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An old-school fascist with a blaster.
Fascism has its advantages, but it's incompatible with birthday parties.

Formerly a follower of the doctrine of fascism – a vicious political philosophy of a militarist totalitarianism – nowadays the word fascist refers to anyone who annoys you, even slightly.

Why exactly the fascists stopped strutting around in black shirts publicly assaulting their enemies and started correcting the spelling of your e-mails instead and telling you off for not washing your coffee cup is unknown.

Old school

  • Assaulted political enemies, sometimes forcibly feeding them castor oil to symbolically "purge" the opposition and to humiliate the individual.
  • Imprisoned and tortured those who disagreed with fascist doctrine.
  • Continuously invaded Ethiopia, Libya, Albania and Greece. They tried to invade Greece a lot, but eventually had to get a bigger and badder friend who they used to install a puppet government in northern Italy.
  • Made deals with the nazis, plotting to conquer the world.
  • Coerced and controlled businesses and unions alike.
  • Ruthlessly censored all media.
  • Rebuilt whole societies on a foundation of fear and intimidation.
  • Adopted a semi-official uniform shirt (brown where black was too expensive).

New school

  • Yell at you for not flushing the toilet when you're finished.
  • Expect two forms of ID, at least one of which bears a picture.
  • Fire you from work for browsing porn and/or Uncyclopedia all day.
  • Put you on hold, then have the nerve to say your call is important.
  • Shush you at the movies.
  • Hassle you when you take your time ordering at McDonald's.
  • Give you a parking ticket.
  • Ban you from Uncyclopedia or any other wiki after you've vandalized only twenty articles.
  • Don't even listen to your side of the story.
  • Are even slightly to your right politically. (Those to your political left are all communists.)
  • Edit Conservapedia.
  • Are Republicans.
  • Adopt a uniform of any damned thing they want except Iron Maiden T-shirts.
  • Tell you to stop running in the corridors.

In recent years the marauding bands of fascists, communists, nazis, and socialists responsible for these and other outrages have largely vanished, and recent statistics show that over 74% of such irritations are now caused by terrorists.


  • From the Latin fascis ("a bundle of sticks") comes fascism, a collectivist ideology.
  • From irony comes [recte wherever] faggot, a flaming bundle of sticks.
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