~ A Grammar Nazi on grammar“Das Komma geht schließende Anführungszeichen und einfache Anführungszeichen sollten anstelle von Anführungszeichen verwendet werden.”
~ A second Grammar Nazi on the first one's punctuation
Grammar Nazis are people (or cats) who use their freakishly and/or annoyingly powerful understanding of and compliance with grammar and spelling to attempt to "correct" others, usually the blissfully-oblivious-to-the-outside-world members and users of the Internet, who understand only the grammatically genocidal text-speak. However, the Grammar Nazi sees "correcting" others as "making" others "look like fools", and the others in question see the Grammar Nazi as "some asshole with no life". Today, most Grammar Nazis have settled down from the violent battles of "der gut ölde daes" to shadowy lives of correcting the error-ridden comments found below.
The Ever History
Of all the things that started when the internet was created, the Grammar Nazis are the
worst best. They were all "Hey, we are better with English than you, so we're all going to start yelling at you often." Then, they started making concentration camps for people to go to so that they may concentrate. The first concentration camps were a place where one is sent. The Grammar SS make one read books, and if one does not read the books properly (or one cannot read), the Grammar SS says to the person, "You're going for a shower," and they gas the person. Six million trolls were gassed in the Grammar Holocaust. Hitler and his Grammar Nazis almost had the world under their control. They stopped only because they could not take over Britain, thanks to Winston Churchill, Dangermouse, Superman, and the people from London who could spell better than the Nazis.
The Apostrophy~Phrasengarian Empire
The Apostrophy-Phrasengarian empire was the product of years of hard work by the apostrophe to do just about anything. It began by simply taking over letters such as in the phrase "I'm", where the apostrophe army completely wiped out the "A" armies' defenses.
In 1914, however, Arch-Duchess Fronts Further-and was assassinated by an enraged plural possessive. This was due to its resentment at often being left out and replaced by the inferior singular plural, or even omitted all together. (Achtung!) This resulted in the first Word War, fought entirely for the sake of language. While the British could easily decipher the inflection- and apostrophe-free language of the Germans, the Germans found it difficult to fathom the wider British vocabulary and more complex use of apostrophes.
One of the biggest proponents against the Apostrophy-Phrasengarian empire was Adolf Hitler, who actually mobilised his forces against them. While the English were happy to appease the tyrant, the academy Française would not allow it and insisted that Britain join it against the young Hitler, whose language was known to be rhetoric and devoid of grammatical structure.
Rise of the Third Write
bye (Falsche Schpellkën!) By the end of 1918, (mit (WELCHER DUMMKOPF SCHRIEB 'WIT'?) einem Komma, Dummkopf!) germany (Kapitalisierung, Idioten!!) Germany had exhausted its supply of scrabble sets. America soon entered the war. Due to their endless supply of Mark Twain novels and outlandish accents, the Axis Powers were forced to surrender.
The inter-war years were hard for Germany. The country had been forced by France to adopt 1337 speak in all its official correspondence. Anarchy reigned, and a good German found it increasingly hard to find a decent Bratwurst.
Embittered by his country's defeat and poor grammar, Adolf Hitler formed the Nazi Party. Soon, millions flocked to his rallies to hear his speeches on the proper use of "its" versus "it's".
In 1933, Hitler rose to power on a platform of improved literacy programmes and the banning of democracy. Soon the world began to tremble before the might of his grammatical knowledge and boots.
In 1938, Hitler returned in triumph to Vienna. In a process known as anschloss ("fucking bad idea"), Austria united with Germany. In 1939 Hitler demanded that Poland and Czechslovakia get rid of all those dots (ü) above their letters. The allies refused and the world was plunged into war.
Word War II
At first, the squadron superior Lexicon and Grammar led them to overrun Eastern Europe and France, but hey, this is the French we're talking about. You just
has have to throw a moldy onion or two at them and they start dropping their guns; or politely ask them to surrender and they'll do it.
But Britain managed to hold out against the power of the Grammar Nazi Empire thanks to the rhetoric of Winston Churchill. Japanese planes were
freinds friends allied with the Grammar Nazis, and due to this they sent some bombs to Hawaii to piss off America. For some reason America entered the war. The Germans could not hold out against the American policy of General Ignorance. Thus ended Hitler's dreams.
What to do when encountering one or more Grammar Nazis
- Many people think that a Grammar
NazisNazi's weakness is seeing a lot of grammatical errors. If you encounter a Grammar Nazi, then do not quickly make a lot of grammargrammatical errors. It simply makes them angrier.
- Remind them that you have a significant other, and have had sex more times
thenthan they have read The Elements of Style by Strunk and White. Try to keep a straight face when you do this!
- Attack them with insane amounts of chatspeak. No Grammar Nazi can stand a chatspeak-barrage for very long,
Uunless said Nazi speaks chatspeak himself.
Vulgar Child: omg jst leeve meh a lown. i no u cant fite meh cuz im 2 powaafull n u cnt win!!
Grammer Grammar Nazi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ( tThis is probably untrue, as Grammar Nazis will NEVER use that many syllables vowels.)
- In the rare case that the Grammar Nazi does speak chatspeak, run like hell. There's no stopping him or her.
Example: i fink i do n i fink u meen "Oh my Gumballs, just leave me alone. I know you cannot fight me because I'm much too powerful and you can't win."
- Screw with them by using obscure interpretations of "effect". For example, say "the government has effected major changes," and when they get all douche-baggy and tell you it is "affect," find a dictionary and show them that they are wrong. This method, however, only works on people who only claim to be Grammar Nazis. Real Grammar Nazis would know that meaning of "effect".
- Bait them into a confrontation by spelling "whiny" as "whiney". Naturally they will try to correct you, but little do they know that "whiney" is also an acceptable spelling. Prove to them that they are wrong and enjoy your victory.
- I agree.
- I concur.
- It's "for whom", not "for who".
- "The comma and the period ..." What an idiot.