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Journalists unable to wait for the 20th anniversary of 9/11 From the UnNews Archives: Friday, September 11, 2020 MIDDLE EAST — Above UnNews correspondent Kakun's desk hangs a giant digital clock counting backwards. The display reads "364 DAYS 23 HRS 59 MIN 60 SEC." It is faithfully counting down the seconds before September 11, 2021, the twenty-year anniversary of the September 11 attacks, and the date when Kakun will finally have a justifiable reason to publish VFH-worthy material about the passion and bravery of the Americans who survived the attack, and the fundamental and lasting traumas that day inflicted upon our human psyche. But Kakun cannot wait. "Holy Moses, man, I just need one little fix, just one, man," whines Kakun, shaking visibly, as he slips lighting his Samsung and types "TWENTY YEARS LATER, THE WORLD REMEMBERS SEPTEMBER 11." Read more... Alzheimer's advocacy group offended by 'Never Forget' From the UnNews Archives: Monday, September 12, 2016 NEW YORK CITY -- When will the time come to break the taboo of making fun of 9/11? A Walmart Coke display resembling the Twin Towers sparked outrage, as did an ad for a 9/11 sale at San Antonio's Miracle Mattress. And a recent CNN article condemned both stunts; the writer of that article seriously needs to grow up and quit being a fucking baby. And now, an Alzheimer's advocacy group is riding the political correctness dick train. Alzheimer's advocacy group Delivering Americans' Memories Newly and Overriding (A)Lzheimer's Disease ("we're working on the name," the group says) is taking unjustified offense against the 9/11 slogan, "Never Forget." "This slogan is deeply offensive to the Alzheimer's community," says DAMNOLD president Ethel Matlock. "Alzheimer's sufferers struggle every day with their memories; some don't even remember their own names. How the hell would you expect them to remember 9/11?" Read more... Millennial ABBA cover group The A*Teens reunite after 40 years Sunday, September 4, 2044 STOCKHOLM, Sweden -- 40 years after their breakup, Millennial ABBA cover group The A*Teens are finally reuniting for a new album and a virtual tour. "We're back," said Amit Paul, who turns 61 in October. "It’s been a while since we made music together. Almost 40 years, actually. We took a break back in 2002, and pursued solo careers, did voice over work, or did boring day jobs like flame retardants and polymer chemistry. Who the hell wants to do that? And now we’ve decided it’s time to end it [this break]. They say it’s foolhardy to wait more than 40 years between albums, so we’ve recorded a follow-up to our Greatest Hits album. We simply call it A*Teen Again because we're desperately trying to recapture our youth. God, I hope none of us croak." Read more...		Latest news US confirms Kabul airstrike did not kill Gabby Petito BREAKING- Condom Shortage in Eastern Oklahoma Millennial ABBA cover group The A*Teens reunite after 40 years Canada 2021 Federal Election kicks off What the hell is going on? R.E.M. members reunite, sign gigantic deal Patrick eats SpongeBob Stairway to Heaven declared worst song ever written, Jimmy Page now sucks O.J. Simpson to make triumphant return to acting Wikipedia finally sued by Uncyclopedia and Encyclopedia Dramatica for plagiarism WikiHow being sued by HowTo for plagiarism The Backyardigans are now castaways Justin Bieber turned into a beaver Paddington 2 declared greatest movie ever made, Citizen Kane now sucks "Kirby ate my Grandma" City invaded by pink thing "Henry Stickmin Completing the Mission!" City attacked by Stickman Tiktok's scientists train users to "scroll down" John Kerry comes out as a horse "Donkey Kong told me to": Man robs bananas from supermarket The Breakfast War Starts » Older news
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About UnNews An Uncyclomedia project UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.	This day in news... 16 October 2012: Paul Ryan demonstrates the futility of the dependency culture by invading Ohio soup kitchen and washing clean pots 16 October 2011: Ebenezer swap: Israel names Palestinian prisoners 16 October 2010: Richards: Mick Jagger was ‘sententious’ 16 October 2009: Lake Chad Shrinks--Citizens Say They're Just Pretty Thirsty 16 October 2008: McCain Communicates to Audience in Morse Code 16 October 2007: Unclaimed fart leads to elevator acrimony 16 October 2006: Man arrested for using wrong tomato sauce	Stories with Audio UnNews remembers Phil Spector Strait Country is Rolling Stone's Gayest Album of All Time Tips to avoid the coronavirus North Korea to separate onto their own island Something might happen tomorrow UnNews remembers Burt Reynolds » More | Podcast

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