Portal:Technology

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Technology portal

Code Monkey's favorite page for computing, gadgets and machinations.

CATEGORIES: Computers - Electronics‎ - Error - Evil Technology‎ - Google - Hackers - Internet - Internet memes‎ - Internet-speak‎ - Inventions - Inventors - IPod - Linux - Machines - Operating Systems - Robots - Social Networking‎ - Software - Software Development - Spam - Technobabble - Technology - Unix - Websites - Wiki - All...

This is a magic box full of pixies that can do simple things like huffing kittens, performing mathematical operations (not real ones), and composing essays in piglatin. The technology contained hereign has been likened to an epic game of Scrabble that sucks the user into addictive habitual behaviors. Once the user is exposed to teh internets and its wealth of hallucinogenic properties, the user is converted into an insomniac, craving more and more technology to sate their addiction. Addicts can be identified by restlessness when not in contact with a computer, the compulsive urge to turn a computer on as soon as they are conscious, excessive usage of technobabble, and often basking in the warm glow of an oversized monitor at four-six a.m. in the morning, bleary-eyed and craving coffee, still wishing to engage in acts such as browsing Reddit forums, shopping on EBay, editing Uncyclopedia articles and other useless cyber activities, all while watching a movie on DVD and listening to an MP3 player in one headphone - despite obvious signs of fatigue. Users are also known to take apart their remote controls and have at least 2 pairs of wire strippers, along with at least 4 different colors of electrical tape...

More About Computers...

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Transhumanism

The changes began immediately.

Foolish humans. While you all spend your time on your worthless television sets and computers, I have been concocting nanobots which shall bring humanity into the future. You shall pay for picking me last in the dodge ball games and stealing my lunch money.

Administer the Nanobots - Aha! I have now injected myself with the nanobots that shall raise me above you pitiable humans and make me something much more. I can already feel the changes occurring in me, making me stronger, more powerful, and filling me with nanobotty goodness! I am closely approaching a state where not even God or Poland will stand in my way! Although Chuck Norris may have a fighting chance...

Human evolves into Transhuman - I can already feel myself transcending you, you humans, and I have asked myself why I was planning on sharing this really super-duper cool formula with you... (more...)

Article Credit: 72.72.121.36

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Highlighted Image

Blue Screen of Death

It's better than a frozen DOS prompt.

Image Credit: Uyabba

Nominate Stuff

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Did You Know...

… over 6,000 new computer viruses are released every month?

… the first handheld mobile phone was a Motorola?

… the first alarm clock could only go off at 4am?

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Quote of the Day

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. ”

– Oscar Wilde on Minecraft

ERROR: 404chan

Lazer Not Charged – Firing Aborted

To initiate a Royal Rainbow,
quickly stuff taco into mouth

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Highlighted Biography

Tesla seen here with his giant fan invention...

Nikola Tesla

Nikola Tesla (Serbian: Кицк Асс; 10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943) is one bad mofo and a god of electricity in Norse mythology. He is also a scientist, inventor and visionary. Worship him for you cannot win, he shall disarm all your petty weapons.

Early Life

Though commonly believed to be human, Nikola Tesla was actually born through a small discharge of static electricity caused by his mother rubbing up against the local pizza delivery boy during a lightning storm, or at least that's what she told Tesla's father. Another lesser known theory claims that he actually was hired to construct himself by his father in the summer of 1883 for 5$ per hour. The story has it that Tesla had already been working on plans for himself in secret for several years so was able to start right away. (more...)

Article Credit: VitalOD

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Modern Computing 1985

MS-DOS • MS-UNO

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Technology Spotlight

Space Shuttle

Space Shuttles are large vehicles run by NASA that typically travel between the Earth and extraplanetary destinations like the Moon, Alpha Centauri, diverse areas of Texas and thus Hell. Widely viewed as the safest and most comfortable way to travel to any of those destinations, they have developed a cult following, being mimicked by such fictional television characters as Captain Kirk, Buck Rogers, and Ronald Reagan. The Shuttle system as a whole consists of three components: the orbiter (right) which carries people and cargo; the external tank, which holds an extra supply of coal for the shuttle to use during lift-off; and the SRBs (Smelly, Reeking Bums). Space shuttles fly regular missions from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, sometimes at a rate of two or three per week. (more...)

Article Credit: Rei

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Technology Index

Computers & Accessories

Biocomputer • Calculator • Central processing unit • Chips • Commodore • Compact Disc • Computer science • Computer shop • Computers and Technology • Digital camera • DVD-Audio • DVD disc • Flash drive • Floppy disk • Hard disk drive • HowTo:Click with a mouse • HowTo:Exorcise your Printer • HowTo:Feng Shui Your Computer • HowTo:Start a computer • HowTo:Turn your computer into a paperweight • HowTo:Turn Your Computer On • Input devices • LaserDisc • Liquid crystal display • Mobile Cod • Mobile phone • Modem • Monitor • Mouse • Mouse (computing) • PC game • Pentium • Pentium 4 • Poopenheimer Mainframe Mk XII Computer • Portable media player • Printer • Printer Ink • Random-access memory • SD card • Super computer • Supercomputer • The Speck of Dust Next to My Keyboard • UnPoetia:Ode to a notebook computer with the AMD Turion 64 x2 • USB ports • Why?:Use a G-class router • Worst Day on my Computer

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Again All Alphabet Any Broken Cast Spell Click Here Close Copy Cut Ekrpat Error False Find Front Magic Maybe Meta Microsoft Missing Mute Nonsense Panic Paste Power Symbol TRBBTDDA Ugh

Computer Programs & Operating Systems

Adobe Flash • Adobe Potatochop • Android (operating system) • Applications • Apps • AUTOEXEC.BAT • Berkeley Software Distribution • Chatbot • ChessGenius • Classic homecomputer games • Classic homecomputer games • Codec • Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars • Compiler • Deaf Leopard • Debian • DirectX • Ex-wife • Fedora (Linux distribution) • Fisher Price DOS • Game Maker • Gecko • GeForce • Gentoo • GLaDOS • GoGuardian • Grand Theft Audio • HAL 9000 • Hal Turner 9000 • Hello world program • Holocaust Tycoon • Installshield • List of Ubuntu forks • Lotus Notes • Mac OS 10.6 • Mac OS X Lion • Mac OS X • Mac OS Y • Mathematica • Mavis Beacon Teaches Stereotyping • Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing • Microsoft windows is GAY • Microsoft Windows • MS-DOS • MS-UNO • Norton Utilities • Norton virus • Notepad (software) • OpenBSD • Operating system • Operating system • OS/2 • PC game • Photoshop • PhpBB • Pitfall! • Plan B • Pong • Quake III: The Hardcore FPS With Instant Messaging • Red Hat Linux • Rinux • RuneScape • Sandbox:Mac OS X Lion • Service pack • Slackware • Slim Shady Algorithm • Software • Solaris (operating system) • Sony DRM • Speech to text software • SpySheriff • Spyware • SuperUltraReal3D • Toolbar • Total Fucking Asshole Server 2006 • Ubuntu • UbuntuCE • UnGames:Zork3/v.s Jib • Unix • Version 1.0 • Vine • Websense • Wife 1.0 • Wife OS

Computer Programming

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Unix

Distributions

Applications & Documentation

Ubuntu Forks | X Window System
Unix Scripting - Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

People & Organizations

Concepts & Terminology

Artificial intelligence • Asymmetric digital subscriber line • Beta • Bitcoin • Blog • Bluetooth • CAPTCHA • Cgi-bin • Chain mail • Chat rooms • Chat Roulette • Chatbot • Copy protection • Copyright infringement • Creativity • Creeping featurism • Cyber Sodomy • Data compression • Data Protection Act • Digital restrictions management • Don't Copy that Floppy • Email • Emoticon • Emoticonics • Emotion • E-peen • Ethernet • Ethical hacking • Facepalm • Femail • File sharing • Flowchart • Free Downloads!! • Free trial • Gamergate • Geocaching • Hax • HOMG CLICK FOR N00DZ • HowTo:Rick Roll Somebody • I'm feeling lucky • Images • Inbox • Information technology • Integrated circuit • Jargon File • Lurking • Magic Screen • My Own Private IPO • Name-dropping • Nebula sort • Neural networks • No More AOL Disks • Nob • Nom • Nuff • O RLY? • Off topic • Old Tech • Online petition • Open source • Open Windows • Open-source • Performance tuning • Piracy • Pop-up • Printing • Reply To All • Service pack • Shareware • Spam (electronic) • Speech recognition • Teh • Transhumanism • Trebuchet • Trojan Horse • Trolling • UnBooks:Beep • UnBooks:The Case for Infinite Copyright • UnBooks:The Digital Divide • Virtually Virtual Reality • Warez • WHOIS • XD

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Interweb-§p3@k

1337 - AAA - AOL - B4 - BBQ - BYOB - DDDD - Ew - Facepalm - GG - GILF - HAHAHA - IDK - IMO - JK - LOL - LOL WUT - Meh - MILF - Nuff - OMG - OMGWTF - OMGWTFBBQ - ORLY - PWNED - ROFL - ROFLWAFFLES - RTFM - SHOOP - STFU - TENTACLES OR GTFO! - What - WEIRD FONT - WWJD - XD - ZOMG

Devices, Companies & Retailers

Acer Inc. • Acorn Computers • Amiga • AT&T • Atari 1300 • Atari 2600 • Atari 5200 • ATI Technologies • Church of the facts of Saint Jobs and the Holy Apples • Emo Mobile • Galaxy Note 7 • Good Buy • Green Dam Youth Escort • Hello Kitty • Institute for Technology and Management • International Society for Free Software Consciousness • Invision Power Board • Landover Baptist Church • Lemonparty • LTE (telecommunication) • Motorola 6809 • Nokia • PlayStation • Pontius Pilot • Samsung Galaxy Note7 (Uncensored) • SCO Group • Skynet • Sneakernet • SquirrelNet • Texas Instruments • Unfocom • Warner Music Group • Whole Wheat Radio • Ye Olde Webbe Desyne Shoppe

v · t · e v · t · e APERTURE SCIENCE GUIdos - Game Simulation Module

Apple: iMac • iPad • iPhone • iPod Atari: Atari 1300 • Atari 2600 • Atari Jaguar Microsoft: Imaginabox 360 • Windows • XBox 359 • Xbox 360 • Xbox One Nintendo: Game Boy Advance • Gameboy Micro • GameHypercube • NES • Nintendo 3DS • Nintendo 64 • Nintendo DSi • Super Nintendo • Wii • Wii U Sega: Dreamcast • Sega Genesis/Mega Drive • Sega Master System • Sega CD/Micro CD Sony: PlayStation • PlayStation 2 • PlayStation 3 • PlayStation 4 • Playstation 5 • Playstation 6 • PlayStation Portable • PlayStation Vita Others: George Foreman Grill • GLaDOS • Magnavox Odyssey • Puu • Ti-83 • XBible 360 • YBox • ZX Spectrum • ZX81

General Computing - Apple Inc.

Apple iBladder • Emacs • Euripides • Euroipods • Euroipods (video game) • Euroipods Crusade • Euroipods v AAAAAAAAA! • Every Topic in the Universe Except Euroipods (Dot Com) • Goatseipods • IEye • IHamster • IHenge • IMac (computer) • IMath • IPod • IPod chair • IPod Floppy • IPod Lo-Fi • Ipod Nano 200gb Instructions • IPod Touch • IPod yocto • MacBook • Macintosh is Satan • NaziPod • Neuroipods • Podcast • QuickTime • Sandbox:Mac OS X Lion • That time I was nearly raped by a gay English teacher trying to sell me a free iPod during my sojourn in Canada • TriPod • UnPoetia:Your "Eau aip Ods" • Why?:Get the iPhone • XPod

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Apple Product Line

iHardware: iEarth - iMac - iPad - iPhone - MacBook - triPod

iPods: iPod - iPod Car - iCan't Believe It's Not iPod - iPod chair - iPod floppy - iPod Lo-Fi - iPod Shuffle - iPod Yocto

iDevices: iSpell Key - ehPod - iBladder - iBrows - iCarly - iClothes - iEyes - iHamster - iHenge - iNuke - iPoop - iRack - iRon - iTrip - uPod

iSoftware: iLinux - iMath - iMovie - iTunes - Mac OS X - Mac OS 10.5 - Mac OS X Lion - Mac OS Y - Mac OS Z

iDocs: iPod Nano 200gb Instructions - iHack

iOthers: Apple Inc. - Apple Store - Euroipods - iCult - iFraud - Neuroipods - Siri - Steve Jobs - Steve Wozniak

General Computing - Microsoft

HowTo:Install Windows Vista • HowTo:Kill Windows • HowTo:Prevent Microsoft from ruining your life • IBM • Microsoft Access • Microsoft Office • Microsoft Paint • Microsoft Products Online Technical Support • Microsoft Surface • Microsoft Windows • Microsoft windows is GAY • Microsoft Word Paperclip • MS Calculator • MS Word • MS-DOS • MSN Messenger's Guide to Manners, Proper Behavior and Slapstick • PowerPoint • PowerPoint presentation • PowerPoint Teacher • Windows 1.0 • Windows 2010 • Windows 3.1 • Windows 7 • Windows 95 • Windows 98 • Windows BC • Windows Error Edition • Windows key • Windows Task Manager • Windows Vesta • Windows Vista • Windows Vista (Communist article) • Windows X-Console • Windows XP • Windows You • X Window System

The ISIL of the technological world.

• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been ~~easier~~ easy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.

Related Technology:

(Please select)
Apple
MS-UNO
MS-DOS
.NET
Blue Screen of Death
Calculator
CTRL-ALT-DEL
Developers!
DirectX
Cortana
Hotmail
Coldmail
Internet Explorer
UnNews: Microsoft unveils Internet Genuine Advantage
Microsoft Products Online Technical Support
Microsoft Access
Microsoft Keyboard
Microsoft Office
Microsoft Outlook
Microsoft Surface
MS Paint
PowerPoint
MS Word
Microsoft Word Paperclip
Minesweeper
MSNBC
Windows Live Messenger
Notepad
Registry Editor
Total Fucking Asshole Server 2006
Microsoft Windows Help Centre
Microsoft Immortal Life Support System
Task Manager
Windows X-Console

Windows Products:

(Please select)
Windows
Windows BC
Windows 1.0
Windows 3.1
Windows 95
Windows 98
Windows You
Windows 2000
Windows Server 2003
Windows Vista
Windows Vista Pirated Edition
Windows Vista Minion Edition
Windows Vesta
Windows 7
Xbox
X Window System
Windows 2010
Windows for Politicians
Windows Error Edition
Windows 8
Windows 9
Windows 10
Windows TNT
Windows 11 Justin Bieber Edition

This copy of Microsoft Windows is not activated.

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Internet & Web Browsing

.NET • 12 year olds invading the Internet • Banned from the Internet • Bloody internet • Democratic Party of the Internet • Domain • Domain Name System • End of the Internet 2012 • History of the World Wide Web • HowTo:Become Famous on the Internet • HowTo:Create a Website • HowTo:Get online • HowTo:Post Free Ads on a Paid Blog • HTML • HTML5 • Httpism • If it is on the Internet it must be true • Internet • Internet (video game) • Internet Deception • Internet dorks • Internet drinking • Internet Explorer • Internet humor • Internet pillaging • Internet Relay Chat • Internet toaster • Internets • Internet-speak • IP address • IPv3.1416β • List of Internet phenomena • Maozilla • Mozilla Firefox • Netiquette • New rules from Internet Humour A-guard B • OhInternet • Outernet • Portable Network Graphics • Proof that everything on the internet is true • Quizilla • Ralph Breaks the Internet • Rule 34 of the Internet • Scalable Vector Graphics • UnBooks:Uncyclopedia's Official Guide to Choosing a Web Browser • Uncyclopedia:Browsers • UnPoetia:Internet Haikus • Unternet • Web 3.0 • Website • Wireless network • World Wide Web • World Wide Web Consortium

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Serious Business

Computer - Internet - Internets - World Wide Web - World Wide Web Consortium

Web Browsers: Choosing a Browser - Google Chrome - Internet Explorer - Maozilla - Mozilla Firefox

Programming Languages and Concepts: APL - Assembler - BASIC - C - C Flat - C# - C=C+1 - Dead C scrolls - Delphi - FORTRAN - Go - GUI - Haskell - Internet-speak - JAVA - JavaScript - Lisp - LUA - Perl - PHP - PL/1 - Prolog - Python - QBASIC - Ruby - Source code - Spaghetti code - Text - Unicode - UNIX - Visual BASIC - WSpl - WOP - ZORK+

File Formats: HTML - SGML Image files: PNG - SVG

Online Communities & Search Engines

4chan • Anarchy Online • AOL • Ask.com • AskJesus • Bilibili • Bing (search engine) • Bit Bucket • BitTorrent • Del.icio.us • Digg • EBaum's World • EBay • EBay: • Encyclopedia Dramatica (Encyclopedia) • Example of a typical MySpace • Facebook • Folding@home • FORTRAN • Freenode • Geocities • Global Village • HowTo:Become famous on DeviantArt • Instagram • Kazaa • Kill Search • Letter to You in Rateme.com • Limecat • Limewire • LinkedIn • LiveWire • Lucifer's userpage • MySpace bulletins • Nipples Search Engine • PETA Homepage • Pinterest • Reddit • Shoutbox • Soulseek • Tumblr • Tweaker • Twit book • Twitter • UnTikTok:Ulysses S. Grant • Vine • WeCheat • Why?:Use search engine marketing? • Yahoo! • Yahoo! Answers • YouTube

Google: Android (operating system) • Chromebook • Gmail • Goggle.com • Google • Google Brain • Google Cat • Google Chrome (Substance) • Google Chrome (Web Browser) • Google Middle Earth • Google Military • Google Mini • Google Talk • Google Toolbar • Google translator • Google Video • Google World Order (conspiracy theory) • Googleplex • Googlewhack • History of Google • I'm feeling lucky • Matt Cutts • Planet Google • What should I search for?

v · t · e v · t · e The Social Network
4chan - Bilibili - Digg - Facebook - Google - Google+ - Instagram - LinkedIn - MySpace - Pinterest - Reddit - Skype - TikTok - Tumblr - Twitter - WeCheat - Yahoo! - YouTube