“Just alright with me!”
“Trannies need lovin too!”
“I say, you look like you could use some surgery.”
“I love transsexuals in my oatmeal.”
“I have no use for it anyway.”
Action figurines[edit | edit source]
Transsexuals were a line of action figures produced by the Dumbo Corporation in the mid 1980s that helped warp the minds of America's youth. They were one of the most successful toy series to date, and over 2,678 were eventually produced before the company ceased production in 1991. They did however produce several spin-off lines of action figures, and there was even an obligatory television series that is still ongoing. The real joy behind the action figures was their ability to transmogrify from an everyday male robot, to a female robot with special abilities and attributes such as a make-up gun, or a wieldable stiletto. All it took was a quick dip in soapy water, and the process was complete.
There were teething problems at first of course. Produced in 1984, the first line of toys was rather less successful than its successors, as it was discovered that once the robots had changed genders they could never change back. Little boys gave them to their sisters in their droves. Undeterred by the predictable drop in sales, the makers at Dumbo decided to go back to the drawing board and came up with the second line of Transsexuals which proved to be much more successful. Soon every boy, girl and curious older brother had at least approximately 30 individual figures as well as branded lunchboxes, toasters and tie-racks.
Dumbo had hit the big time, yet the directors still saw room for improvement, and upon announcement of the production of the 3rd line of action figures they also announced that a television show would be brought out in conjunction with the release of its new wave, which included the ever-popular "Bi-Curious George" action figure.
Television series[edit | edit source]
To further expand upon the Transsexuals empire, a television series was produced in order to cram in as many of the action figures into 21 minutes of cartoon related advertising nonsense as possible. Some fans began to catch on to the fact that more and more Transsexuals were appearing every episode, even some that hadn’t been produced yet. The makers calmed the fans fears however, by guaranteeing that the new characters would appear immediately in a new wave of special limited edition figures cast from metals that didn't even exist yet, attainable only by signing your soul to the company.
The TV series worked on the basic premise that two of the stronger Transsexuals had a fight in the Transsexuals Nightclub (seen in episode 1.1 and available in all good toy stores) and had set up rival factions in order to obliterate one another. These were the Decepticuntts fronted by Boy George and the Estrobots fronted by Optimus Prima Donna. The Decepticuntts generally wore foundation that was darker in color and used a more natural shade of lipstick than the Estrobots, who preferred glossy lipstick and glittery eyeshadow.
The episodes would mostly comprise of organized bar room brawls that ended up with robots from each side beating each other senseless with handbags. One of the spin-off series was the more popular Beast Whores.
Video game[edit | edit source]
Transsexuals: The Video Game Cash-In was released in 1989 when the success of the franchise was at its peak. You were put in the role of young Estrobot Samantha and had to obliterate the oncoming Decepticuntt fleet using only nail clippers and a eyelash curler. Further upgrades could be collected during the levels, such as a lipstick cannon and a pastel colored jumpsuit. The last level was apparently glitched and unbeatable. In fact, should anyone ever attempt to beat it, their Sontendosoft Gamecylinders-Box would grind to a halt and set on fire, whereupon enraged customers were encouraged to soothe their rage by buying the new non-exploding Transsexual branded Sontendosoft Playcylinder-Box 270 at a moderately increased price(roughly 600 dollars more than the original).