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Racism Warning!

This article might offend some minorities. Alas, as they are not the majority, we will eventually follow the democratic tradition and vote regarding the contents. Until then, neither Uncyclopedia nor the original author of this article condone racism in any form.

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I'm not racist, I hate all races equally.

Oscar Wilde

Racist? The only white thing ahead of me is the finish line, shazamm!

Usain Bolt


Samuel L. Jackson


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Racism.
Bitch'sa racism.

Racism is the world's second largest disease, after homosexuality and before egotism.

"Legal Definition"

The fundamental tenet of Racism is that White People suck donkey balls, and everyone else is some kind of monkey (though, there is some debate over the status of some higher Asians, see Asian Nazis).

This picture was once part of a field guide sent with the slavers to Africa so that they wouldn't make the common mistake of mixing up chimpanzees with black people. Although chimpanzees look much more interesting and are more entertaining than the common black person it was quickly proven that they fling poop at each other more regularly than any average black slave would.

Historically, whites have referred to those of other races by different Colors. The dark brown people are black, the deeply tanned are red, the not quite as pale but certainly still rather pale are yellow, etc. Jews are blue, named after the color of the lights they hang on their Christmas trees. Arabs are purple, because they are all homosexuals. Mexicans are pink, because they are part-white and part-American Indian. Those not able to be categorized are black because they are the biggest racists of all. Those named after primary colors are better than those named for mixed colors. White is best, because it is pure. White people are colored. Color White is combination of all colors both primary and secondary. Like monkeys. Monkeys are all the colors too. Like gold. Whites have gold hair. Serengeti monkeys have gold hair too. That is soooo weird! Pure gold (though, that is also kind of colored yellow as well...). Black sucks. It is the absence of all colors. So black people are not colored at all. but whites are all colors. Weird!!!

Outbrakes of racism, like at this peace protest, can strike at any time.

Racists hold that a man's Colour is innate and cannot be changed. Among those who argue this position is the famous scientist Richard Dawkins, the inventor of the theory of evolution along with Alfred Russel "Crowe" Wallace and France, who say that if Black People were meant to be humans, and not monkeys, that either (1) God would have made them White or (2) they would have evolved into Whiteness. It should be pointed out that Michael Jackson proved this theory wrong, by changing its color and gender in one fell sweep.

This field guide was once issued to slavers, who often confused chimpanzees with black people. The market value of a slave chimp is less than one might expect.Whether God or Evolution is to blame for Black People is one of the biggest debates in the Racist community. A third alternative, "intelligent design", has emerged, but the whole "intelligent" concept was already rejected by Racists long ago. Intelligence tests always give racist results, so the fair and socially conscious individual must conclude that intelligence doesn't exist.

Thankfully, racism was abolished in 1964 by the good, liberty-loving people of the North. Racism is now defined as a mental disorder, along with heterosexuality and liberalism. Any negative comment made towards any non-white person is now defined as racism. Racists are required to serve 5 years in prison as well as undergo regular mental evaluations to ensure no more racism exists in the body, as per federal law.

Racism in all official forms is prohibited by federal, national and international law. But the United States Government continues to classify their citizens by race, ethnicity or national origin. This is what the Nazis did to take care of the problem. Maybe it's time the U.S. does that to Niggers too.

Racist Jokes are not often racist because most of the time they contain truth!

Opposing Views

frame]Give me the knife and nobody gets hurt.

Most non-Racist faiths claim that a man's race is a social construct. They cite the existence of races such as Formula 1, Formula Indy, and the Boston Marathon, saying that these sorts of races are clearly societal creations and thus all other races are too. Michael Jackson claims that race is a cosmetic structure because man can change his color if he has the right bleaches and dyes. In certain cultures Racism is the only taboo remaining, while things like murder are completely ok.

Quotes Regarding Racism

If I be damned, Jim! Them so many niggers they've turned the background into a blackground!!
I'm not racist. I own a color T.V.

Strom Thurmond on televisions or transvestites, he forgot which

A bunch of nappy headed hoes

My dad on Black girls from Rutgers

Racism is not bad; it is just a broader category of sports in which cyclism is included.

Oscar Wilde on Racism

Judge not your neighbour by creed, colour, or religion. Judge him not on the atrocities or good deeds his country has done. Judge him on how much of an asswipe he is, and to each man an equal chance to prove himself.

Oscar Wilde on legendary christian rock band Creed

Race is purely cosmetic. Note how this woman can change to any skin color she wants with the right dyes.
Unless you will give your daughter, sister and/or mother to someone who looks stupid and comes from any other country on earth... You Sir, are a baby fucking racist pig.

Cuntfucius on racism

I hate racists. They're always making generalizations about other people's cultures. Those racists... they're all the same.

Pope John Paul II on Racism

Games such as chess were once used as tools to spread racism.. Ever wondered why the White team always get to start first?
Racism is fine.

Gloria Estefan on Racism

I'm not racist, i just don't like black people.

Raul Garza on Racism

There are two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures; and the Dutch.

Nigel Powers on Racism

Ay yo dats racist rite derr how does we sposed 2 lurn ta spit rhymes if we dont get no love from wite boi teachaz. look how i speaks yo!

General consensus from the city of Atlanta on Education

George Bush doesn't care about black people.

Kanye West on George Bush

That's racism too.
Gypsies, Tramps And Thieves

Cher on Jews

Still haven't forgiven those damn Negroes back in 1864 when one of them hit me with poop as I told them to dig harder

Ye Old Farmer

Oh and, um, I was going to going to have a, a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, um, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'nigger'.

Ann Coulter

Racial Supremacy

The race card has also been integrated into a standard deck of playing cards. Playing this card during Solitaire, Pyramid, Blackjack, and Poker will result in an instant win. (Note. This doesn't work in Vegas.)

Racial supremacy is the belief that one race is better or worse than another. Of course, races are better and worse than each other in particular areas - for example black people are good at basketball and running, while Asians prefer the martial arts and whites swimming. Racial supremacy however concerns the goodness or badness of races in general - that is, that some races are simply better overall. The most common form of this is white supremacy. This is projected by movements such as the Ku Klux Klan, Nazi-type people, and polar bears. There is also black supremacy, which is the great idea that black people are better than others, which is, of course completely true. This is projected by Rastas, Black Panthers, other big cats and various other major contributors to society.

And no, jews, you don't count. Greedy bastards.

Intelligence could, in an ideal world, be used to define superiority, in which case Jews and Paki's would in fact take over the world. Sport is, of course, meaningless, as you all know, as users of this website.

Racism among Babies

It was recently shockingly revealed that 90% of all racist people in the world are below the age of one. As a matter of fact, most babies are born racist, but the racism usually goes away around the same time they start losing their baby teeth. A striking example of the fact that many babies are born as white supremacists is an incident that took place at a hospital in Nebraska. In the incident, a fat white baby strangled three black babies who were in the cribs next to his. A large Asian baby then attacked the white baby, and won. But its victory was short lived, as it was strangled shortly afterwards by another white baby. A nurse who witnessed the incident described it as "horrible, yet strangely comical."


  • You become lighter
  • You become familiar with Southern Culture
  • You hate everyone except your ethnic group
  • You start talking like a baby
  • You will call Swine flu Mexican flu or Canadian flu.
The logic of a racist.
  • ty- dy shirt

Racism Logic

The logic of racism centers on the lemma that, as God is white, and God is fair, all non-whites should have chosen to be white. Therefore, see image at right.

What's wrong with the world, mama People livin' like they ain't got no mamas I think the whole world addicted to the drama Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism But we still got terrorists here livin' In the USA, the big CIA The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK But if you only have love for your own race Then you only leave space to discriminate And to discriminate only generates hate And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah Madness is what you demonstrate And that's exactly how anger works and operates Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight Take control of your mind and meditate Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin' Children hurt and you hear them cryin' Can you practice what you preach And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us Send some guidance from above 'Cause people got me, got me questionin' Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love) Where is the love The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged New days are strange, is the world insane If love and peace is so strong Why are there pieces of love that don't belong Nations droppin' bombs Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug If you never know truth then you never know love Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know) Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know) Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin' Children hurt and you hear them cryin' Can you practice what you preach And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us Send some guidance from above 'Cause people got me, got me questionin' Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love) Where is the love, the love, the love?

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder Most of us only care about money makin' Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction Wrong information always shown by the media Negative images is the main criteria Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity Whatever happened to the fairness in equality Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found Now ask yourself

Where is the love? Where is the love? Where is the love? Where is the love?

Father, Father, Father help us Send some guidance from above 'Cause people got me, got me questionin' Where is the love?

Sing wit me y'all: One world, one world (We only got) One world, one world (That's all we got) One world, one world And something's wrong wit it (Yeah) Something's wrong wit it (Yeah) Something's wrong wit the wo-wo-world, yeah We only got (One world, one world) That's all we got (One world, one world)

How to Spot a Racist


All racists are typically white, and all white people are racist. Attributes of racist people include owning a laborador, eating bland food, and having an inability to dance. Most honkey-ass crackerhead redneck limey racists tend to talk in posh accents about stuff they've read somewhere in magazines like "Reader's Digest", or some other typical kind of crappy middle-class pasty-faced emulsion-head publication that you'd expect from this rap-dodging monoculture of encyclopedia-reading white cunts.

The earliest forms of racists are traced back to the neolithic culture of the bronze-age, but other forms of albino-assed charlies include Celts, Indo-Europeans, and Samis. Early in the colonisation of Europe, a bunch of dutchy fenian gin-jockey round-eye sassanach racists spread into Scandinavia, Britain, and Russia, where they continued to thrive on their boring pommy cuisine until they ran out of neanderthals to be racist to and had to start their stupid gubba empires across the world to find people to be racist to, because that's the only thing dumb jock krauty white people are capable of doing - being racist, and making sausages.

Racists like to wear suits, but can also be seen wearing blue jeans (eg. the rock band Status Quo), or having sex with plumbers in "grumble flicks". Sometimes porno movies can contain non-racists, but all racists don't like watching porn containing non-racists. This type of pornography is called "interracial porn", ie. a racist having sex with a non-racist.

Racism on TV

In the early 2000s the message about racism just wasn't getting through and since the Tories had nothing better to do as they weren’t running our country they decided to air all the nations’ racism in one place and thus Big Brother was born. The original concept derived from Dutch TV where the idea was several ordinary ugly attention seeking extroverts were throw in to a house and left to fend for themselves while the nation watched. The British public rejected the basic idea of the show as it didn’t mock minorities enough by simply having average members from each section of society. In each new series launch more and more ideas were dreamt up in an attempt to double the viewing figures from 78 to at least 81. Some of the best ideas included :

The introduction of the lion taming task. Tasks to win sex aids (not to be confused with AIDS). Spunk on the biscuit. Time traveling tasks with Keanu 'the matrix' reeves.

All the ideas failed to attract a suitable audience, but when they introduced racism day the viewing figures shot up to 2 billion. Emily was evicted from the big brother 2007 show for calling someone a 'screaming honkey indie worshiper' to which the contestant ima twoface was 'not bothered' by to which she told everyone in the house on numerous occasions usually in the middle of the night in a hot sweat.

Big Brother in South Africa is very kaffir... who who who ha ha ha!

Racism aside Big Brother is know to also cause EPA (extreme pregnancy alert) as severely suffered by main presenter Davina 'pregers' Mccall.

By the year 2050, there won't be any white people left in (North) America, Europe (esp. the UK) or Australia/New Zealand. Bye bye, so long, farewell whitey.

See also

External links