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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Amongst the catalog of human races surely the most beautifully sickening are the xenopubes. Their enormity is obscured by their deformity; their genius cloaks itself in sleaziness. And vice versa.

They live in an unknown homeland, but may appear unexpectedly in a public washroom, toilet, water-closet, porta-bidet, pissoir, or high hall of government at any time. They wear their trousers backwards, with extra pockets in the crotchets. Their skirts ride down, their knickers ride up, and they whistle bawdy songs. In their language the word for disgusting lust turns out to be marriage. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us? (Pictured)

... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?

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In the news [edit]

Israel's democracy is saved by new superheroine (Pictured)
Proposed Florida bill aims to solve the pronoun problem once and for all
California lays plans to automatically issue auto registrations for all voters
U.S. Air Force party-poops China's Lunar New Year "celebration"
Showtime announces Dexter: Bad Blood
Late delivery: Demi Lovato and a hurricane team up to fix a supercomputer by turning it off and then back on
Viggo Mortensen joins Next James Bond
The movie Casablanca is 80 years old. Here's Looking At You, Kid!
President pardons Türkiye
Pennsylvania: Should I vote for Mike Doyle or Mike Doyle?
People in Los Angeles have another thing to make their lives more miserable

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On this day [edit]

March 22: World Water Day

1621 - The Pilgrims promise the Indians that they're just peaceful settlers here to eat corn and wear lily white breeches.
1874 - Slavery is abolished in Puerto Rico, replaced with mandatory sugarcane harvest fun time.
1945 - The Arab League are formed to guarantee peace in the region for the next several minutes.
1993 - The United Nations passes a resolution to conserve fresh water (Pictured), tells Americans to shit on the floor instead of on the toilet.
2013 - My Chemical Romance disbands, Gerard Way pursues solo career, apparently.
2016 - Carl's Jr. ordered to end "sexy" ad campaign cus dudes just want to fuck the burger.
2018 - Water bottle companies start selling diluted drain cleaner as Alkaline Water.

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NEW! Individual wrappings prevent Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

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