UnNews:They're going to be all democrats, aren't they?
Sunday, July 27, 2025
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WASHINGTON D.C. - In one of our more easier UnNews reports today, we predict that Barack Obama will be on the list. And Hillary Clinton, with Joe Biden, and Bill Clinton, and Rosie O'Donnell, and Mike Pence, and Tiger Woods (he's always hated how good he was at golf) and Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries and Bernie Sanders and AOC and Zohran Mamdani and Kamala Harris and Gavin Newsom and Luigi Mangione and Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert.
This list will also include Jimmy Fallon and all the hosts on MSNBC, CNN, and mainstream news. This list will include Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Seth MacFarlane, even if both of them supposedly haven't been funny in years. This list will include Joe Biden's son, daughter, grandchildren, the one Mexican he gets his tacos from and the one homosexual that gives him his meds. Hell, throw in all those trans athletes in the NCAA! They're all really pedophiles, right? Oh, oh! And Mark Carney, that'll make a splash!
Well, this will include everyone you didn't even see coming! Those students protesting against Netanyahu in our colleges? You bet they touched kids! Any democrat that has done something today? Put 'em in the list, write that down! That one softball team Ghislaine Maxwell lost to? Petty, but I like it! It doesn't matter, because we're the government, and we have NO history of lying about ANYTHING and it just so happens that all of these guys are democrats and enemies and fiends and foes and nuisances and rivals of you-know-who. And 2 + 2 = 5. Crazy, isn't it? Such a victim, she was. Now she'll be set free and will roam around like the great American she deserved to be. You expected.. justice to be made? In this economy? On this land? Funnier than anything we've ever said on this website. This is UnNews signing off.
UP NEXT: Writer apologizes profusely for sad article, next one will have around twenty sexually attractive girls for you to feel pleasure in your very little ding-dong
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Andrew Stanton and Shane Croucher "Donald Trump Says He's 'Allowed' to Pardon Ghislaine Maxwell" Newsweek, July 25, 2025