Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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The Wikipedia BBS (Bulletin board system) was the ancient for-runner of the modern Wikipedia Wiki. Founded in 1889 by Nikola Wikipedia and Alexander Graham BBS, the network blossomed in the early days of network wiring. In its humble beginnings, it strove to be on the forefront of Information. Early articles included Horseless Carriages, German World Aspirations and Tin flying machines of the sky. Such was the interest in the nineteenth century. Still in its infancy, telephones and telegraphs were utilized to send the early Wikipedia articles to the end user by means of electric current. One of the earliest investors included Jimbo Wales, who later took over the struggling enterprise.

The two men could not have been more different. Alexander Graham was fastidious and particular, with a fine attention to detail and notes. Nikola was a mad scientist. In fits of brilliance, he would move the project forward by decades under the methods of Graham, but then Nikola would collapse in his memory wood chair and make lightning for days.

Featured Image
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Advanced sensors and warning signs have significantly increased the driver survival rate for a wild Grue encounter from 0.02% to 9%
Did You Know...
  • ...the QWERTY keyboard was designed to slow down your typing speed?
  • ...the Water Integrator is a computer that runs on water?
  • ...the Water Integrator is a computer that runs on water?
  • ...you spend too much time on your smartphone?
Notable Nerds
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Steven Paul Jobs, commonly referred to as Jeve Stobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011) was a prominent American cancer victim and embittered technophile best known for selling monochrome products at inflated prices. An innovator, Jobs pioneered wearing turtleneck sweaters, oppressing Chinese factory slaves, plagiarism, and putting "i" in front of everything.

By the time of his death, he had achieved a near-cult status through his front company Apple. Jobs was able to build Apple into the most valuable organization in the world through exploiting the strata of society known as "hipsters" and selling them already available technology in much prettier boxes. Jobs's legacy is much-debated, but what is certain is that his death by cancer proves that although Apple products are less susceptible to fail from viruses, PCs (pancreatic cancers) are a different matter.

Technology Spotlight
The user-friendly touch-screen interface...

The Poopenheimer Mainframe Mk XII Computer is known as the first ever computer on earth. Legend has it that Julius Caesar and his friend Brutus dropped out of Rome University about 90 BC to pursue their dream of becoming icons in the technology industry. They worked and they worked, meeting many failures. The Poopenheimer Mainframe Mk versions I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, VIV, X, and XI all had major flaws. However, they believed they had a breakthrough with XII.

Inspiration Strikes

One day, while working in their dark downtown Rome apartment, Caesar had a sudden idea.

"Great Brutus, shall we instead of basing our code on the Socratic Method/base it on that which hath preceded: the Altair 8800!"

Quote of the Day

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Minecraft
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