Analog horror

Here is an example of analog horror entities. They are more powerful than your average person. Don’t worry though, you can tell them apart by looking at their differences and run away!

The analog horror (Horrori internetus analogus) is an invasive species that have infested the realms of the interwebs, specially in the desserted landscape known as YouTube. Some traits that these species share include horrible visual effects, some dumb storyline of someone recording a video then dying for no reason, stretched out faces, and absurd amounts of static. It is an incredibly dangerous species and it is highly advised to not walk near it, as immediate contact with it can lead to severe health issues such as boredom and, in the worst of cases, cringe.

Characteristics

Example of you compared to the entity.

Analog horror entities completely covered in static.

The Horrori internetus analogus belongs to the horrori genus, which means that its main target is to scare its victims. However, it is debatable at how well does its job; whereas small kids might feel frightened with the mere sight of these species, more developed individuals might not find them scary at all.

These invasive species can be easily identifiable thanks to their rather low quality graphics and visual effects. The visual effects compose of either stretched out stick figures or badly modeled messes of black stringy stuff with a weird distorted face called entities. Visual effects are usually made in Adobe After Effects and Blender; the standard video quality consists of 69p and 7 FPS, and it often involves an absurd amounts of static covering the entire screen - a shameful, disgusting, and at times humorous attempt to cover up the bad porn on the screen. Some scientists believe this incredibly low quality is an attempt to replicate the style of old VHS videos; although the general consensus agrees that it is simply a result of being cheap and lazy.

One of its most notable characteristics is the use of shitty photoshopped images; most often depicting an average person with a distorted characteristic, such as an unhinged jaw or wide eyes, with the intention of producing shock to an unsuspecting individual. The H. internetus analogus might also make use of stick figures, similar of those in public bathroom signs, to create a similar feeling of unease; while one of these stick figures might represent a normal human being, the other stick figure is stretched out and has some weird shape for a head, as if it was depicting something otherwordly.

Then there is the most distorted monotone ChatGPT text to speech voice telling the viewer about the crappy entity. Every one of these videos has the narrator talking about the what to do when you see the entity. The narrator then says something like, “tHerE hAs beEN 292,384,325 DeAThs oF ThIS mysTeRious EnTiTY!” Our narrator then says something like how we should run away from the entity and call the police. Then there is some random acronym that tells you what to do; something like:

Call the police .

Resist the temptation to try to attack them.

Alert people that are also near the entity.

Please wait 30 minutes for the police to come while the entity tries to brutally mutilate you.

Or Submit completely to the entity.

Hail the entity as your god.

Insist it kills you because you're into that.

Totally just die at it's hands.

Analog horror is also well known for its regular use of Emergency Alert System, or EAS, which has become so prevalent to the point of becoming a cliché; specially in the way it tries to scare you with a loud buzzer which is deribetaly placed to cut the phrase midsent-

We interrupt this programming to inform you on the following alert.

EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM

Only known photo of Kakun in their personal space

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PERSON?

Recently a local neighbour has disappeared. They were known to be an administrator on the satirical website Uncyclopedia, which they contiously contributed and moderated under the username Kakun. However, when their mom walked down her basement to give them their usual ration of Cheetos and Mountain Dew, she realized their dear 30-something-year-old kid had vanished from her basement. This was an odd sight considering her kid had never walked outside before, so she quickly called the authorities to inspect this unusual disappearance. The police has scanned the whole city but haven't found any evidence on the whereabouts of Kakun. It is advised that if you find someone that looks like they haven't slept all day, reeks of not showering in months, and keep making unfunny jokes; you tell the police immedeately, as it is very likely you just found Kakun.

You may now follow with the programming.

Origins

The analog horror is a mutation of the creepypasta (horrori internetus creepypastus), yet another species that lived in teh internets, which is better known for its notable characteristic of hyper-realistic blood. It is unknown when exactly the creepypasta evolved into the analog horror, although many scientists theorize that it happened around 2017, when an individual known as Petscop was found. Originally thought to be part of the horrori internetus creepypastus, later research has discovered that it shared some of the characteristics from the horrori internetus analogus, such as the shitty VHS quality. But it wasn't until The Mandela Catalogue appeared that the subspecies

Notable individuals

The Mandela Catalogue

The Mandela Catalogue is another unoriginal horror "film" on YouTube. It is set in the fictional Mandela County, Wisconsin in the 1990s and 2000s, which is threatened by the presence of low quality stretched out stick figures called alternates, which are likely just black people, and cops just want another reason to re-enact that one thing that happened a few years ago. They pretend to be real people and try kill other people

Other plot aspects include a weirdo with a stretched out face disguising himself as the biblical archangel Gabriel, shown through altered footage of episodes from The Bible (show).

The Smile Tapes

The smile tapes is a bunch of low quality photoshopped smiling people high on cocaine. For some random reason the drug makes people smile, laugh, and become hyperactive for 69 hours and die. Later in the series it is revealed that the drugs come from the spores of from the asteroid belt that can magically control ants.

Backrooms

The backrooms is another crappy show on Youthbe were people randomly fall through the floor for no reason. They then enter a place with ugly god awful yellow wallpaper found at the discount store. There are more places like this where you can try to find the exit. These places are called levels which is just a shorter way of saying a dangerous liminal space. The yellow wallpaper place is known as the “Backrooms”. The horrible quality found footage comprises of people running around a yellow maze, running from black stringy messes that walk called “entities”. Said entities are commonly referred to as "watermelon eaters" due to their BLACK!!! coloration.

Gemini Home Entertainment

Gemini Home Entertainment is another unoriginal series about VHS tapes. The VHS tapes contain information about random horror stories people made up. The series also contains creatures like the wood crawler. The wood crawler is a mess of tentacles with a light bulb attached. The series also contains more random things like the solar system waging war against the USA, which oddly enough, got Hollywood's attention...

GEMINI HOME ENTERTAINMENT!

Brand new nightmare-fuel live action shitshow coming February 33rd, 20fuckingnever!

Local 69

Local 69 is a series of videotaped footage of a TV station that has been continuously hijacked over several decades. During the hijackings, shitty videos of made up warnings like DoNT LoOK aT tHE mOoN oR yOu wiLL dIE! appear, resulting in a lot of people looking at the Moon, seeing that they aren't dying, and then killing themselves. This is largely thought to be a massive "12 year olds invading the internet" joke.

The Walton Files

A Five Nights at Freddy's ripoff with a story about a dude who murders the co-owning family for no reason other than vaguely business matters. It takes place in 1974 and 1982 with whole episodes being exposition dumps that exists to explain why Bon's Burgers totally isn't like Five Nights at Freddy's guys. Has a weird lesbian relationship that is seen as normal despite being set in the heavily homophobic 1980s south America. Has a sideline of stories made by Bon's Burger's company that totally isn't Fazbear Entertainment, mostly shitty tv-movies uploaded after the main arc concluded.

EAS Scenario

The retarded cousin of analog horror is the Easius Scenarious, a more limited but still widespread form of internet horror commonly found by hacks who think that spamming PSAs of Jesus Returning soon is scary.

See also

• Unoriginality
• YouTube
• Creepypasta