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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Such woe, my bladder filled right to the brim,
If but perchance I sought to take a leak
Yet now my pantaloons now stainèd swim
In urine which now dribbles down my feet!
If only to the loo I'd gone posthaste,
Such musings are the act of lesser men;
My fav'rite pair of leggings would not waste,
But truth be told, I'll piss my pants again.
I never learned to listen to 'ol Blad
My colon wretches yet I never poo
Now brown and yellow mix with tidings glad,
Instead of me relaxing on the loo.
(Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that the butler did it?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?

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In the news [edit]

Well, that says a lot...

Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland (Pictured)
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10

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On this day [edit]

Daonte ghoe thruo doars thaite haiv thize sihn onn theem.

Septumbor 15st: Internashonle Dey ov Mispeld Werdz

31 - Jeshush ammounshes choo de peepll ovv jee woorlg, "yesh lo henchs ittch ish shoo". Bujt onn accoont ovv jee fakt vatt itsh jee Dey ovv Mispeld Werdz, nobboojy nowsh whach hesh shayin.
1915 - Gawd iz kylld in teh Bettle og Verdoon nad Teh Allyz chinces in teh Forrst Wurld Woor r thretend. Teh taink is oosed nad woorks as a sootable reeplacemont.
1928 - Sur Alexandur Flemminge dizkuvvas a tipe ov mold wiv mirakulus heeling propurtees and iz tranzfourmed into an sooperhero, skurge ov orl villins and protektur ov ver peepul ov Goffam Sitty.
1972 - Schevin peepholess go fichsing of tha coust of n00b Jerbsy ind gut totaly pwned awn deir faises biy a bgass fich thingee anf shyt.
2005 - Meny artoocols on thsi dehy luuk soospicioosly lik tehy woor wrritten in Dootch.

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Picture of the day

Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war.

Image credit: Asahatter
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