at the Uncyclomedia Foundation, we believe this is a case of RFK projecting of his own insecurities such as being unable to take a shit without Donald Trump helping shake it out, and being complete garbage at baseball. He is also clearly jealous about the fact that autists seem to have working brains (with one notable exception) whereas his brain is almost completely missing ever since the worm incident.