From today's featured article
Rembrandt Harmenarciszus van Rijn (15 July 1606 – 4 October 1669) was a Dutch painter and etcher. He is generally considered to have had the most beautiful eyes in Europe as well as an absolutely fabulous fashion sense. He had a brilliantly meticulous hand that could put on edge every bristle of his brush, though by using the right restraint a brush in that beautiful, fine-haired right hand would typically be pent-up for hours until finally exploding all over the canvas with bright egg tempera. He is possibly best-known for his immense portfolio of self-portraits, each one exhibiting hundreds of unique and admirable aspects of his exquisite face, as well as his ravishing brown overalls and distinctively sexy posture, though regretably he had an ear too many and so was undermined in fame posthumously. Stars ranging from Fonzie to Elton John to Enya to everyone in Paris have cited him as an instrumental inspiration, though ultimately Rembrandt is inimitable. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)
- ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure aids?
In the news
- Thanksgiving is cancelled (again)
- Trump urges Van Helsing: STOP THE COUNT! (Pictured)
- Joe Biden wins, CNN calls it "fake news"
- Dewey defeats Kanye
- Dollar Tree shit smear mystery solved
- Anti-maskers ignore Halloween
- Facemasks are a conspiracy by Silver Shamrock
- This week's horoscopes!
- UnNews remembers Eddie Van Halen
- Mr. Krabs's tax returns released
- Trump has the hoax virus
- CDC recommends eating boogers
- Kanye West talks about Rolling Stone's new 500 Greatest Albums list
- Joe Biden to remake The Mask
- Middle Eastern journalists cannot wait for the 9/11 20th anniversary
- Biden being controlled by Dark Shadows
- Conways take political break in order to watch Urkel reruns
- Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian
- Trump's vocabulary reaches 50 words
- Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19
- Trump attacks derpy pony
- US replaces SATs with CAPTCHA
- Q announces peace between Q's and Q
- Biden announces dead wrestler Kamala as running mate
- Biden selects Strong Woman as running mate
- UnNews remembers Ennio Morricone
- Supreme Court to David Byrne: "This is not your beautiful wife"
- The Big Bang Theory pulled for being pizza-face
- Your favorite show is renewed for 9th season
- The Police shorten band name to "The" over controversy
- TV's Cops cancelled 25 years too late
- Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus
- Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich
- Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization
- Your cat's gonna kill you
- Christof from The Truman Show dies aged 74
On this day
- 1718 - King Charles XII of Sweden dies during an especially brutal lovemaking session with one of his Saracen boytoys.
- 1786 - The Grand Duchy of Tuscany, under Pietro Leopoldo I, bans the inhumane but totally awesome practice of crushing people to death with Elephants.
- 1825 - World's first railway line opens between Stockten and Darlington, England. Rail commuters are left waiting for a train until 1849. British Rail blames immigrants and good weather for the delay.
- 1947 - Civil war in Palestine begins, leading to the worst case of Jews stealing your land since my house was taken in the divorce. Fuck you Nicole.
- 1966 - Barbados becomes independent from the United Kingdom, never liked barbados anyway ;_; texts the UK.
- 1982 - Michael Jackson's second solo album, Thriller is released worldwide. Jackson uses money from record sales to buy himself a new nose.
Picture of the day
|August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.
Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Other areas of Uncyclopedia
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines — for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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