The Doors
| The Doors | |||
 | |||
| Origins | Los Angeles | ||
| Year(s) active | 1965 until whenever a reunion seems in order | ||
| Genre(s) | Rock, Psychedelic Rock, Blues Rock | ||
| Label(s) | Elektra, Rhino | ||
| Members | Jim Morrison, John "band-aid" Fruciante, Ramona Manzarek, Robby Krieger | ||
“Jim Morrison is the only human being allowed to wear leather pants.”
“Pass the LSD.”
“You’re all a bunch of fucking idiots!”
The Doors were a group of hippies who also happened to play music. El Sobrante, California. Jim Morrison – a.k.a. Mr. Mojo Risin, a.k.a. The Lizard King – was the head of the group (but then that's what she said) and the one who 97% of the population can remember because he resembles Freddy from Scooby Doo. While nobody is quite sure, it's widely believed that Ray Manzarek was the organist, Robby Krieger played the guitar, and John Densmore bitched a lot (plus played a little drums). The group's legacy is carried on by a large number of insane fans, the majority of whom don't realize they're a band – they just worship Jim Morrison.
History[edit | edit source]
Formation[edit | edit source]
The mystique that was The Doors began in 1947, when five-year-old Morrison witnessed a car driven by an eight-year-old Manzarek collide with a van full of Injuns, scattering them on dawn's highway, bleeding. According to Morrison he then went home and, after his nap time, wrote an epic poem about the incident. That would seem to be the last of it, until 1965 when, in a freak accident, Manzarek encountered Morrison in Venice. Manzarek had been fishing and Morrison, who had eaten so much Peyote he believed he was a fish, became entangled in Manzarek's fishing line. After realizing that people are strange, the couple took a moonlight drive to the next whiskey bar, where Morrison recited some of his poetry. It was here that the two decided to start a band, which they would name The Windows. However, realizing that this name had been copyrighted by a young calculator builder named Bill Gates, they changed the name to The Doors. Jim and Ray then rode in a Spanish caravan down to Mexico to get some more peyote. Soon they stumbled upon two fucked up dudes named Juan Chode Penile Boner Hernandez Pubes and Antonio Caesar Vagina. Morrison and Manzarek decided to allow these two in their band but under English names. Juan was John Densmore and Antonio was Robby Kreiger. After tripping balls for a while all four friends hopped the border back to the States and found themselves some Asian hookers.
Pam[edit | edit source]
Later on that Indian summer on a blue Sunday, Jim Morrison met a Twentieth Century Fox named Pamela Courson. His first words to Pam (an L.A. woman) were "Hello, I Love You". They returned to her home on nearby Love Street, where Morrison proceeded to fuck her sillylove her madly. After a night of crawling king snake, Pam decided she and Morrison were meant to be together. Jim later joked "Pam, you're going to be the death of me," before going off to take a bath.
The first album[edit | edit source]
By 1966 the group had grown tired of circle-jerking in Ray Manzarek's garage, and decided to go and play their very first gigs. However, fifteen minutes before their first performance at the London Fog club, Densmore pointed out that none of them knew how to play anything. So, they decided to do what every other musical group at the time was doing – drugs. Hundreds of sheets of blotter were eaten, dozens of kittens huffed, and joint upon joint was rolled until it was enough to make Timothy Leary disgusted. The group stumbled onto the stage, Manzarek flopping down in front of a keyboard. Densmore fell over the drumset, Krieger threw up all over a guitar, and Morrison began screaming at the audience about lighting fires and soul kitchens. The audience loved it so much that later that year, the group cut a deal with Elektra Records to make their first album, The Doors. (The title had nothing to do with the band itself.) "Break on Through", a jingle Morrison had written specifically for a car commercial, became their first hit.
Cuban Missile Crisis[edit | edit source]
The Doors' career was nearly sidelined permanently when Jamers (a nickname by which the press often referred to Morrison) was detained, tried and briefly executed in 1669 by Ian Astbury, self-appointed world cheese-wiener, for allegedly asking Fidel Castro and a group of little bitch-ass-kiss-ups if they would like to see him install his missile in Castro's wife's tight fist.
Sir Jambly Boo (a mystical name by which Morrison was known at that point), due to the intense publicity caused by this incident and the hanging, embarked on the final journey of his career. He authored an as-of-yet unreleased and uncontroversial propaganda piece denying that six million French fries had gone uncooked due to a strike by fast-food workers. Densmore would ruefully reminisce in interviews after Morrison's death that when he tried to read a private copy that Morrison had sent him. He found it impossible to finish, being emotionally traumatized by the death of his bandmate and finding it hard even to turn to the next page. Densmore was forced years later in court to admit that he had actually been trying to read a February 1961 copy of "Jugs" magazine that he had found in the restroom of a bowling alley in North Hollywood, but he couldn't turn the pages because they were stuck together.
The Cuban and French incidents only hastened the end of the tour de force masturbation juggernaut which had begun so innocently when Morrison and school chum Barbara Mandrell met accidentally while singing drunkenly to a pod of smelly beached whales.
The last album[edit | edit source]
During the Cuban Missile Crisis, Morrison wrote a couple songs while drunk on the toilet. One day while taking a shit – after eating arroz con pollo, tacos de res, camarones Mexicanas, and drinking at least twelve dozen Coronas – Morrison yelled to his band mates, "yeaaah OOOoooh eee ERRR Uuuhhhh Ahhh" (translated from drunk: let's make a new album). That same day the band got together one more time and recorded L.A. Beaner, which went on to be the greatest album of all time. "L.A. Beaner", the title track, became The Doors' most popular song. Critics praised it for its ingenious lyrics.
Well, I digalil'beanerbout'anhour Ago
Tookalook'round see which way she come from
Wheredalil'girls lookin for some bum fum
Are you aluckylil'beaner from the city of Tejeringo
Or jus' another lost hoe ...
Sadly this was The Doors' final album with Jim Morrison. A few weeks after the release of L.A. Beaner, Pam killed Jim Morrison. found Jim dead in his bathtub. It was believed that Jim died from a heroin overdose. a heart attack and now lives in a Buddhist monastery with Tupac, Jimi Hendrix, and the Devil. Sarah Palin. It is rumoured that Holly also resides in the monastery, but this has not yet been confirmed by any "living" person.
Discography[edit | edit source]
- 1967 The Doors
- 1967 Strange Days
- 1968 Waiting for the Sun
- 1969 The Soft Band
- 1970 Morrison Hotel
- 1971 L.A. Woman
- 1971 Other Voices
- 1972 Full Circle Jerk
- 1978 An American Prayer To The King of Peyote
