Hentai
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“Our TV is better than American TV because of Hentai”
Warning: Not to be confused with furries.
Hentai is a type of TV program very popular with children in Japan and white middle-aged men in America. Fans report watching hentai every day. Children enjoy watching hentai for the flashy colorful animations and gigantic penises, very few take the time to dissect shows for the plot due to their mental incapability as children (the adults are too busy masturbating to carefully analyze the show.) It is widely regarded that Pokémon is the first Hentai program to be broadcast on TV. Hentai has now amassed many viewers.
The style of Hentai is easily recognized either by its colours, lack of a plot, and the intense amount of sweat streaming down viewer's faces while watching. The colours make it appropriate for children in Japan, and the pleasant sight of inhumane octopus rape provides a slice of action to spice the program up. Hentai programmes also tend to feature 13 year old virgins to be raped by such tentacled creatures although finding thirteen year old virgins is harder and harder every year due to Western prohibition, which is most famous for banning plastic straws.
Creation[edit | edit source]
Hentai was created in Japan where the CEO of the dying-out TV channel 'Japanese Kids Station' storyboarded Pokémon while beating his drunk wife. The pilot episode of Pokémon titled 'Ash Takes Misty's Bra Off - Uncensored' was met with astounding success despite airing during one of the least-viewed hours of the day. From this the first hentai games and clothing were produced. Hentai has evolved into professionally directed movies and high-quality sex toys to let lonely virgins imagine fucking their waifu.
Technical Terms[edit | edit source]
- Ahegao - The act of carefully positioning one's facial muscles to look like Micheal Jackson sneezing.
- Oppai - Translates literally to 'breast', as in, women who are genetically deformed and only have a single breast.
- Rape - Translates literally to 'Thailand'.
- Mind-break - The act of fucking someone until they are addicted to sex almost as much as they are addicted to listening to Never Gonna Let You Go 10 hours straight.
- Ecchi - Sexual play without actual nudity. Primarily featured on Instagram to avoid being taken down for actual nudity.
- Nakadashi - The best kind of pie, creampie.
- Yaoi - Gay male sex.
- Yuri - Gay kitchen-cleaner sex. Often followed by 'tarded'.
- Futanari - A girl with a penis and a vagina (located under the scrotum). Not to be confused with Donald Trump
- Lolicon - An underage girl. Usually raped by an ugly bastard. Not to be confused with Ivana Trump
- Netorare - Translates literally to 'cuckholding'. Not to be confused with Jared Kushner
Censorship[edit | edit source]
In the 1800s and early 2000s, most Hentai was hosted on YouTube due to copyright laws in Japan enacted by Lord Chingei Chongu IV banning Western influence. However, many of the videos have been deleted and are no longer accessible. Hentai has spread through the internet and eventually made its way to various porn sites such as Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia.
Octopus Abuse[edit | edit source]
Many anti-Hentaists object to Hentai because of the abuse to octupuses rather than display of minors, because the minors are actually 500 year-old vampires. Over 70 octopi are octonapped from their families each day to be used for Hentai, which means that 560 porn acters are needed per month for every tentacle. They are given little water to swim around in as well as tiny amounts of food to eat. The working conditions rank #2 on the 'Is This as Bad as China' Scale. Self-proclaimed charities involved in animal rights ask for donations. However, if you donate they'll keep bugging you until you don't have any more money. E.g.: Wikipedia
Italian dictator Alexandar Jeremiah Putin was abducted by Japanese officials for interrogation but was misplaced during transit and accidentally became the victim of a gay domineering rape hentai. He was later returned to Italy after he was found in an aquarium and still cannot eat seafood.
Hentai in Western Culture[edit | edit source]
With the invention of the internet in the 1960s by Al Gore, cultures across the globe coalesced as pornography began traveling through fiber optics & copper wires at amazing speeds to locations with no regard to distance, local culture, legality, time, or space. One such effect of this intercultural mixing is the 11th mission of the critically acclaimed Western video game (not to be confused with violence), Halo 2 called, "Gravemind". This mission involves Master Chief holding back the Flood. At the end of the adventure, Cortana is left trapped and alone with the leader of the Flood, The Gravemind, a large tentacle monster, who had previously starred in various tentacle hentais prior to his work in the video game industry.
- Octopus rides commonly seen at fairgrounds that move their passengers go up and down in space and spin them around a central origin point are heavily influenced by tentacle hentai, as discussed in a 2004 interview with the ride's chief architect, Al Gore.
- Spider-Man's arch-nemesis, Dr. Otto Gunther Octavius—a human strapped to a large mechanical octopus—Was charged with public indecency of the rape of multiple women with his "kinky robo-arms" as revealed in a 2005 court case. The incident was reimagined as an animated Western hentai called, "The Spectacular Spider-Man", where Dr. Otto Gunther Octavius's animated rendition is a recurring antagonist.
- Stephen King's book, Pet Sematary, has a scene where a little girl is attacked by a bunch of leeches—Paying homage to King's humble roots as an erotic fiction writer for the hentai magazine, "ビッグブービー変態ビーチ" (biggubūbī hentai bīchi).
- High-pitched sexual moaning in hentai was invented by the Japanese to cut costs in production. Voice actors were paid for each word they read, and clever script writers figured out that they could get a voice actor to squeal for 3 minutes and pay them for 1 word rather than record 3 minutes of dirty talk and pay the actors for pronouncing 60 words. This practice heavily influenced Western porn, as all moaning in Western porn is just Japanese moaning slowed down. This revolutionized Western pornography by cutting production costs dramatically.
