Uwe Bowls

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The voices in your head will not kill themselves.

“In Soviet Russia, cereal eats you.”

~ Russian Reversal on Uwe Bowls

“I smell a metaphor or something.”

~ That Guy on Uwe Bowls

“When it comes to sticking bad things in my mouth, I am the master.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Uwe Bowls

Have a Disaster in Your Bowl[edit | edit source]

Uwe Bowls are a brand of high fiber (and low content) cereal that has replaced the popular You Bowls of cereal after a re-branding by the new German CEO.

A Breakfast to Die For[edit | edit source]

Now with Uwe Bowls you can start your morning right with a bowl full of fail(hemorrhaging optional). Because not everyone has the privilege of choking down an entire bowl of industrial waste. Poor kids in Africa wouldn’t mind the blindness caused by our cereal (unproven by those assholes at the FDA) for a chance to suck down something other than dirt and monkeys. So why not take a bite?!! (before it bites you.)

One Hamster Short of a Spinning Wheel[edit | edit source]

Uwe Bowls come in many artificial flavors resembling strawberry, grape...or many, many unfortunate others; but none of them are particularly tasty or popular. Many fans of the more traditional brand of You Cereal feel the new flavors are just a ripoff of the old. Despite the fact that nobody likes Uwe Bowls, our company insists on producing more cereal, every new flavor more shitty than the last. Some of these new mediocre and uninspiring flavors can be seen below. Now in a store (or landfill) near you!!

This kid won't be smiling in an hour.

Current Flavors[edit | edit source]

  • Strawberry
  • Strawberry?!
  • Angry Strawberry
  • I Can't Believe It's Not Strawberry
  • Grape Or Something Similar
  • Sky
  • Surprise!!!
  • Xylophone
  • Yellow
  • Non-toxic Yellow
  • Animal
  • Than Time You Taken a Trip to Grandmas House and Had a Journey of Self-discovery by Accident
  • Potato and a Half
  • Soylent Orange

Future Flavors[edit | edit source]

Vote for New Yummy Flavors!!
You voted for "You now Have Cancer" on 9 January 2024 at 11:52. You can change your vote by clicking a different answer below.
There were 56 votes since the poll was created on 07:48, 13 January 2013.
poll-id 9B55EE04F9016F2B810E3B5BEE251223

See also[edit | edit source]

Captain Obvious Cereal