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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Dick Willie Johnson: Hey there folks! Thank you for tuning in to the Presidential Wrestling Classic! As always I'm your host, Dick Willie Johnson, joined by my good friend and colleague, Bud "Lite" Bigmeat.

Bud: Yes, let me be the first to tell everyone that we have one hell of a show for y'all tonight. This is something truly special.

Dick: Folks, grab a cold beer and just enjoy the show tonight. No matter how old you are, grab a goddamn beer, crack that sumbitch open and get a little buzz going.

Bud: Goddamn right, Dick. I got me some Jack Daniels! My absolute favorite, as I'm sure you all know! (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that What's-his-name off that thing (Pictured) was in that film with that other dude?

... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?

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In the news [edit]

Free bus passes and shawarma for everyone! Until the money runs out..

New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor (Pictured)
Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
Dingo eats a woman's baby
Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: Charlie Kirk • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • Blue Jays fans' livers and kidneys

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On this day [edit]

November 9: NWS Day (UK), NSW Day (Wales), NSFW Day (Pornovia), Blow Up a Whale Day (Oregon)

10000 BC - The wheel is invented by some caveman
1951 - The day the Earth stood still.
1970 - The Florence, Oregon Highway Department blows up a whale for no reason. An explosives expert's car gets hit by a chunk of dead whale.
1989 - The Berlin Wall is closed due to wolves.
2001 - The November 9th attacks destroy the World Trade Center in New York City and part of The Pentagon in Washington, D.C., and down a passenger airliner in Pennsylvania. In total, almost 3,000 are killed. But only in the UK and countries that use sensible date conventions.

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Picture of the day

Falstrop's Amazing Kitten Huffing Device

Early Victorian advances in kitten huffing technology were spearheaded by the notorious kit-head Algernon Falstrop.

Image credit: Sannse
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