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From today's featured article 

President Nicolas Maduro on board the USS Iwo Jima (cropped).png

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following air strikes on Caracas and the successful capture of Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro, Donald Trump was given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for his commendable work of putting an end to the war he started approximately three hours ago. This tallies his Nobel prizes to fifteen so far (three in one year) which is an accomplishment as it is only a yearly award.

Chief of Staff Susie Wiles lamented the lack of shelf space to store all of Trump's numerous Nobel Peace Prizes (all of them legitimate and certified Swedish). This was the real motivation for adding a ballroom extension to the White House, in part to throw lavish parties in a time of economic struggle, but also for a place to store all of Trump's Nobel prizes.

Marco Rubio, a devout Christian, was seen pacing the grounds of what was once the White House Rose Garden (now a ballroom storage space for prizes), masturbating furiously to an AI-generated image of Havana burning. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

WashingtonBlackskins.JPG
  • ... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name?
  • ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
  • ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
  • ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
  • ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
  • ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?

In the news 

StarmerBikini.png
Downing Street denies this image.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Non-playoff NFL teams firing their coaches • Jim and John Harbaugh family vacation in Cancun

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • New York Rangers' fans livers and kidneys • Green Bay Packers', Carolina Panthers', Jacksonville Jaguars', Los Angeles Chargers', Philadelphia Eagles', and Pittsburgh Steelers' seasons • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career, maybe

On this day 

Their suffering is over

January 14: Visit Your Imprisoned Relatives Day (North Korea)

Picture of the day

The Last Supper
 Something seems to be missing, but everyone is too stoned to care.

Image credit: Volte
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,182 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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