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The Food and Cooking Portal

BBQ Food.jpg

Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately for us, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive, so you probably eat it every day. The world of conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. As food is everywhere, the difficulty of avoiding it discourages many from following through with alternative treatments, and they go back to clueless conventional doctors who rely on old-fashioned cutting, burning and slashing. (Full article...)

Cooking ... it's not exactly music... but it's close. Cooking is the act of applying culinary finesse to raw materials a manner that would procreate delectable (needless to say edible) and proper nourishment for humans of civilisation. It is prepared by 90% of the women in the world who come home after hours of grueling sexual harassment and unproductive meetings to apply heat to the meat or frozen dinner in order to satisfy the man. It encompasses a vast range of methods, drawers full of once used tools, and 5 used daily. The combinations of ingredients and rearranged rotations serve to disguise the same old same oldishness of the food. (Full article...)


Highlighted Article

This exclusive version of the film can only be found on the Special Edition DVD. Commenting on the film are it's co-directors, Peter Bogdanovich (BOG) and Unrelated Quotes Guy (UQG).
BOG: Well ah, welcome to the audio, comments, section, of the l-l-long awaited release of this.. hurh, film.. Sex Seafood. I wrote it, and I am, of course, legendary director, Peter Bogdanovich... I am joined today. By eh, sigh.. my co-director, and generally confused individual, Mr. Unrelated Quotes. Guy.
UQG: Knowing is the easy part; saying it out loud is the hard part.
BOG: Yes, of course... Lets us, eya, begin? Yes, of course.
Act I: Meet Alister
Alister stands in the large tank, alone.
ALISTER: I've been in this condition for a while... Its hard, life is hard. Hard for a lobster...
UQG: Well, you see, there's gold, and then there are pants.
Archive Article credit: THE (more…)

Culinary News


CALIFORNIA, USA -- Italian-American man Amanita Muscaria, like many people of southern European descent, had a life-long passion for wild mushrooms and was a common sight in the hills and forests above the town he'd called home for over 50 years where he foraged for them. He'd become something of an expert over the decades and his family didn't worry when he stopped checking his finds in reference books, believing as he did that the old man knew all there was to know on the subject.

However, they'll be glad they didn't join him for a dinner of his favourite pizza ai funghi last week...…

Archive Article credit: RabbiTechno (more...)

Highlighted Image

Unripe Bananas

How To Find a Girlfriend - a step by step for total idiots.

Nominate stuff Image credit: Ben DeRoy Image archive

Random Quote

With enough butter, anything is good.

~ Julia Child

Highlighted Eatery


Chick-fil-A is an American fat food restaurant chain specializing in 100% heterosexual chicken entrées. The company is headquartered in a residential neighborhood on the west side of Topeka, Kansas, next door to the Westboro Baptist Church. It was founded by S. Truett Cathy, a devout Christian and supporter of family values, who, according to rumors, will read Bible stories to his chickens before slaughter to ensure that not a drop of gay chicken meat leaks into his sandwiches. Leviticus is the only known cure for gayness.…

Archive Article credit: Xamralco (more…)


Featured Food Product

Electricity flavored ice cream. Yum, fluorenscent!

Ice Cream

Ice cream is a Class A Narcotic and a form of explosive. The stuff was developed in 1812 by European Scientist, and Astronaut, Dr. James Scholls. The ancient Chinese hailed ice cream as a magical cure for hemorrhoids. They believed the more ice cream you ate, the better chance you have at conceiving a child. Many ancient rock paintings and sculptures depict nude women sitting on a boulder couch with a stone tub of ice cream crying. Modern medicine has discredited this tradition and informed the general public that it is society's fault for making women fat, disgusting and depressed as they age...…

Archive Article credit: Simsilikesims (more…)


Did You Know...

 this cookie is actually savory.
 life is a competition, especially among chefs.
 the frying pan feels pain during times of intense burning.
 changing ingredients on the recipe card to make your version is perfectly okay.



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