Zohran Mamdani
Wanna install anyone, just anyone with a pulse, who isn't Donald Trump, Eric Adams, or Andrew Cuomo, as mayor of America's largest city? Even if the candidate has no experience working and lived in Mom and Dad's basement recording Mumble Rap until he was 30? Want a mayor who promises free busses, free rent, free groceries, free college, free health care, free Palestine, heck, free everything paid for by rich people who actually work? Wanna defund the police and replace them all with woke social workers who demand everyone get government-mandated sex changes and ignore violent crime, reasoning that those illegal alien criminals special-minded undocumented migrants are just working out their feelings by looting, raping, killing, selling drugs, or just straight-up lighting subway commuters on fire?
Like ideas that are too good to be true? Or are you simply bored out of your mind and want to see what happens to Capitalist New York City when you install a blatant Communist as its mayor? Wanna force out all the logically-thinking people and companies from the city and make them move to Texas and Florida? Or God forbid, Upstate? Forgot that 9/11 happened? Or rather, do you hate America and want to buttrape her and her values and citizens, starting with her biggest city?
If you answered yes to any of the above, then YOU should join the bandwagon for Zohran Mamdani the Commie! He's got ZERO actual management or leadership experience, effectively a noob blank slate breath of fresh air, and he's campaigning to run the biggest city in America! Well, anything is better than someone with many years of bad experience running the state, right? Right?
.jpg) | Zohran Mamdani is Un-American! This article has been marked Un-American by your friendly neighborhood congressman and his favorite president. Newt Gingrich would have been so proud! Death to the Woke Commies! Down with the Lamestream Media! How dare they stop us from spreading Democracy! |
In hindsight we should have put this warning on top.. but it's okay! We don't want you to know what you're voting for, as long as you vote blue and against Trump!
Early life[edit | edit source]
Zohran Mamdani was born in Uganda of all places, proving that everyone, even illegal aliens.. um.. I mean undocumented migrants, can become president!
Wait, that's not how it works? Ohh.
Well, Zohran became a legal US Citizen despite coming from another country! Definitely helped that his parents were rich and accomplished, allowing them all to get green cards more easily. But despite growing up in a rich Muslim family with deep pockets back in Africa, with his Marxist professor father influencing him a certain way, Zohran totally understood the plight of the average, struggling New Yorkers hustling for food and rent. So he thought he would do something about it! And then he got high.
Zohran became enamored with Islamic Marxist leaders such as Saddam Hussein and Bashar al-Assad, seeing how long they stayed in power before stupid American imperialists forced them out.
He also lied on his college application to Columbia University and said he was black just because he was born in Uganda despite being of Indian descent, gaining automatic acceptance due to gaming the DEI system. When he discovered school was too hard there, he instead went to an obscure college in Maine.
Rap career[edit | edit source]
Mamdani was a natural at rapping and used his "slick flow" to win multiple rap battles. He then collaborated with other rappers in the mumble rap scene and released multiple mixtapes about "free Palestine" and other Islamist, anti-Israel themes, which didn't go over so well with mainstream American audiences.
On a positive note, his rap skills did allow for him to also win multiple debates and thus a bunch of bogus elections for class president in both high school and college, positions that required him to do jack diddly squat but looked good on a resume, allegedly.
Working career[edit | edit source]
Political career[edit | edit source]
After his parents finally told him to get a real job, Mamdani ran for a city councilman position and won on the principal that no one else wanted it. Because no other candidates ran and only a bunch of radical left commies voted, he easily won the election by default and thus a $100,000 salary and apartment as an officeholder.
Mamdani has done nothing of value while in office aside from continue to make political mumble rap, smoke weed, and skip every New York City council meeting. He then decided to run for mayor as a "Democratic Socialist", easily gaining the endorsement of AOC and Bernie.
Shockingly, he beat out both Eric Adams (who ragequit afterwards) and half-assed, lazy, entitled former NY State governor Andrew Cuomo (who ran a half-assed, lazy, entitled campaign and unintentionally created Mamdani himself with his shitty policies as governor) for the Democrat Party's nomination. Given that Cuomo still won't drop out despite everyone hating his guts and that the other remaining candidate is a Republican, Mamdani is basically guaranteed to win the election as New Yorkers are allergic to Republicans. And also due to his youth, relatively "good looks" compared to the other two old men, and slick talking from years of rapping. Imagine that! An anti-American Commie as mayor!
Political views[edit | edit source]
“I want ALL New Yorkers to live like socialists! As long as I can keep living like a capitalist tee hee hee”
Aside from his blatantly communist stances such as "free everything and make people who actually work pay for it", Mamdani wants to shut down Rikers Island, reduce the police force, and instead have mental health professionals deal with the crooks troubled individuals now free to roam the streets in a more healthy, loving, and permissive way. Nothing wrong with that, right?
Despite releasing several anti-Israel mixtapes calling all Jews "infidels" and saying "Israel doesn't deserve to exist as a state" multiple times, and despite refusing to condemn radical Islam or denounce anti-Jewish attacks, Mamdani says he is not an anti-Semite. He also wants to tax "whiter neighborhoods" more.
He also forgot that 9/11 ever happened except that it caused New Yorkers to become "Islamophobes". In fact, some say he wants it to happen again..
But it's okay! We all know that Trump is the bigger racist facist misogynist anti-Jew racist racist anyways despite being pro-Israel! So all Jewish and white voters should vote for Mamdani the Commie and screw themselves over!
Besides, if Zohran goes full Commie and turns NYC into New Venezuela or God Allah forbid, the Islamic People's Republic of Mamdanistan, Trump will have no choice but to send ICE and the National Guard in anyways.
Personal life[edit | edit source]
Zohran is the ULTIMATE New Yorker. His favorite pizza joint is Pizza Hut and he loves deep dish, his favorite place to see a concert is Madison Square Garden, and his favorite subway station is Times Square, making him think that all subway stations are free of crime. He also falls for every tourist trap possible in the city. Still more authentic than slimy Andrew Cuomo, according to his supporters.