A pair of typical trekkies
|Abilities||genius level IQ,|
|Weakness||Running, Lifting heavy objects.|
|Control over||The internet, College Campusus, Xbox Live, PSN|
A trekkie is usually an over educated highly intelligent creature who, although smarter than you, has the social skills of a retarded monkey on meth. They can normally be found on college campuses across the nation, comic book stores and fixing your computer after you spilled beer on it when looking at internet porn.
Origin[edit | edit source]
The world Trekkie first appears in the early literary work of Star Trek creator George Lucas in the 1950's as the name of the chief character from his highly successful series Battlestar Galactica. It was soon after the release of the first film of the series entitled Serenity, that fans of the series adopted the name to identify themselves to each other. After a failed attempt to take over the Kennedy Space Center in 1992 Trekkies have moved their official headquarters to near by Orlando, Florida.
Trekkism[edit | edit source]
Trekkism is the technical term for an unnatural obsession over a show which was canceled 25 years before most of these people were born. It will typically manifest itself at an early age in the form of an exceptional high IQ coupled with low muscle mass. By middle school the Trekkies natural enemy, The Jock, starts to appear with just the opposite qualities which define the Trekkie. Teen years are very hard on Trekkies as they are shunned by women, suffer abuse at the hands of the jocks, and normally have terrible skin conditions to over come. However starting the day after High School graduation Trekkies start getting their revenge. In a misguided attempt to create a working transporter Trekkies will enviably end up studying Physics, Engineering, Medicine, or Mathematics in college earning a high GPA at a major university all in the same time it takes the typical jock to fail out of community college.
Once a Trekkies dreams of inventing a Warp Drive have worn off they still have an advanced degree which will by their early 30's enable them to start bringing home insane amounts of cash, this will in time cause your wife to leave you for a Trekkie especially in light of your recent DUI and the dead end job you've been working for the last 8 years. Once a Trekkie hits their 40's their net worth has enabled them to build a replica of the Starship Enterprise's bridge in the basement and to buy and sell you three times over, just to get even for the swirly you gave them freshmen year. Their 50's see the average Trekkie now married to a woman who is 25 years old and with a average bank account balance somewhere in the range of Avogadros number. They've also generally taken to trying to build a phaser array again or just teaching the next generation how to as a professor of Super Physics. And their son just got accepted to Yale, your son just got 5 years up state for holding up a liquor store.
Habitat[edit | edit source]
- Star Trek Conventions
- College Campuses
- Internet Chat Rooms
- Xbox Live
- Uncyclopedia articles about Trekkies
Abilities and Traits[edit | edit source]
Trekkies have some unique abilities that distinguish them from humans. Most of their traits, however, are as endearing as earwax:
- They can pronounce Alexander Siddig's full name.
- Can survive solely on nightcrawlers and enjoy it by calling it 'Gagh'.
- Stock up on Pringles and Oreos to survive the Post-atomic Horror.
- Don't do drugs because Tasha Yar said so.
- Tried to upgrade their phasers to shoot energy-beams instead of silly-string after watching TOS remastered.
- Wonder if Captain planet could pass off as an ensign if his skin was black.
- 47 is their 69.
- Have to talk their multitronic computers to death every time they want to reboot.
- Rush to get a degree in Medicine so they can remind everyone what their profession is.
- Rush to get a degree in Physics so they can remind everyone that the laws of Physics are unchangeable.
See also[edit | edit source]
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- You know you're a trekkie. Why else would you be reading this article?