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From today's featured article

F-22 2.jpg

Rapto-velocity is the speed at which the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor can fly into the air, sail amidst the clouds, and decimate an entire village. Alternately, it is the speed at which the production of the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor drives the United States further into debt. The highest recorded raptor-velocity is 24 seconds, achieved during the Iraq War over the peaceful village of Al-Imor, murdering 260 civilians and costing the United States 3 billion dollars in bombs and fuel.

The Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor is a ludicrously costly and efficient mass killing machine. It has a powerful subsonic radar that can spot out enemy aircraft from over 20 miles, has homing missiles that can hit a thumbtack from 16,000 feet away, and a bomb bay that holds over 65 state of the art mini-nukes, or "mooks." All-in-all, a single Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor costs over 16 billion dollars, and can kill over 350 people per minute when fully armed. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Weird schizophrenic.jpg
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
  • ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
  • ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
  • ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?

In the news

Empire Magazine resurrects Stanley Kubrick to ask his opinion about Marvel movies
"I liked Winter Soldier."

On this day

If discovered reading a D&D manual, most players failed their saving throw vs. merciless teasing.

October 23: D&D Empowerment Day, a day to let go of your guilt and shame for having played Dungeons & Dragons as a child (or still), and instead reflect upon how it's changed you for the better; National Whack-a-Mole Day (US and Japan).

“It says: With this strength or lower I can only be a Magic User. Re-roll!”
~ Oscar Wilde

  • 33 - Jesus creates D&D, the Romans crucify him for this and buries the game where it is found 1900 years later.
  • 1966 - International Federation of the Friendless is formed by Gary Gygax and other near-do-wells.
  • 1969 - While others are busy engaged in the Summer of Love, Gary Gygax and Friends are busy making their own chainmail armour out of plastic plumbing washers.
  • 1970 - Dave Arneson creates a scenario involving an adventure through a castle sewer, in quest of the legendary change room of maidens in waiting. Later arrested for being a peeping tom. Judge was unmoved by his plea that he was doing important game research.
  • 1971 - Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson team up to create "The Fantasy Game." Monsters are substituted for maidens, and mountains of loose change for changerooms.
  • 1974 - TSR publishes the now-renamed Dungeons & Dragons® game by slapping homemade labels over used cereal boxes. In one year, the entire hand-assembled print run of 1,000 games sells out.
  • 1979 - Ozzy Osbourne is chosen as official spokesman, eventually appearing in a commercial where he bites the head off of a Basilisk.
  • 1984 - You realise with horror that the phrase "Uncursed +1/+1 Dark Dwarven Mithril Battle-Axe of Guts" no longer sounds completely ridiculous to you.
  • 1985 - Everyone starts referring to bottles of water as "Potions of Thirst Obviation" and dictionaries as "Tomes of Acquired Word Definition."
  • 2003 - The first woman to play D&D is later discovered to be a shemale .
  • 2005 - You catch your wife in bed with another man, but later discover she was just earning 50 experience points with a Helmet of Protection +6.
  • 2584 - First D&D player in history gets laid thanks to the lucky roll of a natural 20.
  • 3000 - Roughly 500 years after the first D&D player got laid his great, great, great, great grandson becomes Supream Dungeon Master of earth.
  • 5000 - the world's first jock plays D&D and becomes D&D master of the universe and all that are contained inside it after beating up Supream Dungeon Master of earth

Today's featured picture

America NRV'd
One of God's many duties involves making sure all the world's contributions are of an acceptable standard. Unfortunately this involves the tedious task of clearing out a large amount of crap every so often. Dissidents who note that this stamping and clearing arbitrarily kills millions are placed on the "naughty" list.

Image credit: Spang
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