Portal:Technology

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Technology portal
Code Monkey's favorite page for computing, gadgets and machinations.
This is a magic box full of pixies that can do simple things like huffing kittens, performing mathematical operations (not real ones), and composing essays in piglatin. The technology contained hereign has been likened to an epic game of Scrabble that sucks the user into addictive habitual behaviors. Once the user is exposed to teh internets and its wealth of hallucinogenic properties, the user is converted into an insomniac, craving more and more technology to sate their addiction. Addicts can be identified by restlessness when not in contact with a computer, the compulsive urge to turn a computer on as soon as they are conscious, excessive usage of technobabble, and often basking in the warm glow of an oversized monitor at four-six a.m. in the morning, bleary-eyed and craving coffee, still wishing to engage in acts such as browsing Reddit forums, shopping on EBay, editing Uncyclopedia articles and other useless cyber activities, all while watching a movie on DVD and listening to an MP3 player in one headphone - despite obvious signs of fatigue. Users are also known to take apart their remote controls and have at least 2 pairs of wire strippers, along with at least 4 different colors of electrical tape...
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File:Crazyhorse.gif
The changes began immediately.
Foolish humans. While you all spend your time on your worthless television sets and computers, I have been concocting nanobots which shall bring humanity into the future. You shall pay for picking me last in the dodge ball games and stealing my lunch money.

Administer the Nanobots - Aha! I have now injected myself with the nanobots that shall raise me above you pitiable humans and make me something much more. I can already feel the changes occurring in me, making me stronger, more powerful, and filling me with nanobotty goodness! I am closely approaching a state where not even God or Poland will stand in my way! Although Chuck Norris may have a fighting chance...

Human evolves into Transhuman - I can already feel myself transcending you, you humans, and I have asked myself why I was planning on sharing this really super-duper cool formula with you...  (more...)

Article Credit: 72.72.121.36 View All
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Blue Screen of Death
It's better than a frozen DOS prompt.
Image Credit: Uyabba
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Did You Know...

 over 6,000 new computer viruses are released every month?
 the first handheld mobile phone was a Motorola?
 the first alarm clock could only go off at 4am?
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Quote of the Day

Imagination is more important than knowledge. 
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Highlighted Biography

File:Teslathinker.jpg
Tesla seen here with his giant fan invention...

Nikola Tesla (Serbian: Кицк Асс; 10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943) is one bad mofo and a god of electricity in Norse mythology. He is also a scientist, inventor and visionary. Worship him for you cannot win, he shall disarm all your petty weapons.

Early Life

Though commonly believed to be human, Nikola Tesla was actually born through a small discharge of static electricity caused by his mother rubbing up against the local pizza delivery boy during a lightning storm, or at least that's what she told Tesla's father. Another lesser known theory claims that he actually was hired to construct himself by his father in the summer of 1883 for 5$ per hour. The story has it that Tesla had already been working on plans for himself in secret for several years so was able to start right away.  (more...)

Article Credit: VitalOD View All
Modern Computing 1985
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Technology Spotlight

File:Canadarm.jpg
Space Shuttles are large vehicles run by NASA that typically travel between the Earth and extraplanetary destinations like the Moon, Alpha Centauri, diverse areas of Texas and thus Hell. Widely viewed as the safest and most comfortable way to travel to any of those destinations, they have developed a cult following, being mimicked by such fictional television characters as Captain Kirk, Buck Rogers, and Ronald Reagan. The Shuttle system as a whole consists of three components: the orbiter (right) which carries people and cargo; the external tank, which holds an extra supply of coal for the shuttle to use during lift-off; and the SRBs (Smelly, Reeking Bums). Space shuttles fly regular missions from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, sometimes at a rate of two or three per week.  (more...)
Article Credit: Rei View All
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Technology Index


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