Idiotic Table of the Elements
Please read the Instructions before using this table.
The Idiotic Table of the Elements is a listing of all the basic building blocks of matter. Certain columns of the table represent groups, or families of elements. This table is not to be confused with the Mahmoodian Table, which is an alternate representation of the building blocks of matter.
Families
- Allergens
- The Allergens, sometimes called the Flowergens, are emitted by flowers, and react readily with the human nasal system, in both pleasing and unpleasing ways.
- Active Cheeses
- Filler Materials
- Substances which don't appear to conform to any given pattern are classified as Filler and stuffed in the middle of the table or shoved to the side. Their uses and properties are largely unknown: for example, nobody is entirely sure what Minnesota is for ...
- Alcohols
- The Alcohols are known to cause increased levels of ambient Assium, and have been known to cause increases in Dissinum.
- Innate Abilities
- These elements are emitted by the brain during the use of psychic powers. Innate Abilities sometimes manifest in the presence of Tempertantrum and Hissifittium.
- The Fetishides are inert, mainly because the other elements will not interact with them directly. However, Fetishides have been known to manifest in the presence of members of the Alcohols family.
History
The Idiotic Table itself was first started by Greek scientist Idiocrates in 1430 B.C.E. The early table was much simpler, and contained only four elements: Flaemon, Wettium, Windon, and Dirtium. Eventually the table was expanded as it was discovered that each of these "elements" was actually comprised of others.
By 1800 C.E. the Idiotic Table of the Elements contained more than seventy elements. However, new elements were yet to be discovered, and are indeed still being discovered. In 2003 an element recently discovered known as Unobtainium was not obtained, and therefore not put to use.[1]
In 2007 Serbia was found to have similar properties of Assium and was renamed "Buttium".
In 13370 five elements were discovered and were proved to be the 1337. They were given the category "1337 Elements".
In 31337 a sixth 1337 element was found.
In 41337 a seventh 1337 element was found. It was actually found in 1338, but the scientists did not announce it's discovery, to honor the tradition that every 1337 element should be found in a year ending in 1337. People were annoyed that they had to wait 9999 years just to see another !@#$ing 1337 element.
The Idiotic Table of the Elements
Vegemites and Collegiates
95Rc Vegimiton
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96Pr Parslium
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97Slut Slutgerium
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98Ce Celerium
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99Cc Coconuton
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100Tp Turnipium
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101Dk Dukeum
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118Iu Hoosierium
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119Au Australium
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120Am Trumpium
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Asinines
111Uuu Unununium
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102Gu Glueon
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103Py Pentium
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104Lm Linoleum
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105U Urmomium
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106Dt Ductapium
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107R! Rubioium
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108Kh Kittenhufnium
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404 Kryptonite
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109Fa Fartium
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1104Ks 4Kids
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112Btfk Sodomite
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113GbEu Euripodium
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114! Belgium
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90210LOL Beverlyhillsium
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Bodily Hair Metals
-5Ha Hairium
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124Bd Beardium
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130Ms Moustachium
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141Pu Pubicum
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30,012Ap Armpiton
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1337 Elements
1337Leet 1337ium
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1338Ko Koolium
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1339Mrt Mr. T-ium
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1340Wrk Werockium
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1341Mc Marcoium
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1342Yum Yourmomium
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1343Yuk Yukydoodium
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1344Ami Amirite
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Planetides
115Mr Mercurium
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116Ve Venusium
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117Ear Earthium
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121Mas Marsium
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122Ju Jupiterium
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123Sr Saturnium
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125Ur Uranium
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126Ne Neptunium
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127Plu Plutonium
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The Deitides
∞G_d Jehovium
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∞+1Je Jesium
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∞+2Vm Virginmarium
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∞+3Bh Bhuddium
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∞+4اﷲ Allahnium
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∞+5Sof Sophia
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∞+6Vi Vishnuium
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∞+7Sh Shivium
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0/0 N/A Athine
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∞+8☥ Osiridium
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∞+9Od Odinium
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∞+10Thr Thoridium
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∞2Xn Xenuvium
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∞3Zz ZZ-topium
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∞∞Bs Bushium
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∞אJw Jewium
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∞∞Mx Mexican
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∞∞+1Wp Weaselpudgium
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∞∞+∞Kck Chucknorrisium
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∞?Cm cum
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∞?Ag Goddium
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Unknown Classification
999Uo Unobtainium
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420Wd Weed
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See also
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | 126 Ad Adamantium | 127 Vb Vibranium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.
- ↑ By 2005 there was speculation about an Element of Surprise, but it proved impossible to detect as just about everyone was already talking about it.