“Let's fight some Foos!”
“The band is just fantastic, yes I really think that's true! Oh, by the way, which one's Foo?”
The Kung Foo Fighters (1995 - 2022) were an authentic, yet classified, Seattle-based Kung Fu supergroup, who were up until 2022, the United States' only form of national defense, aimed at fighting "foos". The group, which was comprised of Mr. T, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and Steven Seagal (not to be confused with the martial-arts actors of the same names), was formed by the NSA and for ten years provided national security in the form of heel-kicks, upper-cuts, and traffic tickets.
Unfortunately, after six years of active duty, the group was disbanded in late 2022 after what the White House declared "due to the group's inability to assimilate to Western culture and decide which oriental restaurant to eat at". That, and Jennifer Youngblood stole Dave Grohl's soul right out from under him. Now he is without testicles.
Origins[edit | edit source]
After realizing the inadequecies of contemporary methods of national defense, President Billiam Clinton, taking advice from his cabinet, disbanded the national defense force which had been established by Ronald Reagan in 1987, known as NIRVANA (National Intelligence, Recon, Vitality, Apples, and Neuroplastyrobberscoffenhagen Agency) for the sole reason that NIRVANA chairman, Stephen K. Hayes, died in 1994 after realizing his roundhouse was no match for a shotgun blast for then lover Courtney Love.
Reforming the group, Clinton, who was under the influence of drugs he bought in Boise, Idaho, selected Humphrey Bogart to be the National Defense. Former NIRVANA agent (Bruce Lee) called Bogart a stacked actor and threw a monkey wrench at him. The next year, Post-grunge was formed, under the name, the Foo Fighters. ( Andrew Simeon awkwardly fell on his nuts.)
Foo Fighters have currently released another album named "Wasting Light" After Grohl was interrogated on where he found this name he replied no comment. A behind the scene interview with Nate Mendel the bassist replied his flare came from asking what Katie Price's face was by his wife. Was it the fact she existed or the fact, the light she was taking from reflecting into people's retinas was in fact just a big pile of wank. So Grohl failed in realising the better title.
Members[edit | edit source]
The Members are praised for their bombastic distribution of traits, and harrowing heroic abilities. Oddly enough, it is understood today that the current members are Claudia Winkleman, Larry the Sausage, Crapola de Nana and a lorry driver from Wetherby.
God is known to have assumed that member Dave Grohl was married to Courtney Love (see the press conference transcripts of Courtnology for details). A psychic predicts that at Mr. Grohls funeral they will play "oops, she did it again". However, Oasis stepped in and gave Grohl a kick to the groin. Ms. Love allegedly performed a 'Kurt' on Oasis, and then there was a Champagne Supernova.
Apparently they also made kickass music and they will be forever remembered for their courage in the fight against the numb-nutted monkeys, and because of this they have the fest day, the 12 February, as a sign of the worlds acknowledgment to their awesomeness.
Foo Freighters[edit | edit source]
Foo Freighter activity activated while drowning actively during a World War Foo dogfight in which a the members of the freighter looked out onto the open air over the Pacific and saw a number of rougue fighter planes at 12 o'clock. Dave Grohl's eyebrows raised like black smoke and his forhead crumpled into hundreds of wrinkles and rolls. His eyes sparkled in the harsh sunlight and his mouth opened, yelling, "I've got another confession to make! I'm your fool!" From his right hand he held a white flag of surrender. He raised it to the sky, his head sinking in shame. "It's a shame we have to die. No ones getting out of here, alive."
It was then that the silent jets dropped their bombs. Grohl lifted his head to identify his killers. He did not blink or shed a tear. One after the next passed by,Queens of the Stone Age (an underground California Marxist cell formerly known as "Gamma Ray") and Tenacious D.
Unfortunately, Grohl lived through this experience without a scratch or bruise. Not a hair was scathed—four lives were saved.
Grohl lowered the flag and in its stead, a fist formed. He turned to his bandmates, and reportedly uttered the very words you are about to read. He may not have sang them. He may not have used his mouth. He may have used his butthole or signlanguage. He may have simply layed a dookie. A small dookie. Like a dog. A female dog. A dockson. No, a beagle. And he barked out loud the thunderous vowels perpetrated by patriots of ROCK!
|This is a call On this :Cold Day in the Sun, when i have a Word Forward with the Best of You. I must sadly inform you that there IS No Way Back, Next Year i hope things will be different, or i may just have to Breakout and Learn to Fly. Anyway.: the skin and bones I have dedicated to the colour and shape of my glorious country. And in your honor, oh great nation, I have come to the blunt conclusion that there is nothing left to lose. One by one, I have endured. In times like these and throughout all my life I have felt that others have gotten the best of you, oh great nation. You have learned to endure in this Long Road To Ruin, just like I have, and for that, you are my hero. Everlong.
They have also been known for fighting against foo's along with Mr. T.