THIS WAY, Something Wicked -- UnNews is shocked to announce that Netflix is planning a new fiction TV show, based on the long-running reality TV blockbaster, Survivor. The reality show Survivor is a worldwide phenomenon, which started with the original German show Ich Bin Ein Celebrity Juden, Get Me Out Of Here! in 1942, and has turned into a global franchise over the years, where people are forced to live like those people in the show Lost, and prove they are able to survive for a month without any coke or strawberry condoms. The new Netflix show will be a work of fiction, meaning that it will be a totally regular show, without people talking about their personal feelings about eating cockroaches, but rather an artistic piece of television with actual real actors like Jennifer Carpenter & shit.
Enter "Survivor: The Challenge", a new TV drama which will make Hitler and Putin look like Elmo's little sister.
YORKSHIRE, UK -- A tribunal fed up with the three-decade popularity of comedic actress and Seinfeld co-star Julia Louis-Dreyfus has found a way to "cancel" her -- read: Publicly shun her due to some scandal, outdated of bigoted personal belief, or some other perceived slight. Many different ideas were proposed before they settled on criminalizing the act of calling people "bald," which will now be considered sexual harassment.
"He proposed so many ideas, including but not limited to: Banning [National Lampoon's] Christmas Vacation; making it illegal to yell "Die!" while watching The English Patient; and arrest people for not helping some fat dud who's being carjacked at gunpoint," the official statement reads. "But we figured no blokes today even remember The English Patient. And gas prices are too bloody high for any carjackings. And it's illegal to ban Chevy Chase films, no matter how bad some of them are, like Cops and Robbersons. So the only thing left was when Ms. Louis-Dreyfus [as Elaine Benes] called that short bloke George Costanza[Jason Alexander] bald."
Ten years ago I started dating Johnny Depp. He was such a nice dude. He was so yummy. I wanted to eat him.
Johnny even gave me some stuff that I really wanted, like wine and drugz, moneeey, and several of his houses in which I could bang other guys and gals. I even tricked him into leaving his stupid hoe girlfriend of 20 year and then he married me.
After a while Johnny didn't want to do drugs anymore, so I teased him about it. Then he wouldn't give me everything I wanted. He became mean. So I tried to make him do drugs again so he would give me stuff. When he didn't I started nagging him and even beat him up a few times. I threatened to tell on him for being mean.
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