Portal:Culinary
Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately for us, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive, so you probably eat it every day. The world of conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. (See more...)
Cooking ... it's not exactly music... but it's close. Cooking is the act of applying culinary finesse to raw materials a manner that would procreate delectable (needless to say edible) and proper nourishment for humans of civilisation. It is prepared by 90% of the women in the world who come home after hours of grueling sexual harassment and unproductive meetings to apply heat to the meat or frozen dinner in order to satisfy the man. It encompasses a vast range of methods, drawers full of once used tools, and 5 used daily. The combinations of ingredients and rearranged rotations serve to disguise the same old same oldishness of the food. (See more...)
Your estimate of how long to reheat the lasagna was not a good one. In fact, it was probably the worst estimate I have ever seen. In fact, it was probably the worst estimate in the history of estimating.
I'm not sure you even understand the concept of estimating. When you estimate, you're supposed to make an educated guess based on prior experience. You are not supposed to select a completely random number of any size and run with it.
I guess you've learned your lesson. But let's just take a moment to run through all the clues you had that you are a poor estimator.
NEW YORK, New York - In a ground-breaking discovery, nutritionists have found that blueberries, previously known as Vaccinium corymbosum, are actually peas that have died of asphyxiation. Furthermore, peas are really the offspring of nomadic extraterrestrials, abandoned during a stop to planet Earth sometime in the Late Precambrian period.
"All this time, we’ve been eating the fetuses of aliens before they could mature past their spore cycle," Stamford biophysicist Dr. Wes Lurevnen says. News of this sort has, naturally, made for some interesting stories.
One pea farmer recalls stumbling on a group of hippies on his farm. "There were four or five of them standing in the middle of my sprouts, buck naked, arms wide, looking at the sun and yelling 'TAKE US WITH YOU!'"
Chick-fil-A is an American fat food restaurant chain specializing in 100% heterosexual chicken entrées. The company is headquartered in a residential neighborhood on the west side of Topeka, Kansas, next door to the Westboro Baptist Church. It was founded by S. Truett Cathy, a devout Christian and supporter of family values, who, according to rumors, will read Bible stories to his chickens before slaughter to ensure that not a drop of gay chicken meat leaks into his sandwiches.
Cathy opened the first Chick-fil-A restaurant in Atlanta's Greenbriar Mall in 1967 after the success of his earlier restaurant, the Dwarf House, a bar and grill which served mainly dwarf meat, along with the occasional elf kebab. Influenced by a group of protesting cows who couldn't spell, Cathy realized that the over-consumption of beef was a major issue in America and quickly opened a restaurant that would serve only chicken and rival the "Big Burger Chains" of McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's. During one of his daily Bible readings, Cathy supposedly read that "he who lies with a man as he does with a woman dost consume the flesh of the ox in great excess."
The baked potato was a dish which revolutionised cuisine in Europe, whose people had subsided on a stupefying mix of gruel, grass, and sand for millennia. Into this dull landscape arrived the exciting, almost sexually arousing, flavour of the potato. Upon its discovery amid the 15th century, it immediately sparked the Renaissance. The greatest minds of the time are said to have achieved their status through the consumption of baked potatoes. William Shakespeare, for example, subsisted entirely on baked potatoes and butter, according to historical documentation. This extremely exciting diet inspired him to write his even more exciting five hour long history series Henry IV which is so compelling it is produced at least twice a century.
Leonardo Da Vinci preferred the racy option of baked potatoes with oil and basil. Florence was known for its street food where not only wild basil grew threw the cracks of the cobble stones as well as potatoes growing in their back gardens but even entire bottles of olive oil grew out of trees along Florence's rivers.
- ... that in France, cooking is a national sport? Whoever adds the most red wine to a dish wins!
- ... that to avoid drying out lean cuts of meat containing only 7% fat or less, simply fry the meat in 1/2 cup of oil.
- ... that just because you shout God is dead does not mean that Chick-fil-A will magically be open on Sundays?
- ... that the frying pan feels pain when exposed to intense heat?
- ... that just because you shout God is dead does not mean that Chick-fil-A will magically be open on Sundays?
- ... that you shouldn't throw away pickle juice? Mix it with kerosene for an Albanian stomach flu remedy, yum!
| “ | My weaknesses have always been food and men, in that order | ” |
— Hannibal Lecter, on weaknesses
| ||
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