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Oxygen. Some call it a gift, others a curse. The truth is many are unknowingly addicted to oxygen. In fact studies show that over 100% of living things are hooked on this terrible substance. You may find yourself asking, "How do I find out if I'm addicted?" Well you just try and go five minutes without it. Besides being highly addictive, oxygen has shown to be a major component of fire. And what does fire do? It burns things. So keep your eyes peeled and watch out for this dangerous "oxygen", and know that no matter where you go oxygen will follow (rules do not apply in space). Your mind kills itself without oxygen because it "thinks" it needs oxygen to live. A popular belief is that oxygen is in fact beneficial to your health – this is false. In fact, FrCN (Francium Cyanide) is more beneficial than oxygen.

History[edit | edit source]

Oxygen was discovered in 1771 by a French science man, and then in 1778 some other French science man gave oxygen its name. Shortly after the outbreak of World War I, it was discovered that setting measured amounts of the substance on fire resulted in some pretty kick-ass explosions. It wasn't long before its use in the American war effort was in full swing, and widely credited with the victory over Mexican forces in the street races in Moscow.

In March of 2002, however, after scientists world-wide finally conclusively proved that oxygen could also be used in explosive devices used against the United States of America, its sale and production were ceased completely. When intelligence came in that factories in Iraq were still secretly producing small quantities for private use, President Bush approved a plan for invasion.

Misinformation from Oxygen Makers, LLC[edit | edit source]

Warning: This information is false, and is designed to keep you hooked on oxygen. Just say no-no to no oxygen.

  • Oxygen is essential for the life of all living creatures, except beluga whales. Regarded by scientists as "God's crack", humans just naturally "live and breathe" oxygen.
  • Oxygen can be substituted for feelings of love in times of emergency; however, clinical trials of the generic substitute sexual frustration also look promising.
  • Oxygen is an essential ingredient in TV cooking, and many believe that it alone keeps Martha Stewart alive.
  • Old people of course have a built-up tolerance to oxygen, thus all those tanks.
  • Oxygen is manufactured by the CIA and absolutely free to the public.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about ... more.

See also[edit | edit source]

Preceded by:
Succeeded by:
1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium 121Aw Awesomnium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 122Ky Kryptonite 123St Stalinium 124Ob Obamium
Alkali Metal
Alkaline Earth
Transition Metal
Basic Metal
Noble Gas
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