UnNews:Chris Rock to star in Vatican comedy Head of Church
Monday, April 20, 2025
HOLLYWOOD -- Comedian Chris Rock has announced that he will be writing, directing, producing and starring in a Vatican sequel to his 2003 political satire Head of State.
"You know, that movie Conclave made a shitload of money and won a fuckton of awards," Rock says, "and it got me thinking, Has there ever been a Black pope? Then I did my research and there wasn't been one since at least the invention of photography. It's speculated we've had three in the last 2,000 years, but n----s didn't have Polaroid or Kodak back then. Shit, that's older than Nosferatu, older than Shakespeare."
He added, "I thought back to Head of State and thought to myself, Why don't I go back and do all that same shit in the Vatican? It'd be fucking hilarious!"
Obviously, a lot of changed since the days of "Hot in Herre." There's unrest in the Middle East. Americans are either extremely angry at, or blindly worship, the white Republican President of the United States and we may be headed towards a recession unlike any we've seen before.
Fellow comedian Bernie Mac, who died in 2008, will be replaced by Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT). "I'm hoping this film will help put an end to oligarchy," Sanders says. "I'm also hoping this film doesn't make billions of dollars at the box office. But then again, many of the union members employed on this film have been struggling and working paycheck-to-paycheck, so... if this movie makes a billion dollars, fuck it, who am I to complain?"
He continued, "the Hollywood film industry has been slower than molasses since before the 2023 strikes and it's about damn time it recovers. Chris Rock wrote a damn good script and I laughed my tuchas off on every page! America won't have laughed this hard since 'Chicken Jockey.'"
The soundtrack will also be getting a major update. "In the first one we had 'Hot in Herre,'" Rock says. "But this time we're gonna have Kendrick Lamar 'Not Like Us.' We're gonna have the cardinals, priests, and archbishops get visibly uncomfortable at a gathering at the Vatican, like Mass, and we hear Kendrick call Drake a pedophile. One priest even has a heart attack and drops dead. Then he farts. Without spoiling too much."
Pope Francis was unavailable for comment, but was quoted as "looking forward" to seeing the Catholic farce.
The film is slated for a July 3, 2026 theatrical release from Universal & DreamWorks, and then eventually on Peacock for everyone to forget to watch.
Tuesday, April 21, 2025
Unfortunately, in a case of comically bad timing, Pope Francis has died and Head of Church is now canceled indefinitely.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Phoebe Natanson "Pope Francis, everyman leader of the Roman Catholic Church, dies at 88" ABC News, April 21, 2025
- Jesus Mesa "The Next Pope: Who Are The Frontrunners to Succeed Pope Francis?" Newsweek, April 21, 2025
