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“Am I AC or DC? I'm the fucking thunderbolt in the middle”

“Being bisexual doubles my chances of getting laid!”

“I'm buysexual, whenever I want sex, I have to buy it”

~ John Lovits

“You mean you can buy it? I'll be damned!”

“If I sleep with a hermaphrodite, am I gay, lesbian, bisexual or just perverted?”

Bisexual (bi·sex·u·al [bahy-sek-shoo-uhl]) -- the romantic and/or sexual attraction to two vices at the same time, Lust and Greed. Bisexuals tend to be agnostic biathletes with a strong attraction toward mulattoes, griffins, half-and-half creamer, purple, and anything Hegelian. Note that 80% of admitted bisexuals are active pornstars. They are the type of people who put their hands down someone's pants and are satisfied with whatever they find.

Science[edit | edit source]

Many scientists are trying to figure ways to make all women bisexual, without making them lesbians. The scientist who would figure this out would become the most praised man in history. J. Michael Bailey is currently believed to be the front-runner, having already succeeded identified the lesbian gene that is on all X chromosomes.

I am, that guy is so sexy in a suit!

Reasons for Bisexuality[edit | edit source]

There are many theories conjecturing on the reasons for bisexuality. The five most exhaustively researched are presented below.

  • The "Best of Both Worlds/ Self Worth" View: Bisexuality not only opens doors for you, it opens ALL the doors for you. Regardless of the results of this openage, at least you know you tried your hardest and explored all the options.
  • The "Just in Case" View: What if you claimed to be straight and all the opposite gender died? What if you were gay and everyone of the same gender died? Where would you be then? Obviously this better planning prevents hypocrisy, disregarding the somewhat ridiculous improbability of this situation.
  • The "Threesome" View: There is only one type of threesome that does not involve either bisexuality or spectacular awkwardness. Obviously, same-sex trios could involve only one at a time. Consider the awkward possibilities of two men and one woman where both men are straight;

Dude 1: Hey do you mind? I'm kind of busy, could you avert your eyes or something?
Dude 2: Come on man, sharing is caring. I'm here for the same reason you are.
Dude 1: I cannot believe you would presume I am sharing. I am obviously the dominant male here. I assumed you were here because you had nowhere else to sleep. and etc.

The two women, one man version of this tale is fairly similar, but with more references to hair and clothes (or lack thereof). Bisexuality makes threesomes exponentially less uncomfortable, as threesomes are wont to be.

  • The "I am an arrogant jerk and convinced that everyone wants me" View: I am an arrogant jerk and I am convinced that everyone wants me. I keep track of a ratio of men to women that I've done. I was trying for a Guinness World Record until I died of a complex condition resulting from syphilis and herpes having one child and gonorrhea and AIDS having another and lifetime rivalry of the two resulting in duo-homicide.
  • The "Rasputin" View: I do everything that moves. Enough said.

Symptoms[edit | edit source]

If caught in time, bisexuality can be cured by meat injections. The belief that bisexuality is communicable by a dirty toilet seat is true. That's Ebola. The disease is characterized by several symptoms:

  • 50% less free weekend and leisure time
    Two Bisexual Males....or are they females? They're Goths so it's kinda hard to tell.
  • acquiring friends with benefits
  • sudden onset of being an attention whore
  • production of art and/or poetry
  • making out with everyone, even you
  • extremely sore genitalia
  • interest in paganism or witchcraft
  • having the name paul, but it's said "Pa-ool"
  • Creating an account on uncyclopedia
  • Causing instant seizures to people who look at you

Those At High Risk[edit | edit source]

Poll[edit | edit source]

All your base are belong to us!
You voted for "All Cool People are Bisexual" on 22 February 2024 at 23:15. You can change your vote by clicking a different answer below.
There were 442 votes since the poll was created on 06:31, 9 January 2013.
poll-id BC7041E81BCD31B38075B8543D905A1A

Dangers of Bisexual Pregnancy Of Female/Female Interaction.[edit | edit source]

Everyone already knows to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases (STD's). But new discoveries have found that bisexual females can impregnate other females. It is a rare case, and has only happened once in history. The event happened in 2010 when Paris Hilton knocked up 3 of her closest lesbian lovers. Being that Paris is just a whore that will fuck anything with a pulse, she had in the past month consumed massive amounts of dick. It was discovered that Paris had over 7mils of semen lodged between her teeth. She then went and had a foursome with her female friends, and the semen in her mouth dripped into the 3 girls vagina's as Paris munched away on their muffs. The 3 girls have been confirmed as pregnant, and Paris has admitted she is the father.

So beware bisexual's of the world engaging in Female On Female play; as of now it has been proven, if you are a bisexual, or a lesbian who hates men but loves the taste of cum in your day to day diet, then you have been warned now of the risks of finding yourself pregnant if you donut bumpers engage in oral activities!

Euhhhh... what??

Virgin erasure?[edit | edit source]

Unfortunately, bisexuality doesn't always double your chance of sex, although many wish it did. There exists a form of bisexual virgin erasure. Not all bisexuals get it every day. There even exists a form of incel known as a bicel. Bicels do not become misogynistic due to lack of sex, but an egalitarian and universal hatred deep down instead grows for everyone. In a way, this makes them the superior form of incel, since they do not discriminate based on gender.

There are also bisexual simps who suffer from something known as the Bi Tax. While the stereotypical simp only drains his wallet for e-girls, the bisexual simp must simp for women and men at equal rates to prove their bisexuality. This costs twice the amount of money, and the bi simp is no more likely to have their feelings reciprocated, unless of course you can find free porn then its purely a matter of what emotions you feel towards a jpg.

Bisexual Culture[edit | edit source]

  • Lemon bars
  • Cuffed Jeans
  • The song "Sweater Weather"
  • Bob haircuts
  • Finger guns
  • The color purple
  • Saying things are bisexual culture for no reason
  • Saying that bisexual culture is saying things are bisexual culture for no reason
  • Oh! And liking more than one gender.

Don't Confuse "Bi-sexual" with "Buy-sexual"[edit | edit source]

A buy-sexual is not a bisexual; so you can be assured it is not just a misspelling by a hood rat raping the English language. A buy-sexual is a person who buys sex!

People who buy sex, refer to themselves as buysexual and are usually some of the lowest common denominators of society. They are sexually depraved people who can't get a real partner, usually due to lack of self esteem, depression, or they are just plain fucking ugly. So they pay people for sexual intercourse.

Such people that fall into the buy-sexual category are:

See Also[edit | edit source]