Portal:Science
 Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Science portal This is by far the most scientific portal you will ever find.
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Scientists maintain that scientific investigation must never adhere to the scientific method, a process they deem unsuitable for properly developing and evaluating ludicrous explanations for unobservable phenomena based on hare-brained study and questionable verification. Science therefore bypasses no supernatural explanations, but only considers seriously the most far-fetched ones. It also rejects arguments from any reliable source.
Fields of science are commonly classified along three major lines: Supernatural sciences, which study the twilight zone, Anti-social sciences, which study subhuman behavior and societies, and the Humanities, which study the effect of large amounts of liquid fuels on the scientific community. Mathematics is not a science, but adding and subtracting.
Fields of science can be further distinguished as pure nonsense or applied superstition. Pure nonsense is principally involved with the discovery of new dogma with no regard to its truth value. Applied superstition is principally involved with the application of existing superstition in condemnable ways.
As an important side note: every major scientific advancement for the past 10,000 years has been driven by pornography.Highlighted Article
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DNA, not to be confused with Dumb and Naive Aardvarks, or Demonic Navy Assholes, stands for Destructive Nuclear Keanu Apples I raise the question "What is it that makes us different from one another?" If you replied with God, you would be right! Also, the question I asked was rhetorical, so you just made yourself look silly by answering it. The answer is inside our cells... and no, I don't mean prison cells.
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Highlighted Biography
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| The Great Scientist and Theologian, Archbishop James Ussher |
James Ussher (1581-1656), Archbishop of Armagh, and Primate of all Ireland, was an important figure in the history of Anglicanism, and one of the most learned men of the early 17th century. He is noted for his contributions to numerous areas of theology, but is now chiefly remembered for his work as a biblical chronologist and scientist, and is widely credited with settling the dispute over the age of the universe.…
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More Remarkable Scientists
Below is a list of scientists without whom the world would not be what it is today:
Did You Know...
Science Factoid
Daily Science Quote
“My body is not ready for that.”
Featured Lab Equipment
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| See? No pollutants here! |
Clean coal technology is a proposed means of burning coal in such a way that it will not contribute carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases to the atmosphere, thus reducing impact on global climate change. The entire scientific community now agrees: it is the best thing ever and will solve all of our problems.
See, coal has received a bad reputation in the past, but it's been really unfair. Sure, mistakes have been made, but now that those mistakes have been cleared up…
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Science in the News
- December 17: World renowned scientists discover dreams, inside of dreams, inside of other dreams.
- December 23: Scientist Alfred Hindsight proves that there is no air on the surface of the moon, his memorial will be held next month.
- June 11: Recent studies by NYU, New York University, show that women were indeed created first before men. Examples from the animal kingdom make the evidence even more undeniable includes, A species of lizard in which all males have died out, causing the females to turn into males during mating season, when testosterone level increase tenfold. In several species of fish, the population includes only females, except for one male. When the current male dies out, the next female with the highest testosterone level undergoes an automatic sex change in order to reproduce.
- May 11: Recent studies by Cambridge University indicate that men are less intelligent than women, on average. Men subdue women with hopes of becoming more intelligent.
- April 19: A new scientific study in London has found that most men have an average size penis.
- August 31: Study shows that aspirin might do more harm than good. Another study shows the opposite. A third study studies something completely different and utterly fails to mention aspirin.
- August 27: Extrasolar planet will most probably fall into its star. What with the light years between us and them, we will have certain information around the year 20.000 AD, if we still exist.
Interesting Findings
1,3-beta-galactosyl-N-acetylhexosamine phosphorylase · ATP · Abnormality · American (species) · Baraminology · Bezoar stones · Bioethics · Blank hole · Bluyiov Formula · Cell biologists are cooler than molecular biologists · Cis-zeatin O-beta-D-glucosyltransferase · Clean coal · Coffee dinosaur · Colon · Comparative evaluation of the indirect immunoperoxidase test for the serodiagnosis of rickettsial disease · Conversion · DNA · Discovery Channel · Frankly Disappointing Telescope · French XVII Disciples Oval Table · Gazebo · Heat death of the universe · Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration Hydrogen · Idiotic Table of the Elements · Invention · Marie Curie · Matter · Nuclear semiotics · Obscurantism · Orange Construction Barrels · Proto-badger · Scrub typhus: the geographic distribution of phenotypic and genotypic variants of Orientia tsutsugamushi · Slime Cube · That time I accidentally miscalculated the date of creation during my sojourn in London · Turing Duck Test · Unfomercials:Uncyclopedia Krazy Kemistry Set
What You Can Do To Help
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Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | 126 Ad Adamantium | 127 Vb Vibranium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.
| Planets |
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| Confirmed (Solar System): Sun | Mercury | Venus | Earth (The Moon) | Mars | Jupiter | Saturn (Moons) | Uranus | Neptune |
| Confirmed (Extrasolar): Arrakis | Darwin IV | Discworld | Krypton | Milky Way | Planet of the Apes | Planet Google | Planet Hollywood | Pizza Planet | Skaylia | Destopius | Techneta | Roseanne |
| Dwarf planets: Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax |
| Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron |
| Denied by CIA and IAU: Neopia | Melmac | YourAnus | Planet Acne | Flat Earth |
| In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine | Kamino | Endor | Naboo | Bespin | Death Star |
| Members of the Federation: Vulcan (Ni’Var) | Kronos (Qo’noS) |
| Invisible Planets: |
Mathematics | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| The Senses |
Dr. Arschebaum + Dr. Demento + Dr. Doom + Dr. Dre + Dr. Duke + Dr. Eggman + Dr. Eminent + Dr. Feelgood + Dr. Fox + Dr. Frankestein + Dr. Holliday + Dr. House + Dr. Kellogg + Dr. Koop + Dr. Lecter + Dr. Loo + Dr. Malcom + Dr. Manplayer + Dr. McCoy + Dr. No + Dr. Oz + Dr. Pepper + Dr. Phil + Dr. Rabbit + Dr. Ruth + Dr. Salk + Dr. Salvador + Dr. Sbaitso + Dr. Seuss + Dr. Stone + Dr. Strange + Dr. Strangelove + Dr. Shatterjaw + Dr. Who + Dr. Whoopass + Dr. Wily + Dr. Wussow + Dr. Worthington + Dr. X + Dr. Xing + Dr. Yamak + Dr. Zhivago + Dr. Zoidberg + One Out of Ten Drs. + The Dr.
Aspirin • Caffeine • Chantix • Cheerios • Cocaine • Codeine • Coffee • Crack • Crack Corn • Corn syrup • Ecstasy • Dexedrine • Gluten • Haoma • HeadOn • Heroin • Jesus Juice • Kittens • Laudium • LSD • Magic mushrooms • Marijuana • MDMA • Medicine • Meth • Opium • Prozac • Ritalin • Side effects • Soma • Tylenol • Walgreens • Xanax • Viagra • The World's Most Powerful Drug
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