Portal:Technology

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Technology portal
Code Monkey's favorite page for computing, gadgets and machinations.
This is a magic box full of pixies that can do simple things like huffing kittens, performing mathematical operations (not real ones), and composing essays in piglatin. The technology contained hereign has been likened to an epic game of Ping Pong that sucks the user into addictive habitual behaviors. Once the user is exposed to teh internets and its wealth of hallucinogenic properties, the user is converted into an insomniac, craving more and more technology to sate their addiction. Addicts can be identified by restlessness when not in contact with a computer, the compulsive urge to turn a computer on as soon as they are conscious, excessive usage of technobabble, and often basking in the warm glow of an oversized monitor at four-six a.m. in the morning, bleary-eyed and craving coffee, still wishing to engage in acts such as browsing Reddit forums, shopping on EBay, editing Uncyclopedia articles and other useless cyber activities, all while watching a movie on DVD and listening to an MP3 player in one headphone - despite obvious signs of fatigue. Users are also known to take apart their remote controls and have at least 2 pairs of wire strippers, along with at least 4 different colors of electrical tape...
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Highlighted Article

SCO.jpeg
SCO stock certificates.
Stale Creative Organization, or SCO, was founded by Xenu to place Thetans on the souls of Linux users. This often causes Linux users to be chronically unemployed and suffer from a variety of mental illnesses and diseases. When Xenu developed a conscience Darl McBride took over.

SCO is funded by MicroSuck, in a desperate attempt to hide the superiority of Linux from the corporate world. SCO is rumored to be ruled by an evil demon, but details are sketchy, as it apparently eats visitors.

SCO claims that all Linux users owe it five billion dollars in licensing fees, or face sharks with frickin' laser beams, according to their spokesman.

Linux users generally cite goatse as a place to address any attempts to charge them. (more...)

Article Credit: Unixiclopedia View All
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Blue Screen of Death
It's better than a frozen DOS prompt.
Image Credit: Uyabba
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Did You Know...

 you spend too much time on your cell phone?
 Monty Python was responsible for naming junk e-mail Spam?
 Nokia used to sell toilet paper?
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Quote of the Day

Imagination is more important than knowledge. 
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Highlighted Biography

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Tesla seen here with his giant fan invention...

Nikola Tesla (Serbian: Кицк Асс; 10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943) is one bad mofo and a god of electricity in Norse mythology. He is also a scientist, inventor and visionary. Worship him for you cannot win, he shall disarm all your petty weapons.

Early Life

Though commonly believed to be human, Nikola Tesla was actually born through a small discharge of static electricity caused by his mother rubbing up against the local pizza delivery boy during a lightning storm, or at least that's what she told Tesla's father. Another lesser known theory claims that he actually was hired to construct himself by his father in the summer of 1883 for 5$ per hour. The story has it that Tesla had already been working on plans for himself in secret for several years so was able to start right away. (more...)

Article Credit: VitalOD View All
Modern Computing 1985
 ( v · t · e ) 
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Technology Spotlight

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The secret formula for CDs.
The modern Compact Disc (also known as a CD) was first invented by Atlantian priest/scientists prior to Noah's flood. Due to their super advanced mumbo jumbo no one was able to understand the significance of CDs until the mid 1430's when the Evil Ming the Merciless used his secret decoder ring to translate certain Egyptian texts found inside the Great Pyramid (rumored to be a primitive fast food restaurant built by the Atlantians, but in fact the Great Pyramid was originally constructed by aliens from planet Paris25 as a way to keep their razor blades sharp, the Atlantians later modified it for fast food purposes, thus allowing the first ninja to deliver burgers to the ancient Babylonians. The secrets of the ninja/Atlantian alliance have yet to be fully probed). (more...)
Article Credit: LeeHarveyKennedy View All
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Technology Index


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