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It'll tear this country apart; just like television.

Old People on Awesomnium

That's awesome!

Everyone else on Everyone Else

Awesomnium is the assumed name of Element 121, previously known as Unbiunium.

The newest version of the Periodic Table.

It is an artificially made element, and is usually in a solid state, although trace amounts of natural awesomnium in gaseous form have been found. This particular element ends up forming a new block on the Periodic Table, the W-block (the F stands for Willfuck'). It is assumed that the next fourteen elements, the rest of the F-block, will have completly different properties than awesomnium.

Properties[edit | edit source]

This is what a single atom of awesomnium is thought to look like(and most likely is, on account of the fact that the author said "That's awesome!" when they first saw it).

Awesomnium is the only known element with the ability to awesomnify everything it touches instantly, the extent to which is determined by the amount used. It has been used since its creation to produce the very best of everything, most notably the Halo series. Halo 1 only used trace amounts of it(mixed with the other stuff CDs are made out of), Halo 2 used it at a roughly 50:50 ratio, and it is rumored that Halo 3 is made out of it entirely. A relatively unknown fact of awesomnium is that when someone says "That's awesome!" in response to an object or action, it is very likely that it either contains or has recently come in contact with the element.

History[edit | edit source]

The swamp that was "infected" with awesomnium.

Awesomnium was created in 1974 by a group of scientists who were tired of things always being not awesome. Unfortunantely, it didn't come into widespread use until after the 1980s, a decade that desperately needed it, had passed. The first attempt at transporting a large amount of awesomnium ended in failure when the truck carrying it crashed into a dank little swamp, thus infecting everything within a twenty mile radius. This ended up causing the world's first (and so far only) over-awesomnification. It is still disputed as to whether or not this could be classified as a disaster.

Usage in Food[edit | edit source]

Awesomnium first started being used in food after one of it's creators rubbed the doughnut he was eating for lunch on it. Upon doing so, the doughnut instantly became filled with "jelly", thus creating a "Jelly Doughnut". After this phenomenon, food producers were eager to put it into their products. Originally, the Nutrition Facts were supposed to list it as "Awesomnium", but due to a typo, read "Saturated Fat" instead. For some odd reason, this error was never corrected.

Awesomnium in Nature[edit | edit source]

Although awesomnium was first synthesized in the laboratory, it has since been discovered to occur naturally. Things found to naturally include traces of awesomnium include:

  • Monsters like Raptors, Tyrannosaurus rex, Godzilla, and giant squid
  • Venus Fly Traps
  • Fictional bad guys like Megatron, Sauron, and Dick Cheney
  • Good guys (but mainly the bad good guys) like Wolverine, Batman, and Dirty Harry
  • Monster trucks
  • Gene Simmons' tongue
  • Large sea animals such as great white sharks, killer whales, and giant squid
  • Weapons such as samurai swords, ninja stars, bazookas, V-2 rockets, giant orbital death rays, missiles that launch giant squid
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Seal cub clubbing clubs
  • Rock stars who freak out on stage and smash their guitars and shit
  • Giant squid
  • Disasters such as nuclear explosions, tidal waves, earthquakes, and giant squid attacks
  • Giant squid
  • Mormon Ninjas
  • Dodecahornacorns

It is an accepted scientific fact that the giant squid has more awesomnium than any other animal on earth. (Yes, Tyler, even the sperm whale. How can anyone believe a stupid sperm whale has more awesomnium than a giant squid? What a dumbass.)

Research[edit | edit source]

Currently, all research on Awesomnium is being performed at the National Awesomnium Research Center, or NARC. The National Awesomnium Research Center Students, or NARCS, are the people currently assigned to work on it. These NARCS have uncovered many secrets about awesomnium, including its chemical makeup and how to mass-produce it. Once mass production of awesomnium has been mastered, it is likely that everything you know and love will be radically altered to include awesomnium. We have the NARCS to thank for this.

Awesomnium research cannot be conducted using normal, non-awesome equipment like beakers and bunsen burners, or non-awesome research protocols such as crystallization or mass spectrometry. Instead, research equipment includes magnets powerful enough to lift up a destroyer, megawatt-class lasers capable of reducing an entire city to ashes, and a mobile research lab in the back of a monster truck. Research methods involve gigantic nuclear explosions, colliding asteroids together at near lightspeed, and epic battles between sperm whales and giant squid.

Awesomnium and Genetics[edit | edit source]

A drawing of DNA with the "Awesomine" base added.

Recently, it has been attempted to infuse awesomnium with DNA, particularly in humans. This will supposedly cause humans to be disease-resistant, stronger, and have greater skill in every single field that requires it. The genetic engineers currently working on this say that it will be done by the year 2096. When asked why it would take so long, one of the workers said simply "Legal things, ya know?"

Critisicm[edit | edit source]

Awesomnium has been greatly criticized due to the fact that some people can't comprehend how it can make everything awesome. There has also been much criticism of genetic engineers for trying to infuse awesomnium with human DNA (would you honestly expect anything less?). Their are many other criticisms concerning awesomnium, but they're mostly from old people who want to live in the 1920s forever.

See also[edit | edit source]

1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium 121Aw Awesomnium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 122Ky Kryptonite 123St Stalinium 124Ob Obamium
Alkali Metal
Alkaline Earth
Transition Metal
Basic Metal
Noble Gas
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