Cerium
| Cerium | |||||
| |||||
| Physical Properties | |||||
| Atomic symbol: | Ce | ||||
| Atomic number: | 58 | ||||
| Melting point: | 28.5°C... no, that's Caesium. | ||||
| Boiling point: | 6000°F... or was that Curium? | ||||
| Isotopes: | Several | ||||
| Electronegativity: | A Number | ||||
| Flavor: | Like Curium | ||||
| Appearance: | Like Every Single Element in the Lanthanides | ||||
| Origin: | Swedenland | ||||
 SWEDEN!!!
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Cerium (pronounced Sir, do you need a cup of tea? Ey... Uhm...), not to be confused with the Centre D'études et De Recherches Internationales... Um?[1], or this electronic company I found[2], or even this educational company that I found[3], is the 58th element of the Periodic Table of Elements, with the atomic symbol of Ce. It is a rare earth metal located in the lanthanide series, mostly because it is useless. People often confuse Cerium with Caesium, due to their close proximity on the Periodic Table, their similar atomic symbols of Ce and Cs, although Caesium has more uses than Cerium. We do not talk about what happened to Curium.
Cerium is the second element of the lanthanide series, with Lanthanum being the element on the left, while Parodymium being the element on the right. It is the most common lanthanide (whatever that means), probably because it looks like every other lanthanide.
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History[edit | edit source]
Cerium was discovered in 1944 in Gabon by using a sample of Plut—NO, that's Curium. Sorry. Honestly, Caesium, Cerium, and Curium just blend together. Actually, why do you care, <insert name here>? It's not like you're an active and enthusiastic Cerium enjoyer. Unless, you, yeah YOU, <insert name here>, created Curiu—I MEAN Cerium. In which, you are dead.
Etymology[edit | edit source]
The name Cerium came from the dwarf planet of Ceres, mostly because the discoverer of Cerium, Jöns Jakob Berzelius decided to name it after an almost-planet-but-didn't-make-the-cut-just-kidding-it's-so-tiny planet that was discovered a year before. Talk about Swedish originality![4]
Physical Properties[edit | edit source]
Honestly, you could just read the articles of Parodymium, Neodymium, Pentium, Samarium, and Terbium to get your information about Cerium. It's metallic, what more do you want? That it's electronic? That it's stable? What else am I supposed to state? It's "softness"? It's "dissolution"? It's flav—wait, wait—yes, that might actually be interesting! Perfect!
Flavour[edit | edit source]
The flavour of Cerium is a soft boring grey metallic taste of nothingness. Trying to consume Cerium can cause a transformation inside of the human body, causing your skin to turn into Cerium. And als—wait, no, no, that would be Caesium.
Usage[edit | edit source]
Due to Cerium's placement being in the lanthanides, it is used mostly in LEDs, electronics, and lighting. As stated before, nobody gives a crap about Cerium! It is simply an element placed so that there can be fifteen lanthanide elements in the Periodic Table! There is only one thing interesting about Cerium, you can only use it on floodlights. Floodlights are lights for floods, not lights caused by a flood. It cannot be used for regular lights. Using it with lights can cause several mental and psychological breakdowns.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ The official website. Yes, this is real.
- ↑ Another one! It DOES have Cerium in the name, but who cares?
- ↑ Here's the link, now scram.
- ↑ Ceres was discovered by an Italian, by the way.
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.