Portal:Science
The Science Portal
Science is a religion made by nerds, with the gods Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking and Richard Feynman as well as other lesser gods. It was first created when humans decided that sexual intercourse was the answer to all of life's problems that couldn't be resolved by booze. Since that time, science has evolved to the point where it no longer needs help from anyone, not even you.
Today, science is used mainly to draw the power out of cabbage and use said power to enlarge the size of a man's scrotum. It can also be witnessed lingering around elementary school grounds, often staying within close proximity to large white vans with enticing phrases drawn upon them in permanent marker. (Full article...)
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Intelligent Falling (IF) is the "sister theory" to the fashionable, new, and absolutely true theory of Intelligent Design. The theory of Intelligent Falling holds that Newtonian gravity is a blasphemous lie concocted by evil anti-theistic scientists, and that objects fall because God an Intelligent Puller is pulling them down.
This intuitive theory is based on the observation that if falling was truly random — as gravity suggests — each thing would independently fall in a different direction...
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Highlighted Biography
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| George Washington Carver, seen here thinking of more things to do with peanuts. |
George Washington Carver (July 12, 1864 – January 5, 1943) was an African-American botanist and inventor, commonly remembered for discovering over 100 uses for sweet potatoes and 300 for peanuts, including peanut butter. He is also credited with single-handedly rescuing the South from cotton monoculture and inventing crop rotation. All this is complete and utter bullshit. However, he has been correctly identified as the inventor of doing "nuttin'".…
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Did You Know...
Science Factoid
Daily Science Quote
“My body is not ready for that.”
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Cubic Slime debunks all manifestations of Gelatinous cube. Cubic Slime transcends all.
Hey, don't you know that Slime is a visible green cube? Educated Theists keep Slime Cube out of Dungeons.
I can prove with startling evidence that Gelatinous Cube is a fraud.
Stupid teachers are scared of the Slime Cube. I challenge them to allow me to debate harmonic dungeon habitats. Teachers of Gelatinous Cube is evil.
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Science in the News
- December 17: World renowned scientists discover dreams, inside of dreams, inside of other dreams.
- December 23: Scientist Alfred Hindsight proves that there is no air on the surface of the moon, his memorial will be held next month.
- June 11: Recent studies by NYU, New York University, show that women were indeed created first before men. Examples from the animal kingdom make the evidence even more undeniable includes, A species of lizard in which all males have died out, causing the females to turn into males during mating season, when testosterone level increase tenfold. In several species of fish, the population includes only females, except for one male. When the current male dies out, the next female with the highest testosterone level undergoes an automatic sex change in order to reproduce.
- May 11: Recent studies by Cambridge University indicate that men are less intelligent than women, on average. Men subdue women with hopes of becoming more intelligent.
- April 19: A new scientific study in London has found that most men have an average size penis.
- August 31: Study shows that aspirin might do more harm than good. Another study shows the opposite. A third study studies something completely different and utterly fails to mention aspirin.
- August 27: Extrasolar planet will most probably fall into its star. What with the light years between us and them, we will have certain information around the year 20.000 AD, if we still exist.
Interesting Findings
1,3-beta-galactosyl-N-acetylhexosamine phosphorylase·
ATP·
Cell biologists are cooler than molecular biologists·
Cis-zeatin O-beta-D-glucosyltransferase·
DNA·
Frankly Disappointing Telescope·
French XVII Disciples Oval Table·
Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration Hydrogen·
Idiotic Table of the Elements·
That time I accidentally miscalculated the date of creation during my sojourn in London·
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