Marilyn Manson

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Marilyn Manson was found to be the relative of Mona Lisa.

Sundance Merry Albright (born January 5, 1969), better known for his stage name Marilyn Manson, is a dark philosopher, certified scary person, and lead singer of the unoriginal titled rock band, Marilyn Manson. Marilyn is known as a cultural icon to children and teenagers growing up in New Mexico. His psychedelic and often times demonic personality has gotten him world wide fame inside and outside of music. His name was created from Marilyn Monroe, in which he has dated numerous times while growing up in Death Valley, California, and lead singer of the alt-rock band Garbage, Shirley Manson, who has since then changed her name to Surely Mansion in embarrassment.

Although being a national icon throughout the scary and psychedelic world, Marilyn has had some conflicts with other scary and intimidating people. The American Alliance of Scary People have had a long rivalry with Manson after him stealing their fame in the 2007 Britney Spears batshit insane stage with his solo album, I Want to take your Soul and Get Away with it. His fame, still, runs through many genres, such as reggae and blues, which really have nothing to do with him, but gets him money.

Early Life[edit]

Marilyn was born in Canton, Ohio, along with the 8 other citizens it has. When Marilyn was 2 years old, his parents put him up for adoption and left to join the WWF as trainers. Marilyn learned German and Finnish by the time he was four years old and started performing in his friends' garage band. Marilyn was the lead singer of his early bands due to his notable child/Satan voice. It was conflicted that his birth parents were Nicolas Cage and Betty White because of it, but was denied by Marilyn short after.

Multiple Careers[edit]

Despite being well known for his band, Marilyn Manson, Marilyn has been subject to many other jobs, though much of them have gone unnoticed.


Formation of Marilyn Manson[edit]

The late 1980s hit and the time of rock and roll couldn't have been worse. With bands and artists such as Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson, Guns N' Roses, and Oasis, rock was a hard task to come by. However, this didn't stop Marilyn from forming a his very own bubblegum pop band with classmates from his high school Foods and Fabrics class. Marilyn went to Canton Ohio High School Academy with many other notable names. In the newly formed band was drummer Richard Nixon Jr., son of FDR, bassist Jesse McCartney, son of Mick Jagger, and guitarist Whoopi Goldberg.

Marilyn and the three others all went to Harvard University, studying media arts in musicals and plays (with the exception of Whoopi, who majored in law). At the time, Harry Potter and Shakespeare were the only things being studied in musicals and literature. Because of this, students at Harvard rebelled by taking part in pointless activities, and in Marilyn's situation, music.

The first band name decided by the group was originally called Boys With The Pink Socks named after the militia Marilyn's great great grandparents were part of in the Civil War. However, this caused tension between other campus bands such as Boys With The Pink Striped Socks, Boys With The Redneck Socks, and Queen, causing them to change their name to the simple and lazy Marilyn Manson.

At first, the band did covers of reggae songs, Kanye West, but switched to metal as Whoopi's dreadlocks quickly made them be confused with Bob Marley. Their first gig was a week after the band's formation at Harvard's annual Battle of the Bands, in which they faced nearly all pop punk bands. However, while the band was getting ready, Marilyn accidentally was covered in Jesse McCartney's makeup, causing him to look like a spawn of Satan. Because of this, the crowd, bands, and even the emcee, Ryan Seacrest, to run in terror at the scene. Technically, they won the competition, awarding a contract signing with the talented Ringo Starr.


For the uncouth among us who choose lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Marilyn Manson.

Albums, Tour, and Hiatus[edit]

Ringo moved the band out to a secluded location we now know today as Wyoming for the recording of their first album. Since they were only a band for one week, no song has been made, and thus, nearly the entire album was improvised by Marilyn. The band drove to a Jimi Hendrix cover band concert that same evening and made cracks about the fans in order to spark an idea for a composition. The concert spawned about 38 song titles, most notably Stoner On The Left, Stoner By The Stage, and Stoner Just Leaving Because He Got An Urgent Call About More Stoning Opportunities. The double disc album, ironically, was titled Abstinence and was released later that week.

Immediately after the album was released, Rolling Stone commented on the band's "Psychedelic personality and disgrace to the rock generation" despite it being the early 1990s and no one at the time was making fairly good music. After the statement was released, Whoopi Goldberg disguised as a director and told Joe Pesci, Al Pacino, and James Gandolfini in the middle of their new mafia film in production to "whack" the writers of Rolling Stone magazine. When the three showed up to the headquarters, however, they bribed the band with a world tour in return for their lives. The band accepted willingly, and hit the road two weeks later.

Along with the tour, the band decided to produce a live album along with it. Instead of taking the psychedelic route, the band decided to take a blues and jazz alternative. Their intentions were to gain popularity from their Indian and Chinese fans and hopefully a worldwide audience span. The plan at first backfired when Whoopi squinted her eyes from the lighting during a concert in North Korea. When the audience started booing thinking she was mocking them, Whoopi apologized short after to the "Japanese people who were offended." This caused Fox News to immediately start a bias propaganda to not enjoy Marilyn Manson's music. Because of this, many other news outlets, such as Cosmopolitan and Twitter, campaigned along with Fox to boycott Marilyn Manson and subsequently, lower their fame.

Marilyn Manson with fans.

Though it was never mentioned, it was apparent by fans and the rock genre that Marilyn Manson was taking a break. In the time frame of their unofficial hiatus, the band is technically still active with them releasing more compilation albums than the Beatles ever did. Covers of the band's songs, however, are exponentially growing, with classics like "Hold My Hand And Watch Me Eat Baby Rabbits", "Can I Have Your Cell Number?", and "Bloody Giraffe Bathtub Orgy" topping charts by various other artists.


In recent years, Marilyn worked close with many intelligent minds in the scientific and philosophical fields and decided to get a job as a "scienceterist" at the University of Chicago. Since he was an official rockstar, he didn't need a degree and started his job as "space scienterificnist" right away.

Marilyn's only discovery was quite the accident, and actually did the means illegally. After working several weeks with Albert Einstein unraveling the mystery on why particles feel questionably uncomfortable while being smothered in mayo and being sung Frank Sinatra Christmas songs (despite this having nothing to do with space), Marilyn became close with Albert's girlfriend Mila Kunis. Due to the complicated and tiring measures and equations taking place for the project, Marilyn was very disclosed to a social life, and started flirting on Mila behind Albert's back.

One thing led to another, and Albert caught Mila and Marilyn conducting a sex act in the laser lab. Albert was furious, but decided to not break up with Mila nor demote Marilyn as a colleague, but instead band Marilyn from using the telescope. Marilyn got a negative reaction from this, feeling like a child being banned from television. This, along with Marilyn's absence from music and thus, rebellion, made Marilyn use the telescope behind Albert's back. Little did Marilyn know that Albert had signed the telescope (or in his case, "Jeffrey") as an Illinois citizen (fucking Hoosiers) and signed a restraining order against Marilyn, just to make sure he was being taken seriously.

Marilyn used to telescope, only to look through it and find a blueish, purpleish, and orangeish massive square object in the night sky, behind Uranus (teehee). It ended up being a gas planet, nearing the size of Jupiter (teehee, oh, wait...), and was the ninth discovered planet.PlutoIsSadDoc.png Albert's plan had backfired, but Marilyn left the science field, naming the newly discovered object Whoopi Bill Goldberg Jr. out of pure boredom.


Due to his demon like appearance, Marilyn was constantly offered movie and television roles, mostly as an understudy for Lindsey Lohan and Miley Cyrus. Marilyn rejected nearly all of them, except for a few anti-Cheerios propaganda commercials conducted by Lucky Charms he participated in. However, after his band's hiatus and his planet discovery, he started accepting some roles to fill in the long gap of time.

Better than anything Kevin James ever made...

Marilyn began doing small and mostly unknown roles in shows, such as Raj's transvestite sister in The Big Bang Theory, Neil Patrick Harris's transvestite girlfriend in How I Met Your Mother, and 2015's Toy Story 4 as the voice of Andy's younger brother, Dracula. After that, Marilyn began stepping up the bar, and decided to take a mafia style turn in his acting career.

Marilyn got in touch with Al Pacino, looking for a role taking place in New York and involving "Killing and mobs and shit like that." Al, being a part of rival band, The Godfather, gave Marilyn his own part as Tony Montana in the 1983 hit musical reincarnation of Scarface, in order to ensure Marilyn's absence from music. Marilyn ended up doing the part existentially, with the only complaint that he was too scary towards Alejandro Sosa during the song Don't Ever Try To Fuck Me Down Yellow Brick Road.

After Marilyn's fine performance in Scarface, he went on to direct and star as the lead role in other reincarnations of films, such as Casablanca, The Karate Kid, Titanic, and most famously, Terminator. Because of his success as a "scientificdelicious magician", critics were to afraid to judge his movies negatively, and thus, gave Marilyn a stunning reputation as an actor. However, due to him being conceited as a rockstar, he quit acting saying "He didn't like doing that shit anyways."

Personal Life[edit]


Marilyn has been subject to many relationships with many women in the music and movie industries, though his choices of partner usually result in infamous media response. Due to Marilyn's repulsive and scary personality and look, he has gathered the attention of many notorious companions.

In the late 1980s, Marilyn began dating Marilyn Monroe's granddaughter, Martha Monroe, who at the time looked identical to Marilyn (Monroe). She was working for Playboy as a model and doing many mainstream nude photo shoots in Europe. The media was mostly appalled by this situation, wondering why a rockstar would go for such an attention seeker. Out of embarrassment and pressure, Marilyn broke up with Martha after a month, saying it was "her loss".

After eight years of no substantial dating (disregarding Pamela Anderson and Sharon Stone), Marilyn finally announced his new relationship with Sofia Vergara, otherwise known as Gloria from Madagascar. Their relationship lasted an entire year and the couple got married in Guantanamo Bay in 1995, the same year the two conceived twin boys. The couple's children were named Superfly Manson (who highly resembled Drew Carey, respectively) and Bar Bar Bar Bar Barbara Ann Manson. However, due to Marilyn's complaints about Sofia's small breast size, the two divorced with the kids going on to join hit boy band, 'N Sync.

Marilyn has since been off the public dating scene, only hooking up with Mila Kunis, Megan Fox, Beyonce, Jennifer Lawrence, Christine Aguilera, and Kate Upton from time to time. Other than that, Marilyn remained pretty lonely and desperate throughout his careers.

Controversies and Lawsuits[edit]

Marilyn has also been victim to many lawsuits regarding his work in the scientific and music fields. During one concert in Atlanta, Georgia, Marilyn was arrested for the kidnapping of a 13 year old girl. He was released later that day, on the account of it being an "accidental kidnapping", which was later to be confirmed by the girl. She had climbed into the band's bus during the concert in hopes of finding Whoopi Golberg's underwear and wearing it on her head to her birthday party. She was still on the bus when the band left. After the confusion, Whoopi gave the girl her underwear and attended her birthday party, doing a cover of Tom Jones' What's New Pussycat?

Later that same year, Marilyn was sued for copyright infringement by Apple Inc., on the accounts that their hit single Fat Shady was an infringement on the newly released iPad. The case went to court, in which the band pleaded not guilty, and even counter-charged Apple on the accounts of "faggotry". Both charges were dropped, however, after Apple's lawyer was held in Contempt of Court after calling the judge a "Poopy head" in his defense.

See Also[edit]