UnNews:Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Thursday, July 3, 2025
HOLLYWOOD -- Legendary Hollywood badass Clint Eastwood, who eats sawdust and blood for breakfast, has announced his ambitious plans to live forever. The actor-director, 95, is in pre-production to direct a brand new original movie in an age when remakes, sequels, franchises and IP reign supreme. In a May interview with Austria's Kurier, he added that fans don’t have to worry about his retirement “for a long time. In fact, I'm never gonna croak. Literally ever.”
“There’s no reason why a man can’t get better with age,” Eastwood said. “And I have much more experience today. Sure, there are directors who lose their touch at a certain age, but I’m not one of them. Look at old Mel Brooks. He [just turned 99]. He's doing Spaceballs 2, which will be released when he's 101. If he can do that at 101, I can do Dirty Harry 6 or some bullshit. But I'd much rather do something original. Dirty Harry 6 at this point would just be another Space Jam movie where Warner Bros. whores every IP it owns - whether it be Bugs Bunny, Batman, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, The Flintstones or Space Ghost. I don't want Harry doing that Matrix bullet-time wire-fu horseshit. I don't want Harry fighting crime with Dexter's Laboratory.”
Reflect on the current state of cinema, Eastwood says he misses the days when "you could make an original movie and not be horror or A24. You don't need farting corpses. I'll do that shit for free, including the actual shit. I don't need to be everywhere all at once. I don't need hot dog fingers. But at least it was original. Just give me a good old World War II movie like Barbenheimer or Dunkirk."
“I long for the good old days when screenwriters wrote movies like Casablanca in small bungalows on the studio lot. When everyone had a new idea,” he said. “We live in an era of remakes and franchises. I’ve shot sequels three times, but I haven’t been interested in that for a long while. My philosophy is: do something new or stay at home. But I wouldn't turn down James Bond. Call me! On my landline rotary phone!”
Eastwood does concede that he liked the Robert Eggers remake of Nosferatu.
"That was brilliant. Yes, it was a remake, but even I wasn't alive when the original came out."
As for how he plans to stay alive for all eternity, "Two words: Green Jello."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Jack Dunn "Clint Eastwood Plans to Direct New Movie at 95, Shades ‘Era of Remakes and Franchises’: ‘Do Something New or Stay at Home’" Variety, May 31, 2025