George Carlin
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George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was a brutally honest truthteller whose disdain for the established powers is an understatement. When you have the audacity to go onstage with "The seven words: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits," it's a dead giveaway that there is nobody on this Earth who will convince you to censor yourself and not divulge what is on your mind.
For this reason, Mr. Carlin was adored and revered by people who actually took a minute of their time to reflect on the current state of affairs on this planet. His hindsight on today's social and political climate caused the masses to laugh and the elite to rage: "Who is that comical sheep that dares to think?"
Early career
At the tender age of 20, young George had already figured out that the Army was a means of exploiting and killing people abroad while bringing wealth to the Military Industrial Complex at the expense of the middle class. Thanks to his already blossoming acting talent, he managed to make himself look like he was utterly retarded when the draft came to try to dodge it. Unfortunately, the persons responsible for evaluating newcomers were also retarded, and he was subsequently trained as a radar technician. After purposely causing numerous delays and material damages with his intentionally misleading directions, he was labeled an "unproductive airman" by his superiors. Carlin was discharged from Air Force exploitation in 1957. Having obtained exactly what he wanted, he laughed all the way home and thought of ways to expose the immoral warmongering government to the sheeple.
The 1970s
George hit a grand slam when he undertook the enterprise to test the limits of what America prides itself in: free speech. On primetime television, he hit it out of the ballpark with "the seven words you can never say on TV". Ears equipped with the sensitivity of a nun started bleeding around the country, causing even more hilarity for normal human beings. Carlin then realized the limitations of "freedom" alright when he was arrested for his amazingly hilarious and intelligently constructed segment of comedy. He was released from prison shortly after incarceration because he performed his critical thinking routines so well that turmoil erupted within the penitentiary's walls when prisoners realized how bad they were getting screwed by the system.
The '80s and '90s
Now one of the most popular comedians alive, George went on a truth-telling rampage like never before, causing distress among the people who control society. He held a routine about JFK's assassination and the magic bullet, which was supposedly fired by Lee Oswald while he was dangling by his toes outside of the Dallas library window. According to the most ridiculous theory of them all (the official one), this possessed projectile had to ricochet 27 times inside the presidential convertible to finally bounce off Jacqueline Kennedy's earrings and explode the President's head to fit the government's fairy tale. Carlin clearly stated his opinion that the CIA carried out the killing, since Mr. Kennedy was on the verge of passing a bill in Congress restraining the Federal Reserve and the Agency's power. His routine on this topic caused such a national debate that the sheeple had to come to the painful conclusion that the federal government had lied to them and there was an overwhelming body of evidence that ████ █████████ ████ ██ ████ ████████.
He also notably discussed the Gulf of Tunkin incident in Vietnam, another false flag attack that was used by the government to sell the war to the naive masses. Patriotic Americans (if your definition of "patriotic" is taking pride in sending your youth to the slaughterhouse for no other purpose than killing civilians and terrorizing another country) called for a boycott of Carlin's shows, which incidentally became increasingly popular with people who had the ability to think.
The Las Vegas incident
During the course of a performance in Sin City, Carlin was understandably exasperated with the superficiality of the rich narcissistic tourists who attended his show and proceeded to share the undeniable facts:
| “ | People who go to Las Vegas, you've got to question their fucking intellect to start with. Traveling hundreds and thousands of miles to essentially give your money to a large corporation is kind of fucking moronic. That's what I'm always getting here is these kind of fucking people with very limited intellects. | ” |
As a proof that truth hurts (and is likely to infuriate some), the whole place erupted in a riot that made the Egyptian Revolution look like classical dance. Carlin subsequently went on national television and seized the golden opportunity to dissipate any misunderstandings:
| “ | I apologize. They just were not ready for the truth. | ” |
Passing
On June 22, 2008, the world lost one of its most prominent truth tellers and shenanigan makers. While the evil leaders and artisans of the war and orchestrators of the economic collapse opened the champagne bottles and distributed the cocaine around, the populace whose lives are under control of the latter disciples of Satan mourned with great pain and sorrow to the sad news of Carlin's passing.
Legacy
The death of George Carlin is considered by most historians to be the death of the human ability to think critically and utilize common sense. He will be remembered for his ability to spark intelligent debates, his language mastering skills and his mild dislike and mistrust of the powers that be.
George Carlin out-smarts the apocalypse
“All those who die before December 21, 2012, will have the last laugh!”
Memorable quotes
| “ | Sure anyone can smell, but you could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! | ” |
| “ | The planet is fine. The people are fucked! | ” |
| “ | When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jackboots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts ... Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. | ” |
| “ | I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. | ” |
| “ | It's called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. | ” |
| Franchise | |
| Dudes & Dudettes | |
| Stuff |
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- Bill & Ted
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