Music video
| MUSIC VIDEO | |
|---|---|
 Music videos suck. | |
| Directed by | Paris Hilton |
| Produced by | Hugh Grant |
| Screenplay by | |
| Story by | Chasey Lain |
| Starring |
|
| Music by | Radiohead |
| Cinematography | Captain Autofellatio |
| Edited by | Brett Anderson |
Production company | |
| Distributed by | Queens of the Stone Age |
Release date | 25 August 1997 |
Running time | Until matchbox is found
in the back pocket |
| Country | Great Britain |
| Language | Oral |
| Budget | $5 |
| Box office | Nothing really;
depends on album & tour sales |
A music video™ is an extremely short, straight-for-MTV musical film, which usually serves as a trailer for an upcoming musical album. Musical artists create music videos to get airplay of their new musical single on musical TV channels, but it's really just to spam the title of their newest album. Music videos usually contain a very basic plot, or no plot at all, similar to porn videos or Michael Bay full-lengths. The cast of music videos rarely includes well-known actors like Alec Baldwin, but it may feature some celebrities who have nothing to do with acting, such as Megan Fox, Magic Johnson, or "Weird Al" Yankovic.
As of 2022 music videos are getting slowly massacred by Spotify, which presents very short segments from the videos in loops while the corresponding song is being played. This has absolutely nothing to do with the Radio Star murder.[1]
Some musical critics claim that music videos have an artistic value, but everyone else knows that's total bullshit. Music videos are merely commercials for musical artists, singles & albums. The reason they are not called "music commercials" is nobody cares because everyone just enjoyed looking at Mariah Carey's and Kylie Minogue's butts without actually paying for a concert ticket.
Where to watch music videos
- MTV
- VH1 – the Family Guy to MTV's The Simpsons.
- YouTube – the Spotify of MTV & VH1. Includes "Mother North" by Satyricon.
- TikTok – where you can watch hot Russian models create brand new Cypress Hill videos with amazing filters.
- Dental clinic, barbershop, gym, Netflix and Uncyclopedia.
DVDs
Since DVDs have become non-relevant to mankind, no one knows what to make of the Wikipedia pages about the DVDs "Weird Al" Yankovic: The Ultimate Video Collection and Music Bank: The Videos by Alice in Chains. So we'll just sum 'em up for you. In the first one, Al is pretending to be Michael Jackson, Bob Dylan, etc., but the only memorable source of parody is the movie Forrest Gump, and Al doesn't parody Forrest himself in the video.
And in the Alice DVD, you cannot see Layne Staley as a woman like on the previous DVD, The Nona Tapes; you might wanna try this article instead. The only Alice video that's still cool is "Them Bones", and the rest look like really bad crossovers between Saw and Team America: World Police.
Sorry, people just hate dusting, and dusting a DVD device is just too much to ask.
Where to watch music videos on Uncyclopedia
- UnTunes:I wish you could be Christian but you're gay (lyric)
- TAD
- UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) (requires Spotify)
- Army of Lovers
Exceptions
The only non-sucking music videos, as of 2022, are all by the British band James. There are three (3) of them, actually: "Nothing but Love", "Moving On" and "Frozen Britain". The only trouble is that nobody actually knows this band except for me so let's just move on.
History
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This article is part of UnfilM The preferred oeuvre of Drive-Ins everywhere. |
"Subterranean Homesick Blues" (1960s)
The best music video of the 1960s is "Subterranean Homesick Blues" by Bob Dylan and it's a lyric video. It's exactly as annoying as the song itself and thus serves as nothing but a fly sitting on your earlobe while you are listening to the song.
"Ashes to Ashes" (1970s and 1980s)
The best music video of the following twenty years, David Bowie's "Ashes to Ashes", was exactly as bad as the song was good. It feels like a wasp on your eye lobe or something.
"Smells Like Nirvana" and "Karma Police" (1990s)
The best videos of the 90s are parody videos. Which says a lot. Some claim "Amish Paradise" was better, but they're just a bunch of nerds.
"Karma Police" is a very genius video in which the video itself is presented by a car chasing a guy who doesn't want to watch the video and ends up burning the car which is the video that is burning itself. It could be a great anti-commercial if it wasn't already a great commercial for smoking.
"Schism" and "Heart-Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand)" (2000s)
"Schism" by Tool doesn't succeed at not ruining the song, but it reminds me of AI by Spielberg which reminds me to listen to Ministry, which is cool.
"Heart-Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand)" is the Rust of music videos, Literally. It doesn't have a fatal behind-the-scenes shooting incident in it, but Marilyn Manson's then-future fiancée does claim that Manson raped her while shooting the video. Only time will tell what will become of the legendary legacy of Mr. Baldwin, the Baldwin Family, and the future of the engagement industry.
Some black-and-white shit in Hebrew (the rest of the time)
Yep. This guy is called Maor Cohen and this song is from his third solo album. The song's name in English is "Would You Like (To)". In the song, the guy is hitting on a girl and pleads to her to stay by his side, claiming that he is totally true:
The brilliant finale of the video reflects to the ending of "Karma Police", of course.
In conclusion
Music videos are lame because they ignore actual musicals that contain an actual plot that corresponds to the songs. And if you cannot afford to buy a musical ticket, then your life might just be as rich and musical enough as it is.
In any case, you should totally get Weird Al's Mandatory Fun if you haven't already.
