1983

This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from January to December 1983.

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The year of our lord 1983 served as a prequel to the well known Nineteen Eighty-Four and sequel to the obscure 1982. Starting on a Saturday, many children began the year watching Saturday morning cartoons and many Jews began the year resting; things did not get much better for 1983 after that.

1983 in the World

1983 is when the Apple computer was released.

February

• February 28 - M*A*S*H airs its last episode; out of work, Alan Alda resorts to Scientific American Frontiers to pay the bills.

March

• March 23 - Michael Jackson invents the moonwalk; NASA immediately promotes Jackson to full astronaut status.

April

• April 3 - Jesus rises from the dead again; nobody pays much attention this time.
• April 15 - Disneyland Tokyo opens; Japanese copyright terms are extended by 100 years.

May

• May 4 - The Hitler Diaries are published, revealing the late dictator's "totally huge crush" on Heinrich Himmler

June

• June 13 - Pioneer 10 leaves the solar system, transmitting its final message, "So long, suckers!"
• June 18 - Sally Ride becomes the first American Woman in space; men around the world collectively decry the end of the last place they had left to get away from their wives.

July

• July 15 - The Nintendo Entertainment System goes on sale in Japan and the world is never the same again.
• July 21 - The lowest temperature on earth is recorded in Vostok Station, Antarctica with −89.2 °C (−128.6 °F), dry ice forms spontaneously and scientists refer to the measurement as, "Really God-damned, fucking cold! I mean, seriously, for fuck's sake it's cold!"

August

• August 30 - Guion Bluford becomes the first African-American in space; white men, still reeling from having lost space to women, throw up their arms in defeat before going to their rooms to sulk.

September

• September 5 - NBC appoints Tom Brokaw King of Television.
• September 27 - GNU Project founded; Richard Stallman appoints self God-emperor of free software but everyone continues to think of him as a pudgy nerd with poor hygiene.

October

• October 21 - At the 17th General Conference on Weights and Measures, scientists finally figure out how long a meter is; the metric system is no longer complete bunk.
• October 25 - Microsoft releases the Word; having regained the Logos, God is able to return to work.

November

• November 2 - Ronald Reagan signs the bill making Martin Luther King Day a national holiday, ending racism once and for all.
• November 3 - Jesse Jackson announces his candidacy for President of the United States, reviving racism after its brief death.
• November 14 - Yes releases 90125, the successful sequel to their previous 90124 prog rock albums.
• November 16 - That guy who writes Preserve the 80s is born

December

• December 2 - Jeffrey Phillips of Hoboken, New Jersey suddenly understands the big deal about Simon and Garfunkel.
• December 25 - Christians everywhere celebrate Christmas.
• December 27 - A propane explosion in Buffalo, NY kills 5 firefighters and Hank Hill's self-esteem.
• December 31 - Two bombs explode in France; 25 also explode in Lebanon, but nobody cares about muslims.

Undated

• The D.A.R.E. program begins teaching students how to responsibly identify which drugs they will most enjoy.
• Due to an ongoing DEA investigation, Doc Brown is forced to shut down production of his time machine.