User:Hyetts/Mike Pence

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Mike Pants
48th Vice President of the United States
In office
The fuck if I know – Hopefully soon
Preceded by Disney (since Disney owns everything)
Succeeded by Also Disney
666th President of the United States
Personal details
Born Saint Pisspants the 69th
June 7th, 3 billion BC
Columbus, Indiana, U.S.
Died 2002 (he’s been an animated corpse ever since)
Political party Republican
Spouse(s) Karen Something
Children Mister Handy, Crazy Carl, and Female
Alma mater Trump Unicovfefeversity
Religion Jesusism, Closeted Scientologist

Saint Pisspants the 69th of Indianapolis is the current Vice and the secret butt servant of the President of the United States. Born and raised in the attic of a small Presbyterian Church in the heart of Columbus, Indiana, Pants graduated from Trump University in 1 billion BC and got a ‘You Tried’ degree in his supposed lord and savior Jesus Christ. Starting as a ‘humble’ farmboy, he made his way up to be elected into the Indiana Church of Representatives, and eventually, slept his way up to the governorship of Indiana. Throughout his life, he had the urge to pounce on other men, but his morbidly obese Meemah would not allow him to do so. He persecutes the gays out of jealousy since they live the life he has always wanted to live. On one particular night, he stripped in public and turned many Catholic school boys into homosexuals, blaming it on Obama to cover up his actions. Satan, his father, was so impressed with his performance as governor he decided to help grant him the position of vice president to punish the sinners on this hellish planet we call Earth. He eventually met Trump at some random Walmart and they did it in one of the cribs in the baby department. After that, it was settled. They would convert to Scientology together, run for the presidency, and win by bribing the CEO of the Electoral College with their weird fetishes. It is predicted that he will become the 666th president of the United States and convert Hawaii into a tropical-themed butt palooza funded by PragerU and the oil industry. By then, half of the country will be invaded by a Russian prostitute ethnostate.