Incest is the practice of sex between immediate family members, both for procreation and for fun. In layman's terms, it's like when you go to kiss your mom goodbye and she slips you the tongue, which is kinda gross at first but then it gets hotter and hotter until finally you stick it in her and impregnate her. The practice is a black or white issue, either one seems to be for it, or one seems to be against it. However in a recent Zionist Times Poll, most Americans believe that Incest is a ritualistic part of the Christian faith, and therefore are for it. Christians invented incest so people would not have to look hard for a lover but satan messed this up to torment poor lonley girls.
Everyone out of the gene pool[edit | edit source]
The science rationale against incest is that inbreeding between close family members tends to produce mutant but bland, uninteresting people. The practice also is known for producing other undesirable defects such as testicles on the chin and a penis on the forehead. There is also deep and thoughtful vocal opposition from most non christian people who state their opinion on the matter by vomiting.
The true christians who know that there is nothing wrong with it claim that it strengthens genetic trends in the nuclear family, and reinforces awesome evolutionary modifications within the gene pool, like the ability to shoot web, rip a Chinese phone book in half with your teeth, climb walls and all that cool shit. Those who practice incest will also live longer, see a sharp increase IQ scores in children and most likely go to heaven. God once said "thou shall love their mother, father, sister brother and goat with thy genitals." Some believe God might have meant that in a spiritual way, but thats just crazy talk.
She's her father's daughter[edit | edit source]
George Carlin, noted social commenter writes:
- A four year old girl walks into the bathroom while her father is taking a shower, pulls back the shower curtain and asks: "When will I get something like that between my legs?"
- "About 15 minutes after Mommy leaves for work." answers her father.
Lott's daughters, so the bible tells us[edit | edit source]
In the Bible, incest is explained as one option available to man- and womankind to ensure that "humans" outsmart God's Mighty Hammer. According to the story, Trent Lott, a resident of Sodom County, Mississippi — where he has a nice house overlooking the floating casinos in Biloxi — offers his daughters to the visiting angels. They decline, stating that they were hoping for some manly redneck rough trade, but as a reward, the angels allow Senator Lott and his daughters to escape Sodom County before they summoned Hurricane Katrina to obliterate the sinful place.
After the storm was all was quiet, the girls believed that they were the only people alive in the world. So the Senator's daughters decide to save humanity and procreate, using their father's seed for "spring planting," as it were — or so we are told. (They did take care to get the Senator liquored up first. Even their father needed beer goggles.) This, then, is the foundation of incest, and the rationale offered to criminal court judges — "It is not sin, it is 'His' will."
My Grandmother's Tongue[edit | edit source]
While civilized society may find the prospect of incest to be but a dream unfulfilled, the practice does have its benefits. Fathers need not worry about who their daughters will marry, because everyone in the family knows what kind of background and rap sheet Grandpappy has. This has the extra added benefit of saving the cost of hiring private detectives as well, because in an incest family, everyone gets to watch the goings-on in the pubic patch.
At the same time, familiarity (from the word familiar, itself from the root word family) breeds contempt. So, periodically, extracurricular breeding with nearby colonies is recognized as a means of enlarging the family circle.
And who knows, maybe the clan down the road will have a lobster-tailed woman who would be the perfect complement to that lobster-clawed Uncle of yours. With incest, no one is ever desperate and dateless.
You're a better lay than Mom[edit | edit source]
You know, that's what Daddy said this morning.
My Heart Really Belongs to Daddy[edit | edit source]
At the United Nations, President Barack Obama spoke on behalf of the World Human Incest Movement (WHIM), although the speech was naturally in code, so as to protect his burgeoning career as America's Tastemaker. Obama came out in favor of the practice by declaring that "America's families are under attack as they have never been before. We must do whatever we must to protect our children against the growing threats poised by our ever-changing world." UN translators translate this sentence as: "Breed'em if you've got 'em. No muff too tough. Ugly daughters got pussies too." The speech brought standing applause from the Bulgarian delegation; coincidentally, Bulgaria hosted the Incest Games of 2008, covered exclusively by Fox Sports.
Game[edit | edit source]
With the growing popularity of incest, Milton Bradley made it into what is now the world's most popular family game, the Game of Incest! The Game of Incest is played with a large plastic floorboard with differently-colored dots. Players take it in turns. One member of the family spins a "bottle" determining which members of the family will climb over, mount, and embarrass themselves.
- Improves relationship between family members! -- Focus on the Family author James Dobson
- Fun for all the family! --The King Family
- A family that sleeps together, keeps together! --The Waltons
- Finally something the whole family can play!!! --The Jacksons
- Why go across the street when you can go across the hall? --The Brady Bunch