Zombie Bukkake
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“Bukkake on eBay. Fantastic low prices here. Feed your passion on eBay.co.uk.”
“I suppose you expect me to make some sort of unsubtle pun on 'come your brains out.'”
“I roved this fleakin' game!”
ZOMBIE BUUUKKAKE!!! is gleat 2006 game for Ninatenado Wiiii!! Prace Wiiiimoat in pants to control giant zombie sodomite penis come forth, splay infected ladioactive semen over incoming enemy buttock, bleast and face!!! Base on 1978 hit game! Kirrer app!!!!
Supreme character interpray of ZOMBIE BUKKAKE!!! with Bukkake Vampire Felix ("Ew. A cumstain on my opera coat.") and Bukkake Zombie Oscar ("Gimme goddamn cheerleader tit burger. Nah, no brains, she's thicker'n'shit.") — fastidious sex death metaphor loommate of shuddeling decay blain monster srob! Hirarious!!!!! Game supelior of prot and pranning make for many adventure in rand of undead sperm rayer!! Bling more Kreenex!!!
1978 game[edit | edit source]
The original version of the game was released in 1978 and ranks as one of the most influential video games ever created. The player somewhat controls a zombie sodomite penis, spraying its limitless glowing seed upon rows and rows of porn stars, until the diseased reproductive toxic waste causes their flesh to dissolve. The porn stars will fart gobbets of flaming cum back at the undead phallus, attempting to exorcise it by fire. A player can score 300 points from every blinding facial by hitting it with the twenty-third cumshot after starting play and every fifteenth cumshot thereafter.
Video games had existed prior to Zombie Bukkake, and the game G-Rated Fluffy Bunny Cooperation Not Competition by Atari was already a few years old. But Zombie Bukkake captured the attention and imagination of the public in a manner paralleled by few games before or since. Its horror-based action and pornographic setting appealed to a generation of teenage boys who could masturbate using pretty much anything associated with any female as an erotic focus and who were literally unable to think about anything in terms that were not associated with their penises. At one stage, Japan ran out of Kleenex for a time. (This crisis was the origin of the Japanese custom of women handing out tissues on street corners.)
The game's design gave the players the impression that he was in a desperate battle to save his little world from invading females who would at any moment realise the nature of their oppression and turn radical feminist, with endless waves of electronic emancipated women sweeping down until the player and his virulent demon seed were overwhelmed. The simple background soundtrack to the game, with the sound of a heartbeat in the womb going faster and faster, increased the tension and kept players coming back for more. It also helped every female who saw the game realise that nothing that Andrea Dworkin had ever said was exaggerated in the slightest and that lesbianism was a much safer idea than any activity that might involve speaking to people with male reproductive organs, leading to universities of the 1980s and early 1990s being filled with women who had excellent and sensible reasons to be man-hating dykes.
2006 game[edit | edit source]
A revamped version of the game, with One-Eyed Point of View, was released by Nintendo in 2006. Many popular Nintendo characters were added, though they passed on anything to do with mushroom kingdoms, for some reason.
Plot[edit | edit source]
The game can be played as either Felix, a vampire aristocrat, who shoots with care and whose aim is always true, or Oscar, a down-to-earth zombie, who makes up in volume what he lacks in precision.
The enemy are assorted nubile Nintendo properties in suitable diaphanous nightwear or skimpy swimwear, under the control of the evil feminist Dark Seed. Stuck-up mushroom princesses, a pissed-off Zelda as the Statue of Liberty in a bikini, and of course superhuman dancing Nazi ballerinas on the rooftops. Only the glow of your undead sperm can light the way and BUKKAKE FOR JUSTICE!
Philosophical implications[edit | edit source]
As Friedrich Nietzsche argues in The Birth Of Tardegy, the video game of modern Japan is the highest form of art as it combines Apollonian and Dionysian elements into one seamless (w)hole, inducing the player to experience the full spectrum of the human condition.
The 2006 game is structured as a religious and philosophical allegory, in which the undead decaying corpse symbolises the unthinking evangelical zeal of the door-to-door faiths. The zombie sodomite penis in particular, with its searching eye and faint cries of "ass ... aaaassssss ...", demonstrates the value of firm persistence and working toward a goal in an uncertain world: that the Dionysian "shotgun" approach is entirely effective with consistent application.
The vampire symbolises a more Apollonian "rifle" approach to spiritual matters: a more detailed, structured, personal journey to discovering one's place in the world, achieving redemption one beautiful young woman in an underwired nightgown at a time despite all those annoying slobs, munching on flesh and just draping their victims' limbs and guts and organs all over the place. Ew.
The producers hope the game will make considerable gains in furthering philosophical understanding and religious diversity and tolerance in our culture.
Movie[edit | edit source]
As with any successful game, an even more successful movie spinoff was mandatory. The Bukkake Couple features Jack Lemmon as C-3PO and Jack Klugman's rotting festering bottom row of teeth as Oscar. (Walter Matthau was originally lined up for the role but was considered too gruesome for such wholesome subject matter.)
The movie opens with a view of Oscar's crypt, littered with bones, gore, glowing puddles of semen and empty piss bottles. His equally undead wife has left him a few months before, taking the dead baby with her. Felix has just been thrown out of his eastern European castle by his three vampire brides, ungrateful wretches that they are. Oscar invites his friend to stay at his place.
Unfortunately, their different styles of attack upon the still-living conflict. "You leave me little notes on my pillow. I told you a hundred-and-sixty-eight times I can't ... stand ... little notes on my pillow! 'We are all out of Radiation-Proof Kleenex. - F.U.' It took me three hours to figure out that 'F.U.' was Felix von Dracul von Nosferatu von Uberwald!"
In the climactic scene, Oscar gathers all the suspects into the room, zips up his pants and tells them the results of his forensic examination of the corpse, upon which the surprise suspect — hypnotised by the dental horrors revealed — confesses. Felix dives for the suspect's throat as Oscar simultaneously undoes his pants again, leading to the hilarious punchline phrase from the trailer about a cumstain on Felix's opera cloak. The movie ends with justice done, Felix reunited with his vampire brides and Oscar back to living alone in his crypt chewing on dead women's sexual organs and masturbating hourly with their cored rectums.
Zombie Bukkake in popular culture[edit | edit source]
- Have you seen Japanese porn?