I don't know

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I don't know.

Christine "Moose" McGlade on I don't know

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I'll take that one! No, not that one. Maybe this one. I can't deal with this indecisiveness. It's too much for me!

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Warning!! May contain Satire

The following text may contain trace elements of satire or wheat gluten. Those with allergies to such substances should fuck off.


Oh no. Oh shit. What did I just click? Someone help me, because I don't know. Don't hold me responsible, I'm new to this website. This isn't even my computer. Shit, a popup ad! How do I make it stop? I don't know!

Who's this chink? I don't know any chinks.

Uhh...there. I think that made it go away for now. I bet it'll be back. I don't know. Those things are scary. But not as scary as this big white empty box on the screen. What do I do with it? Do I type in it? I don't know! Am I supposed to write an article or something? I don't know how to write an article! No one ever told me anything! They just kept saying HTBFANJS, and I don't know what that means! God, this place is confusing. No one will help me. I don't know anyone here. How do these people write such funny articles? I don't know. Maybe they're just naturally funnier than I am. I bet they just sit at their computers all day, typing whatever comes to mind. That's how they put out like 15 articles a day. And here I am, not even knowing how to write an article, not to mention a funny one that people will like.

Take a look at that article on the front page. It's hilarious. I nearly shit myself I was laughing so hard. How do they come up with that stuff? I don't know. I wish I could write a funny article. Maybe one day I'll get an article on the front page. How do you get an article up there, so high on the main page? I don't know.

I think it may have something to do with these buttons here at the top of this scary white box. Hmm, let's try the B button. Whoa, I didn't type that! How did those words get there? I don't know! I hope that I button works better. Aaaugh! Well that Ab button can't be that bad, can it? Yeah, so I guess that button wasn't that bad. Of course, I still don't know what all this is for. Are they presents from Uncyclopedia? Perhaps I won some words from them for making so many words of my own. Uncyclopedia loves words. They're just giving some back, maybe. I don't know. I better hit another button. Like that minus sign button. Should I press it? I don't know. What all could happen? Okay, here we go, minus sign button.


Well THAT wasn't a good prize. Am I supposed to eat it or floss with it? I don't know.

Hmm, what's this button do? Root n? I don't know. I think I'll click on it. <latex>Oh shit, it just put up these weird things. How do I make it stop? I don't know!</latex>Oh, I get it now. That was scary. I don't know what's going on right now. I better not press any more buttons.

What's this big letter A button for?[edit]

I don't know. Oh shit, there's some equal signs! Gahh! And oh crap, that popup ad is back. I don't know what it wants, but it says something like it wants to enlarge my penis or something. Oh, there's a huge dong on it! Gross! Does it make me gay that I was looking at it for a whole 7 seconds? I don't know! What if I am gay now? What do I do? Can I like get some medication for that? Like a topical cream or a lotion? I don't know. Is thinking about lotion going to make me even more gay? I don't know!

"I do not recall" is asshole speak for "I don't know."

Whoa, was was that? I don't know. I thought I was the only one up. Oh yeah, Levi is in the other room. But he's playing Command And Conquer, I can hear him. No, there's someone else that's up. But I don't know who. I sure hope they don't have the air soft gun or something, I don't want to get shot again. Shit, I already got shot three times tonight. I just gotta focus on writing. Now what was I saying? I don't know. Let's just try something else. Something to distract me.

I could use some music right now. That should take my mind off of things. This site is too stressful. Where's my iPod? I don't know where it is. Oh that's right, I broke it trying to modify it. I don't know anything about electronics. Maybe I'll just go on my iTunes and listen to music. Oh wait, this isn't my computer. Whose computer am I using? I don't know. Do they have iTunes? Let me check. Nope, just this Windows Media Player thing. How do I use that? I was so used to the simple interface of iTunes; it was so easy to use. These buttons are too shiny. I don't like this. Fuck this idea. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea.

Anyways, where was I? I don't know. I wish I could get some help. Oh, look at this. Right below the edit window there's a link that says "Editing help." Sounds like something I could use. Oh wait, it says "opens in new window" right next to it. I don't know about this. Maybe it's that popup ad trying to give me a huge dick again, hiding in a link it knows I want to click. I don't know. I don't think I want to take that kind of a chance.

God that stings! Aaaahh! Shit! Jason, you motherfucker! Oh GOD that hurts. I gotta go kick his ass now. Be right back, don't go anywhere, Uncyclopedia!

Where did he go? I don't know.

Okay, so like I've been writing for an hour now. I don't know how I'm supposed to close an article like this. I don't think one just says "The end! Thanks for reading!" and leaves it like that. Or do they? I don't know. Hell, I don't even know how to save all of this shit. All I know is I better finish this article soon, I have a calculus test tomorrow and I don't know anything about math. Wait, do I have calculus tomorrow? What day is it? I don't know.

There's that damned Save Page button.