From today's featured article
COLUMBUS, Indiana -- Psycho Christian white supremacist former Vice President Mike Pence has gotten himself into another pickle. Only this time, it's quite literally a pickle. The former VP discovered that he had turned into a former cucumber.
"No explanation at all," Pence told Newsmax Tuesday. "I just woke up one day and discovered I had turned into a pickle. I know the European Union turned President Trump into a walrus, and former Press Secretary... What was that bastard's name again?... into an eggman, but I believe they wouldn't waste their time on me. I believe it was Hillary Clinton, Obama, The Bidens, the Kennedys, The Addams Family, Rosie O'Donnell, Britney Spears, Oprah, Steve Harvey and those goddamned liberal Democrats who stole the election from me-- I mean, us!" (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that this is why we can't have nice things?
- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
- ... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
- ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
- ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
- ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
In the news
- Mike Pence turns into a pickle (
- It is all happening
- Lady Gaga's dogs stolen, returned
- Björk responds to Anti-Asian violence
- Stan Marsh presents: 2022 FIFA World Cup sucks ass
- Biden responds to North Korea's "Stink" complaints
- BMI songwriters (but not ASCAP) to receive vaccine
- Governor Cuomo from New York is screwed
- Grodin Museum reopens to public
- Old movies are suddenly offensive
- Northeast getting another blizzard
- Just another dead doper and a dirtbag dies
- Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit
- Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President
On this day
- 468 BC - The color of the sky deemed to be blue by Greek philosophers.
- 1607 - The settlement of Jamestown, Virginia is founded in the middle of a swamp, local mosquito population ravaged by Human flu.
- 1846 - The United States snatches Mexico's purse and pilfers 500,000 square miles of sweet land.
- 1974 - NASA accidentally launches the planned Skylab station into the ocean. (Pictured)
- 1975 - Vehicle meant to retrieve Skylab from the ocean accidentally launched into outer space, vehicle renamed to Skylab.
- 1976 - Astronauts stage a mutiny against Earth after being tethered to a giant claw for three months.
- 2007 - After billions of dollars of research and intense study, Bill Gates finally hits puberty.
- 2008 - The Secret Service find George W. Bush hiding behind a vase in the White House cantina: "Is my presidency over?" Bush says.
- 2071 - I lose my house keys again.
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