Portal:Culinary
Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately for us, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive, so you probably eat it every day. The world of conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. (See more...)
Cooking ... it's not exactly music... but it's close. Cooking is the act of applying culinary finesse to raw materials a manner that would procreate delectable (needless to say edible) and proper nourishment for humans of civilisation. It is prepared by 90% of the women in the world who come home after hours of grueling sexual harassment and unproductive meetings to apply heat to the meat or frozen dinner in order to satisfy the man. It encompasses a vast range of methods, drawers full of once used tools, and 5 used daily. The combinations of ingredients and rearranged rotations serve to disguise the same old same oldishness of the food. (See more...)
It is a recognised fact that when a restaurant becomes too popular, the chef is worked-off his or her feet trying to keep all those tables supplied with appetising, nutritious food. Increasing the prices may offer a temporary relief from the over-popularity of the restaurant, or it may instead create an atmosphere of quality and exclusiveness, thereby increasing custom further still. What is in fact needed is a way to reduce the number of customers to manageable proportions, but without resorting to such unpopular or illegal measures as salmonella or e-coli. A switch from food to nouvelle cuisine provides the ideal answer in such circumstances.
No one single characteristic describes nouvelle cuisine. Rather, a combination of known attributes, when seen together, determine the style to exist. Nouvelle cuisine dishes are invariably served on a plate at least three times the diameter required to hold the meal itself. Sometimes, the plate is so large that places must be double-spaced. The very large size of plate allows adequate free space, unencumbered with food, for the chef to demonstrate his or her artistic talent.
BOCA RATON, Florida – The East coast isn't the only area of America that has seen daily life altered by severe weather this winter. Jack "Buddy" York was the victim of the new year's harsh climate when his annual cookout had to be postponed last Sunday. "This was the fourth annual cookout and this crazy global warming--or global cooling, whatever you want to call it--ruined the whole thing," the 73-year-old said from his condo. York is a native of Augusta, Maine, which along with all of the Northeast, is known for its cold temperatures and major snowfalls this time of year. But the retiree, who moved to Florida seven years ago with his wife of 57 years, Margo, has grown accustomed to his new sunny climate. "It's colder than Clara Bow's tits out there!"
The cookout had to be delayed when the temperature dipped to what York described as a "Nordic ball-numbing" 61 degrees Fahrenheit. This sent most of Boca Raton's residents, with an average age of 70, shuffling inside and under heated blankets. Dale Kern, a member of the Boca Raton City Council, successfully lobbied for the city to be placed under a "weather emergency" for the rest of the day. "I know Buddy had his cookout set for that day, but I did not feel safe allowing our citizens out in those conditions," Kern would later say. But some weren't buying it. "That paper hanger is just mad that I beat him in Pinochle four times in a row on Friday. Spiteful bastard," said York.
Chick-fil-A is an American fat food restaurant chain specializing in 100% heterosexual chicken entrées. The company is headquartered in a residential neighborhood on the west side of Topeka, Kansas, next door to the Westboro Baptist Church. It was founded by S. Truett Cathy, a devout Christian and supporter of family values, who, according to rumors, will read Bible stories to his chickens before slaughter to ensure that not a drop of gay chicken meat leaks into his sandwiches.
Cathy opened the first Chick-fil-A restaurant in Atlanta's Greenbriar Mall in 1967 after the success of his earlier restaurant, the Dwarf House, a bar and grill which served mainly dwarf meat, along with the occasional elf kebab. Influenced by a group of protesting cows who couldn't spell, Cathy realized that the over-consumption of beef was a major issue in America and quickly opened a restaurant that would serve only chicken and rival the "Big Burger Chains" of McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's. During one of his daily Bible readings, Cathy supposedly read that "he who lies with a man as he does with a woman dost consume the flesh of the ox in great excess."
The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. Once you have ordered this, you cannot order anything larger. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere except for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium. The United Nations are working on this problem even as you read this.
Prior to October 26, 2001, the Quadruple Espressinoso Super Grande Light Blueberries And Cream Half-Soy Full City Roast Nonfat Half-caf Organic Caramel Vanilla Iced Double-Shot Macchiato Black Tea Chai Foamed Shaken Sugar-free Cinnamon Eggnog Dolce Peppermint Gingerbread Pumpkin Spice Latte Thrice Blended Extra Hot With Three Ice Cubes Hold The Whipped Cream, One Sweet'N Low, and One Nutrasweet was the longest possible order at Starbucks.
- ... that around midnight you can find the answers to life by staring into your refrigerator?
- ... that around midnight you can find the answers to life by staring into your refrigerator?
- ... that in France, cooking is a national sport? Whoever adds the most red wine to a dish wins!
- ... that just because you shout God is dead does not mean that Chick-fil-A will magically be open on Sundays?
- ... that the frying pan feels pain when exposed to intense heat?
- ... that just because you shout God is dead does not mean that Chick-fil-A will magically be open on Sundays?
| “ | My weaknesses have always been food and men, in that order | ” |
— Hannibal Lecter, on weaknesses
| ||
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