Portal:Culinary

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The Food and Cooking Portal

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Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately for us, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive, so you probably eat it every day. The world of conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. As food is everywhere, the difficulty of avoiding it discourages many from following through with alternative treatments, and they go back to clueless conventional doctors who rely on old-fashioned cutting, burning and slashing. (Full article...)

Cooking ... it's not exactly music... but it's close. Cooking is the act of applying culinary finesse to raw materials a manner that would procreate delectable (needless to say edible) and proper nourishment for humans of civilisation. It is prepared by 90% of the women in the world who come home after hours of grueling sexual harassment and unproductive meetings to apply heat to the meat or frozen dinner in order to satisfy the man. It encompasses a vast range of methods, drawers full of once used tools, and 5 used daily. The combinations of ingredients and rearranged rotations serve to disguise the same old same oldishness of the food. (Full article...)

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Highlighted Article

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This exclusive version of the film can only be found on the Special Edition DVD. Commenting on the film are it's co-directors, Peter Bogdanovich (BOG) and Unrelated Quotes Guy (UQG).
BOG: Well ah, welcome to the audio, comments, section, of the l-l-long awaited release of this.. hurh, film.. Sex Seafood. I wrote it, and I am, of course, legendary director, Peter Bogdanovich... I am joined today. By eh, sigh.. my co-director, and generally confused individual, Mr. Unrelated Quotes. Guy.
UQG: Knowing is the easy part; saying it out loud is the hard part.
BOG: Yes, of course... Lets us, eya, begin? Yes, of course.
Act I: Meet Alister
Alister stands in the large tank, alone.
ALISTER: I've been in this condition for a while... Its hard, life is hard. Hard for a lobster...
UQG: Well, you see, there's gold, and then there are pants.
…
Archive Article credit: THE (more…)
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Culinary News

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Buddy and his wife Margo after cancelled cookout.

BOCA RATON, Florida-- The East coast isn't the only area of America that has seen daily life altered by severe weather this winter. Jack "Buddy" York was the victim of the new year's harsh climate when his annual cookout had to be postponed last Sunday. "This was the fourth annual cookout and this crazy global warming--or global cooling, whatever you want to call it--ruined the whole thing," the 73-year-old said from his condo. York is a native of Augusta, Maine, which along with all of the Northeast, is known for its cold temperatures and major snowfalls this time of year.…

Archive Article credit: Hum ya (more...)
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Random Quote

“Everyone loves a good cookie. The Rock is a good cookie. ”

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Highlighted Eatery

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Chick-fil-A is an American fat food restaurant chain specializing in 100% heterosexual chicken entrées. The company is headquartered in a residential neighborhood on the west side of Topeka, Kansas, next door to the Westboro Baptist Church. It was founded by S. Truett Cathy, a devout Christian and supporter of family values, who, according to rumors, will read Bible stories to his chickens before slaughter to ensure that not a drop of gay chicken meat leaks into his sandwiches. Leviticus is the only known cure for gayness.…

Archive Article credit: Xamralco (more…)


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Featured Food Product

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Fuck you, Rutabaga sluts.

Rutabaga

The rutabaga is an alleged vegetable that began life as a cross between a cabbage and a turnip, much like the mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey. Unlike Rutabagas, all mules are good for is... hmmm... Well anyway, if you wanted to learn about rutabagas from an expert you came to the right place. If you wanted to learn about the bright side of rutabagas, look out: They suck, and there is no bright side to them.

Much of the history of rutabagas has been lost in a shroud of disinterest. Fortunately, some facts remain...…

Archive Article credit: Cajek (more…)


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Did You Know...

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… this cookie is actually savory.
… to avoid drying out lean cuts of meat containing only 7% fat or less, simply fry the meat in 1/2 cup of oil.
… don't throw away pickle juice. use it for peeled hardboiled eggs. Yum!
… around midnight you can find the answers to life by staring into your refrigerator.
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Referendum

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